We know full well there's just time
So is it wrong to toss this line?
If your heart was full of love,
Would you give it up?
It's not about
Not about angels,
Angels.
My brother was especially concerned when I began to sleep a lot. We had finally defeated Voldemort at Hogwarts four years prior. The both of us had begun our new lives, he was an Auror and I had trained to become an Unspeakable.
Lately though, I didn't have the energy to do anything. My boss gave me two weeks off of work, for he said I looked a little peaky. Harry was concerned when I slept for the majority of my impromptu vacation. The final straw was when I woke up sweating and had a fever of 104 degrees. Harry booked no argument and flooed with me to St. Mungo's.
"How may I help you sir?" The receptionist asked pleasantly as Harry appeared holding me in his arms.
"I need a healer for my sister. Aria seems like she has a infection." She nodded and immediately had us placed into a room.
"Harry I'm fine!" I stressed to my twin brother. "It's just a little cold. I've been rundown for a while. I don't even need to be here!"
"Well Aria, we are here now, so just lay down and let the Healer do his job. If it is just a little cold then he'll be able to get you the right potions." Harry said in his no nonsense voice. I rolled my eyes and relaxed back onto the exam table.
"Fine. But they won't find anything!" I shot back at my older brother, who just smirked. Then the door opened and a Healer walked in.
"Miss Potter. What brings you in today?" The Healer asked as he walked towards me.
"I haven't felt so well." I said in a soft voice. "Today I woke up sweating and with a fever."
"She has been feeling tired for the past week and a half, sir," my brother interjected. "Her boss at the Ministry put her on leave for two weeks, and she has been sleeping the whole of her impromptu vacation."
"Ok." The Healer said before he waved his wand. "I'm going to need to run some tests, one of which will involve me taking several tubes of blood. We'll be able to figure out what this is soon enough."
Two hours later, I had prodded and subjected to several long tests, the Healer finally came back with a folder full of papers. He was flicking through them, before he stopped on one of the tests. He hummed and waved his wand again.
"Well Miss Potter, I'm afraid to say that it appears as though you have leukemia." I felt my heart stop. I shared a look with my brother. His face was frozen in a look of shock. "I'm going to have to immediately schedule you for treatment. This is a serious disease, but one in which vigorous as well as aggressive treatment can usually put into remission."
"Ok." I said, my voice sounding as hollow as I felt. Harry squeezed my hand.
"We will immediately begin the treatments. Let me schedule you for Monday at two o'clock. Would that be alright?" I nodded. "I ask that every patient who comes in for their first few treatments bring a family member. I'd prefer it for all the treatments, though I do understand this isn't possible. Do you have someone who can bring you?"
"I will." Harry spoke up.
"Harry you have to work." I protested. "Let me just ask Molly or even George would be willing - "
"No. It should be me. I'll speak with Kingsley. He should let me have the afternoon off." Harry said with finality in his voice. "My sister will need a detailed Healer's prognosis to take to her boss. Can you have someone write one for her?"
"Yes, Mr. Potter. That shouldn't be a problem." The Healer said before he sent a Patronus off to alert one of the receptionists what he would need. "Now, Miss Potter, when you come in on Monday, go to floor six."
"There is no floor six." Harry said, leaning forward. My mind was still whirling so I was grateful that my brother had decided to take charge of this situation.
"Mr. Potter, let me assure you that there is indeed a level six here at St. Mungo's Hospital. It usually isn't for the general public, as it deals with terminal illnesses and cancers." The Healer turned back to me. "Go to floor six. The receptionist there will provide you with a room and the Healer will be with you to begin the treatment. Alright?"
I nodded, my ears feeling like they were quite numb. The Healer led us out of the examination room and to the receptionist desk where she handed me a thick book of papers. I took them from her and walked with my brother to the apparation point. He took a hold of my arm and then apparated me to the Burrow.
"Cancer?" Molly exclaimed over dinner. I nodded, poking at the mashed potatoes on my plate. "Oh my poor darling!"
"It's fine, Molly." I said, not looking up to see the pitying looks on the Weasley's faces. "I'm done. I'm going to go to the garden. I need to clear my head." With that I left the table and made my way to the beautiful spot by the lake where the flowers grew thick and bountiful.
"Aria." Charlie's voice came from behind me. I turned and ran into his open arms. "Oh, love, it'll be ok."
He stroked my hair as I cried my displeasure into the front of his t-shirt. He never looked on me pityingly, he loved to make me laugh. Charlie though, he had once asked me out on a date, never pushed to be more than he was in my life – a confidante, a best friend, a brother.
"Charlie!" I sobbed, feeling my heart break into little pieces. "I don't want to have this!"
"Shhh. Aria, it's ok." He pulled me back from his shirt and began to gently wipe the tears away with this thumb. "As beautiful as ever." I smiled a little. "C'mon, little sister. Everyone's worried about you."
With that he began to steer me towards the house. Along the way he told me encouraging things and even promised to take off a few days to come sit with me during my treatments. He just made me promise that I would alert him to when the times and dates were so that he would be able to ask for them off.
Monday dawned, bright and clear. I had a hard time sleeping that night, tossing and turning, before I finally got out of my warm bed and went downstairs to sit in the study where I read for a few hours until Harry woke up. He had to go to the office for a few hours, but he would meet me at St. Mungo's quarter to two. This way he would be sure not to miss my appointment.
"Have a good day, Harry." I smiled at my big brother. He dropped a kiss onto the top of my head.
"I'll see you later, alright Aria?" I nodded, pushing the eggs around my plate. "Keep out of trouble. Your boss will receive these papers today. I'll deliver them myself."
"Thank you Harry." I said as he left in the floo. I was left alone in the house with no one but Kreacher to talk to.
I was an Unspeakable at the Ministry and as such didn't have very many friend. I had work acquaintances and that was all. I didn't have the time to go out all the time, nor was I allowed to divulge the workings of my job.
One-fifty hit and I was standing in the entrance to St. Mungo's anxiously. I was wringing my hands and pacing back and forth. Finally my brother came in at a fast pace, his forest green robes billowing behind me. I had to hide my snicker as I was reminded of Professor Snape's movements throughout Hogwarts.
"Sorry I'm late, sis. I had to excuse myself from a meeting." I nodded before I clutched his hand in mine. "Come on. Let's not be late, love."
"You must be Miss Potter. You have a two o'clock appointment?" The receptionist asked as we stepped out of the elevator onto the sixth floor. I nodded and she gave me a smile before stepping out from behind the desk and waving me back a corridor.
"This way please." She said. I followed her nervously. "Your brother is going to accompany you?" I nodded.
"For as long as he is able. I also have other family members who will be willing to come and sit with me, whenever Harry isn't able." I said as we stepped into a disinfected white room.
"Mr. Potter, will you please wait outside, until your sister has put on her gown?" Harry nodded, and I walked in and put on the vomit green gown. I shivered as I walked across the floor and opened it. The receptionist gave me a smile and motioned Harry into the room.
"Miss Potter, the Healer will be in shortly to see you." I nodded and sat down on the exam table. My brother sat in one of the plastic chairs and tapped nervously on the arms of the chair. He noticed my violent shivers and muttered a warming charm. I instantly felt warmer.
"Thanks Harry." He waved it off.
"It's nothing." Just then the door opened to reveal the Healer. I gasped as the Healer's face came into view. It was Theodore Nott.
"Hello, Miss Potter." He said in a pleasant, professional tone. Harry looked up at his voice.
"Nott?" He was incredulous.
"Ah, Mr. Potter. Yes, I am Nott as you so eloquently put it." Nott said. I felt my hands begin to sweat as I remember the crush I had on Nott for several years. Hermione and Ginny had teased me for ages about my taste in men. Then I had dated Terry Boot after the war, which ended in disaster. Harry had gotten involved in that relationship.
"Miss Potter you are here today to begin your treatments for Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia, am I correct?" He asked. I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. "Don't worry, darling. It'll be alright."
"I'm going to have to insert an intravenous line into your chest cavity. This will be where all the treatments are done. You cannot, I repeat, cannot take this out." Nott gave me a serious look. I nodded, twisting my hands. "This will be a permanent fixture. I have others that like to call it a pick line."
"How permanent?" Harry asked, leaning forward. Nott turned towards him.
"Only until the treatments have ceased." Nott said. He summoned a box, and began to gather the equipment he needed. I gulped and looked at Harry horrified.
"Is it alright if I stand beside her?" Harry asked, noticing my horrified expression. "She dislikes needles."
"That's fine." Nott said, before emerging from the corner with the needle. I gulped. "Lay back for me, Miss Potter." I complied and held onto Harry's hand. I looked at the white wall and tried not to focus on Nott's warm hand probing along my chest. "I'm just trying to find the vein. I won't be too long."
"Ow!" I yelped as I felt the sting and then felt the cold adhesive taping the line down. Finally the whole procedure was over and Nott helped me sit up.
"Now for the really unpleasant part." Nott muttered before he put the IV line into the pick.
I jumped as I felt the medicine begin to flow. He sent me a sympathetic look before he sat down on the chair in the corner. I was confused and I know Harry was as well.
"I like to stay for the first treatment to ensure that my patient's will react positively to the treatment." Nott said with a faint smile. I nodded, and sat there while the medicine creeped into my veins.
An hour later and I was done. Nott unhooked the IV line from the port and placed a plastic cover over the entire port. He hummed as he threw away the IV bag.
"Come in right away if the port becomes infected. You already have a compromised immune system and this could prove to be life threatening if you do not seek immediate medical treatment." Nott said. "Here's my card. If you have any problems at all, I want a call. I don't care if it's in the middle of the night, during my day's off, I still want to have a call."
Harry nodded. "What can I expect?" Nott looked at me thoughtfully.
"Nausea, vomiting, lack of appetite. The worrying thing to be concerned about is if she has a nosebleed. I need notified immediately." Nott said. "I'll see you Wednesday, same time, alright Miss Potter?"
"Alright," I said, suppressing a yawn. "Call me Aria, Healer."
"Very well Aria. I will see you in two days." Nott left the room.
"You alright?" Harry asked me. I nodded, feeling a little shaky.
"Yeah." I nodded. "I think so." He got up.
"Let me go. I'll be out in the hallway, get dressed." Harry left and I was sitting on the table. It took me a few moments to gather my strength and get up to put my clothes on. Finally I was done, and opened the door. Harry helped me down the hallway where we spoke to the receptionist who wrote down the next appointment date.
Three weeks later and the treatments were getting worse. Nott made sure that he left a bucket for me. I sicked up often now throughout the whole treatment. He was nice to me and Harry, always making sure that I was fine. He would check in more times than was necessary.
"HARRY!" I screamed, one morning as I ran a brush through my hair. He clambered up the flight of stairs in Grimmauld Place and stood panting in my doorway. I brandished the object that caused my horror.
"Aria, Healer Nott said that this was normal." Harry said, gently as he took the clump of hair from my hand. I was pale, with dark rings underneath my eyes. I had lost a stone since the beginning of treatments and was always cold. "It's alright."
"I hate this!" I yelled. He jumped. "I hate this! Haven't the both of us done enough in our lives! Can't I just be normal?"
"Shh." Harry grabbed me and pulled me into his chest. "It's alright, love."
Seven months later and my brother had to firecall Nott on more than one occasion, but this time was the worst. He found me lying beside my bed, blood pouring out of my nose. They admitted me to the hospital that night. I have been there for over a week, not getting any better.
"I think we have to start more aggressive treatment." Nott said as he stood in my room.
"No." I said softly. "I won't – can't do anymore." I said weakly. It was hard for me to even get out of bed at this time. All of my hair had fallen out by now.
"Aria!" Harry snarled. "You can't!"
"I can. Harry this is my decision. I wouldn't be able to go through any more treatments." I said calmly. Harry's eyes filled with tears.
"You can't leave me." Harry said softly, grabbing hold of my hand.
"Harry, you have Ginny and everyone else. It's time for me." I said, softly. "I should have died at the final battle."
"I have to go." Harry said abruptly, and he took off out of the room. I looked up at Nott. Nott's eyes were shining with tears as well.
"Aria, please reconsider." He begged me. "I think you would do well. A few more treatments. A bone marrow transplant. There are other options." I shook my head.
"Theodore I'm tired. I'm tired and cold. I am done." I said with a tear trailing down my cheek. He stepped next to my bed and wiped it off my cheek with tender fingers.
"I need you." Theodore said with a sad smile. "I need you to continue. I want to take you out to our first date, kiss you, propose to you, marry you, and be the father to our children. Please Aria." I closed my eyes. I took a deep breath before I nodded.
"Fine. But if I get worse . . ." I let it hang. Nott nodded at me.
"I need to go inform your brother." Nott said, before leaving the room. I sighed and sank back onto my bed.
"A bone marrow transplant." The Master Healer walked into the room. "Aria Potter?" I nodded. "We have found a match. We will schedule the transplant in a week's time. Nott, monitor her closely. She needs to be healthy."
Nott nodded and sat down by my bed. I had to remain in the hospital for the next week until I received the bone marrow transplant and then for a few weeks at the very least to ensure that the transplant had taken. That my body wouldn't reject the transplant.
Harry and Theodore stayed with me for the entire duration of the procedure. They saw me as soon as I came out of the surgery, though they had wear a protective shield in order to not infect me, and then they visited every single day.
One day I woke up and felt hot. My whole body felt like it was going to boil over, so I quickly called a Healer. She came into my room and took my temperature before alerting the healer who had performed the transplant. I was quickly moved to another room, where I had to fight for my life.
I remember feeling disassociated from my own body. I hated the way that I felt, but I remember feeling a cool flannel brushing across my forehead as well as the comforting voices of Theodore and Harry. Once I think I heard Charlie as well.
"Water?" I croaked when I cracked open my eyelids. A hand quickly pushed a cup by my lips. I took a drink, and enjoyed the feeling of the cool water caressing my throat.
"How are you feeling?" Theodore asked, after the cup of water had been pulled away.
"Tired." I muttered, feeling exhausted. I felt like I had just run a marathon, and then climbed Mount Everest.
"Oh, love." Harry said, sitting beside me on the bed. I smiled up at my brother.
"Did it work?" I asked, wanting the transplant to have worked. Harry nodded.
"So far. You've only had a mild infection, which they quickly took care of." He carded his fingers through my hair.
"When can I come home?" I asked, anxious to return home.
"They say in a week's time if you stay alert that we can take you home," Theodore said, gripping my hand with his own.
"Thank Merlin." I breathed. I felt a tremendous amount of pressure lifted from my whole body. He laughed, before rubbing circles on the back of my hand.
"I cannot wait for you to start feeling better." Harry smirked at me. "Kreacher has missed you. He constantly reminds me of this fact. In fact, tomorrow I will bring you some of the brownies Kreacher has fondly made for you." Harry rolled his eyes. I shook my head at him.
"Just because the house elf likes me better, doesn't mean anything!" I snapped playfully at my big brother. He smirked.
A week later and I was finally being released. The doctor took my blood tests for the past few days and made sure that my white blood cells and red blood cells were fine. They took out the port and let me go home.
"Welcome home!" All of my brother's friends cheered when Harry and Theodore brought me into the house. I grinned as I looked at all the people surrounding me.
"I brought some of my friends as well." Theodore said into my ear as he wrapped the blanket a little more securely around my legs. He pushed the wheelchair into the parlor, where I was quickly surrounded by the members of our extended family.
"I'm glad that you are finally home." Ginny said to me, handing me a cup of punch. I smiled at my future sister-in-law. I had no doubt that Harry would propose to her in the future. They both loved one another very much, but she had a commitment right now to the Holyhead Harpies.
"Me too, Gin. Me too." I said, sipping on the too sweet liquid.
"Hey, love!" Charlie knelt down in front of me.
"Is this a proposal this time Charlie?" I asked teasingly, squeezing Theodore's hand.
"Ha!" He laughed heartily. "We all know that you would never consider it. Welcome home!" Charlie pecked me on the cheek before getting up and walking over to talk with Harry.
"Hey, Aria." Startled I looked up to see the familiar face of Draco Malfoy.
"Draco." I said cautiously.
"Theo invited me. Is that alright?" He asked. "If it's not I can leave." He turned to go when I didn't say anything, but I grabbed a hold of his hand.
"No. Don't go." I said. He turned back around and gave me an incredulous look.
"Why?"
"Because we all deserve another chance." I said to him. "Plus you were exonerated of all crimes due to the testimony both my brother and I gave. You are more than welcome here."
"Thank you, Aria." Draco said. "So how are you doing? Theo said it was a long and hard battle."
"I'm doing better, thanks for asking." I said with a slight smile. "If it wasn't for Theo and Harry, I would have given up long before."
"I'm glad you didn't give up Aria." Draco said before he pulled out a thin package out of his bag. "Here."
I opened it to reveal a beautiful scarf. I had taken to wearing one wrapped around my head in an effort to hide the fact that I had lost my hair. It didn't really matter as I lost all the hair on my body, including my eyebrows but it was the thought really.
"Thank you Draco." I said, running my hand over the beautiful, soft silk. It was a beautiful blue, with little diamonds and crystals sewn into the fabric in the shape of butterflies. "It's beautiful."
"Hey, all I did was pick it up." Draco smirked at me, stuffing his hands into his pockets. I laughed.
"Well you did an excellent job." I said, before Harry approached us.
"Malfoy." He said, his posture tense. I rolled my eyes at his theatrics. I knew he had forgiven Malfoy when he gave the testimony.
"Harry. Be nice." I admonished my elder brother. He gave me a soft smile before turning back to look at Draco.
"It is nice of you to come." Harry finally said. He stuck his hand out for Draco to shake. Draco took it, though hesitantly. I watched proudly, it was a nice start to their tolerance of each other. "Aria, are you hungry?"
"Not really." I replied, missing my brother and boyfriend's concerned glances. "I'm actually kind of tired." Theo wheeled me to the couch, where he helped me sit on the cushions.
Harry brought over a couple of thick blankets. He wrapped one around my torso and then tucked the other blanket around my legs. Kreacher appeared with a bowl of soup and a cup of hot chocolate. He took the glass of punch from me and disappeared.
"Smells delicious," Theo said, setting the bowl on a tray and placing it onto my lap. I smiled at him weakly.
"Yeah," I echoed hollowly, not really feeling hungry. But I would try to eat the soup for I knew it was time for me to eat. I managed a few spoon-fuls of the beef soup. I handed the tray to Theo who took it and drank a few sips of my hot chocolate before I fell asleep on the sofa.
For the next two months I was more or less confined to Grimmauld Place. Theodore and Harry would try to stay with me as much as they were able. Some days Draco would come and sit with me. He would sometimes read me a chapter out of a book. His favorite was poetry, and his voice would lull me to sleep.
I know Harry would never say it but he was grateful for Draco coming and keeping me company. He hated leaving me alone, but I refused to let him take any more time off of work, especially when I was getting better. The doctor's appointment would be in another month, which would let us know whether or not the transplant actually worked.
I was still tired, nauseated, pale, and much too cold. My hair was beginning to grow again, I had fuzz on the top of my head. Draco would laugh at me and say that I looked like a dark peach.
I always scowled at him, and refused to listen to him until he apologized for his words. He always did, but with a slight bump on my nose as he did it. Theodore always tried to reassure me that he couldn't care less that my hair was slowly growing.
Theo had made me several romantic dinners; my brother would go out with Ginny or stay in his room. It was surprisingly nice, to be able to have a sense of normalcy. I wasn't allowed out in the general population for a while, yet, but Theo tried to make our 'dates' happen.
Ginny and Charlie would also come over and spend time with me. Charlie would regale me with tales about the dragon reserve and Ginny would tell me some of the stories about the Holyhead Harpies. I loved that they could take some time out of their day to keep my spirits up.
I also had a serious talk with Ginny about her relationship with my brother. I told her that I was pleased that the two of them were so serious. I also told her that I would be supportive if they decided to get married. Ginny cried, before telling me that I would be there – and not to talk as if I were dying.
For you see, even though everyone else thought that the bone marrow transplant had worked, my being knew something still wasn't right. I knew that the transplant hadn't worked and that by the time they figured that out, the cancer would have progressed too far for the Healers to counteract it.
I wrote out my will during the times that I was alone, and sent it using my owl Daemia to Gringotts. In my nightstand there was a stack of letters sealed, waiting for the individuals to find them and read them after I was gone. I also sent a detailed list of instructions to Gringott's, for my funeral. I was satisfied with my preparations and knew that I needed to do nothing else for the time being.
A week before my appointment with the Healer, I was walking down the stairs to join the rest of the family for dinner, when my nose began to bleed profusely. I cried out and the whole family ran as fast as they could. Theo was there, pressing a handkerchief to my nose, tipping my head back and guiding me down the stairs.
"St. Mungo's." Harry said, his voice like steel. I winced as I was steered towards the fireplace.
"I love you all." I said with a smile, knowing that this was the last time I would see them all.
"Love you too," Hermione said. "We'll see you when you get out of the hospital, ok?" I nodded, though I knew that wouldn't happen. I was resigned to my fate and made peace with it two months ago.
"What do you mean there's nothing you can do?" Harry yelled. I winced from the bed I was lying on, the machines beeping around me.
"Mr. Potter, please, calm down." The Healer said in a soothing voice.
"CALM DOWN? Don't tell me to bloody calm down!" Harry shouted. I knew his temper would be difficult for him to accept the reality. "You need to do something! My sister is dying!"
"Mr. Potter, the cancer has spread too rapidly. We did warn that the bone marrow transplant wasn't foolproof." The Healer tried again.
"Harry, come on." Theodore said, making me grin. He would be able to keep my brother calm. In a few moments the both of the men in my life came through the door to my room. "Aria. How are you?"
"Fine." I said, struggling to sit upright.
"How can you be fine? Did you hear?" Harry interrupted.
"Yes, Harry. I know. I'm going to die." I said, keeping eye contact with him. His eye's sharpened with clarity.
"You knew, didn't you?" Harry asked. I nodded. "You didn't even go to the doctor once did you?"
"No." I said, blinking tiredly. "Of course I didn't go to the doctor, due to the fact that I knew that it would be too late. They can't give me chemo for a few more weeks anyway, once they are sure that the bone marrow transplant didn't take. By then it would be too late. Apparently it already is."
"The Healers have given you two weeks." Theodore said, running a hand through his medium length brown hair.
"It's alright." I said. "I've come to terms with this already."
Two weeks later and I was breathing through a tube. I was tired, my whole body ached, and I wanted to go. See my parents for once in my life, see Sirius again, Remus, everyone that I lost during the war. I was saddened that I would have to wait for Theodore, but I was calm.
"Theo." I breathed out. I was so cold now. Harry had brought me back home, so that I could rest at home. The nurses came six times a day to check up on me.
"Aria." He put down the book he was reading. He didn't want to leave me for a moment, so he would sleep in the armchair, and stay with me twenty-four seven.
"I want you to promise me." I wheezed out.
"Promise you what?"
"Promise me . . . that you will . . move on." I said, my chest hurting as I got my sentence out. I saw one silvery tear make its way down his cheek.
"Aria," He shook his head wordlessly.
"Theo. Promise me!" I burst out. He nodded, another tear making its way down his face.
"Aria, I love you. I've loved you since fifth year, when I was too busy being angry at your brother." He pressed a soft kiss to my lips, before lowering his head onto the bed. Hot tears soaked into the blankets as I lifted my thin hand and ran it through his chocolate brown hair.
My eyelids were closing, and I knew it was time as I felt his silky smooth chocolatey hair between my fingers. I saw my mom with her red hair and green eyes. My dad with his unkempt black hair, so alike Harry's. And finally Sirius. They all held their hand's out to me and with a last breath I took it.
Theodore felt her hand still on his head. He pulled his head up and wiped at his face. His chest clenched when he saw her blue tinged lips, her peaceful expression, and her chest not moving with her respirations. The tears fell rapidly as he gathered his girlfriend into his arms and crushed her to his chest.
A low keening sound filled the room, filtered down the hall, and down the stairs. Harry Potter stood up and raced up the stairs. He fell to his knees at the sight he saw – Theodore Nott holding his too still, too pale sister. The sister who was taken from him too soon.
Four days later and the friends and family of the Twins-Who-Lived, as well as the press were gathered in the cemetery in Godric's Hollow. Harry erected a headstone for his sister, and threw some of her ashes onto the grave. He then offered the urn to Theodore who spread the rest of them, tears flowing and mixing with the grey ash.
Here lies
Aria Lily Potter
1981-2002
"It might be that to surrender to
happiness was to accept defeat,
but it was a defeat better
than many victories."
~ Aria Potter and W. Somerset Maugham