A/N: Yet another fic on the 'loving' family that Akatsuki makes up~ (I pick on Hidan and Kakuzu because I love them)

The ideas keep popping up one after another! Good for you huh? :D

Warning: Language, OOC, slight violence...

Disclaimer: Nothing but the plot belongs to me.

^v^

"Hey…get up."

Deidara mumbled incoherently under his breath, pulling his sheets higher above his head.

"Come on, come on. Get up already!" Sasori snapped, trying to yank the covers off the blonde.

"No…" Deidara curled onto his side, bundling himself together.

"Get up."

"No."

"Deidara get up right now!"

"NO!"

Sasori frowned and then gave the lump a hard kick in its side.

Deidara was up in an instant, blue eyes flashing as he threw the covers off of him and tackled the shorter male to the ground. Sasori grunted and tried to push the livid boy off of him as they rolled around, bumping into the dresser and slamming against the bedroom door. The blonde's long hair kept stabbing him in the eye and his unnaturally sharp nails were making very fine scratch marks on his skin. On top of that-

Did Deidara just bite him?

Sasori growled, grabbing Deidara by the neck and throwing him onto the bed. He pushed up his sleeves before flexing his fingers and pouncing on the teen wrestler style. "AAAARRRGGHHH!"

"AHHH! My spleen you bastard!"

"Will you two fucking SHUT UP?" Hidan yelled at them, storming into the blonde's bedroom in anger. "Every morning you fuckers do this!"

Sasori looked over his shoulder from where he had pinned Deidara onto his stomach, both arms twisted painfully behind his back. "Well I don't like your face either," he randomly huffed.

Hidan felt a vein pop. "That has nothing to do with what I said you damn puppet!"

"At least he has friends yeah!" Deidara exclaimed, squirming in an attempt to break out of his partner's grasp.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TWO DOUCHE BAGS TALKING ABOUT!" Hidan screamed, lunging at the two with a crazed roar.

Sasori's eyes widened and he quickly rolled off Deidara, leaving the blonde for Hidan to crash onto. Deidara shrieked in a very unmanly manner, kicking and punching at the immortal with flailing limbs. Sasori would have walked out the room had it not been for Hidan throwing Deidara off and the bed and straight into him. The redhead and blonde smacked into one another and crashed to the floor.

Hidan snickered, triumphantly standing on top Deidara's bed with his hands on his hips. "You didn't think you could fucking take me on did you bitches?"

Sasori stood with a glare, extending a hand to help his partner up as well. "Is that a challenge?" he asked with narrowed eyes.

Hidan put a finger to his chin in mock thought. "Let me fucking think about it… HELL YEAH!"

Deidara began cracking his knuckles, glancing to Sasori as he did so. "What do you say to teaming up un?"

"I think I can deal with that," Sasori replied.

And they both turned murderous gazes to a suddenly worried Jashinist.

Hidan sweatdropped, raising his hands. "O-Oi…"

"GET HIM!"

"W-WHOA! NOT MY GODDAMN SPLEEN YOU ASSWIPES!"

Pein sighed, listening to the sounds of bickering and struggle coming from the floor above. They had to move from their livable headquarters to this hidden rock base precisely because the neighbors complained about 'rambunctious juvenile behavior'.

Kakuzu stumbled into the kitchen a few seconds later, hands held over his ears as he blearily blinked. "Oh my God someone shut them up!" he shouted.

Pein waved him over to the table placatingly. "Itachi's already on it."

Sure enough, a few moments later came the horrified screams.

"RUN! THE MONSTER'S AWAKE!" Deidara's voice yelled.

"QUICK- LET'S SACRIFICE HIDAN!" Sasori yelled back.

"WHAT? MOTHERFUCKIN' ASSHOLES!"

The noise that came next sounded strangely like a giant ball of fire had been blasted through the hallways. But Pein knew he must be mistaken, because he had strictly enforced a no-fire-jutsu-in-the-base rule.

The sprinklers went off.

There were mixed screams of surprise all throughout the base from those that had still been asleep or were tending to their own business.

Except for Zetsu. His screams were ones of delight as his collection of plants had been watered for the day.

"Leader-san…"

Pein looked across the table at Kakuzu whose hair was plastered to his face. He could feel his own hair flattening at the onslaught of water. "Yes. Is there something wrong?"

Kakuzu gave him a dark glare.

Pein frowned. "As your leader and father figure, I command you to give me only looks of interest and happiness," he said.

If anything, Kakuzu's glare darkened as he made his way to the kitchen doorway. "I'll be back," he growled. "I now have to make several calls to furniture stores to replace all of our sofas and carpets once again."

"How do we turn these sprinklers off?" Deidara's loud proclamation questioned from closer to the stairs.

"Don't worry," came Sasori's much calmer voice. "We'll just stuff Hidan's mouth over one of them. That way we kill two birds with one stone."

Hidan, who was presumably behind them, let out a squawk of igdignation. "Why do you two always have to fuckin' gang up on me?"

"Because you're annoying," the artists chimed.

"BITCHES!"

"WAAAHHH! HIDAN'S GONE CRAZY UN!" Deidara screamed.

Several loud crashes resounded through the halls again, followed by more terrified shrieking as Itachi took to silencing them once more.

Kakuzu glowered, turning with a harrumph. "Looks like our bill has gone up for wall expenses as well."

Pein stared after him and then let out a deep breath, placing his head in a palm. "Unruly idiots…" he muttered.

Gathered in the living room after the uneventful morning, was the full Akatsuki group, a large majority glowering at each other. It might have been a bit unnerving had it not been for the fact that they were all drenched and in their nightclothes.

Pein stood in the center of the tense atmosphere, prepared for the headache that was sure to come. "Alright. I've tried being civil about this but my point has obviously not gotten across-"

"What point?" Kakuzu asked.

"The point of being civil and not interrupting your elders dammit!" Pein roared.

Kakuzu blinked. "You're younger than me."

"Shut up. Anyway," he avoided looking at the medic nin. "As a result, I am subjecting you all to confinement in the same room until you get over your differences and can act as a loving family."

"Aren't we a criminal organization?" Kakuzu dryly asked.

"Kakuzu you're really pissing me off," Pein said as an eye twitched.

Deidara scoffed, picking at his nails and purposefully flicking the dirt underneath at Itachi who sat beside him on the sofa. "When does he not piss anyone off?"

Kakuzu rolled his eyes. "In bed."

Konan and Hidan who had been sitting next to him on the floor, immediately scooted away.

Itachi grabbed Deidara's wrist before the blonde could put anymore specks of grime in his lap, onyx eyes flashing red. "Do you mind?" he coldly asked.

Deidara sneered and chomped the Uchiha's wrist.

"Son of a-!" Itachi released his hold, Sharingan now activated and brow twitching as he cradled the bitten hand. "You pesky little brat," he seethed, cool demeanor gone. "I'm going to kill you-"

Pein coughed. "That's quite enough. You know what? Instead of making you all sit together and risk having to move to yet another base," he gave everyone pointed looks, "I think we should do some teambuilding exercises. All of you out in the front yard, now."

Zetsu spoke up for the first time, in nothing but striped boxers. "Um...Leader-san, can't we change first?"

As if noticing their attire, and his own, for the first time, Pein bobbed his head. "You have five minutes. Anyone not out there will suffer my wrath, understood?"

Kisame and Hidan guffawed behind their hands.

Pein's stormy eyes turned onto them. "Is there something funny?" he asked in a dark voice.

"Suffer my wrath," Kisame mimicked, pushing to his feet. "Nope. Nothing at all."

"Ho ho ho, understood?" Hidan added with a snicker as he also started to leave the room. "Haha! Fucker!"

Pein felt thunderclouds gather above his head as the other members quietly sniggered and left to change, eyes shadowed. "Stupid immature members..." he muttered as the small cloud over top started to rain.

Tobi peeked over the orange-haired man's shoulder curiously. "Should Tobi crack the lightning yet?"

"GO CHANGE NOW!" Pein roared, spit flying everywhere and flames rising up behind him.

Tobi let out a deep chuckle, sauntering off mischeviously. "As you command, Leader-sama."

Pein smacked a palm to his face.

A/N: To be continued...next!