ANIME ROUND-UP
Our story opens today with a bang, or at least that's what it sounded like. "Cripes, what was that?" The man who just jumped three feet in the air is called Vash the Stampede. He's a legendary outlaw with a bounty of 60 billion double dollars on his head. But you wouldn't know it by the way he wet his pants.
"I don't know, Mr. Vash. But I think you'd better change or you'll get chapped before we get to August."
"Thanks, Millie." Blushes Vash. Millie Thompson and Merrill Strife are insurance inspectors assigned to follow Vash around and, whenever possible, stop him from causing any damage.
"If that isn't the stupidest thing," says Merrill. "Your supposed to be this fearless gunfighter with nerves of steel and you wet your pants at the sound of a little thunder. What's next, thumb sucking?"
"Shhh, listen." Says Vash holding his finger to his lips.
"What is it, Mr. Vash?"
"Just listen." They stood silent, straining to hear when another blast sends the trio flat on their rears. "That's not thunder, that's an explosion! It's coming from August!" Vash takes off in a flat out run in the direction of the blast.
"At least stop long enough to use some talcum powder." Shouts Millie holding up the canister.
As Vash reached the ridge overlooking the town, another blast rocks the area. A cloud of smoke rises from the center of town. "What's going on?" Asks Merrill.
"I don't know, but we'd better get down there and see if we can help."
"Oh no you don't!" yells Merrill. "The last time you 'helped' nearly wrecked a town! We'll stay here and watch."
"Merrill?"
"What is it, Millie?"
"Mr. Vash left about a minute ago, should we follow him?" Merrill lets out a huge sigh and the two of them start after Vash at a slow jog.
As the trio enters the center of August, they see a crowd has gathered around looking up to the sky. Vash walks up to one of them and asks, "What's going on? What were all those Explosions?"
"Don't you know? Mojin Buu has been trying to destroy Earth for about three days now. Goku and Vegeta are up there now trying to stop him." Vash notices that the guy he just talked to is green. At about two in the morning, that wouldn't be cause for alarm, but it's nearly noon. Surely he should have slept it off by now?
"Say, I don't believe I've ever seen you around here before, my names Vash, Vash the stampede!" he says holding out his hand while nervously rubbing the back of his head with the other.
"Piccolo." They shake.
"And who are the rest of your friends?"
"Well, this is Bulma, next to her is Krillin, then Chichi, Goten, Trunks, and Hercule, how he got here, I'll never know." Just then, a streak of light falls from the sky and makes a two-foot deep crater. Slowly a man climbs out of the ground. "That's Goku, Hey Goku! This is Vash!"
"Hi Vash, I'm a little busy right now!" Goku flies off.
"You're not from around here, are you?" asks Vash nervously.
"No, I'm from Nammek. But the rest of these guys are from Earth."
"Your not on Earth." Everyone turns and says, "Not on earth! Then where are we?"
"A desert planet that was colonized one hundred years ago by survivors of a space exploration and colonization fleet that had to crash land here."
"Mojin Buu must have transported us here, but why? Goku! It's a trap! Mojin Buu's transported us to another planet!"
"Another planet!" Goku flies down to Piccolo. "What do you mean 'another planet'? What planet?"
"That's what this guy just told me! What could it mean?" Goku takes off and returns in a few minutes with Vegeta and Mojin Buu.
"Buu swears it's not his doing."
"Then if Buu didn't do it, who did?" Asks Vegeta.
"We haven't been introduced, I'm Vash the stampede." He says holding out his hand.
"How nice for you." Vegeta says walking away. Goku notices a tear forming in Vash's eye as he stares at his hand.
"Don't let him throw you, he's that way with everyone. I think the important thing now is to figure out how to get back to earth. Any suggestions?"
"How about something to eat, I'm starved."
"Who are you?"
"I'm Ash Ketchum from pallet town. This is Misty and Brock. We're on our way to the tournament, can you show us the way to the nearest Pokemon center?"
"What's a Pokemon?" Goku and Vash say in unison.
"PIKA!"
"That's a Pokemon."
"A RAT! GET IT AWAY! GET IT AWAY!" Says Goku climbing on Vash's Shoulders.
"Pikachu isn't a rat!"
"Well, he looks like one!" Goku climbs down and says, "Are you from Earth?"
"Of course, where do you think you are, Mars?" Ash, Misty, and Brock have a good laugh.
"This isn't Earth." Says Vash. They stop laughing.
"What do you mean 'not Earth'?" As Vash starts to explain, from a rooftop is heard, "Prepare for trouble!" "And make it double!"
"Who are you, now?"
"We're getting to that, don't interrupt!"
"Just tell us your names, we have a problem down here you might be interested in!" Ash tugs at Vash's sleeve, "Just let them finish, it's the only thing they're good at."
"OK, go ahead!"
"Now then, Prepare for trouble!"
"And make it double!"
"To protect the world from devastation!"
"To unite all peoples within our nation!"
"To denounce the evils of truth and love!"
"To extend our reach to the stars above!"
"Boy, did the ever extend their reach." Whispers Goku.
"Jessie!"
"James!"
"Team Rocket blasts off at the speed of light!"
"Surrender now or prepare to fight!"
"Meowth, that's right!"
"A talking cat?" Says Vash.
"Yeah, but only their Meowth can talk." Team Rocket jumps from the rooftop and runs over to Ash.
"Now, give us that Pikachu unless you want us to embarrass you in front of your new friends!"
"You already have. By the way this isn't earth, we're on another planet."
Jessie and James hold each other and laugh, "That's a good joke, twerp! You got anymore?"
"It's not a joke!"
Jessie looks at Vash, "It is a joke, right?" Vash shakes his head. "How did we get here? I knew we shouldn't have taken that left turn in Albuquerque!"
"The problem hasn't changed, how did we get here and how do we leave?" Says Goku. "Got any ideas, guys? Guys?" He looks around and everyone is playing with Pokemon.
"Oh, isn't he cute!" says Bulma as she holds Pikachu up so Merrill and Millie can pet him. As they scratch under his chin, he kicks his hind leg.
"He's just so sweet!" Says Botan.
"Botan, will you get back over here! You're the Grim Reaper, see if Koenma knows anything about this!"
"I'm on the case! But, he's just sooooooo cute!"
"BOTAN!"
"Alright, alright, I'm going, Sheesh!" Goku and Vash look over the new arrivals. They seem normal enough.
"I'm Vash the stampede, this is Gonuts, right?"
"Goku, actually." They say as they hold out their hands.
"I'm Yuske Urameshi, spirit detective of earth. This is Kuwabara, Hiei, and Kurama. The lady you just missed is Botan. She may not look it, but she's the grim reaper."
"Does anyone remember anything that might help explain how we got here?"
"Last thing I remember, we we're just starting the third round with team Meguro and then we were wandering around here." Says Yuske.
"If you ask me, it's a good thing we were transported here. If we let the tall, stupid one fight any longer, he'd be a memory."
"OK, HIEI! THAT'S IT! COME ON, RIGHT NOW!" Kuabarra dances around Hiei throwing punches that Hiei easily avoid. "HOLD STILL, YOU RUNT!"
" Like I said, "he'd be a memory.'" Kuwabara throws another punch that Hiei smirks at as he dodges.
"That's enough, guys. Save it for Meguro, if we get out of here!" Yuske turns to talk to Vash again when Botan swoops down from the sky.
"No good, Yuske! I can't get to the spirit world. Something's blocking me!"
"I think we should join forces until we figure out what's going on!" Goku says as Yuske and Vash nod in agreement.
But, Kurama walks up to the trio and says, "I think you two had better take a look, there's a spiked hair kid making passes at your girlfriends."
They turn around and hear, "Hi, my name is Brock. I'm a gym leader and would love to get to know any of you better!"
"Man," says Yuske. "I've haven't seen anyone get shot down so bad since Kuwabara made a pass at Keiko!"
"YOU WANT SOME TOO, URAMESHI!" The crowd just laughs.
"I don't know what you think is so funny," says Jessie. "If we can't get back, there wont be anymore 'Team Rocket'. Who's going to steal Pokemon if we're gone?"
"Well, there's one good reason to stay." Says Ash. Jessie sticks her tongue out. The group watches silently as she walks back to the girls who are petting and fussing over the pokemon.
"Say what you will," says Kuwabara. "But bad girls make my tootsie roll!"
As the men in attendance stare and nod, Botan says, "If you ask me, I think she needs to seriously reevaluate her choice in wardrobe."
"Huh, did you say something?" Asks Yuske. Botan walks off in a huff.
"You guys need to learn how to treat women." Says Miroku.
"Yeah, like you'd know!" Grumbles Inu Yasha.
"Who are you?" asks Vash, getting more unnerved by the minute.
A girl of about 14 steps up and says, "My name is Kagome and these are my friends. Miroku, Sango, Shippou, and Inu Yasha." Pleasantries are exchanged, except for Inu Yasha who sits on a porch roof and overlooks the scene. It was here that things got a little weird. Mojin Buu, who has been sitting quietly by the town well, was getting more confused by the minute.
Suddenly he blasts straight up in the air and screams, "BUU TRIED OF SITTING! BUU HAVE FUN!" And with that he unleashes a barrage of energy blasts directly into the crowd. Goku, who by now has turned back into his normal self, began to power up for battle, but there was no need. "PIKACHU, THUNDERBOLT ATTACK!"
"PIIIIKAAA-CHUUUU!" The blast from pikachu hit Buu and stunned him for a split second.
As he began to recover, he heard,"TETSEIGA!" as Inu Yasha split him in half.
He was just starting to reform when Yuske yelled, "SPIRIT GUN!" and fired a blast that left a two-foot hole in his belly.
Kurama, Hiei, and Kuwabara group for attack, but Miroku yelled, "EVERYONE BEHIND ME!" He takes his prayer beads from his hand, unleashing his wind tunnel. Buu is drawn into the tunnel and disappears. Everyone gathers around Miroku and thanks him.
"That was great!" Yelled Kuwabara. "But where does he come out?"
Miroku scratches his head, "I don't know. Oblivion, I guess."
Miroku may not know, but I do. For in a galaxy far, far away...
"Hey, rocky! Watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat!"
"Bullwinkle, that trick never works!"
"This time for sure! Nothing up my sleeve! Presto!"
"Where Buu now?" Bullwinkle pushes him back.
"No doubt about it, I gotta get another hat!"
Meanwhile, back in August, the guys were still celebrating Miroku's victory. "That was great, whoever you are?" says Vash.
"I'm Miroku, a poor but proud monk. I wander the countryside offering enlightenment."
"And to cop a feel when you can." Adds Sango.
"And try to peek at us while we bathe." Says Kagome.
"Not to mention steal what you can get from those you 'help'." Says Shippou.
"Come on," Says Inu Yasha. "Just say it, He's a perverted creep!"
"Hey, I resemble that remark!" chuckles Miroku. Sango, Shippou, and Kagome give a group sigh. They walk over to the where the other women and Pokemon are. Again, the group watches silently as they walk away.
"Come to think of it," Says Kuwabara. "Nice girls make my tootsie roll, too!" And again, they group nod in agreement.
"They certainly do that, that they do!" says Kenshin.
"Hey, dummy, I'm standing right here!" says Kaoru as she proceeds to smack him in the head.
"I don't think Kenshin meant you." Says Yahiko. "He said 'nice girls'. HAAHAAHAAHAA!" Kaoru then proceeds to give Yahiko some lumps.
" So," says Vash. "What's your name?"
"I'm Kenshin Himoura. The lady kick boxer is Miss Kaoru and the kid she's beating up is Yahiko."
"And My Name's Sano."
" I'm Vash the stampede. The rest of these guys can introduce themselves." One by one, the group introduces themselves to the newcomers.
Then, Kaoru notices something, "Are those real? SHREEEEK!" She says as she tweaks Inu Yasha's ears.
"Yeah, their real." Says Inu Yasha in a tired tone.
"Let me see," Says Sano.
But, Inu Yasha turns with a growl. "I only let girls and kids get away with that, men pay the price!"
"Touchy, touchy!' says Sano.
"Now, gentlemen!" Says Vash. "I suggest that we adjourn to the nearest waterhole to ponder the dilemma at hand. TO THE BAR!"
With that, the men began to sing: "OH-WHAT IS THE MALTED LIQUOR, WHAT GETS YOU DRUNKER QUICKER, WHAT COMES IN BOTTLES OR IN CANS? -BEER!- CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF IT, -BEER!- HOW I REALLY LOVE IT, -BEER!- MAKES ME THINK I'M A MAN! WANNA KISS AND HUG IT, -BEER!- BUT I'D RATHER CHUG IT, -BEER!- FILL MY BELLY UP TO HERE!-BEER!- I CANNOT REFUSE A, -BEER!- I CAN REALLY USE A, -BEER! BEER! BEER! BEER-BEER- BEER-BEER! BEER-BEER-BEER-BEER! (Then Gohan starts) I CAN'T REMEMBER HOW MUCH I HAVE HAD! I DRANK A TWELVE PACK (burp) WITH MY DAD! (Then Goku sings) THAT'S- MY SON, THE DRUNKEN, MANLY STUD! I'M PROUD TO BE HIS BUD! (Back to Gohan) HERE HAVE SOME PRETZELS! (Then Goku) NO, I'LL CALL IT QUITS! THOSE THINGS GIVE ME THE SHLITZ! (All together) DRINK WITH YOUR FAMILY; DRINK IT WITH YOUR FRIENDS, DRINK TILL YOUR FAT STOMACH DISSTENDS! BEER- IS LIQUID BREAD; IT'S GOOD FOR YOU! WE LIKE TO DRINK TILL WE SPEW! EEEEWW! WHO CARES IF WE GET FAT, I'LL DRINK TO THAT! AS WE SING ONCE MORE, WHAT IS THE MALTED LIQUOR, WHAT-The group continues singing as they enter the bar. Kaoru and Yahiko stare as Kenshin and Sano disappear into the barroom.
"Oh, well." Says Kaoru. The two walk over to where all the women are sitting and talking.
"Hello, I'm Kaoru. And this is little Yahiko."
"I'm not little!"
"Pleased to meet you!" The women get better acquainted.
"Well, what do we do now?" asks Kagome.
"I think we'd better come up with something. Its obvious ' team testosterone' hasn't a clue!" says Botan. The girls giggle at that. "Here's what I think we should do-"