Title: I don't have to wonder
Author: Amanda M. Daugherty
E-mail: Country_girl_2003@yahoo.com
Rating: PG-13
Classification: Angst
Spoilers:
Summary: Harm and Mac's wedding according to Mic.
Disclaimers: Don't own JAG or the song.
WARNING
WARNING
WARNING
THIS DEALS WITH DEATH IN A DIFFERENT MANNER. IF THIS
WILL BOTHER YOU PLEASE DON'T
READ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*******************************************************
Annapolis Naval Academy Chapel
Annapolis, MD
I can't believe that I'm here. Sarah asked me to
come. Can you believe that? She asked me to come to
her wedding when less than a year ago she was going
to marry me. I don't know how it happened. I don't
know if I did something wrong, but if I had the
chance I would go back and do it differently. Maybe
if I did it differently it would be me and her
inside that church instead of her and Rabb.
I can imagine what she looks like. She's
probably a vision of beauty. Harriet is probably in
there pinning roses in her hair. That's their theme,
Roses because of where they met and where he
proposed. Harm's mother Trish is probably in there
with his grandmother telling stories of their
wedding and Harm as a child. Chloe, Mac's little
sister is there. Sarah told me that she was a
bridesmaid along with Carylon Imes. Harriet of
course was the matron of honor. Harm's best man was
Lt. Commander Jack Keeter and groomsmen were Bud and
Clayton Webb. Each will toast the bride and groom at
the reception. Sarah wanted me to say something, but
what was I to say? Should I have said that I wish
she didn't marry Rabb, that I still love her, and
she should run off with me? Should I tell her what I
think of her new husband, that he's a lying,
arrogant, pig-headed, SOB? I couldn't do that to
Sarah. Not on her wedding day.
I was supposed to be on a plane to Australia
right now, but I couldn't leave without seeing how
she looked. That's why I'm sitting in my truck
waiting for the doors to open and her and Harm come
out. I still have five minutes to wait. I look over
and see the limo driver leaning up against his car,
white and pastel purple balloons tied to it. Just
married was written on the back window. That should
have been our car. The limo driver glances at his
watch and flicks the cigarette out of his hands and
onto the blacktop. Maybe he's got another.
As I watch the cigarette burn out like our
relationship. I wonder what would happen if I went
in there and stopped the wedding. I would love to do
that, but I can't, not to Sarah. I wonder if
realizes how big of a mistake she's making. Will she
come running out of the church her white dress
blowing behind her? Would Harm come running after
her? A sad, depressed look on his face. Would he
feel like I do now?
I see the doors open and several men walk out to
form the arch of steel. I glance at my watch and
their right on time. What else from Sarah. I look
back up just in time to see Sarah and Rabb walk out
the door arm and arm, huge smiles on their faces.
Sarah looks just like I imagined. I look at her one
last time before I drive off. No one ever saw me.
I'm already late for my flight so why bother
going to the airport. I'll catch the next one. As I
drive across this small country bridge, a river
flowing below it I look at the ring that's laying
beside me on the seat. It's the ring I gave Sarah a
long time ago. The one she gave back to me when she
told me she was going to marry Rabb. I pull off to
the side of the road and park my rental truck.
Getting out I grab the ring and stare at it one last
time and think about what might have been. I can
feel the sting of a tear as I pull my arm back and
let the ring fly from my hands. I stare at it till
it reaches the river and I can't see it anymore. The
ring is gone, lost to the world. No one will ever
miss it, it has no place in the world anymore. Just
like me.
The more I think about the ring, I think about
my life. I gave up my career and my home for Sarah
but I didn't get anything in return. Before I know
what I'm doing I'm on the other side of the rail. I
stare down at the river that flows below me. My life
is just like the ring. No one will miss me, I have
no place anymore.
I release my hold on the rail and slowly lean
forward. My feet slip from the bridge and before I
know it I'm falling faster and faster toward the
river. I can swim after all I'm was in the RAN, but
I don't try now. I let my arms hang loosely as I
think about all that could have been with Sarah. I
can feel the water rise above my mouth as I think
about our wedding. As I think about how kids the
water rises over my nose. I can't breathe anymore.
As I think about growing old together the water
covers my eyes and the rest of my head. I left
myself fall to the bottom before I feel like I'm
floating. Floating to where I don't know. All I know
is now I don't have to wonder anymore.
"Drove to the church
In my suit and tie
But I just couldn't bring myself
To go inside"
"So I sat alone
In my truck across the street
Watched that chauffeur smokin' cigarettes
By that long white limousine"
"I could just imagine
What was going on in there
Sunlight streamin' through the stained glass
And those flowers in her hair"
"And in less time than it take a tear to fall
Those bells rang loud as thunder
As they opened up the doors
Now I don't have to wonder anymore"
"Laughin' and a cryin'
Tossin' that bouquet
And when you got in that limo
I drove off the other way"
"And I still don't know
Why things happened like they did
But I parked that old pickup
On that lonesome river bridge"
"I took your ring from my pocket
And I held it one last time
Watched that diamond sparkle
I drew back and I let her fly"
"And in less time than it takes a tear to fall
Oh that old ring went under
And now it's gone for sure
And I don't have to wonder anymore"
"Well the angels sang like thunder
As I felt myself go under
Now I don't have to wonder anymore"
THE END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*******************************************************
FEEDBACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Author: Amanda M. Daugherty
E-mail: Country_girl_2003@yahoo.com
Rating: PG-13
Classification: Angst
Spoilers:
Summary: Harm and Mac's wedding according to Mic.
Disclaimers: Don't own JAG or the song.
WARNING
WARNING
WARNING
THIS DEALS WITH DEATH IN A DIFFERENT MANNER. IF THIS
WILL BOTHER YOU PLEASE DON'T
READ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*******************************************************
Annapolis Naval Academy Chapel
Annapolis, MD
I can't believe that I'm here. Sarah asked me to
come. Can you believe that? She asked me to come to
her wedding when less than a year ago she was going
to marry me. I don't know how it happened. I don't
know if I did something wrong, but if I had the
chance I would go back and do it differently. Maybe
if I did it differently it would be me and her
inside that church instead of her and Rabb.
I can imagine what she looks like. She's
probably a vision of beauty. Harriet is probably in
there pinning roses in her hair. That's their theme,
Roses because of where they met and where he
proposed. Harm's mother Trish is probably in there
with his grandmother telling stories of their
wedding and Harm as a child. Chloe, Mac's little
sister is there. Sarah told me that she was a
bridesmaid along with Carylon Imes. Harriet of
course was the matron of honor. Harm's best man was
Lt. Commander Jack Keeter and groomsmen were Bud and
Clayton Webb. Each will toast the bride and groom at
the reception. Sarah wanted me to say something, but
what was I to say? Should I have said that I wish
she didn't marry Rabb, that I still love her, and
she should run off with me? Should I tell her what I
think of her new husband, that he's a lying,
arrogant, pig-headed, SOB? I couldn't do that to
Sarah. Not on her wedding day.
I was supposed to be on a plane to Australia
right now, but I couldn't leave without seeing how
she looked. That's why I'm sitting in my truck
waiting for the doors to open and her and Harm come
out. I still have five minutes to wait. I look over
and see the limo driver leaning up against his car,
white and pastel purple balloons tied to it. Just
married was written on the back window. That should
have been our car. The limo driver glances at his
watch and flicks the cigarette out of his hands and
onto the blacktop. Maybe he's got another.
As I watch the cigarette burn out like our
relationship. I wonder what would happen if I went
in there and stopped the wedding. I would love to do
that, but I can't, not to Sarah. I wonder if
realizes how big of a mistake she's making. Will she
come running out of the church her white dress
blowing behind her? Would Harm come running after
her? A sad, depressed look on his face. Would he
feel like I do now?
I see the doors open and several men walk out to
form the arch of steel. I glance at my watch and
their right on time. What else from Sarah. I look
back up just in time to see Sarah and Rabb walk out
the door arm and arm, huge smiles on their faces.
Sarah looks just like I imagined. I look at her one
last time before I drive off. No one ever saw me.
I'm already late for my flight so why bother
going to the airport. I'll catch the next one. As I
drive across this small country bridge, a river
flowing below it I look at the ring that's laying
beside me on the seat. It's the ring I gave Sarah a
long time ago. The one she gave back to me when she
told me she was going to marry Rabb. I pull off to
the side of the road and park my rental truck.
Getting out I grab the ring and stare at it one last
time and think about what might have been. I can
feel the sting of a tear as I pull my arm back and
let the ring fly from my hands. I stare at it till
it reaches the river and I can't see it anymore. The
ring is gone, lost to the world. No one will ever
miss it, it has no place in the world anymore. Just
like me.
The more I think about the ring, I think about
my life. I gave up my career and my home for Sarah
but I didn't get anything in return. Before I know
what I'm doing I'm on the other side of the rail. I
stare down at the river that flows below me. My life
is just like the ring. No one will miss me, I have
no place anymore.
I release my hold on the rail and slowly lean
forward. My feet slip from the bridge and before I
know it I'm falling faster and faster toward the
river. I can swim after all I'm was in the RAN, but
I don't try now. I let my arms hang loosely as I
think about all that could have been with Sarah. I
can feel the water rise above my mouth as I think
about our wedding. As I think about how kids the
water rises over my nose. I can't breathe anymore.
As I think about growing old together the water
covers my eyes and the rest of my head. I left
myself fall to the bottom before I feel like I'm
floating. Floating to where I don't know. All I know
is now I don't have to wonder anymore.
"Drove to the church
In my suit and tie
But I just couldn't bring myself
To go inside"
"So I sat alone
In my truck across the street
Watched that chauffeur smokin' cigarettes
By that long white limousine"
"I could just imagine
What was going on in there
Sunlight streamin' through the stained glass
And those flowers in her hair"
"And in less time than it take a tear to fall
Those bells rang loud as thunder
As they opened up the doors
Now I don't have to wonder anymore"
"Laughin' and a cryin'
Tossin' that bouquet
And when you got in that limo
I drove off the other way"
"And I still don't know
Why things happened like they did
But I parked that old pickup
On that lonesome river bridge"
"I took your ring from my pocket
And I held it one last time
Watched that diamond sparkle
I drew back and I let her fly"
"And in less time than it takes a tear to fall
Oh that old ring went under
And now it's gone for sure
And I don't have to wonder anymore"
"Well the angels sang like thunder
As I felt myself go under
Now I don't have to wonder anymore"
THE END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*******************************************************
FEEDBACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!