A/N: So, this is my first fanfic... (exciting!!) It takes place about a week after Edward leaves in New Moon.
If you have any questions or comments (good or bad) please review, and I promise to answer all of you!
Hiding the Pain
After that first week, after the shock had eased, I made a decision. I would not let people se me as a victim. I would show them that I was stronger, no matter how much pain I was in, I would never let anyone see it. It wasn't just because I didn't want pity, or because I knew that it made Charlie sad to see me in pain, it was because I did not want to be that girl. The one everybody think is pathetic and sad, and who thinks the world is over just because of a boy. I had always looked down at those girls; I had always been the first to judge them, and to come to the conclusion that they were totally and utterly pathetic. And now, I was that girl.
The first time I looked at myself in the mirror after he left, I was shocked. I looked like I hadn't slept for weeks. The shadows under my eyes were beyond purple, they were getting black. And my hair looked as if it had never seen a brush. I couldn't believe how I could have given myself so completely to the grief and pain. For the last couple of days all I had been able to think about was the fact that he was gone. He had left me, and he had promised that he would never come back. What kind of promise was that to make? As if he would be doing me a favour, as if I would be happy to know that I would never see him again. I closed my eyes and tried to forget the last conversation. I didn't want to think about it, I didn't want to think about him.
I opened my eyes and promised myself that nobody would ever see the state I was in. I walked away from the mirror and went to take a shower. When I was clean, and my hair no longer looked like a birds nest, I got dressed, grabbed my wallet and drove to Port Angeles. I was careful not to think about the times I was here with him; I knew that if I even went near any of those memories I would not be able to do what I came here for. I put on my sunglasses, even though the sun hadn't shown itself for hours, and went to a store I had never entered before.
The moment I entered "Beauty Store", a pretty saleslady approached me, and offered her assistance. I was grateful; there was no way I would have been able to find what I was looking for on my own. Instead of going through a long explanation of what I wanted, I just removed my sunglasses, and told her I wanted to look normal. From the look in her eyes, I could see that she understood, I was probably not the first who had come to her for help. "Would you like to look like you used to, or shall we make you look breathtaking?" she asked me, with a smile. I couldn't help but smile at her enthusiasm. And I thought to myself, wouldn't that be the best way to "get back at him". Make it look as if I was better off without him, make him see what he gave up? But then I remembered how beautiful he was, and I knew that there was no way that he would regret his decision, why would he, when he could get any girl he wanted? Despite my thoughts, I heard myself say: "Breathtaking sounds like a good way to go…"
An hour later when I walked out of "Beauty Store", my face no longer showed any signs of the pain I was experiencing, and the bag of cosmetics I had bought would make sure that it stayed that way.
Even though the pain and the horrible feeling of loss, was still there, it made me feel better knowing that nobody could see just how much pain I was really in. I had found a way to hide the signs of the pain. If nothing more, than at least Charlie wouldn't have to worry.
Even though I did these things, even though I did my best to minimize the consequences of his "departure" , I knew that in the end it would make no difference for me, I would still be in intolerable pain, I would still long for him with every fibre of my body. But I would never let anybody know that. Ever.