This turned out pretty good. I'm really satisfied with it! I was inspired by the song "Only One" By Yellowcard. I highly recommend it! If you do listen to the song, then it would make a lot more sense to you. It's sort of confusing, but if you left me a question in a review, I'll answer back to you the best possible way.

Disclaimer: I don't own a single thing.

It was heart-wrenching.

Watching her and trying to act as if I didn't care. It burned a hole through my already bruised heart. I couldn't believe what was going on around me. I passed through days without an end, as if I was walking through murky black water. I couldn't breathe, scream or leave. I couldn't do anything.

It was as if there was an invisible cloud of misery that hung over my head. It brought depression and blackness to me and all who were in my presence. And I couldn't do anything. Every day the routine was the same, picking up the pieces of my heart were useless. They were too small and scattered to even see.

It felt as if there was a Dementor following me around everywhere. I felt as if it was sucking the happiness and love out of me. I felt as if I had no soul. I felt like an empty shell, wondering through time, hoping that one day something would understand.

I wanted to give up. It was so tempting to try. I wanted to scream it out loud. Let everyone know the burning desire that ached inside of me. Of course I knew she could see right through me. But no matter how close I get to giving up – I just couldn't. She deserved her happiness and I deserved mine, even if I had to shatter myself so she would get hers.

I stopped after her. I stopped following Lily Evans. I stopped calling her name and asking her out. I left her alone like she asked me to. I knew that in seventh year I was never going get her no matter how hard I tried. I've screwed up with her more times to count. I wasn't even able to say anything decent to her. I threw my words everywhere, not knowing that instead of falling for me, it only did the entire opposite. I never realized how many mistakes I've made at Hogwarts until that Head badge was owled to me. I've let her down more time than I could count.

So I stopped pining after her. I needed to move on. I couldn't keep chasing after when she wouldn't return the feeling. Besides, she was better off without me anyway. I never deserved her. She was too perfect, way out of my league. She needed to let me go. All this time my face was in the ground. I needed to get up and start over. I needed to let go.

She did notice the change in me for the first few weeks. She was Lily Evans for Merlin's sake; of course she'd know that something was wrong. She confronted me after a few weeks and demanded what game I was playing at. I got mad and told her I wasn't doing anything wrong. That I was tired of following after her like a lovesick puppy when all she did was criticize me. And I left her there, in the empty classroom; staring after me without a word. I regretted those words ever since they left my mouth. But I knew they had to be let out. Or else she wouldn't let go of me. And I wouldn't either.

But I lied to her. That wasn't the reason I let her go. I didn't have a reason.

And I wasn't able to hang on any longer. I couldn't hold on anymore. I wished I could scream it to the world that I was in love with her. I wished I could hold her and tell her everything. I wished I never let her go.

I spent week after week avoiding her. I got a girlfriend and carried on with my life. And after a while she got a boyfriend too.

I hated it. I hated her for giving up on me so easily. But I knew that this was what she wanted. She wanted me to leave her alone. She wanted me to let her go. And I did let her go.

But I died inside.

Lily was different. No one ever knew me like her. She knew me through and through; no one ever let me get away with anything like she did (even my own mother). I was tired of watching her with another man. I wanted to give up my false charade and tell her the truth.

She was the one. She was my only one. She was the only one for me. Everyone else paled in comparison to her. I messed up. I messed up big time but I couldn't tell her why. I couldn't give her a reason. No one got me like she did. Head over heels was what they said, right? For me, it's more like heels over head.

I knew that I was closing to edge. I was breaking up. I was coming to the point where it gave me physical pain as well as mental. My friends never suspected a thing. They – like the rest of the population of Hogwarts – thought that I was finally over Lily Evans. But they didn't know anything. I couldn't let go of her. But I had to. For Lily, I had to.

I knew she saw through my fake laughter and smiles. I knew that she saw there was something deeply bothering me. Bothering me, dear? It isn't bothering me. It's killing me. It's torturing my inside out and burning my heart inside out. It's slowly devouring the humanity that I have left. It's smothering the light in my eyes. It's killing me. I wanted to give up so bad that I could taste it.

I wished that I could just give up. I wished that I could just tell her. I've never realized how hard letting her go was going to be. I just wanted her know that I loved her. I just wanted her to know. But I had to keep strong. So I'd wait. I'd wait until the end of seventh year and tell her. Even if she didn't return the feeling, at least she'd know. At least she'd know how much I loved her.

I couldn't tell her face to face. I'd owl a letter to her and hope that she'd understand.

But for now – I had to cope with myself. I had to keep myself from falling apart. I had to keep myself from going insane.

It was dishonest to burn the bridges with her. It was cruel. But I had to do it. I had to let her go. Because if I didn't, then Lily would never find the happiness with the man she truly deserved to be with. I wasn't even worthy to be in her sight. There was no one that was like Lily in the entire world. There was no one like her. She was the one.

Here I go Lily. Watch me walk away, because I won't turn back.

Here I go Lily. Here I go.

Please review and tell me what you think about it! I'm getting inspired a lot by songs :P I think I will write a companion piece through Lily's point of view, so alert me if you want to know when I publish it!

Luvs Twikadevra