Reflections

by Emily

Olivia sat contemplatively at the bar in Towers. Her eyes had lost focus on any one point in the room. The noise around her seemed muted. Civil laughter and polite conversation buzzed around her. The inconsistent clinking of glass against glass, the occasional pop of a champagne bottle, and the relaxed patter of entering patrons felt foreign to her. These feckless beings had no idea what it was like to have a heart drumming against their breasts with the concealed knowledge at any second that heart would be shred into billions of tiny fragments. Olivia paused her steady, discomfited thoughts to take a small sip of her drink. Something to pass against lips that felt parched, though to the world they appeared perfectly colored and moist.

Had it really only been earlier that day she had been a single woman? A distressed and dedicated mother, simply seeking to find a way to stay near her daughter? Yes, that was how it had been. Olivia's thoughts had dwelt only with Emma, and with her frustration at being caught in such a ridiculous situation. How her muscles had tightened to the breaking point under her skin, and her heart shuddered with horror at the thought of having to leave Springfield forever. Thoughts of having to leave Emma in the care of the dangerously unbalanced Phillip had plagued her with grief and icy fear. Her skin crawled now at the very memory. But that was all it was. A memory.

Bill Lewis.

She found it so difficult and increasingly tormenting to place this man. He had rode on his figural white horse and swooped her up into this strange fairy tale.

"I know you love me."

"You do?"

"And I love you, too."

Those words had echoed in her very soul. For just a brief instant, she thought he truly knew. She thought that he had read the words that had become silently etched on her heart. She had not uttered them. She had planned to never, ever utter them. It had startled her to think that he knew. What threw her into chaos was the thought, that blissful thought, that he loved her back. That he might love her with all the fierce passion and devotion she discreetly felt for him. Tears came unbidden and clung to her lashes. She hated herself. She hated herself for being so vulnerable when she was supposed to be strong. She hated herself for being so emotional when she should be stagnant. Most of all she hated falling in love. Falling in love with yet another man who could never love her. Another man who would in due course trample any fantasy or hope of a tomorrow.

He had run off. On their wedding night. Olivia sighed, and let out a strangled chuckle. Not that Bill cared. No, he had to run every time Harley called. Typical. Every man she had come to love usually had a different woman they would pledge their loyalty to first.

A low rumble startled Olivia. She glanced up, and against the long, glass windows twinkled millions of droplets of water. Shivering, Olivia glanced up at the clock.

"So, Bill, I'm going to need you to look into this," Harley was saying. "I'm going to be very busy trying to get Phillip's ... hello? Bill."

Bill's eyes were turned away. The rain was falling heavier now. Outside of Company, he could hear the thunder growling. His brow was knit with concern. Harley sighed in frustration. "Come on, Bill. I really need your help. What help are you going to be if you keep zoning out on me?"

Bill shook his head slightly, and looked back at her. "Oh, yeah. Sorry about that. I was just thinking about ... something."

"Someone more likely," Harley said.

"Yes."

"Who?"

Bill looked at her incredulously. "It is my wedding night. Did you know?"

Harley grinned easily. "Ha ha. Well, big deal. You didn't marry the woman for love. I don't understand why you are so distracted."

Something inside him tightened almost reflexively. "Olivia's wonderful."

"Spoken so convincingly," Harley teased. "Now can we focus, here?"

Part of Bill was dying to get back to work. The work numbed his mind. Usually it was a whir of confused thoughts and feelings. He wanted to try and not acknowledge them as much as was humanly possible. Well, most of the time. Tonight his conscience if not something else was getting the better of him. His conversation with Harley seemed so empty and trivial tonight. It had dawned on him, much to his shame, that he had been dead wrong to have left Olivia behind. For all he knew, his father and Dinah were probably still icing her with all the ammunition they had. The thought sent a surprising jolt of fury through his bones. If he got back to Towers and they were still going at it with Olivia, he would probably strangle the pair of them. The image of Olivia's eyes shining at him after the vows had been said and he had swept her up in his arms haunted him.

More and more he was feeling like a stand-in for Harley. He could read it in her glance, in her smile, and in her actions. On the surface, for both of them, it had seemed as if they were becoming best friends. Lately Bill was aching inside. His motivations for taking down the Spaulding's had become fuzzy. When he had just been with Olivia ... yes, he had known what he wanted. They had been partners. They had been wounded, desperate creatures. They had both wanted revenge and another person to inject feelings of life into their bodies. The pathway may have been dark, but it had been crystal clear. What was he doing now? He was keeping Olivia trapped in that darkness so he could concoct sometimes laughable schemes with another woman to take down a man he really didn't want to bother with anymore. Another man's woman at that. Bill shifted in his seat uncomfortably, suddenly becoming aware Harley had been talking again. He hadn't heard a single syllable.

" ... so I thought that we might be able to - "

"Harley?"

"Wh .. what? Have you been listening?"

"Not exactly. I have something to ask you. I'm going to be blunt."

"Sure. Whatever ... anything."

"You need to stop fooling yourself."

Harley jerked, and looked up at him hastily with half a smile on her face. "Huh?"

"What is all this? The two of us running around like this?"

Harley blinked slowly. "I have no idea what you are talking about. Are you feeling okay?"

Bill took a deep breath. "Fine. Fine. I'm just going to say it. We're running around like a little team. We're trying to take down the bad guys, bring the good guys to justice, and ... I think we need to stop kidding ourselves. You need to stop kidding me."

Harley looked at him sharply.

Bill nodded and gently patted her arm. "What does all that sound like? Harley and Bill? It doesn't, does it? You know what it sounds like to me? Harley and Gus. Gus and Harley. Gus and Harley catch the bad guys, do the team thing, and go home for sweet love. You have attached onto our partnership pretty strongly. I know you don't want to admit it, but I have become your substitute for Gus. Whether you intended that to happen is probably not the case, but it's turned into that. I have neglected my life to live this danger-filled adventure to exact justice. I think we need to take it easy for a while. I can't come whenever you call. I just can't. What I feel for Olivia may not be true love, but I certainly should never have left her this way on a night that does mean something for both of us. I am going to go back to her now. I will call you in a few days."

Harley looked at him, mouthing wordlessly. The sharp look though had softened considerably and her hands had began to tremble a bit. She looked towards the door, and her eyes glossed over with a look Bill had not seen before. Bill glanced back, and saw that Gus had entered and was seating himself in one of the back booths, and was shaking the rain from his dark hair. Harley looked back at Bill nervously. Bill smiled. "Go on. You know you want to."

Harley's face hardened. "No. I can't. I won't."

"You will. You know it's right. I can see it's right. Don't mess with fate," Bill gave her a little mock salute, and walked away with a grin.

Harley fidgeted. She glanced up as if to reassure herself that Bill had actually just left her here. Then, taking a deep and calming breath, Harley rose and began to approach the other half of her soul.

"Hello, Olivia. I heard the good news. Just came by to offer you congratulations ... maybe condolences by the looks of it."

Olivia glanced up with casual interest. "Ah, Danny. I see your busy drowning your sorrows. I doubt you want to join in on my little pity party. We might both become more depressed than we already are."

"Doubt that. I'm feeling about as low as a person could possibly feel," Danny sighed.

"Mm. A toast to Michelle!" Olivia mockingly raised her glass. Danny smiled sadly, and clinked his glass to hers.

"Looks like Bill deserves a similar toast, no?"

Olivia frowned. "I suppose he does."

"You two got married, didn't you? That's what he said," Danny inquired.

Olivia held up her ringed finger. "Legally bound. He doesn't seem to remember it though. Chalk up a point to selective amnesia."

"I would offer you some comforting advice, but I really have none to give to you. My wife, the actual amnesiac, just ran off with my cousin. Quaint, isn't it? I sure thought so. I'm done fighting. Good riddance to the both of them," Danny's face remained stoic, though his eyes reflected the pain he truly felt. Olivia observed this with keen interest.

"You're giving up?"

Danny nodded slowly. "Yes. Yes, it's definitely way past my time to move on. I doubt that moving on means love, though. I have little faith in love these days."

A chill ran down Olivia's back. "That's so cynical ..."

"But it's reality," he said, taking a sip.

The elevator doors opened. Bill entered the dining area unnoticed. He saw Olivia. Her dark tresses lay softly against the smooth skin of her back. They bounced lightly as she chuckled softly to a man sitting beside her. With a start, Bill realized it was Danny Santos. To his disbelief, he felt a sharp pang of jealousy. She looked so unconcerned, so natural, and her guard was down. He remembered when Olivia had sat next to him at her bar on Independence Day. Her searing gaze, and coy smile bequeathed to him. It seemed like a lifetime ago that all they were doing were playing games of revenge and fierce desire. That strange, tingly feeling was creeping down to his very fingertips as he watched her now. Purposefully, he strode towards them.

"Good evening, Danny. Enjoying the company of my beautiful wife?"

Danny looked up smugly. "Well, someone has to."

Olivia tucked away a triumphant smile, and cleared her throat.

Bill raised his eyebrows. "Is that so? I think I'll take it from here, if you don't mind. Don't you have to get home to Michelle? Oh, that's right! She's not going to be there. Too bad."

Olivia bristled. "Bill!"

Danny waved him aside. "If your looking to get a rise out of me, it's not going to happen tonight, mmkay? I'm too tired and wasted to argue like a couple of neanderthals."

Olivia shook her head. "I'll leave you two to refine your male bravado. Good night, Danny. Goodbye, Bill." She got up without meeting either man's eyes, and walked to the elevator.

Bill held out both hands in distress. "Olivia! Come on ... wait!"

Danny rolled his eyes. "Man, you just don't get it. Are you blind? You have to go after what you want. If you don't, some other bozo will come along and put his hands all over it. Trust me."

A retort formed in Bill's throat, but refused to emerge as Danny's words hit him.

"Go," Danny said.

Bill looked over at him, and then hurried after her. The elevator door was just about to shut in his face. He grabbed it, and began to try and pull it back open.

"Bill! What are you doing? Stop making a scene," Olivia said venomously. "Just leave me alone, alright? You're great at doing that." She glared at him through the crack in the elevator and gave a mock thumbs-up.

"Stop it, sweetheart," Bill said, heaving the door open at last and stepping in. "I did wrong by you tonight. Could you please let it go? I'm sorry. There you go. I'm sorry."

"Gee, I feel so much better," Olivia snarled, huddling up in one of the elevator corners. "I loved putting on a dog and pony show for your dear, sweet father and your lethal sister. I loved random people coming to inquire if we had actually married, and then see them run off giggling that you had left me alone on our wedding night. I think my favorite was continuously saying 'Yes, we are so in love. So in love, he had to go spend the evening with someone else to regain control of his wild, unbridled passion.'"

She reached out and patted him on the cheek, smiling sourly. His hand shot up and loosely took a hold of her wrist. She frowned instantly and began to draw away. Bill continued to hold her wrist and look deeply into her eyes. "I'm sorry, Olivia. I don't know what else you want me to say."

Olivia forced herself to stand firm. "There really isn't anything else. This is only a show, right? A little game to one-up Phillip and to save me from losing my child. I suppose you don't owe me a single thing. I suppose in theory, I actually owe you for being so noble."

Bill shifted uncomfortably. "Don't talk about it like that. What happened today was, well, it was nice. It felt ... right. I don't really know how to explain it. I really meant some of the things I said to you. That wasn't just a bunch of elaborate, poetic lies I pulled from a hat."

Olivia stopped resisting his pull for a second. "Is that so?"

Bill smiled tentatively at her. "Yes. It's the truth."

"Huh," Olivia said. "That's ... lovely. I feel like I could fly." She yanked her arm away, and stubbornly retreated back into the corner.

Bill groaned. "Olivia ..."

"Are you just apologizing to me so you can still get some tonight?"

"Huh ... ?"

"Are you saying you're sorry because you still want that roll in the satin sheets?"

"Ooh, they have satin sheets?" Bill smiled at her crookedly.

Olivia muttered something in disgust and broke eye-contact.

"Why are you being so difficult? This was a little thing. Harley just needed my help really fast with some business stuff. I'm back now. Do you see? Here I am. We're together. You seem to have gotten the best of my family or else they would have still been hanging around being obnoxious. It wasn't like we had planned our wedding for months and months, and I then I left you. It's not we are ... we are ..."

"In love?" Olivia finished quietly.

"Well, yes, I guess," Bill mumbled. "I know that ... there are feelings there. Certainly there are. If there hadn't been anything, I wouldn't have ... have ..."

"Married me?"

Bill pulled at his collar. "Why are you making this so hard for me?"

"You know what? Just forget it, okay? Just forget about it," Olivia's face relaxed into an unreadable mask. The elevator door opened. Olivia stepped out, and Bill stepped out behind her. He reached out to take her hand. Olivia folded her arms and kept walking towards the suite. Bill sighed and tried to catch up with her rapidly moving body. She fumbled with the key in the lock, and opened the door. Both stopped dead in their tracks.

"Oh, God," murmured Bill.

The room was littered in red rose petals, covered with shimmering candles, and the bed was drawn down to reveal scarlet sheets. Sweet scents wafted out of the bathroom. A little white paper was folded and sitting on the desk addressed to Olivia. Olivia picked it up, and in a monotone but slightly curious voice, read aloud:

Olivia,

Made a few quick calls from Jeanie's cell. Sweet woman, isn't she? Just thought I would leave you a few tokens to help you and Bill celebrate your union. Enjoy!

Alexandra

P.S. One good turn deserves another ...

Olivia omitted the post script, and folded up the paper and tossed it to the side. "That woman. I can't believe it."

Bill laughed heartily. "I knew I liked her. Gee, I wonder if she left us this beautiful music collection too. What do we have here? Puppy Love ...?"

Olivia sat down and put her head in her hands. "This is not happening. This has to be just one, big, completely insane dream."

Bill sat down next to her. "Then we are both lost in the same dream."

Olivia looked up at him. She tried to keep her expression neutral, but her eyes reflected the twinkling candles. Bill for a moment felt like he couldn't breathe. He couldn't explain it. It was as if her eyes and that smile pulling at the corners of her mouth were intoxicating him. He reached out and gently pushed a tendril of her dark hair away from her face. He was surprised when she didn't resist him this time. He was also taken aback by how tender he suddenly felt. He was expecting to have fallen into the room with her and wildly begin tearing at one another's clothing.

Olivia reached up and covered his hand with her own, rubbing her cheek against his palm. His palms were a bit rough from his raucous traveler days. It was a striking, sensuous contrast to the soft skin of her visage. Bill felt that familiar sensation swell within him, and was delighted she had finally stopped frosting him. He gently turned her body towards his own. Her eyes briefly closed, as if soaking in the moment. He lifted her chin with his hand till she looked back at him. He drew her to him till his arms could encircle her. He moved to kiss her ...

A robotic little tune suddenly broke the spell. Bill and Olivia froze. Bill shifted his eyes around in embarrassment. "Er, must be mine." Sure enough, his cell was ringing in the pocket of his jacket.