Chapter 1: New Life, Old Life

Disclaimer: I do not own Vampire Academy. This story is purely for fanfiction and for fun. In no way do I intend to infringe upon copyright or plagerism. Characters belong to the wonderful Richelle Mead. Storyline and plot are property of my imagination.

So, I'm back. This story is the sequel to The Search for Rosemarie Mazur. It is going to explore Rose's new life in Istanbul, take her to university, make her face her past, get reacquainted with her Turkish family, travel to Russia with Dimitri, deal with the struggles of who she was and who she is now, detail the struggles of having a relationship with a twenty-five year old and help her find out who she really is. She will also have to work through her past to face her present. Enjoy=)

RPOV

"Are you excited for the big move?" Sydney asked as I finished putting my things into boxes. I glanced around my room one more time to make sure I had packed all of the essentials.

"Excited, nervous, freaking out," I admitted sprawling out on my bed. My stomach was tied in knots at the thought of leaving what had been my hometown for the past twelve years.

"It is going to be a big change, but you'll be with your family in your home where you used to live right?" she asked.

"That's true, but I'm not sure how that is going to feel." I was really nervous about setting foot in my old home and the memories it might invoke. Sure I'd been living with Baba and Abi here for the apst six months, but I still spent a lot of time with my mom, dad and Crissy. They were a big part of my life. I would definitely miss the familiarity of the home I'd grown up in and the people I'd come to know and love as my family over the years.

When I'd announced my plans to attend university in Istanbul at graduation, I thought for sure my mother would spaz out, but surprisingly she and dad had been nothing but supportive about the whole thing. They said it was important for my recovery and part of my path to self discovery to explore my origins and my former home.

No denying that mom was sad that I was leaving, but she said she understood my need to return to my roots. Baba and Abi had already departed for Istanbul three weeks ago to get things in order for my arrival, whatever that meant. I would be traveling with one of my father's body guards, Pavel, and Avery, who had remained behind to help me pack my things and make sure the house was in order. Baba would be keeping it as a vacation home or a back-up in case I should want to return to the States for any reason at anytime, he assured me. I think he was nervous that I wouldn't adjust well to living in our old home. I hoped he was wrong, but feared his concerns were valid.

I was going to leave some things here and I'd left some stuff in my room at home with my parents so that if I wanted to visit I could pack light.

"Have you and Dimitri decided how you're going to proceed with your relationship once you move?"

We'd spent a perfect summer together just enjoying getting to know each other and exploring our relationship. We'd taken a lot of trip to Portland and even gone hiking on the Olympic Penninsula. I couldn't think of a better way to have spent the summer.

I sighed thinking about our discussion a few weeks ago. His mother had expressed a desire for him to come home now that his case was over, but he was reluctant to leave. She informed him that his sister Sonya and her husband were expecting a baby soon and that it would be nice for him to come home and see them.

As much as I didn't want to, I encouraged him to go home to see them. He insisted it wasn't necessary and we could wait until we were both available to go, but I'd insisted. I knew he didn't relish the thought of being away from me for a long period of time and neither did I, but sometimes one had to put aside their own selfishness to meet the needs of others. His family needed him right now, so he'd left last week right after his birthday. I couldn't believe my boyfriend just turned twenty-five. We spend our last night together with me making him dinner and a birthday cake. He'd stayed over and we'd spent the night making love for the last time until we made a decision about our living arrangements. I knew if I asked him he'd move to Istanbul with the drop of a hat. In fact, I think he was waiting for me to suggest it as not to look desperate.

I wanted him in Istanbul, don't get me wrong, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to move in with him just yet. We had talked out most of our issues, but still we hadn't even been together a year and I wanted to live with Baba for a while since I'd missed out on it as a child. Besides, I would be in a new country where I didn't know many people and I didn't know my way around. I needed something familiar to comfort me at least for a while.

I'd driven him to the airport last Sunday and although he'd only been gone a week, I felt like it was a lifetime.

"I don't know. We talked about him moving to Istanbul when school starts, but nothing is set in stone," I told her.

After she left, I decided that it was time to take a shower. I was leaving for Istanbul in three days and tonight Lissa was throwing us all a going away party. Lissa and Christian were leaving at the end of the month for San Diego State. Mia and Eddie would be moving into the dorms two hours away at Portland University. Andree and Sydney would be attending different universities. Sydney had been accepted into a very prestigious architecture and design program in Chicago and Andree was going to study pre-law at Princeton.

Mason had jointed the Air force and was leaving tomorrow for basic training in Mississippi. Jill was heartbroken that he was leaving and was staying behind to attend community college.

"Can you believe this is the last time we're all going to be together?" Lissa asked tearing up a little .

"It's amazing how much things have change in the past few months," I mused setting off yet another round of water works from Jill. She was really upset about all of the last minute changes. Not only had Mason enrolled in the service last minute, but now I wasn't going to stay here and go to college with her. I felt really bad for her as I watched Mason comfort her.

He'd assured her that he'd be fine and he loved her and would do his best to write as often as possible. She understood his decision to join up because his father had recently lost his job and this was his best option to get a college education.

"Hey Jilly Bean, you're going to be just fine," he assured her softly wiping away her tears with the pads of his thumbs.

"I know it's just that all of you are leaving and I'll be here alone," she wailed.

"Speaking of that, how are your parents holding up with both of you leaving so soon?" Sydney asked.

"Mom's a mess, but she's trying her best to put on a happy face," Christian responded.

"It has to be hard knowing you'll be so far away," Eddie added.

"I know and as much as I'm scared to leave the familiar behind, I'm excited to know more about where I came from. It's weird knowing that I have a whole other family across the ocean that I've never met or haven't seen since I was six." I heard Christian grunt as I said that. I knew he wasn't happy I was leaving.

"What about the language barrier?" Andree asked.

"Well Abi and Baba have insisted on only speaking Turkish to my while we're at home and a lot has come back to me."

"How's that going Lissa snorted knowing how much I'd whined about it when they'd first refused to speak to me in English.

"As much as I hate to admit it, they were right. It is helping a lot."

Baba had taken me to a learning specialist when he'd seen my report cards and I'd told him how challenging I found school. It turns out that because I missed Kindergarden and first grade here in the States, I'd missed out on the skills necessary to become a productive reader. I tested extremely high when I was entering school in Istanbul and then when tested again in English in second grade here, my levels were below average. It was sad that none of my teachers had picked up on it and sent me for reading help. They'd just labeled me as not too bright and let it be. My parents had been too preoccupied trying to keep me safe to figure anything out.

Baba wanted me to succeed and had been researching reading help for adults. I was pretty excited to know that I wasn't as much of a dimwit as I'd always thought I was.

We were camping out in Mia's yard around the campfire and after a while we climbed into our respective sleeping bags. Conversation died down in the wee hours of the morning and we finally drifted off to sleep just as the sun peeped over the horizon.

In the morning there were many tearful goodbyes and we all agreed to skype and call as often as possible. Mason was the first to leave, followed by Sydney and then myself.

The night before I left to join my family in Turkey, I spent my last night with my parents and siblings. Mom and I made dinner and dad cajoled us into playing Pictionary and a game of charades like we used to when we had family game night.

"I'm going to miss you so much," my mother cried clutching me tightly against her chest. We were at the airport and she was sobbing hysterically.

"You know you can always come home if you're unhappy. You'll always have a home with us," she reminded me.

"I know and I love you too Mom," I said squeezing her back tightly.

"Rosie, I know that I can't replace Abe in your life and I won't try, but I just wanted to let you know that it has meant everything to me being your father all of these years," his voice was thick with emotion as my father wrapped me up in a bear hug.

"I will always be your little birdie Daddy," I told him hoping that would give him peace of mind.

He inhaled sharply a smile coming to his face at my words.

Tasha hugged me apologizing for being bitchy again and I reiterated that I forgave her.

"So I guess this is it Sparky," I told Christian ruffling his hair affectionately.

"You are coming back someday right?" he asked nervously unwilling to let go of me after clutching me in a death grip.

"You can count on it," I said. Even if I didn't come back to live here permanently, I would always visit. My friends were here and I had family here. I would always leave a part of my heart behind in Astoria no matter where I was.

As the plane descended to our final destination of Istanbul I couldn't help but be nervous. I knew Baba and Abi would be waiting for us at the terminal, but what's to say that when I entered the place that was once my home that I wouldn't have a mental breakdown. I slung my bag over my shoulder, popped out my ear buds and hoped for the best.

"How was your flight?" Baba asked grabbing my bag from my hands before I could protest. He swung it over one arm deftly and put the other around me as we fell into step behind Adrian and Avery.

"Long," I told him yawning. I'd been too preoccupied with my thoughts to get any sleep. It was a short ride to the house and as we pulled up in front of it, I held my breath as I remembered the last time I'd been here.

Flashback

"Rosemarie, it's time to go," Anne told me. She had just come home and Abi and I were playing walnuts in the playroom.

"We're not finished," I cried as she grabbed me roughly by the hand.

"Well that's too bad because we are going to go shopping to buy Christmas gifts," she told me. My eyes lit up. I'd been saving up to get Abi and Baba something nice.

"Go and get your lira," she told me and I ran dutifully up to my room pulling out my stash from inside my stuffed rabbit where I knew it would be safe. I counted it and then put it back inside taking him with me.

Abi seemed a little upset that we were leaving and pouted from the doorway as Anne rushed us out into the street to the cab that was waiting. The last thing I remembered seeing was his big green eyes looking forlornly at us as we drove away.

End Flashback

I sucked in a breath of air and exited the car. I realized we had pulled into the garage.

"Are you alright?" Baba asked placing his hand on my shoulder. I swallowed and nodded before following him up the walkway to the main house. My eyes perused the outside and it looked much the same as it had the last time I'd been here. The fence had been freshly painted and the gardens were not as fruitful as they used to be, but on the outside, it looked just as it had.

As he pushed open the door motioning for me to enter I was enthralled by the opulence of what was once my home. I had known it would be grand, but was entirely unprepared for the wave of emotions that swept over me as I wandered through the foyer into the living room. The furniture was different and the old tube television had been replaced, but essentially it was the same.

"Do you remember the way?" Adrian asked as I had finished my tour of the first floor and was mentally preparing myself for what lay ahead.

I nodded shakily.

"Maybe she's had enough for now. We could eat something and then continue," Avery suggested probably worried my fragile psyche would crack under duress.

"Do you want to stop?" Baba asked.

I shook my head in negation. I needed to get this over with. This was going to be my home and I didn't want to feel uncomfortable so I forged ahead taking Adrian's hand in mine. He squeezed it reassuringly as we climbed the stairs. My bedroom was the last one at the very end of the corridor and as we approached it my heartbeat increased and my palms became sweaty.

I stood in front of the door willing myself to calm down. This was my room. There was nothing ominous about it. It was the room where I'd forced Abi to play tea party with me in my dress up clothes. Baba had sat by my bedside reading me my favorite stories. I'd spent hours pretending I was a princess and playing with my stuffed animals. Yes this should have been a piece of cake, but then why was I so reluctant to open the door?

"Rip off the band aid," I told Adrian taking a cleansing breath. He complied swinging the door open wide. I walked through the room in a daze running my hands over the furniture that still held things that used to be precious to me. My four posted canopy bed with purple curtains still stood majestically in the middle of the room. It was made up and on top sat the collection of stuffed toys I had slept with. To the left was the window seat I used to sit at while waiting for prince charming to rescue me from my tower. The purple curtains still hung in place. Then on the other side of the room was my desk, book shelves and loft. Finally my eyes fell on my tea corner with my tiny table and chairs still set for afternoon tea. It was obvious that even though Baba had sent in the housekeeper, he hadn't moved anything. My desk still had my elephant bank on it although I knew it was empty.

A few weeks ago, before I left my mother had taken down the box that contained my things from the attic. I wanted to wretch at the sight of the dress I'd worn for months, but was pleased to see my bunny. I stuck my hand into the secret pouch in his back and pulled out a wad full of lira. Janine had asked me repeatedly if I had any money on me and I had told her no. I didn't want to give her my savings so she could spend it on something crazy like another airplane flight or drugs, which I now realized is where a lot of the money she'd taken from my father had gone.

They say that to feel normal some schizophrenics take to using drugs like cocaine or marijuana. It was just one more thing that had made all those weeks with her miserable. It was probably the reason she'd forgotten to feed me on more than one occasion and why she was extra twitchy those last few weeks having run out of money to feed her habit.

"It's the same as you left it," Baba told me sadness in his eyes.

I nodded sitting gingerly on the side of the bed. I hadn't realized it, but a tear had rolled down my cheek. He sat next to me drying it with his scarf.

"I'm so sorry," he apologized.

"I should have been a better father to you." He sounded just miserable as he apologized.

"It wasn't your fault Baba. She was sick."

He nodded sighing heavily.

"Do you want me to have Pavel and Sergei bring your things up here?" he asked.

"As opposed to where?" I wondered aloud.

"Well I didn't want to assume you'd want to stay in here. If it makes you uncomfortable you can spend a few nights in the guest suite while we renovate in here. Now that you are back, it's yours to do as you please. I could never bear the thought of moving your things knowing you were out there somewhere."

"I want to try and stay in here. It feels familiar," I told him. In all honesty I wasn't quite sure I'd make it through the night seeing as the room resembled a museum of my old life, but I wanted to try.

Emil made Lasagne in honor of my first night home. It felt strange sitting around the dining room table with Abi and Baba like old times. It also felt strange that my parents weren't here and Christian.

After dinner I exused myself to go upstair and unpack a few of the essentials. Most stuff could wait until tomorrow, but there were a few things I would need now.

It was just about seven when my phone began to ring. I knew it was Dimitri in an instant calling to say goodnight as it was nearly eleven in Baia and to see if I ever made it here. I looked at my phone guiltily for not having called him or texted when I arrived. I knew he was worried and not happy to be away from me.

We spoke for around a half an hour . He sounded exhausted explaining Sonya had been in labor for thirty-six hours and had finally given birth a few hours ago to a baby boy. His name was Alexandr. He texted me a photo of his sister holding a tiny baby. He was so adorable.

He told me he planned on staying in Baia another two weeks and then wanted to come here.

"Roza we talked about this. I don't want to be so far from you. I miss you," he told me when I asked if he was going to come for a visit or if he was staying indefinitely.

"I want to find an apartment close to you," he said. I was nervous that he'd bring up us living together. As much as I loved him, I just wasn't ready for that right now. He said he understood, but I wasn't so sure.

After hanging up and promising to talk tomorrow I unpacked my laptop and signed onto my facebook. It was ten o' clock in the morning in Portland and most of my friends were online.

I sent a few messages to Lissa, Christian, Mia, Sydney and Jill stating that I arrived and everything was fine and then e-mailed my parents the same before realizing just how sleepy I was. It had been a long day.

I showered, changed into my pajamas and cautiously pulled back the sheets to my bed. They smelled fresh and clean so I climbed in snuggling between the expensive Egyptian cotton 1500 thread count sheets I had never really appreciated as a child.

"Rosemarie?" There was a knock at the door.

"Come in," I called.

"I just wanted to say goodnight and tuck you in as silly as that sounds," Baba said entering the room. He had a cup of warm cocoa made with cinnamon just the way I liked it. He set it on the night stand and leaned over to kiss me goodnight.

"Goodnight my precious girl. I love you," he said.

"I love you too Baba." He smiled at me closing the door behind him.

ABE POV

"How is she?" my son asked as I exited Rosemarie's room. She seemed to be handling being back here with ease, but her therapist in the states had warned me that anything could trigger a bad memory and set off a rollercoaster of emotions.

"She seems okay for now," I told him as he fell into step beside me.

"It's good to have her home," he said and I could tell that he was elated to finally have things as they should be.

"It is," I told him making my way downstairs to my office while he continued down the hall to spend time with his wife. He truly was a good man and it was a wonder he turned out so well after everything that had happened.

It was nearly one in the morning and I was still in my office working as I heard the sound every father dreads come from my daughter's room.

I rushed out the door flying up the stairs meeting Adrian and Avery in the hallways as they too had heard the commotion.

I flung the door open to see my daughter thrashing and screaming in her sleep.

"Should we wake her?" Adrian asked.

I nodded. She was obviously having one of her night terrors as the doctor had called them. It hadn't happened often, but several times something triggered a bad memory and she would have dreams.

"Rose, wake up Kizim," I said firmly shaking her shoulders. She continued to scream bloody murder and I shook her harder this time as Adrian flipped on the lights.

She woke with a start panting and sweating as she looked around the room in confusion before bursting into sobs.

"Shh, it's okay. Baba's here," I said pulling her into my arms. I stroked her back in a comforting circular motion like I had when she was a child.

"Here, I brought you some water," Avery said calmly.

She pulled out of my arms reluctantly and took the glass from her.

"Thank you," she hiccupped taking a few gulps.

"I'm sorry I woke you," she apologized.

"It's okay, do you want to talk about it?" I asked.

She shook her head in negation.

"Not right now." That was her standard answer. Even after months of group therapy sessions, she never would reveal what her dreams had been about claiming she didn't remember. I had a feeling they occurred quite a bit more frequently than she admitted. Oksana Ozera had called several weeks ago detailing similar occurrences when Rosemarie was staying there.

"Would you like me to make an appointment with in the morning?" I asked. was Adrian's therapist here and was very familiar with our family. She had also seen Janine for a time when she had first become ill.

She nodded. "Okay."

"Do you want me to leave the door open?" I asked.

"Yes please," she said tears brimming again in her beautiful brown eyes. I wished there was a way for me to take away her pain. If there was anyone who didn't deserve to suffer it was her.

"I'll be right down the hall if you need me," Adrian added.

"Will you stay a few minutes?" she asked directing her question at her brother.

"Until you fall asleep," he said taking a seat in the chair beside her bed.

"See you in the morning kiz," I said patting her head leaving them alone.

"She's going to be okay," Avery said trying to reassure me.

"I hope so. I think it will be better when Belikov gets here," I told her.

"When is he coming?"

"Two weeks or so. He's visiting his family."
"Do you really think his being here will make a difference?" she asked.

"I hope so. She deserves a reprieve from chaos," I said shaking my head.

RPOV

I sat in the waiting room of the doctor's office once again waiting to have my head shrunk. I wondered why I bothered sometimes. The nightmares had only gotten worse as the months passed. Mostly they happened when I was overtired and stressed. Baba didn't know how frequent it happened because I didn't spend more than three consecutive nights at home. Usually I spent at least one night a week at Lissa's and two at my parents and sometimes I'd spent the night over at Dimitri's hotel room. He kept encouraging me to talk to my therapist about what had happened during those three months I'd spent with Janine before I was with my parents.

I just couldn't bring myself to do it. The more I thought about it, the more terrified I became. It took my mind to places I wanted to forget. Sometimes I got so lost in the memories that I felt like I was actually there reliving them. That is what happened last night in my dreams. They were so real it way terrifying.

"Rosemarie Mazur," the receptionist called my name and I allowed her to lead me into a small cozy looking room with a comfortable looking couch. I wondered idly why every room in these places was always painted beige. Did they really think the color of the room would make a person feel calmer?

A tall lean woman with gray hair and glasses introduced herself as Dr. Olenski.

"It's good to see you home Miss Mazur," she said shaking my hand. I knew she had been Adrian's therapist all these years and was very familiar with the grief my mother had caused by ripping me away from my family.

"Would you prefer we had our sessions in English?" she asked.

I nodded feeling more comfortable with the idea of speaking in the language I was most familiar with asI still had a little trouble expressing exactly what I mean in Turkish sometimes.

"Your father tells me you're suffering from nightmares," she started after I'd taken a seat across from her.

I nodded.

"How often do they occur?"

"You can't discuss this with my family right?" I asked wanting to make sure what I told her would remain confidential.

"Anything you say in this room stays in this room. I cannot divulge any information to your family or anyone else."

"I have them most nights unless I'm with my boyfriend or my mother sits with me," I confessed.

"And you haven't shared this information with your father or brother?" she guessed.

I shook my head.

"Why keep it a secret?"

I sighed heavily. "I don't want them to press me for information regarding the subject of my nightmares," I admitted. "It would only worry them more and cause Baba to blame himself more than he already does."

"So these dreams have to do with your biological mother?" she again hit it right on the head.

"They do." I said squirming uncomfortably in my seat. I so did not want to get into that.

"From your body language, I suppose you aren't in the mood to share the subjects of your dreams."

I shook my head.

"Why did you agree to come here?" she asked setting down her notebook and looking out at me from behind her glasses.

I shrugged. "I guess I wanted Baba to have peace of mind."

"So you think coming here and not talking about what's haunting you is going to help your father?" she questioned.

Well when she put it that way, it didn't make as much sense as it had in my head. Damn doctors and their annoying way of always being right.

"I guess not," I admitted reluctantly.

"How about we start out slow and you tell me a little bit about how you've been feeling since you began to remember your old life."

I let out a breath of air.

"Scared, happy, sad, angry, confused, hurt, betrayed, basically I'm a hot mess."

"Sounds like it," she agreed with a slight smile.

"Can you identify a person or persons to go with each of those emotions?"

I scrunched up my nose, but decided it couldn't hurt to try.

"Well I'm scared of hurting my family members by having to choose between them, happy to be with Baba and Abi again, sad to have left my parents and siblings in the states, angry at Janine, confused as to who I really am as versus who they want me to be, hurt by my family keeping secrets from me, betrayed by my boyfriend who was lying to me and turned out to be a Russian spy. The list goes on and on," I huffed.

"Okay let's take this one step at a time. Why do you think you are hurting your family members?"

"Well when I spend time with my parents I feel like I'm betraying Baba and when I am with him, I feel like I should be at home with my dad and I have two brothers who despite doing their best are incredibly jealous of each other. I feel like I'm being split in two even though none of them are pressuring me it still feels like I'm being sawed in half."

"So you say that they aren't pressuring you, so why do you feel guilty. None of this has been your fault."

"It might not be my fault, but it isn't any of their faults either."

"So you don't blame your Baba for not stopping your mother from taking you?"

"What no! He blames himself, but I don't. He was and is always the best father there ever was." As I said that I felt guilty for not considering Mark Ozera the best father ever because he was always so good to me.

"What are you thinking? Something just flashed across your face," she said eying me closely.

"I said Baba is the best father, but my other father was the best too. He gave everything up so I could have the best life. They all did and by leaving I feel ungrateful."

"Are you?"

"Am I what?"

"Ungrateful."

"No, I appreciate everything they've done for me and I love them so much. That's what makes everything so hard. I love my mother, father, Baba and both of my brothers so much."

"Do they know that?"

I nodded in affirmation.

"Did you ever think that maybe you don't have to choose? Maybe you can love them all the way they love you. There are many different types of families out there. No one says that just because you love your Baba that you can't love Mark Ozera too."

"I know, I just feel so guilty."

"Do you think that they would want you to stop loving the other?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well do you think that your Baba would want you to stop loving your American father?"

I thought for a moment. "No, Baba isn't spiteful. He wouldn't want that," I decided after much consideration.

"And the others?" she pressed.

"No, I don't think they would want that either."

"So far what you've expressed is that they are all trying their best to cooperate and get along so they can remain a part of your life. Am I correct?"

"Yes," I agreed.

"Do you think that any of them are helped by you feeling guilty all the time?"

"No."

"Then my challenge for you for our next session is to try to look at it like they do. Be grateful to have two loving supportive families and try your best to assimilate them both into your life in their own unique roles."

"And if I can't," I asked.

"Don't think of it as a can or a can't. Think of it as something you can do today and work on in the future."

"Okay, I guess I can try that," I said leaving her office more determined than ever not to let my emotions control my life. I wanted this to work and I was going to try my hardest to overcome my fears if not for myself than for my family and Dimitri.

Over the next few sessions we explored my feelings of betrayal over how Dimitri had come into my life. She made me realize that I was just making excuses and that I really didn't blame him. In fact most of my anger and blame was directed at Janine. That was fairly obvious from the nightmare's I'd been having. One thing was for sure Dimitri was someone I wanted in my life and I couldn't wait for him to get here in three days so I could tell him in person just how much I loved him.

Okay so this chapter was long and slightly on the boring side, but I feel that it opens up the story the right way. I hope you enjoyed it and will keep reading. I have each chapter mapped out and it looks like there will be 9 or 10 chapters. Expect them to come relatively once a week. Let me know if you want to read more. The next chapter Rose is going to start University and Dimitri will come into the picture. Fear not because nothing is ever a smooth ride in VA! Lots of Drama ahead.. you've been warned. Review if you want more!