Delirium
Hes not coming back, hes never coming back and I feel it, I felt it before he was gone, in every look glass, nothing beyond the face but sadness. I'm sweating, the fever the arm? I look down ragged dirty bandage greets me nestled on the stump. I let out a giggle that melds into a cry. He isn't coming back and the swirling voice in my head hums angrily but nothing more. We will die like this you know, finally end, and end to this failed experiment. I fall back again and the room spins.
Issac… When I open my eyes I see the shadow of the man I poisoned. Half hidden in the moonlight, gazing across at me, eyes judging. "Stop looking at me." I command, yet his eyes do not yield, unblinking. "I always told you what would happen… I never lied about that…" No response but I feel the air around me broil. I cough, hack, and I drag myself to a sitting position. "Issac I'm sorry…Maker forgive me…" The eyes, no not Maker forgive me…you forgive me… He is still unmoving and it stirs up the humming in my head. I'm going to break…the heat…my pathetic rag of a cloak soaked.
"its your fault…this…I see you staring." I wave the shortened limb. The heat has crept into my blood and I stand on shaky legs. "You left me alone, left me ALONE." The figure does nothing, not even a twitch. "When they caught me, those Templars your were stalking before whatever the letter Varric sent you made you run off, they wanted to make it slow, wanted to take it bit by bit." Saliva flew as I emphasized every word. "Three days…THREE FUCKING DAYS. They had me tied with some kind of bindings, silencing my magic…even when he came out…oh that's when they would laugh… when they saw the abomination's demon thrash about spewing his rants on justice and vengeance fruitlessly." I lumbered over each step heavier than the last. "It wasn't until they grew cocky that I could escape. They thought me on the verge of death… thats how listless I grew…how the color had drained from my skin… but you know… It wasn't really me anymore… I wanted to die Issac, you see I wanted it over." I bent over him grinding my teeth before continuing. "But of course he thought we could still do more, and these templars, they had to face the wrath of vengeance. They loosened the bonds but we waited, vengeance can burn slow, smoldering, we don't always have to run blazing." I shook my head he bleeds into it now everything, humming. "They took a few more good inches before we struck. And when I, me, was back… they were dead… blood, mine, theirs, ours… it all ran together on that dirty floor." I was eye to eye with him now the statue of a man as I breathed heavily. exhausted and empty I slid next to him and looked up at the dripping cave ceiling.
"It was my fault really…being the weaker party in this. I was too weak after we escaped… the blood loss, and that final rage purging what mana I had left." I look at the bandage hiding what I know to be infection. "I couldn't heal it…" I lean my head against his broad shoulder. "At least I can die here, die next to you. I wish you would have back in Kirkwall. I thought you would have… I overestimated your temper, underestimated your capacity to love, even after that…" My eyes are heavy, and my chest fills with warmth. "I'm going to sleep now love… I'm…" hes gone. he never was here, he never will come back…
"Anders! Anders!, Maker please, please wake up!" Liquid shoved into my mouth, red, blue, dribbling out the sides of my mouth, the eyes frantic now, he's here…I slowly clear my head, he's here he's crying.
"Issac…" He clutches my remaining hand in both his.
"Anders… hold on…I'll never… I'll never go again! Please…" he sobs.
"Don't…please Issac…you're here… its really you…." the pressure in my head lessens. He holds me tight, an embrace for a moment I can find peace in.