Title: Accidents Happen

Summary: Watari discovered the crucial thing missing in his gender-changing potion completely by accident. (Tsusoka-ness)

Notes: This was written as a response to a challenge on the livejournal community musesofmeifu, which read, "An accidental kiss. Any pairing." ...this was a lot of fun to write. Have fun reading!

Disclaimer: Dude, if I owned Yami no Matsuei, they'd totally be having sex all the fucking time. No joke.

Accidents Happen

"Say 'aa'..."

"Why?"

"...er, I'll give you a cookie?"

"Aaa..."

Tsuzuki blinked as Watari jabbed a popsicle stick – he called it something fancy, but Tsuzuki knew a popsicle stick when he saw one – in his mouth. He looked in with a flashlight for a moment, frowning and making a "hmmm" noise that tended to suggest something negative. He blinked the light in Tsuzuki's ears and eyes as well, frowning all the while, and Tsuzuki found himself getting rather nervous.

"Aa... Watari?" He asked when Watari backed off, shaking his head and sighing quite dejectedly. Tsuzuki suddenly flashbacked to the last time he had foolishly agreed to be a test subject for one of Watari's experiments and wondered if he had any new appendages.

"It never works," Watari said.

"What?" Tsuzuki felt himself beginning to panic a bit. "What never works? Watari? What's wrong?"

"You!" Watari said, dramatically throwing out his arm and delicately massaging his forehead. "You're all wrong!"

"I am?" Tsuzuki asked, glancing down at himself. Nothing appeared any different, but he might not be able to see it. And he felt fine. He bit his lip nervously. "What do you mean I'm wrong? What's wrong about me?"

"You're male," Watari told him.

"No!" Tsuzuki gasped. Then paused. "Wait. What?"

"It never works, and I was so sure this time!" Watari said, whirling about and going over to his computer. "I thought the combination of the ingredients were ideal for the conditions – though it is really hard to know for sure what's right and wrong in such a temperamental experiment, and--"

003, sitting on Tsuzuki shoulder and nuzzling into his hair, gave out a squawk.

"--well, of course it worked on the ducks, 003, but ducks and humans are very different and I'm not precisely sure which ingredient had the necessary effect. Perhaps if one had a nulling effect when applies to humans or something..."

Watari broke off into muttering, typing something into his computer as he babbled on under his breath about balances and reactions and some kind of table. Tsuzuki sighed, sitting on his stool with a disgruntled expression on his face. Watari had lured him into the lab with the promise of sweets and had instead coerced him into taking another trial version of his gender changing potion. It had no effect when he drank it, and now he was just sitting there, still without cookies.

Not fair. Tsuzuki spitefully kicked a chair with his foot. The chair went rolling behind Watari, though it stopped before it could hit the scientist. Tsuzuki frowned some more.

"Ah, perhaps if I adjusted the balance here," Watari said, grabbing a second vial of the same green potion he had fed Tsuzuki from beside his computer, "it would have enough of an effect to--"

The door opened. Watari turned away from his computer.

"--resist the natural--"

Suddenly, as Watari was turning, his foot caught on the chair that Tsuzuki had kicked. He stumbled awkwardly, limbs flailing out, and fell into the first solid object in his path. And because Murphy's Law exists everywhere, most especially in the Land of the Undead, it just so happened that said solid object was a person. And that Watari's lips just happened to land right where the other person's lips were. The odd green potion Watari held toppled from his hands and all over the person who Watari was currently kissing.

Tsuzuki stared wide-eyed as Watari kissed Hisoka, who had just walked through the door -- probably looking for him, as he was about seventeen minutes past lunch break and why was he thinking about this when Watari was kissing his partner! -- and was now standing shock-still in the doorway. It was almost a cute scene, for the brief second in which everything seemed to pause. Both Watari and Hisoka were cute people, and the expressions of absolute shock on both of their faces were quite endearing. Watari clung to Hisoka's shoulders to keep his balance, though balance was clearly the last thought on anyone's mind.

The plastic container, sans potion, dropped to the ground with a soft thud, and that was the cue for chaos.

"ACK!" Hisoka squawked, trying to shove Watari back. But Watari's hands were still on his shoulders, which meant that all Hisoka succeeded in was leaning back and breaking the kiss. Now it looked almost like Watari was attempting to examine Hisoka's face.

Watari himself seemed to be still in shock, from what Tsuzuki could tell. He stared at Hisoka with wide eyes. "Bon..."

"Let me go, you pervert!" Hisoka snarled, though his anger was greatly belied by the bright red blush that covered his face. His voice sounded oddly high-pitched, though Tsuzuki presumed the surprise of being kissed by a coworker would do that to you. In the back of his mind, Tsuzuki thought that perhaps he should assist Hisoka, what with the whole being partners and all, but he was still trying to wrap his mind around Watari kissing Hisoka. And the fact that he was strangely jealous of this, despite knowing that Hisoka's rage at this incident would be enormous.

"Bon," Watari repeated, sounding more confused than shocked at this point. "When exactly did you get breasts?"

Silence reigned over the room. Not only did it reign, in fact, but it was a tyrant, and went about destroying small villages of noise with a ferocious zeal. The experiments stopped bubbling. The birds outside the open window stopped chirping. Even the vent, which usually defied these moments of revelation by clanging and banging along its merry way, fell to the oppressing force. Time itself stopped moving.

Until Hisoka's voice said, cool and deadly, "What?"

"You have breasts," Watari replied, seemingly unaffected by the dangerous glare that Hisoka was giving him. (Tsuzuki, who wasn't even the recipient of the glare this time, was hard-pressed to stay where he was and not cower. In fact, he was already noting possible escape routes and hiding places for when Hisoka turned on him. Which he would.) Watari, who was usually much wiser about things like this, apparently hadn't gotten the memo. "See?"

Watari poked Hisoka's chest. Which was definitely larger than it had been that morning. And round.

Hisoka looked. He choked. He gaped. Stared in horror. Gaped some more.

"Bon?"

Hisoka's face turned white, and this was the only warning Tsuzuki and Watari had before Hisoka crumpled to the ground in a dead faint.

"Bon!" Watari caught the boy -- girl -- Hisoka before s/he could hit the ground. He turned at looked at Tsuzuki, "Tsuzuki, help me get him to a bed."

Tsuzuki just stared, wondering in the back of his mind if he wasn't going to faint himself.

"Tsuzuki! Now!"

"Oh! Right, right..."

One hour later, Hisoka had woken up, screamed a little more, throttled Watari, and forced Tsuzuki to step in and pacify him. Or her, as the case may be, because Hisoka was very clearly a girl. Anything that wasn't obvious by her now too-tight t-shirt was confirmed when Hisoka had stormed into the bathroom and looked. Not that Hisoka had actually said anything other than a couple furious curses afterward, but Tsuzuki was proud to say that he knew Hisoka well enough to interpret his reaction.

Now Hisoka was sitting, arms crossed over her chest in an effort to hide it, glaring daggers at an all-too-happy Watari who was working on an antidote.

"Y'know," Tsuzuki said brightly, breaking the silence for the first time in ten minutes. "It's not all bad."

Hisoka's resulting glare dared him to finish that statement. Well, Tsuzuki was never one to back down from a challenge.

"I mean," Tsuzuki continued despite his brain screaming at him to stop, "You make a very pretty girl, at least."

Watari, of all people, turned from his computer and gave Tsuzuki a "did you really just go there?" look. But Tsuzuki didn't dwell on that, because he was distracted by Hisoka's reaction. Needless to say, Hisoka was Not Pleased by Tsuzuki's astute observation.

"NO, I do not look good as a girl," Hisoka hissed, clearly debating ripping out Tsuzuki's tongue and slapping him across the face with it. "You wanna know why that is, Tsuzuki? BECAUSE I'M A BOY."

Now, if time were to slow down just a pinch (okay, a lot of pinches), it would be easy to see Tsuzuki's mind take in this reaction and come up with a couple ways to deal with it. He could apologize, of course, and force himself to spend however long it took for Watari to figure out the antidote in awkward, irritable silence. This was not an option he really wanted to pursue, despite his natural urge to apologize to Hisoka and make him stop glaring. Sitting in silence was aggravating and much too tense for Tsuzuki's tastes.

He could try to rationalize his thought further, by explaining to Hisoka that he only meant to comfort him about his sudden change in gender. But knowing Hisoka, doing so would only result in Tsuzuki being made to look like an idiot while Hisoka continued to sulk. And then they would descend right back into that awkward silence.

Of course, Tsuzuki could always just go with it and tease the living hell out of his partner. And really, how many chances did one get for so many female jokes (when one's partner happened to usually be a boy)? Not too damn many, Tsuzuki knew. And Hisoka was a durable boy. Girl. ...Dead person. S/he could handle a few jokes.

(At this very time, it might be wise to note that Logic and Foresight, two often interrelated parts of Tsuzuki's brain, had nothing to do with the above decision.)

"Oh?" Tsuzuki asked, tilting his head to the side and grinning ruthlessly at his partner. "What're those?" He gestured to Hisoka's chest.

Hisoka flushed madly. She snarled, "Don't you dare make this any more embarrassing--"

"I'm not going to embarrass you!" Tsuzuki said, looking as if he was appalled by the very suggestion. "Your breasts look very nice!"

(They did. Tsuzuki wasn't about to lie or anything.)

Hisoka, in response, made a very good impression of a snarling cat. Tsuzuki could even see some of her hair beginning to stand on end, which was really quite impressive.

"They do not look nice," Hisoka insisted, flushing. "They are ANNOYING and LARGE and I would really like to be a man again!"

"But you're so cute as a girl, Hisoka-chan!" Tsuzuki cooed, grinning broadly. Hisoka sputtered at the compliment, blushing even darker, and made a move to get up, clearly intending on beating Tsuzuki senseless. (Tsuzuki, for his part, had already decided on his escape plan and possibly even a hideout. He had learned to think ahead in situations such as this. Well. Situations where Hisoka was angry enough to be violent, anyway.)

"Say!" Watari interjected, just in time to block Hisoka from leaping out of her chair and attacking Tsuzuki. Hisoka paused just long enough to send Watari a glare that clearly said "this better be good news or I'm going to hurt you next." Watari coughed.

"Eheheh," Watari hesitated once faced with Hisoka's death glare, but continued, "Well, I might have been able to identify the ingredient that caused the reaction, which is surprisingly enough a conduit for another potion I had. It was a bit of a delve into the brain patterns of the common pigeon--"

"Watari," Hisoka said coldly. "Don't care."

"Right," Watari said, and held out a vial of green potion. "Drink this."

Hisoka took the plastic container and gave it a strange look. She glanced at Watari. "Isn't this the exact same potion that turned me into a girl?"

"Well, yes, but there's a high chance that, due to the counter-acting substances and the..."

Tsuzuki began to tune Watari out, unable to understand any of the technical jargon he was spewing anyway. Hisoka kept her eyes on Watari, but Tsuzuki could tell that the speech was beginning to be too advanced for Hisoka to follow. While waiting for Watari to finish, Tsuzuki entertained himself by staring at Hisoka and waiting for his partner to notice. (It was made even more entertaining this time because Hisoka was both a woman and feeling rather self-conscious.)

It only took thirty-six seconds this time, and was punctuated by a disgusted glare.

"Pervert," Hisoka muttered, cheeks red.

"What?" Tsuzuki asked, wide-eyed and feigning innocence. "I didn't do anything!"

"Are you two even listening?" Watari asked petulantly.

"Stopped about two minutes ago," Tsuzuki replied honestly. He grinned cheekily at the blond scientist. "Want to explain it normally?"

Watari gave both of them a deadpan look, which Tsuzuki and Hisoka both ignored. Sighing, Watari said, "Basically, the way I figure it, since the first potion turned you into a girl, it would make sense that it would turn you back into a boy if you took it as a female."

Hisoka stared down at the vial in her hands, frowning, and then shrugged. "Anything to get out of this body, I guess..." In one gulp, she drank it.

They waited.

Nothing happened.

"I'm still a woman, Watari," Hisoka said darkly, eyes narrowed.

"And clearly still PMSing," Tsuzuki teased.

"SHUT UP, YOU--!"

Watari stepped in to stop Hisoka from lunging at Tsuzuki (again.) Eyes narrowed pensively, Watari said, "Well, I know the potion didn't work for Tsuzuki when he took it either... maybe it isn't supposed to be taken orally -- I did spill it on you..."

Before Tsuzuki or Hisoka could say anything, Watari snatched up another flask of the potion and poured it over Hisoka's head, dripping the thin green potion on her hair and down the sides of her face. Hisoka, whose day had been particularly foul today, seemed to have resigned herself to humiliation. (Though she was still fuming with anger, one eye twitching with surprising regularity.)

Again, nothing happened.

Except that Tsuzuki, who was watching the scene with barely controlled amusement and just a little bit of fear, had a revelation.

(And do note this, for Tsuzuki was rather proud of it: it was rare that he had such revelations, and usually those happened in the midst of battle and were called "thinking on his feet." Anything having to do with science generally wound up leaving him confused. Hence why this revelation was such a big deal.)

"Watari, this isn't wor--" Hisoka began, but Tsuzuki interjected.

"It was the kiss!" Tsuzuki crowed, eyes bright with pride. Before either of the other two could react, Tsuzuki leaned forward, directed Hisoka's mouth to his, and gave her a firm kiss on the lips.

There was another moment of stunned silence as the kiss happened, during which time Tsuzuki very happily noted that Hisoka's lips were very soft and the skin of her face under his hands was very smooth. That was about as far as his observation had gotten before Hisoka tore his face away and stared at him, eyes wide and startled.

"What is it with people and KISSING ME today!" Hisoka snarled, a very red blush on his cheeks and a panicked gleam in his eyes.

Tsuzuki looked down at Hisoka chest, and felt an odd mixture of elation and disappointment. He glanced back up. "Aw, look, Hisoka, your breasts are gone." (Kind of. Tsuzuki was pretty sure that Hisoka still had them, just not... girl ones.)

A sad case, there. Hisoka really had been pretty as a girl. He was pretty as a boy, too, but there was a difference between girl-pretty and boy-pretty.

"What?" Hisoka asked, glancing down at his chest. He patted his chest to make sure. He gazed at Tsuzuki in amazement, gaping for a few moments before saying, "...you were... right?"

Tsuzuki sniffed. "You don't have to sound so surprised about that."

(Even though Tsuzuki himself was mentally gaping as well. He had been right! This kind of thing didn't happen as much as Tsuzuki would have liked.)

"Hmm," Watari said, pushing Tsuzuki to the side and leaning over Hisoka. He reached down and yanked Hisoka's shirt up and ignoring the boy's squawk of protest, noting the boy-sized chest. "I wonder how the kiss had such an effect on the potion itself – perhaps it was a power of mind scenario? Interesting, if the mind could have such power over the gender... Bon, would you mind staying for mo--"

"NO WAY IN HELL!" Hisoka snapped, yanking down his shirt forcefully and standing up. "I'm going home."

"I'll walk with you!" Tsuzuki said cheerfully.

"You come within five feet of me and I'll hurt you," Hisoka said, glaring. "Don't think I've forgotten all those stupid girl jokes."

Tsuzuki made a face. "But Hisoka, I helped turn you back into a boy!"

"And I'm grateful for that," Hisoka said, though it sounded as if he was only saying so because his polite mannerisms insisted on it. His eyes narrowed. "I still don't want to talk to you, you idiot..."

"But – but we shared a moment, Hisoka!"

"We did not!"

"You didn't like our kiss?"

"ARGH! SHUT UP!"

Hisoka stormed out, slamming the door in his wake. Tsuzuki and Watari were left standing there in silence, staring at the closed door with blank expressions on their faces. Watari glanced at Tsuzuki.

"Wanna help me with my research?"

"No."

"C'mon, I'll give you cookies..."

"...really?"