A/N: This story will consist of four chapters, each one visiting the thoughts of one of four of the characters in the HP series (These characters being, in this order: Snape, Lupin, Malfoy, and McGonagall.) Do not, and I repeat, do not read this story unless you've read HBP. Major plot spoilers abound. Also, I do not own the series nor the lyrics. This said, enjoy.

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I can't hold on when I'm stretched so thin
I make the right moves but I'm lost within
I put on my daily façade but then
I just end up getting hurt again
By myself
I ask why but in my mind I find
I can't rely on myself
"By Myself"-Linkin Park
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What have I done?

The thought continues to echo as I race through the dark forest, the thumping, uneven footfalls of Draco behind me. I know he is exhausted; we have been running since the fight at the castle, however we cannot stop. We are not out of danger yet. When we reach the clearing, he will be safe- just as Narcissa wished. I, however, will never be safe. All because of two words. Two words that kept me alive and killed him. Any believer in Darwinism would say that that is how it was meant to be. After all, survival belongs to the fittest.

This is not survival of the fittest. This is murder. And I am guilty of it.

The whole school will know by now, I'm sure. Nothing ever says secret there for long. They all know by now that their beloved, senile, muggleborn-loving twit of a headmaster is dead and their evil and most hated Potions Master is the one responsible for the heinous deed. They will sob on each other's shoulders and inform one another that they were certain, from the moment they set eyes on me, that I would, of course, turn out to be evil. The whole school, nay the world, will morn his loss.

Congratulations, Severus. Bet you now hold the record for the most lives affected by one murder.

What have I done?

He was so convinced, too, that I was his lapdog, his pet Death Eater. That was never true. When I began to teach at Hogwarts so many years ago, it was under the Dark Lord's orders. When he died, or perhaps the better word is disappeared, I remained at Hogwarts, so as not to arouse suspicion. I despised teaching, hating most students in general. However, as Dumbledore put his neck on the line for me, desperately attempting to keep me from Azkaban, I realized the service I owed the old man. I kept my position, reasoning (more to reassure my self more than anything) that the information that I might gather during my time spent at that school would be invaluable should the Dark Lord return. As loyal a servant I was to the Dark Lord during that time, I did not wish to see him rise again.

Severus Snape serves no one, except, perhaps, his own interests. Even if I can't rely on myself all the time.

My obvious lack of interest in finding the Dark Lord suggested to many of my fellow companions that I might not have been the most loyal of Death Eaters back in the day. The Lestrange woman, for one, doubted my loyalty. She said it to me openly the day Narcissa… the day she…

What have I done?

All she wanted was to protect Draco. As much as my students might hate it, I do have friends. Narcissa Malfoy is one of them. She came to me in her time of need and begged me to help her son. And I took the Unbreakable Vow for two reasons. Draco is like a son to me. I would do anything in my power to protect the poor child, thrust into a future he barely understands.

However, the main reason I took the oath was that, if I did not… my cover for Dumbledore would have been blown.

I worked at Hogwarts for thirteen years, and during that time I somehow (against my will, of course) managed to build up, not only respect, but trust in my colleagues. When Dumbledore informed me two years ago that I needed to return to my job as a spy, I was faced with a terrible decision.

Which side?

As I looked around the hospital that day, at all those expectant eyes upon me, I knew precisely what side I wanted to be on in the end. However, things did not work out as planned…

What have I done?

Tonight, I murdered Albus Dumbledore, the one man to ever show me an ounce of real trust. I can still see his eyes, hear his voice, pleading, begging me to help him.

Unfortunately, an Unbreakable Vow is, well, unbreakable.

I've killed before. Mostly Muggles. Never anyone I knew. And I know that the deed will haunt me the rest of my days.

As we near the clearing, I can see the Dark Lord standing there, a triumphant grin written across his face. He is pleased- his nemesis is dead. Draco shall be punished for not completing the deed; however, I know that the punishment will be something the boy can withstand. He will be among us, a true Death Eater, in no time.

In the meantime, the Dark Lord praises me for doing what he could not. I look into his eyes, and pray that before that blasted Potter boy kills me, he murders this monster first.

I want to see him on his knees, begging, pleading for a life that never existed for him.

For now, I've made my allegiance clear; there is no turning back. Regrettably, this is not the side I wished to be on.

"Severus…please…"

Gods, what have I done?
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A/N: Next Chapter is Lupin's POV.