Author's Note- Sorry, I couldn't resist.
Disclaimer- Harry Potter characters belong to JKR. Story format stolen off Setine.
Warnings- HP6 never happened so in a way: AU. And OOC-ness. Draco x Harry fic. Yes, a slash. Deal with it. Humour. Me New Zealander. Note the spelling of 'Humour'.
And to Setine: If you happen to click on this and read it. Heh… sorry!
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Draco Malfoy's Disturbing Personality
Chapter One
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Thought One-
I never said I wanted to follow my father.
Who wants to work for Lord Voldemort?
He's a pansy ass.
Thought Two-
I mean have you LOOKED at his ass?
Look at my ass!
Thought Three-Hey… there's a mirror in the Malfoy Mansion Library!
Look at my ass…
Thought Four-Comparing to Lord Vol-thingy…
Thought Five-Wait a minute…
I've never seen his ass!
Thought Six-What about Harry?
Mmm… Harry… that Potter-boy's wonderful.
Kinky.
Thought Seven-This is ridiculous.
No one has a better ass than Draco Malfoy.
That reminds me.
Not going to join the horde of ugly Death Eaters.
Thought Eight-No, my father is not ugly.
I'm a beautiful person.
Look at that face!
Thought Nine-Those eyes!
Thought Ten-"Draco, are you busy?"
"NO!"
Oops… smashed the mirror….
Thought Eleven-Damn… multiple Draco Malfoys… maybe I should leave that mirror shattered.
Look at my face… my eyes… my nose!
That chin!
That body!
Thought Twelve-That ass!
Thought Thirteen-"Draco, where are you?"
"In the library father."
"Admiring yourself?"
"…"
Thought Fourteen-"Draco, you are now 16."
Thought Fifteen-I am not becoming a Death Eater!
How can I show off such a hot body?
Harry missed out on so much action…
Thought Sixteen-"You should come to a Death Eater's meeting once and meet the Dark Lord."
Thought Seventeen-Potter-baby missed out on so much in the last five years…
If only he just—
Thought Eighteen-"Draco!"
"Huh?"
Thought Nineteen-"… Oh yes, oh please daddy, don't make--"
"You're going."
Thought Twenty-Damnit!
Wait…
"Fine. I'll join."
Thought Twenty One-Who said anything about joining?
Thought Twenty Two-"Ah… Draco Malfoy, how simply delightful for you to join our little… gathering."
"Yes, yes."
"Welcome…"
"The pleasure is all mine."
Thought Twenty Three-Pfft! The only person I'm going to give pleasure to will be Harry-darling.
I mean, look at my ass!
Who can deny that lovely ass…
Thought Twenty Four-
OMG School in a month!
Hrm… homework…
Thought Twenty Five-Let's see… finished Potions. Advanced Potions. Extra Potions. Compulsory Potions… why did I take Care of Magical Creatures? Oh yes, Potter-baby is taking that as well.
Thought Twenty Six-Oh wait no, that was compulsory.
Thought Twenty Seven-OH MY HOLINESS!
Will you just look at that ass!
Thought Twenty Eight-I think I'm going to faint…
Look at my body!
Hrm… ditch the hair gel.
Put on hair gel.
Ditch hair gel.
Put on hair gel.
Thought Twenty Nine-I am way sexier without the hair gel.
Chicks dig the long wavy hair…
My hair is so blond it's beautiful.
Thought Thirty-Harry will never be able to resist me this year!
BWAHAHAHAhaha…
Thought Thirty One-"Draco, why are you laughing so… strangely? And were you talking about Harry Potter?"
Oh… was I talking aloud again?
"Yes my cute little boy."
"Oh mother…"
I hate it when she calls me by pet names.
"I like your pet names."
…
Thought Thirty Two-Homework time.
Astrology.
Who wants to look at stars?
Thought Thirty Three-Am I not enough?
Thought Thirty Four-"Draco!"
"Yes father?"
"Did you finish that Star Chart the Dark Lord asked for?"
"…"
"Draco?"
Fuck.
Thought Thirty Five-Stars… stars… Voldemort is a fool.
Stars… stars… hey, that constellation looks like Sweet-Green-Eyes.
Thought Thirty Six-I can't find Mercury.
It isn't in the sky!
Hrm… what did Trelawney say again?
Thought Thirty Seven-Oh yes, Potter's about to die a horrible and painful death.
Thought Thirty Eight-NOOOOOOOooooooooooooo!
Thought Thirty Nine-Oh wait, no, that's when Mercury is in retrograde.
Thought Forty-Does Mercury even go in retrograde?
Thought Forty One-What the hell does retrograde mean?
Thought Forty Two-"Draco darling…"
"Yes mother?"
"The Dark Lord is coming over to dinner tomorrow."
Shit, fuck, bugger. DAMNIT!
Thought Forty Three-"He wants a tour of the Mansion. Starting with your room."
OH NO!
That means I have to take down all the Harry Potter posters! And pictures.
Damnit!
Thought Forty Four-But there are so many!
I don't remember the colour of my original wall.
What with all those pictures…
Thought Forty Five-Was my wall originally brick or stone?
Thought Forty Six-I don't want to take them all down!
Thought Forty Seven-"Draco! He's coming tomorrow! Not next year! Clean up your room! De-Potter-rise it!"
"Yes mother."
Thought Forty Eight-But… but… nooooo!
Thought Forty Nine-"Father, could you—"
"No."
Dang.
Thought Fifty-Oh I know!
I could throw darts at the pictures!
Lord Voldemort will never know they were picture for me to gaze at.
Thought Fifty One-Now where are those darts?
"Father, could—"
"No."
"…"
Thought Fifty Two-Fine, I'll do it myself.
Oh here are the darts!
Wonderful.
Thought Fifty Three-Yes! Got his ass.
Ooo… that one got his arm.
Oh my baby… he's getting all ruined…
Thought Fifty four-Whew, five hours of hard work!
…
NOOOOoooooo!
My beautiful pictures!
My beautiful Harry!
"Draco, are you crying over Muggle pictures?"
"NO!"
End Chapter One
Author's Note- So, if you liked it and you aren't angry with me for any reason, please review.