key: bold actual song lyrics, italics Galinda's thoughts
Whenever I see someone less fortunate than I
Gee, that sure happens often. I wonder why?
And, let's face it, who isn't less fortunate than I?
Um, like, everyone on planet Earth, duh.
My tender heart tends to start to bleed.
Sometimes. Usually, though, it thinks "Ugh. What a dweeb."
And when someone needs a makeover
Doesn't everyone in the world need a makeover? Except for me, of course.
I simply have to take over.
If I feel like it…usually not.
I know, I know, exactly what they need.
Yeah, usually to get out of my sight.
And even in your case.
Oh, what a case! Green, green, green! Ugh!
Though it's the toughest case I've yet to face.
You know, of all the horrors I've seen out there, I've never seen anyone green before.
Don't worry, I'm determined to succeed.
Ok…maybe I'll make you a little prettier so that I can stand looking at you.
Follow my lead
Maybe I shouldn't have offered this…
And yes, indeed. You will be popular!
No you won't.
You're going to be popular!
That's what you wish!
I'll teach you the proper poise when you talk to boys
As if any boy would want to talk to you!
Little ways to flirt and flounce
Um…Elphaba? Flirting? Sorry! Those two elements just don't work together!
I'll show you what shoes to wear
Yes, those sharp-toed black boots are disastrous!
How to fix your hair
What can you do with hair like that, though? Except shave it all off, of course.
Everything that really counts to be popular, you're going to be popular!
Or not.
You'll hang with the right cohorts.
I guess I will have to introduce you to some of my friends.
You'll be good at sports.
But I'm not planning to wait for hours until you finally get that ball into the basket.
Know the slang you've got to know.
Although I can't imagine you saying all the stuff you're supposed to say.
So let's start, for you've got an awfully long way to go.
Definitely. And I'm not planning to be there with you every step of it.
Don't be offended by my frank analysis.
Very frank.
Think of it as personality dialysis.
Whatever that is. I think I heard it in English once. Yawn. Moving on.
Now that I've chosen to become a pal.
Now, why did I choose to do that?
A sister and adviser
You realise it's impossible for us to be sisters. Just look at all that green!
There's nobody wiser
WISE? Why did I use that word. Wise people are geeks and nerds.
Not when it comes to popular. I know about popular!
Much more than you do, ha!
And with an assist from me to be who you'll be instead of dreary who you were.
Are.
There's nothing that can stop you from becoming popular…lahr!
Hey, give me a break! I had to find a rhyme.
La la, la, la
Oh, aren't I just a majestic singer?
We're going to make you popular!
Ugh, this is going to be so BORING!
When I see depressing creatures
Man, that happens a lot!
With unprepossessing features
Eww…you should see some of these things!
I remind them on their own behalf
Why on earth would I ever get near enough to say anything to one of them?
To think of celebrated heads of state or specially great communicators
Even though I've never really cared about them…
Did they have brains or knowledge?
Who cares?
Don't make me laugh!
Um, actually, I'm not very cheerful right now.
They were popular! Please, it's all about popular!
It really is. What other purpose is there to life if it's not popularity?
It's not about attitude it's the way you're viewed
Sheesh, who cares about what's inside? It's the outside that counts!
It's very shrewd to be. Very, very popular like me.
Popular! Look at me! I'm popular…hey, where are you going?
And though you protest your disinterest.
Yes! I won't have to waste part of my life on you.
I know clandestinely
How do I know that word? I read it in a dictionary…that was the one and only day I ever looked into one
You're going to grin and bear it
You better after all the time I'll waste on you!
Your newfound popularity
If that's what you're gonna call it
La la, la, la!
Oh, yeah! I don't have to try to make you popular anymore! You ran away! Hip hip hooray!
You'll be popular. Just not quite as popular as me!
Now, that's for certain. Oh, I better go and get you. Elphaba? Elphaba?