disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.

Summary: Edward Anthony Masen. Ex-soul mate. Ex best friend. Ex'd out of Isabella's life. She loves him, he loves another.

AN: I deleted I Love You More Than Life Itself. And this one is going in it's place. I have the next two chapters written out, but i'm saving them for future updates. In the meantime, i'm going to be re-writing ILYMTLI. (I Love You More Than Life Itself) it really has no real direction of story plot. And... I'm sorry i even decided to post it. it's not fair to you guys. So... here's Ex'd .

Prologue

Bella

Darkness surrounded me, my thoughts in a twisted mess. I gripped the cold object in my hand and bit my lip.

Should I?

Should I not?

A gust of cold air permeated the room.

I shivered.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Do it.

I pulled the metal object closer.

Just do it Bella. No one will care. No one will remember you. No one loves you.

I gulped.

I had to do this.

There was no other option.

He was gone.

Keeping my eyes closed, I pulled the knife's blade towards my wrist.

The bath was ready.

Do it.

Do it.

Do it.

I had already written my suicide note. It was sitting inside of his apartment on the kitchen counter.

I had a spare set of keys from, back then.

Luckily, I knew he wasn't going to be home. He was at her house. My heart clenched.

I sighed. I had already planted my goodbyes; this had to be a done deal. I had to do this.

I took in a deep breath and put pressure on the tip of the blade.

My skin dipped, and a dent filled.

I pressed again, a little harder this time. It was beginning to become uncomfortable. I winced and fought through it.

Bang bang bang!

My eyes popped open from the loud noise downstairs. The door.

Bang BANG BANG!

The noise got louder.

I scampered down the stairs. And tiptoed to the shaking door. Who was here?

I peered out of the eye hole and was met with grey.

A grey, tight fitted undershirt. I gasped.

It couldn't be, could it?

NO! He can't be here, he ant be here now!

My eyes followed on up and I saw a fierce dark green. His eyes were blazing.

He was here.

Should I answer the door?

"BELLA!" I leaned against the door and slid down to the ground. I had missed his voice.

"ISABELLA! I KNOW YOU ARE IN THERE! DON'T YOU DARE DO IT," he paused, "I swear-" his voice broke off in a muffled choke. "I swear if you do… I'll come in there and cut you up myself!" Of course, I knew he would never do this; but, the threat and warning was clear.

I stood up again, and slowly unlatched the door.

I had made my mind; I was going to open the door.

Grasping the knob gently, I turned it.

Swish!

The door burst open and I stumbled back.

Warm, strong hands wrapped around my waist, and my eyes met with wild green.

"What the hell are you thinking, Bella?" he shook me hard. "I… I don't know."

"Yes, you do! Bella…" his voice was full of warning. I sighed and looked down, ashamed. "I can't… I can't live without you, Edward."

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Warm arms wrapped quickly around my waist and held me tight.

"It's alright, Bella… I-" He broke off abruptly, "I'm here now. I won't ever leave you."

I stiffened in his arms.

He didn't mean it.

He didn't mean it before, and he doesn't mean it now.

His words were like a glass full of ice water.

I pulled away from him.

"No."

Edward shifted, and looked into my eyes. "No?" he repeated, looking slightly hurt.

I almost gave in.

Almost.

"No. I don't believe you, Edward. You told me this before, and look at where we are now." I looked at him head on. He shifted his eyes.

"I am still here, am I not?" he challenged. "No. you aren't. Not truly. Not fully."

"Bella…" he sighed.

"What would I do without you?

My heart is pounding,

Beating for you baby,

What would I do without you?"

Tristan Banes, "Without You" began playing from Edward's phone. He looked down at it.

"I have to get this, sorry." He arms fell to his pocket, and I instantly felt cold.

I need you.

I love you.

I miss you.

My heart was screaming to him.

"Hey baby."

It was her.

"No, I…"

"Yes…"

"I'm at Bella's."

Then, his tone changed. His voice lowered and his eyes darkened.

"I can't just leave her, Tanya. She needs me- more than you, at the moment." He glanced over at me and sent me a small smile. My heart fluttered.

"Bye Tan. I'll see you at home." He hung up without another word.

"Bella…" he sighed and started over to me.

"I never knew you felt… that way." His arm reached out to touch me, but I flinched away. "I'm so sorry, Bella… I'm so sorry." He choked on his last few words.

"I love you too, Bella. If that makes any difference. But, I don't think I'm able to love you the way you want me to love you." I squeezed my eyes shut.

"You deserve a man who can devote himself to you completely. I don't know think I can do that." He sounded so sincere, and filled with pity.

I hate pity.

"Then how come you can devote yourself to Tanya? Am I not good enough?" I scoffed, "Silly question. I know I'm not good enough. Tell me what I need to do so you can love me."

"There is nothing wrong with you, and I do love you, Bella!" his voice was rising.

"No! You don't! Or else you wouldn't hurt me like this. You wouldn't have left me the way you did… you wouldn't have." Unwanted memories were rushing themselves to the surface of my brain.

Go away! I don't want you here!

But they didn't listen.

Stab after stab of memories were pouring into my head.

Make it stop!

"I didn't know you loved me like that, Bella! I didn't know. I wouldn't have left you that way."

"It doesn't change the fact that you did. That you did leave me that way." I paused, "but, even if I didn't love you the way that I loved you, I would still love you."

He looked at me confused.

I tried again.

"Even if I only loved you just as a friend, I would have still, loved you. You don't leave someone you supposedly 'love' for a month with no communication. You wouldn't leave without saying goodbye! No, you wouldn't do that to someone you love. Cause' if they still love you, in any form, it still hurts. It still burns."

Edward looked at me with sad eyes.

"And then, to not come back for another year? More or less with a girl on your arm? If you come back engaged?" I shook my head, trying to clear myself of the pain.

"You don't do that."

I couldn't fight the tears anymore.

Salty drops poured form my eyes and streamed down my face.

"Bella… I can't express how sorry I truly am."

"You don't have to, Edward. There is nothing you can do to make me forget. Nothing can heal me now. Nothing ever will."

And with that, I grabbed the handle of the hidden knife and brought it to my neck.

"Bella!"

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