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Disclaimer: No part of Ugly Betty belongs to me. If it did, I wouldn't be writing fanfiction.
AN: A one-shot, spoilers for episodes 207 and 208. I haven't written in a long time, the final story is a far cry from my original plot bunny, and the writing style here is completely different for me, so I hope it turned out okay. The story is from Daniel's point-of-view, and it mostly revolves around the Meade family.
Summary: There are moments that change our lives and who we are, forever. Daniel can count them on one hand.
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In A Heartbeat
By Tathariel
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"Life is one of those precious fleeting gifts, and everything can change in a heartbeat." – Unknown
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There are moments in life that seem to stop time.
While in reality they can pass us by in a heartbeat or the blink of an eye, some moments seem to last forever.
The ticking clock stops, hands frozen in suspended animation. Mere seconds feel like hours. Hours feel like days.
It is in these moments, when time has stopped, that everything changes.
In a heartbeat, or the blink of an eye, everything changes.
It is in these moments that lives change, beliefs are shattered, and the world comes crashing down.
It is these moments that are unforgettable, and often, unforgivable.
They define who we are, and where we stand in the world. They change us.
Daniel can count on one hand the moments where time has stopped and the ground has shifted beneath his feet.
The first moment occurred the day he learned his brother had died, and Daniel's fairytale family charade came crashing down forever.
The ground shifted, Daniel's world fractured, and everything changed.
Daniel remembers that day with perfect clarity.
He remembers how surreal it all seemed.
He remembers being told the news. He remembers his mother's ashen face, and his father's speechless shock.
Daniel remembers his racing heartbeat, and the unnatural chill that swept over him.
He doesn't remember saying or doing anything in the seconds, the minutes, or the hours immediately after. He remembers the vast, endless silence.
Daniel remembers every little ripple that followed.
For a long time that one moment haunted his steps.
His father lost his golden child. He began to work more.
His mother lost one of her much-loved and cherished children. She began to drink.
Daniel lost his brother, and he just didn't know what to do with that.
There was a hole in his heart that no amount of time could heal.
He was old enough to understand death, and yet painfully unable to understand why his brother had been taken from him.
And seemingly unable to fill the shoes his brother had left behind.
Unable to gain the approval in his father's eyes that Daniel had always craved. That same approval his father reserved only for Alex.
In the days and weeks that followed, Daniel was acutely aware as time marched ever onwards.
Even though he and Alex had never had a good brotherly bond, always too busy competing for their father's love instead, Daniel missed his brother like crazy.
Daniel had never felt more alone.
Over and over he replayed that terrible moment in his mind – being told the news, and the contrasting, stark silence.
Daniel wished that somehow, against all sense and reason, he could go back and make things right.
Daniel would have done anything to go back to living in his brother's shadow.
If he could have, he would have stopped Alex from going on that skiing trip, and the ground never would have shifted.
Their lives would have stayed the same. His family would have stayed the same. Daniel would have stayed the same.
Sometimes Daniel wondered if the wrong brother's life had been taken.
Daniel was never quite the same.
The second moment to shake Daniel's world came with the discovery of the identical music boxes.
Daniel's seemingly perfect father had been unfaithful to Daniel's mother, for 20 years.
Despite her drunken incoherency, Daniel remembers understanding his mother better in the hours following that moment than he had in several months.
Daniel understood better than he ought to just how alone his mother must have felt.
Daniel remembers the feelings of confusion and betrayal that came over him. He remembers them turning to hate.
Despite never measuring up to his father's expectations, Daniel never felt hate towards his father until he realised the pain that his mother had suffered at his father's hands.
It was unforgettable, and unforgivable.
Daniel never looked at his father quite the same.
The third moment to stop Daniel's world is the moment he realised his brother lived, and that furthermore, his brother was now his sister.
It didn't fix the hole in his heart, and Daniel still felt alone, but it helped.
The joy of having his brother returned to him was quickly overshadowed by the bitter taste of betrayal.
Alex – no – Alexis had been alive for all those months, and she hadn't told him. Daniel wonders sometimes if he will ever fully forgive her for that.
They were brothers. She was his brother, and she had let him believe she was dead.
In the months that followed it often felt to Daniel like Alex was still dead.
The woman who had taken his place was a changed person, and try as he might Daniel struggled to connect with Alexis.
It took a long time before she began to fill the emptiness in his heart where his brother had once been.
Their relationship was never quite the same.
The fourth moment to rock Daniel's world came with the realisation that it was his mother who orchestrated Fey Sommers' murder.
It was the icing on the cake, but so many moments had fractured Daniel's world in the months prior that he took it in a heartbeat. Daniel understood why she did it. He just wished that she hadn't let her cheating husband hold so much power over her.
Daniel wished, in that moment, that his mother hadn't loved his father so much.
Daniel doesn't think anyone is worth his mother becoming a murderer.
From that moment on Daniel hates his father a little more, because ultimately Bradford was the reason Daniel's mother ended up behind bars.
Daniel was left alone once more, his family broken beyond repair.
He was left with a father who was always disappointed in him, and who, to some extent, disappointed him.
He had a mother behind bars for a crime that Daniel thinks, in her position, he also would have committed.
Daniel was left with a sister who alternated between sugar and spice; one minute making an effort with him, the next intent on bringing him down.
In the months that followed that fourth moment, where it became clear to him that no one in his family was truly a part of his family anymore, Daniel was consumed with loneliness.
He turned to drugs, and a long time passed before things began to get better and Daniel stopped feeling alone.
It only took a handful of moments for Daniel to lose his family, but they are moments he will never forget, and he will never forgive.
Everything changed beyond repair. Daniel's whole world changed. Daniel changed.
The fifth moment where everything changes and the ground shifts beneath his feet comes as Daniel watches his father collapse at the altar. He watches his father crash to his knees and then topple to the floor.
And suddenly Daniel is running, breath caught in his throat as he races against time.
Daniel is running, because he cannot accept that this will be another moment.
Daniel thinks there have been too many moments to rock his world in recent years.
He is moving forwards, but he feels like he is moving in slow motion, and he can't seem to reach the altar quickly enough.
Daniel is desperate to not make this another moment, even though he knows it already is.
Daniel knows he will never be able to get the image of his father collapsing out of his mind.
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"Everything in life that we really accept undergoes a change. So suffering must become love. That is the mystery." - Katherine Mansfield
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Sometimes, when he is dreaming or the ground is shifting beneath his feet, memories of being a boy come back to Daniel with striking clarity.
Memories of a time back before Daniel was old enough to understand that even his family would someday deceive, betray, and leave him.
There were no life-changing moments back when Daniel was a boy. There was just naivety, and laughter, and innocence.
Every moment to change Daniel's life has happened in the last few years.
As Daniel is crossing the hall to where his father has collapsed at the altar, a memory of Daniel's childhood surfaces in his mind.
It is a memory of a crisp, wintery day at the sports fields.
Daniel thinks he has to have been about seven years old.
He remembers sitting on a wooden bench, sandwiched between his mother and his father.
He remembers swinging his legs back and forth as they watch his brother play football.
His ears were cold, his socks itched, and he was not quite old enough to truly appreciate watching other people play sport, but he was not given an option.
They were there as a family.
His father cheered loudly as Alex scored, and then turned his attention to Daniel.
"Daniel, sit still. Did you see your brother? You could be like that if you work hard."
Daniel gazed up at his father, eyes round and shining with wonderment.
"When I grow up I want to be just like Alex," Daniel told his father solemnly.
His father's eyes flickered momentarily to Alex, before returning to Daniel.
"I'm sure you do, son. I'm sure you do."
Daniel turned his attention back to the game as a whistle sounded, signalling the end of the match. He watched as Alex's coach quickly debriefed the team and then dismissed them, and Alex headed their way.
"Did you see me? Did you see?" Alex asked enthusiastically, bounding up to his family, sweat-slicked bangs plastered against his forehead and face flushed with exertion.
"I thought you were wonderful," Claire told her eldest as she passed him a water bottle.
Alex smiled at the praise, and turned to his father.
"Well done, son." Bradford was a man of few words, but every word was worth its weight in gold to his sons.
Daniel squirmed from his position between his parents, and Alex turned his gaze to his brother.
"What did you think, Danny?" he asked the child breathlessly.
Daniel hesitated a moment, and then he smiled brilliantly at his big brother.
"You did good," he told his brother, eyes shining with admiration. "Really good."
Sometimes, when everything changed, memories were all Daniel was left with.
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"The greater your capacity to love, the greater your capacity to feel the pain." - Jennifer Aniston
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It took some time, but eventually the moment passed as paramedics took control of the situation and began to stabilise Daniel's father.
Only, while the immediate threat to Daniel's world had passed, he knew deep down that it wasn't over.
As much as he didn't want to accept it, the ground had shifted, and Daniel had to be prepared in case the worst was still to come.
Daniel stepped forward to follow the paramedics as they began to push their gurney up the church aisle and out to the waiting ambulance, but strong arms encircled his chest and pulled him back flush against a warm body.
He opened his mouth to protest, but his name was murmured as a warm breath brushed his ear, and he stilled at the grief-stricken tone.
"Alexis," he gasped shakily, hands moving to entwine with his sister's.
Daniel watched with keen eyes as the paramedics reached the far end of the church, and then disappeared from sight.
Wilhelmina followed in their wake, Marc hanging onto her arm. Daniel fancied his glare would burn holes into Wilhelmina's retreating form.
All around them cameras continued to flash as a frenzy of media photographers captured every moment.
Daniel could see video cameras, too, and he cringed to think of just how many people had witnessed this moment as it happened.
There was a loud buzz of conversation from the many guests who had turned out for the wedding, but Daniel could barely hear them over the thudding of his heartbeat.
"Daniel," Alexis said his name again, louder this time, obviously aware that she was losing him to his thoughts and his fears.
Daniel inhaled unsteadily, and then exhaled slowly, the rush of adrenaline he had felt upon seeing his father collapse ebbing away and leaving behind an empty numbness.
"What a catastrophe," Daniel offered weakly, leaning back slightly as some of the tension in his shoulders drained away.
Alexis settled her chin on his shoulder and pressed her cheek against his own, and Daniel learned in to the comfort.
This moment was different, Daniel realised. He didn't have to suffer through the aftermath alone.
Alexis was his sister, and it didn't matter if Daniel was angry with her. She knew how he felt, right there, in that moment.
"What did you say to him?" Alexis asked quietly.
Daniel inhaled sharply and moved forward out of his sister's embrace, turning instead to face her and grasping her hands.
He wondered how his sister would react.
"Wilhelmina has been sleeping with her bodyguard, Dwayne."
Daniel watched his sister's eyes darken.
"And you chose the day of his wedding to tell him?" she asked quietly.
Daniel broke away from her intense gaze, swallowing past his emotions.
"I only just found out."
His sister was silent for a moment, but when he looked back to her she was still gazing at him, and Daniel imagined that thoughts were racing about in her brilliant mind.
"Betty told you." It was a statement, not a question.
"Yes."
And he had fired her. Betty had known for four months and she hadn't told him. Daniel had thought she was on his side.
Alexis was silent for a minute more.
"Okay." She broke her gaze, and stepped forward and hugged him once more. Daniel wasn't sure if she was offering comfort, taking comfort, or a bit of both. It didn't really matter.
Daniel hugged her back.
Everything had changed, but this time he wasn't alone.
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"Love, like death, changes everything." - Unknown
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There are moments in life that stop time.
While they might pass us by in a heartbeat or the blink of an eye, some moments seem to stop time because they redefine our lives and who we are, forever.
In the moments where Daniel's world is turned upside down, memories of Daniel's childhood resurface with a nostalgic longing.
There are moments in Daniel's life when he wishes he could be a child once more. He can count them on one hand.
Late into the evening Daniel sits and stares at the empty room where his father had passed away earlier that same day.
So much had happened in just one day.
The events that followed that heartbreaking moment at the church all seemed surreal to Daniel.
It has been one twisting, turning rollercoaster of emotions.
Daniel felt terror at watching his father collapse.
He felt hopeful that his father might endure long enough for surgery.
He felt surprise at his mother's reappearance in their lives now, after all this time.
He felt remorse upon learning the reasons why Betty had seemingly betrayed him.
Beyond that, Daniel just feels numb upon realising that there truly is going to be no happy ending to this day.
In a way it feels more final than losing Alex ever had. Daniel has seen with his own eyes that his father had truly departed from them.
Only, this time Daniel doesn't feel so alone. He has grown since that first moment when he had learned of his brother's death.
Everything has changed so many times that Daniel, too, has changed. He isn't the same.
Daniel understands now that his family come in many shapes and forms, and that even when his family aren't by his side they are still with him.
He isn't alone.
He has a mother who loves her family so much that she would give up her freedom just to see them, and a sister who isn't going anywhere now that she was content with her place in the world.
Daniel understands now, too, that sometimes friends can also be family.
He has Betty, who has done so much for him so many times and never asked for anything in return. Even after he had yelled at her, she and her family still turned around and reunited him with his mother.
Daniel knows he is forever indebted to Betty.
He knows it is Betty who will be there for him when the implications of his father's death fully sink in.
Daniel is the head of the Meade family now.
He has a mother who is heading back to jail for murdering a woman who messed with their family. When Daniel thinks of Wilhelmina, he understands the rage his mother must have felt.
Daniel has an older sister too, who, for all appearances of confidence and control, is as fragile on the inside as Daniel – perhaps even more so. She needs her brother by her side, and he needs her.
He knows that while he and Alexis may not always see eye-to-eye, they are family, and they need to stick together.
Daniel can barely believe that his father is gone.
While Daniel may not always have understood his father, and while nothing Daniel did ever seemed to meet his father's high standards, Daniel is still lost without him.
He wonders if the Meade family will survive, now, in the face of all that has happened.
Betty's hand on his shoulder brings much-needed comfort. He hesitates a moment, and then grasps her hand like a lifeline.
They stay that way, in silence, for a long, long time.
In his peripheral vision Daniel can see that Alexis is unblinking, and he knows that it is because if she blinks, she will cry.
Daniel wants to open his mouth, to tell her that it is okay to cry, but his throat is so tight with emotion he doesn't know if he can speak. So he doesn't.
They sit in silence, Daniel focussing intently on the warmth and love of Betty's friendship even as his father's death rips a hole in his heart.
He knows Betty will be there for him. She is a good person. Daniel thinks that he would like to be more like Betty.
And then he realises something.
"I'm not like him."
Alexis tilts her head towards him, her eyes puzzled.
"What?"
"Dad, I'm not like dad, and I'm not going to be."
"Daniel…"
"No, listen. I loved dad, but I don't want to be like that. I don't want to bring up a family so dysfunctional and so isolated from each other that they end up like us. I'm not going to be like that."
Alexis turns away.
"It's okay to cry, you know," Daniel says suddenly.
"Dad would want us to be strong," Alexis says, but she won't look at him.
"Dad's gone, Alexis. It's okay to cry now."
The silence is thick and oppressive. Daniel feels his energy deflate as his emotions overwhelm him.
Eventually Daniel swallows, blinks, and swallows again. His grip tightens slightly around Betty's hand.
"Did he say anything?" he asks her quietly.
She hesitates a moment, but he doesn't push her. He trusts her. She is on his side.
"Just that he loved you." Betty's voice is thick with tears. "Then he asked for some water, and when I turned back he was gone."
There is a choked sob, and Daniel lifts his eyes from the empty space where his father's bed had been earlier that same day, and turns to look at his sister.
She is still in her dress, her jacket covering the flimsy fabric, her hair pulled back and her makeup running as tears spill down her cheeks.
Daniel knows the pain in her eyes is reflected in his.
Daniel reaches out his other hand to her, and she grasps it tightly.
"Are you ready to go home?" Daniel asks. There is an imperceptible nod.
Daniel stands, and helps his sister to her feet.
Then, standing with one hand holding his sister's, and one hand holding his friend's, Daniel appraises the empty hospital room one last time, and with it, the ramifications of this moment.
While Daniel will never forget this day, and he will never fully forgive his father for the way he hurt Daniel's family, Daniel is okay.
Daniel loved his father, but he is ready for change.
"I'll miss you, dad," Daniel tells his father.
He turns away.
"Let's go home."
There are moments in life where the ground shifts and everything changes. Lives change. People change.
Time moves forward.
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"The story of life is quicker than the blink of an eye, the story of love is hello, goodbye." - Jimi Hendrix
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AN: Thoughts or opinions, anyone? Also, would anyone be interested in some Christmas holiday tales? I have a couple of plot bunnies hiding under my bed, but suggestions are also welcome. Who are everyone's favourite Ugly Betty characters?
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