There were many things that he thought that he would never have. They were the things the things that he wanted the most, but of course, with the live that he has lived, and the person that he was, they would always be the things that he did not deserve to have.
What was a normal life? A family? He had Sammy and Sammy had him. Only, Sammy hadn't needed him for quite some time now. How long had he been tricking himself into thinking that his brother needed him, when in reality it was him who needed his brother? The answer was both too long, and not long enough. In that moment, he knew that if he could turn around and go back to those ignorant days, he would be perfectly happy. Or as happy as he ever allowed himself to be. For at least, when he thought that everything he had to do had to be for his brother, at least then he knew everything that he had to do.
But Sam grew up; Sam grew up and finally, after years of getting distracted, after years of falling to the family business rather than his own desires, Sam had gotten those things that he had wanted. Some of them had changed from what Sammy had dreamed, he knew that, but whenever he looked into his eyes, he knew that his brother was happy. His brother was fine. His brother had in fact gotten exactly what he wanted.
Because for Sammy what he wanted was what he deserved.
But he wasn't Sammy. Perhaps if he had done better by Sammy, made sure that he had what Sam needed rather than what he himself wanted Sam to need (because it was what he needed) then perhaps, perhaps he could have found it in him to be worthy of a desire or two. But that wasn't what happened.
He didn't deserve the things that he wanted. He did not deserve a normal life.
He did not deserve a family, happy or not. He did not deserve any of those things because he could not make them happy.
Dean Winchester was not the sort of man who could be a father; he had spent too much of his life trying to be like his own to be a good one to another.
But as the small bundle of child, his child was placed into his arms, everything changed.
Everything changed because he had someone else to look out for now, and he couldn't let them down. Sammy may not need him, but this baby did.
His son did.
"Hey little guy," he said after a long time of silence, after his face had morphed from shock to a small and hesitant grin. "I guess, I guess I'm your Dad now. We're... we're going to be alright."