THERE WILL BE A SEQUEL!
Also, to anyone who read this before I wrote the sequel announcement, I was supposed to upload the edited version, which lengthens out the ending. *hugs as apology* I'm so sorry! =(
Kurt sighed, watching Blaine strut away, down one of the many majestic hallways in Dalton Academy.
He had a warm, aching feeling in his heart and could easily burst into tears if the right depressing song was on. Put simply, he was head-over-Alexander-McQueen-heels in love. The kind of love that was unreturned or – perhaps – unknown.
One month ago, Karofsky violently stole Kurt's first kiss, in the boy's locker room of McKinley High School. Just a few minutes ago, he shared a flirty duet with Blaine, in the leisure room, singing 'Baby It's Cold Outside'. Life was definitely looking up for Kurt.
What would make his Christmas complete, however, would be a kiss from Blaine. He knew Santa wouldn't grant his wish this year. Blaine was oblivious – extremely oblivious.
Kurt sat down and opened his black leather planner, which was filled with hidden doodles of Blaine kissing Kurt, or the two of them holding hands; Kurt in a wedding dress and Blaine in his Warbler outfit. Kurt exhaled softly, thinking he never guessed he would act like this. It was quite childish.
He looked at tomorrow's date in his planner and the event that was written there. Tomorrow, they were going Christmas shopping together; Kurt shopping for New Directions and Blaine shopping for the Warblers. Just the two of them. Kurt's heart skipped a beat in excitement, and he smiled pleasantly, deciding to take an early-nighter, and hopped off to the dormitories.
''Hey. Kurt.'' Blaine said softly into Kurt's ear.
Kurt sat up. They were in a small bathroom he didn't recognise, and he was in his matching pyjama set. Blaine was wearing his Warblers outfit as usual, kneeling beside him.
''Blaine, where are we? What are we doing here?'' Kurt said, trying to neaten his hair before Blaine noticed how messy it was. The tiled floor was surprisingly comfortable and he couldn't feel any cramps from sleeping on the hard surface. Blaine stared at Kurt's lips and leaned towards him.
''Blaine?'' Kurt whispered, as Blaine leaned in closer still, his coffee-scented breath pleasant.
Blaine hesitated for a moment, saying nothing, and kissed him gently, but passionately. Kurt could feel his warmth as they held each other in their arms; it was wonderful.
When they pulled away after one long, pleasant kiss, Kurt breathed in and said, in a flustered way,
''Blaine…what?'' He could feel his eyebrows furrow and for some reason revealed his confusion.
Blaine just stared at him and smiled a little. Kurt smiled too.
''Kurt, wake up.'' he said finally, his lips not moving.
And then Kurt knew. It was a dream.
He sighed despairingly, opening his eyes slowly, to see the flawless face of Blaine Anderson, sitting on his bed and shaking him gently.
In his flustered, surprised state, he could only dumbly stare open-mouthed, at the gelled-down-curly-haired, hazel-eyed boy.
''What?'' Blaine asked innocently, with a smile.
''Oh, just…surprised to see you.'' Kurt said with a shrug. He considered telling Blaine his dream, but quickly realised he would scare Blaine if he did. Besides, they've only known each other for a month now.
''Pfft. We share the same dormitory. Well, get yourself ready. I'm buying you breakfast.'' Blaine said, getting off Kurt's wooden four-poster bed.
''You don't have to do that!'' Kurt exclaimed, about to crawl out of bed after him.
'' 'Course I do. What are friends for?'' Blaine said with a charming smile and a wink, as he casually strolled out the wooden doors. They closed silently behind him and Kurt exhaled in a daze.
'Does he realise what he's doing to me?'
Kurt scanned the rest of the four-person dorm room. Wes, David and Blaine had already folded up their white linen sheets in tidy piles at the end of their beds.
He glanced at the grandfather clock that ticked away quietly on the other side of the room. 7.00 am.
'Oh, this will not do.' Kurt thought quickly, panicking to get out of bed and into his moisturiser routine.
XXX
Blaine played with his thumbs as he sat on his bed, listening to Kurt hum the tune of 'Baby It's Cold Outside' from the bathroom.
He thought of Kurt standing in the bathroom, with a towel wrapped around his head and a moist towelette to his porcelain face. Blaine smiled with a sigh. He cared for his friend very much and was becoming quite fond of him. They got along well. Very well.
Kurt opened the wooden door, skin and hair perfect. His blue-green-grey eyes sparkled at Blaine, as he stood in a stylish outfit of a tan coloured jacket, white shirt, black jeans, grey scarf and black boots.
''You look…nice.'' Blaine said, trying to find a word that wouldn't reveal the way he felt about Kurt.
''Is it too much? It's too much, isn't it?'' Kurt said quickly, with a worried look on his face.
''No, no! Not at all!'' Blaine exclaimed, ''It's perfect!''
''You think so? Or are you just saying that?'' he replied.
''No, I mean it.'' Blaine said calmly and as truthfully as possible.
''Okay.'' Kurt said eventually.
Blaine watched Kurt glance at his outfit; a white long-sleeved t-shirt , deep blue skinny jeans, black military boots , a thick brown cardigan and a stripey black and grey scarf.
''It looks fine, right?'' Blaine said, ''I haven't really worn street clothes in a while…''
''The brown cardigan highlights your eyes.'' Kurt said simply, not smiling or showing any emotion.
'He notices my eyes?'
They took the train and the bus to the mall and chatted politely to each other about small things like the weather and ideas for Christmas presents.
''Where to first?'' Kurt asked when they got inside the mall.
''Breakfast, remember?'' Blaine answered.
''I thought you forgot!'' Kurt sighed, rolling his eyes.
''I'm not letting you get away with not eating breakfast, Kurt Hummel!'' Blaine laughed.
Kurt rolled his eyes again and they started walking to the café.
''So, how's your life?'' Kurt asked casually, raising an eyebrow.
'Should I take a chance and let him know a little about how I feel?'
''Perfect, now that you're in it.'' Blaine said, then saying quickly, ''I mean, because – you know – you give such impeccable fashion advice and stuff.''
''Oh, yeah.'' Kurt said nonchalantly.
''How's your life?''
''Good. Well, better than before, at least.'' Kurt said, smiling.
'Hey Kurt, could you stop being so adorable?'
''Hey Kurt, what do you want for breakfast?'' Blaine asked, looking up at the menu in the warm, French-style café. He cursed silently at himself for not using his own advice: to be courageous.
''Well, you know my coffee order, and I would like a small stack of waffles.'' Kurt replied, ''Two waffles, to be precise.''
''Oh, come on. It's more worth it if you get a regular stack, so why don't we share?'' Blaine said as casually as possible.
''Well, if it saves you money.'' he replied, hesitantly, looking away with a smile.
''What?'' Blaine asked.
''Hmm?'' Kurt replied innocently.
''What was the smile for?'' Blaine asked. He didn't realise Kurt had a crush on him.
''Oh, just thinkin' about something goofy Finn said earlier.'' Kurt replied with a small smile.
''Okay.'' Blaine said, grinning.
XXX
''Eat up.'' Blaine said, pushing the plate of four steaming waffles towards him.
''Aren't you gonna eat first?'' Kurt said.
''Don't forget how much concentration I put into my coffee making, Kurt.'' Blaine joked, taking off the lip of the cup and started to pour in sugar.
''I won't.'' He dug into his first slice delicately, eating a waffle in small square portions.
'I also won't forget how beautiful you are when you smile, or how much my heart aches when I see you.' Kurt thought sadly, forcing a smile across the table to him.
After breakfast, they shopped, slowly gathering presents for their friends.
''…And I didn't even suspect you were a 'spy' until David pointed out that no-one knew there was a new kid comin'.'' Blaine laughed.
''It was the worst disguise I've ever had! How could you not suspect any – '' Kurt said.
'' – Blaine!'' a manly voice said.
They turned around.
'Oh, my god, he's one fine piece of ass.' Kurt thought.
The man who called Blaine's name was tall, with strong, broad shoulders, short, straight, dark-blonde hair and bright green eyes. He had a smile that revealed cared-for teeth and long eyelashes. His style wasn't that bad too. Tidy jeans with a button-up shirt. All this was taken in with one sweeping glance from the amazing eyes of Kurt.
He tore his gaze from the man to look at Blaine. He looked a bit surprised – or was it shocked?
''Blaine, I've been trying to call you. Why won't you answer my calls?'' the man said devastatingly, to a guilty-looking Blaine.
'Maybe he's Blaine's brother, who Blaine never told me about.' Kurt thought in denial. He didn't want to admit that there were other guys after Blaine. Which, of course, there would be, because of Blaine's utter perfection.
''Uh…my phone's been malfunctioning…'' Blaine said distantly. Kurt could tell he was lying.
''Um – hi! I'm Kurt. Nice to meet you.'' Kurt said quickly, moving to shake his hand.
The man's grip was firm and powerful. The way the man looked.
''I'm Jordan.'' he said, his piercing eyes terrifying the life out of Kurt. Jordan turned to Blaine.
''Can I talk to you for a second?'' he asked Blaine.
Blaine looked reluctant, but Kurt gave him a 'go ahead' expression, so Blaine went.
Kurt watched them talk intently to each other. Jordan seemed to be scolding Blaine for something, but in hushed tones. Blaine looked like a weak child beside Jordan.
Jordan suddenly placed both hands firmly on Blaine's shoulders and Kurt felt a stab of jealousy, or was it anger? He wasn't quite sure since both emotions seem to run on the same fuel; not getting what you want, seeing someone else get what you want – the list goes on.
But wait – did Blaine just pluck Jordan's hands off his shoulders defensively?
Kurt began to worry.
Blaine seemed to be arguing with Jordan. Maybe not yelling and raging the way people argue in movies, but still arguing.
With a strong gesture that stated 'enough', Blaine said something and stalked back over to Kurt, with a mild look of anger on his face.
Kurt watched Jordan walk in the opposite direction, looking twice as angry as Blaine.
''Let's go.'' Blaine said quietly and calmly, taking Kurt's wrist and dragging him behind.
''Wait, are you alright? Do you wanna talk?'' he said, stopping and looking into Blaine's beautiful eyes. Blaine stared right back.
'Can he tell what I'm feeling, or thinking?' Kurt thought, worried his eyes may have given him away.
''No, no, I just had a small disagreement with Jordan.'' Blaine said.
''Who is he, anyway?'' Kurt asked, ''Is he your friend?''
''Sort of.'' he said briefly.
Kurt frowned inwardly.
XXX
Blaine couldn't let Kurt know his secret. It was too shameful. He felt so weak.
''What's wrong?'' Kurt said, cocking his head sideways in the adorable way that he always does.
''Nothing's wrong. I'm just thinking.'' Blaine answered with a forced smile. He wanted so badly for Kurt to wrap his arms around him and tell him everything would be okay. But he knew Kurt wouldn't; he doesn't like Blaine the way Blaine liked him.
''Okay, well…since you won't talk to me about something which I know is bothering you, I'm going to have to ask questions, instead.''
''No, Kurt. No.'' Blaine said firmly, knowing he surprised Kurt by saying it so harshly. He cringed.
Kurt looked apologetic and said, ''Oh, Blaine…I'm sorry.''
''No, it's fine.'' he replied quietly.
They rode home on a bus and train, a silent forty-five minutes, where they avoided each other eyes and said unimportant things every few minutes.
''Blaine,'' Kurt said, after hiding all the newly bought presents under his bed, ''I'm sorry about today. I really am.''
Blaine didn't want Kurt to be sorry. He just wanted Kurt.
''Kurt, I really don't want you to apologise.'' he said, ''I just want…I just need you to be the good friend that you are…And you are.''
Kurt said nothing, but gave him a little smile.
Eventually, after a few seconds of gazing at each other, Kurt said,
''Well, I'm just gonna duck down to the cafeteria, for a snack. Want anything?''
''No, no, I'll wait till dinner.'' Blaine said, feeling uncomfortable.
''Okay. I'll be back in a few.'' The door closing behind Kurt, he left Blaine alone in the room.
'Come back.' He felt like saying.
Blaine threw off his scarf, onto his bed and went to the bathroom. He cocked his head to the left and pulled the collar of his cardigan downward, to inspect his shoulder. He breathed in.
He stared at the sickly, fresh bruise on his right shoulder.
Jordan's mark.
One of Jordan's marks.
Blaine stared at himself in the mirror, trying to recognise – or identify – himself. He didn't know much about who he was anymore.
He sat on the bathroom floor, the cold tiles and ceramic bathtub giving him no comfort.
The dorm door opened noisily and Blaine scrambled to close the bathroom door, locking it as soon as he could. He sat back on the door as quietly as possible, listening to Wes and David talk happily about lacrosse.
Blaine pulled off his cardigan and his shirt and studied himself in the mirror again, trying to find a part of his childhood self. It was difficult and he couldn't do it.
His bare, toned chest and arms were a canvas of and for bruises of different sizes from a range of the size of a fist to the length of a baseball bat. Some were new and some were weeks old; still trying to fade.
Blaine stripped off and stepped into the bathtub, absentmindedly watching it fill up as he pressed his bruises. He was becoming more and more addicted to the physical pain, which took away his sense of weakness.
Blaine felt that he could be strong in some way if he could stand the pain, self-inflicted or not.
He winced in pain and gritted his teeth as he forced a bruised forearm onto the hard rim of the bathtub.
Taking his arm off, it throbbed with pain and he exhaled, feeling a little proud to have done that to himself.
Two months later, it was three weeks until Valentine's Day. Blaine figured if he confessed to Kurt, Kurt would think low of him for falling in love so quickly.
He thought that maybe, he could create a diversion.
Or a distraction…
Blaine set to work the next day.
He (with Kurt's help) convinced the Warbler council to perform 'When I Get You Alone' in the GAP store, to Blaine's 'love interest', Jeremiah, on the 14th of February.
Blaine always had a thing for Jeremiah. Maybe it was just guys with luscious, commercial-worthy hair or beautiful eyes, but either way, he always had something for Jeremiah. Just, not as much as with Kurt.
He felt drawn to Kurt, whereas with Jeremiah, Blaine couldn't take his eyes off the curly-haired, quiet guy whenever he was in the room. It didn't compare to how he felt about Kurt. Not even close.
'Can you have a crush on two people?' Blaine wondered, watching Kurt pace around the room, on the phone to his brother, throwing occasional glances at Blaine.
XXX
After witnessing an embarrassing fail-of-a-Valentine's-Day-confession, Kurt sat, half-pleased and half-pitying, on his bed, listening to Lady Gaga from the CD player in their dormitory.
Jeremiah completely rejected Blaine, but Kurt was there for him.
Well, at least he'll be the only one who's there for him. Kurt felt somewhat mean for thinking that, but couldn't help that he felt a bit triumphant.
Blaine walked in looking defeated, and Kurt crawled across his bed to turn off the CD player that sat on his bedside table.
''Oh, Blaine.'' Kurt said softly, as Blaine walked past him into the bathroom, closing the door with a soft thud and a click as the lock went on.
He didn't know what he could say or do. He only ever watched happy endings.
XXX
Blaine stared at his battered body, more bruises there than ever.
He didn't want Kurt to know. Heck, he didn't want anyone to know.
Feeling depressed and lonely (especially because who he thought was going to be a life-long friend just rejected him), he prodded a bruise and grimaced.
He quite enjoyed mulling in his misery and he didn't know why. Maybe misery is better than weakness.
Yesterday, Jordan found out – through an unsuspecting and naïve Wes –that the Warblers (especially Blaine) were serenading Jeremiah.
Flying into a rage, he practically kidnapped Blaine and brought him to his house, and bashed Blaine's small body with his bare fists, until Blaine finally protested and fled, his clothes untidy and his heart beating fast; how it normally did whenever Jordan decided Blaine needed to be punished. Blaine pushed that moment as far away from his mind as he could.
He forced himself to get up this morning for the sake of seeing another person who he cared for and they actually cared back. Turns out, they didn't care much at all. They were simply being polite.
Blaine picked up a shaver head and stared at it, inspecting the blades and how sharp they were.
He thought about self-harm every single day and didn't believe he was brave enough to do it.
Until now.
'Why should I go telling people 'Courage' if I'm not courageous myself?' Blaine thought, angry at how hypocritical he was and how cowardly he was being.
Blaine moved the blade to his wrist. Quickly, he realised it would be all too easy for people to notice if he cut himself there, so he moved the blade up to his left bicep.
'I can be strong.' he thought determinedly, 'I will be strong.'
He dug the blade in and dragged it across the width of his bicep, the stinging alarmingly painful. Tears welled up in his eyes, but he kept going; from one side to the other.
Finally, after a scary, painful moment, he stopped. Beads of blood had already started threatening to run down the length of his arm. Blaine realised he was panting the whole time and tried desperately to control his breathing.
He moved his arm under his mouth and sucked the blood off. The pain was exciting. It made him feel powerful.
Blaine looked at himself in the mirror; red lips, a deep cut on his arm and a bare chest that was spotted with bruises. He was proud of himself. Blaine gave himself a little, miserable smile.
Then, he remembered Jeremiah and Jordan and Kurt and his face and heart fell. He suddenly felt he needed more of this – this pain. It won over prodding bruises any day.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?
He reached for the razor again.
XXX
Kurt waited, doodling more drawings of them into the back of his planner. And waited, and waited, until finally – at least half an hour later – Blaine came out, smelling of soap, his hair wet – but combed – dressed in a blue pair of flannel pants, a thick grey jumper and a black socks.
He also looked miserable, almost as if he had been crying. But of course not; Blaine never cries. He was far too strong, in Kurt's opinion.
Blaine glanced at him cautiously and threw the worn uniform that stank of rejection into the laundry basket. He sat on his bed with a loud sigh and Kurt padded over.
''You okay?'' Kurt said, popping up beside him.
Blaine almost forgot how quietly Kurt moved around.
''Yeah, yeah. I'm good. Just a little…''
''Depressed?'' Kurt completed.
''Yeah.'' Blaine replied with a small, weak laugh, that Kurt knew wasn't genuine.
Kurt put his hand on Blaine's should sympathetically and Blaine tensed.
''What's wrong? Did I do something?'' Kurt asked quickly, immediately knowing Blaine felt uncomfortable.
''No, I pulled a muscle or something. You know those bruises you get that you have no idea how they got there?'' Blaine lied with a sudden bright smile at Kurt, ''Yeah, well, it's one of those.''
'So beautiful.' Kurt thought, smiling back.
XXX
Kurt's hand was right on top of a bruise. A big, tender, fresh one from the day before.
'I know exactly how that bruise got there…'
He was terrified he would be caught out and absolutely hated himself for lying to this wonderful person who he could easily call his best friend, though they only knew each other for a little while.
''Well, I must say,'' Kurt began, with an impressed smile, ''For someone who was just blown off by a cute guy who you've had a crush on for a while, you're handling it pretty well.''
''Don't remind me.'' Blaine said, with a small embarrassed smile.
XXX
After finishing his daily moisturising routine, Kurt stepped on the bin pedal in the bathroom and tossed in his used towelletes. He glanced back into the bin after seeing a spot of reddy-brown. Kurt saw a rusty shaver head tossed to the side of the bin. Or was it really rusty? His sharp eyes were too good to still see the blades as rusty, after a second glance.
'Blood.' Kurt thought, imagining a deep cut on Wes, David and Blaine's faces.
But no-one had a cut themselves on the face this morning. Kurt knew that.
He saw the three of them; all bright, smiling and happy, ready to jump into the day's worth of schoolwork. None had a bandage on their hands or any sort of evidence that would give away that they accidently cut themselves when shaving.
He suddenly felt frightened that he may have discovered someone's shocking secret.
One of his friends was a self-harmer.
But who? None of them seemed the sort of person who would do that. Actually, no-one Kurt knew would do that. Except maybe Karofsky. A big maybe.
He didn't know what to do.
What can you do? Sure, you can tell, but it's something nobody would want to tell anyone.
Kurt knew he couldn't just walk up to them with the blades and say: ''Is this yours? If it is, why are you hurting yourself?'' Of course he could, but this person is harming themselves! They must already be insecure about something!
'What do I do? What do I do?' Kurt kept asking himself, no answers coming to mind that wouldn't destroy someone.
He knew he shouldn't keep quiet.
But this person was his friend. He didn't have many of those. They might hate him, or suicide if he told someone, or told them he found out.
Kurt was torn.
Sitting on the edge of the bathtub, his eyes searched the bathroom for some more evidence, but he was already going to be late for class, he had no time to waste.
Reluctantly, he left the bathroom without another thought and decided to find them at a good time when they could all talk.
''Wes! David!'' Kurt whispered in the middle of history classes.
They turned to him and smiled, expecting for Kurt to say something pleasant as usual.
''I need to talk to the both of you at lunch, preferably somewhere private.'' Kurt whispered.
''Sure.'' Wes said. David nodded.
''Why are you whispering?'' David said.
Kurt looked around the classroom. The teacher was away and all the boys were talking to each other.
''Oh. '' was all he said. He blushed and got back to work.
XXX
In between classes, Kurt and Blaine happened to cross paths. Kurt quickly asked Blaine to meet somewhere private with Wes and David at lunch. It seemed important and Blaine was worried for a minute that Kurt is still being bullied.
He made a small, secret frown, in case anyone saw him worrying in the halls.
Blaine wants everyone to be under the impression that he's strong, confident, smart, relaxed, self-assured; everything he isn't when he's alone or with Jordan. It was difficult at first, lying to everyone including himself, but it got easier, and he got worse on the inside. It killed him that he constantly felt judged, weak and vulnerable, no matter what he did.
''Blaine, I'll tell you when we get there.'' Kurt said, a determined look on his face as they power-walked through the corridor, to their dorm.
''No, Kurt,'' Blaine said, stopping and taking hold of Kurt's forearms. Kurt tensed.
''Are you being bullied again?''
''What? No! This is something else!'' Kurt said, walking again.
They reached their dorm. Wes and David were already inside, talking quietly as they stood in the middle of the room.
''Okay…Guys. This morning, I opened the bin in the bathroom and I found…'' Kurt began.
''I found a shaver head. Covered in dried blood.'' Kurt said. Wes and David gasped. Blaine's mouth was open and he closed it as soon as he realised.
''One of you is self-harming.'' Kurt said, glancing at the three of them.
Blaine's heart beat faster.
'No, this can't be happening.' Blaine thought, 'He's found out!'
''I – '' Blaine started, sounding more shocked than he thought he would, ''I don't know what to say.''
He decided he seemed genuinely innocent about this and so glanced at Wes and David to continue the act. But he hated himself, hated that he was doing this to his friends when he should really be admitting the truth.
''Wait – '' David said, pulling his right blazer sleeve up his arm, where there was a 1-inch cut that was just starting to heal, ''I think that was me. I don't cut, but yesterday morning, my shaver slipped and I tried to catch it like this – '' David showed that he accidently caught the shaver head on his arm. ''It bled a lot, and I was already late, so I threw the whole shaver head into the bin.''
''Oh, thank the lord.'' Kurt said quickly.
Wes and Blaine exhaled in relief.
Blaine said quickly, before anyone could start talking about how bad it would be if someone was self-harming, ''Let's go eat. I'm starving.''
Blaine was so relieved that he didn't know if he was happy or nervous about the whole thing.
After school, he went up to his dorm, checking his phone. Jordan left a message while his phone was off, earlier.
''Meet me at my house at five. We need to talk. About our break-up.'' Jordan said, sounding almost apologetic, ''I need you, Blaine.''
That voice. That stupid voice Jordan did that Blaine always gave in for. Jordan also had a way with words, which Blaine knew that he used against him.
It frustrated him that he wasn't strong enough to say no, every time Jordan begged. A part of him still loved Jordan and still hoped that things would go back the way they were.
But then Kurt came along, and now, his focus was on breaking free from Jordan's strong clutches.
Blaine wanted to hate Jordan. Somehow, he couldn't.
They never even had anything in common when they fell in love; Jordan hated football and preferred baseball, Blaine had a thing for cardigans and Jordan loved his big leather jackets. They were basically entire opposites in size too; Blaine was a tiny boy at the time and Jordan was tall and overly muscly, threatening even. He guessed it was true what they say; opposites attract.
Well, that was two years ago. Things change. Clearly they do.
Blaine hesitated as soon as he stepped in the door. They stood across the grey-white room from each other, in the small, shabby, untidy apartment Jordan called home. He and his roommates rented. Blaine never met Jordan's roommates, but was quite certain they weren't any better.
Looking around the room, he felt the same familiar feeling of fear, weakness and doom. This room had many horrible memories within its walls.
''I've missed my little boy.'' Jordan said with a dangerous smile, ''How are you, baby?''
Blaine tensed; he hated the put-down sort of way that Jordan spoke and acted towards him, like Blaine was inferior to Jordan. He did feel inferior to him though.
''D-don't talk to me like that. I don't like it.'' he replied as coldly as he could to mask his fear.
''Oh, Blaine,'' he started slowly, with those green eyes and that persuasive voice, ''We're going to have to work this out. We have to do something. I can't just let you be alone in this world. You're so tiny and innocent and weak – ''
''Don't talk to me like that. I said I don't like it.'' Blaine said through clenched teeth, letting his bubbling anger get the better of him.
As soon as he said it, he knew this was where it would begin today.
A new round of bruises, physical, emotional and mental. A new round of lowered self-esteem and heartbreak.
''Do you like this?'' Jordan spat.
Blaine winced, bracing himself as Jordan rocketed a fist, headed straight for Blaine's torso.
XXX
''Where's Blaine?'' Kurt thought aloud as he walked in, to a Blaine-less dorm.
''He said he had to quickly go and assist a friend.'' Wes said, nonchalantly.
''Sounded like a minor emergency, so don't sweat it.'' David added, smiling at Kurt.
Kurt flicked his rainbow pencil around in his fingers tensely, waiting for Blaine as he sat in the lounge room, all alone. He'd rather be alone than with anyone else but Blaine.
As if the God that Kurt didn't believe in had heard, Wes and David walk into the room, silently annoying Kurt unknowingly.
''You haven't seen Blaine yet?'' David asked Kurt.
Kurt shook his head, with a worried look on his face.
XXX
As quietly as he could in his injured state, Blaine crept into the empty dorm, his hair messy and his clothes creased.
He was so glad he came back to the dorm at the right time; when everyone was out.
He locked the bathroom door and studied his overall appearance in the mirror. He had bags under his eyes (which, admittedly, he covered up with some makeup he bought) and his face had a sickly pale colour.
Then, Blaine tore off his jacket and his shirt, and examined his body, as he always did after a bashing from Jordan.
A punching bag was what Blaine saw. A defenceless, unarmed, weak, human punching bag.
He cursed, remembering the horrible, put-down things that Jordan said about him, when he found out Blaine was self-harming.
Things like: ''You coward! Cutting for attention are you?'' and ''Not everything is about stupid little craps like you!''
Blaine sighed to himself, looking into his own eyes in the mirror.
'Who am I and why can't I fix this?'
He knew he needed to move on. But it's easier said than done, even if the person you are trying to move on from is an abuser.
Standing in the shower, he let plenty of silent tears escape, letting them roll down his cheeks and into the drain.
A few months later… (Five days before 'Original Song' Episode)
There was more misery building up on Blaine every day. He watched Kurt longingly, but hated that he hid his love for the angelic boy with a voice like – surprise, surprise – an angel. Jordan bashed him more and more, but not enough so Blaine couldn't make it through the day, but that didn't mean he wasn't dying inside.
Another hour of the night was spent staring at his body again, most of the time spent on cutting his arms.
After a quick shower, his hair still damp, he stepped out of the bathroom, shirtless, a towel draped around his neck.
Blaine didn't hear anyone come into the room, but obviously, someone came in, because that someone was sitting on a bed, turning to see Blaine's bare, bruised and cut body.
Kurt.
'Oh no.'
XXX
Kurt was speechless and something choked at the back of his throat, as he stared in horror at Blaine's broken, ruined body.
''B-Blaine…you – your body!'' he finally pushed out at last, scanning the panicking boy with wide, startled eyes.
Blaine looked scared and swallowed deeply. He hesitated for a moment, his hazel eyes searching the blue-green-grey eyes of Kurt. He turned quickly, retreating to the bathroom, with a clumsy effort to close the door.
''No, come back!'' Kurt cried, leaping off the bed and grasping the door knob and pushing, just in time, before Blaine could close it.
XXX
Hot tears poured down Blaine's face.
''Stay away!'' he cried, sliding down the door as he tried to push it closed.
''Blaine, please!'' he heard Kurt say desperately on the other side of the door.
''No, Kurt! No!''
But Kurt didn't stop trying to push the door open.
''Please, Blaine! L-let me in!'' Kurt said, his voice trembling.
'Is he crying too?' Blaine thought.
This was too much. Blaine didn't think anyone would find out about his secret. He had kept it for a long one and a half years.
Kurt fell silent.
''K-Kurt?'' he asked out to the sudden quietness.
Kurt spoke, but softly and calmly.
''B-Blaine, please.''
Blaine whimpered and wiped fresh tears away.
''Y-you can't tell. You can't tell anyone.'' Blaine said, realising his voice was trembling too.
''I won't. You knowI won't.'' Kurt persuaded, ''Please, Blaine. Let me in.''
XXX
''Don't – don't look at me.'' Blaine said from where he hid behind the door, sounding unrealistically different.
Slowly, the door opened and Kurt saw Blaine, sitting pathetically in a slump on the bathroom floor.
His face was wet with tears and he was still crying.
''Oh, Blaine.'' Kurt said, rushing to his side.
He closed the door behind him and locked it, making sure Blaine knew.
''I – I…I'm so sorry.'' Kurt said softly, sitting down beside him and taking his hand.
He didn't really care right now if Blaine figured out he had a crush on him.
All Kurt wanted was to be there for his friend.
''No, don't – don't say that.'' Blaine said in a fragile voice.
Kurt wanted to kiss him, wanted to kiss his worries away and wanted Blaine to know that he was loved. But he didn't, because he didn't know if that's what Blaine wanted.
Then, Kurt realised something.
What if that dream of Blaine kissing him wasn't exactly a dream, but was this moment, right here?
It can't be. The whole thing has been turned around.
He glanced at Blaine. The boy's hair wasn't gelled and neat as it usually was and he looked terribly exhausted.
Kurt never imagined that the boy who always had a smile on his face would crumble behind closed doors. This boy was so strong. So incredibly strong. He almost couldn't believe that all this was happening behind what appeared to be a constantly joyful personality and a perfect reputation.
Kurt leant over and hugged him.
XXX
Even though hugging Kurt meant his whole body throbbing with pain, Blaine did it anyway.
'I love you.' he wanted to say to that beautifully angelic face.
But what if he doesn't love Blaine the way Blaine love him? He didn't know the answer. It was all very confusing.
One thing that Blaine thought of constantly was a tiny thing Kurt said on Valentines' Day; something along the lines of ''I thought the person you were going to serenade was me.''
What's that supposed to mean? Then, Kurt made a reference about how Harry met Sally and Blaine was pretty sure Kurt knew that Harry and Sally got together in the end, but chose not to acknowledge it. What does all this mean?
Blaine cried more.
''Hey. It's alright.'' Kurt said, still squeezing Blaine battered body in his arms.
They stopped hugging, but Kurt pulled a handkerchief from his pants pocket and delicately wiped away the tears, like Blaine was a carefully painted artwork that someone freshly vandalised.
He liked the feeling. He liked that Kurt was the one to find out. He liked that Kurt was the one to wipe away his tears and give him hugs.
But, most of all, he loved Kurt.
XXX
''Let me see this…'' Kurt said, taking Blaine's arm and turning it to see the wounds that never properly healed.
''It hurts.'' Blaine said, wincing. Kurt stopped and stared right into his wide hazel eyes.
Blaine hadn't said much about any of this, in the whole time that they sat together in the bathroom.
Kurt still knew nothing much.
''Who…What did this to you?'' Kurt asked softly, their eyes still locked.
Blaine sighed. It was a sad, exhausted sound that almost made Kurt cringe.
He couldn't stand seeing Blaine in such a horrible state.
''J-Jordan.'' Blaine squeaked, his puppy-dog eyes shining, scared and looking for safety.
''And I - I did it to myself, too.'' Blaine added with a broken voice, ''I - I did the cutting.''
Kurt opened his mouth to say something, but found he had nothing to say.
''I-I've been so scared.'' Blaine cried, collapsing onto Kurt.
He sobbed into Kurt's shoulder, clutching his arm tightly.
'Do you mind if I just adopt you, and take you home?' Kurt thought, wanting to give all the love and care to Blaine that was possible.
''Do – Do you mind that I'm asking questions about this?'' Kurt wondered aloud.
''N-No, no. Y-You've found out already.'' Blaine said, obviously trying to control the sobs that racked his tiny body.
''Oh, Blaine.''
''Kurt, I didn't want anyone – anyone – to find out.'' he said weakly.
''I know.''
Kurt helped Blaine clean his wounds and bandage them. He always knew how to heal bruises too, for he always got them at McKinley, being the bullying victim he was.
''Will you be okay for Regionals? It's in five days.''
''Y-yeah. I'll be fine.'' Blaine said with a weak smile. He stopped sobbing a few minutes ago, but his body was still hiccupping from it.
''You must've been so strong to endure all this.'' Kurt said.
XXX
''Really?'' Blaine said, ''I always felt like the weak one.''
''No, really.''
Blaine gave Kurt a small smile, despite feeling liked Kurt was only saying that to comfort him.
''How...'' Kurt hesitated, ''How long has – ''
''How long has this been going on for?'' Blaine finished.
''Yeah.''
''Nearly two years.''
''Oh my god.''
''It's alright. I've – I've gotten used to it.'' Blaine excused sadly.
''That doesn't make what he does to you acceptable.''
''…I - I know.''
XXX
The next day, Kurt made the effort to be as cheerful as possible, for Blaine's sake, and practiced it even though he was alone. But the happiness didn't last long.
He was whistling with Pavarotti whilst going through his moisturising routine. Pavarotti is the tiny, happy canary that Kurt had the responsibility over until the next Warbler came.
Suddenly, the bird stopped whistling.
''Pavarotti?'' Kurt said.
He peered over, expecting for Pavarotti to be taking a drink break or something.
But instead, he saw Pavarotti lying still on its side.
He burst into tears. Everything was too much to handle.
Almost immediately, he forced himself to stop crying and to find a coffin for it.
Kurt explained what happened to Pavarotti, to the Warblers, feeling the grief as he sang 'Blackbird' by The Beatles.
They sang with him. It was a bitter-sweet moment, which Kurt would rather not dwell on.
XXX
Blaine looked all over the school for Kurt. Ever since 'Blackbird' two days ago, he decided.
He decided to confess his love for the porcelain angel.
He found Kurt sitting in the tea room alone, with all sorts of fake sparkling gems and jewels scattered on the table. He realised that Kurt was decorating Pavarotti's coffin.
They talked a little about the duet and song choice, which Blaine persuaded the Warblers to let Kurt do with him.
''Kurt…there is a moment when you say to yourself… 'Oh, there you are. I've been looking for you forever.' '' Blaine said, awkwardly, skidding his chair a little closer, ''Watching you do 'Blackbird' this week…that was a moment for me – about you. You move me, Kurt…and this duet is just an excuse to spend more time with you. ''
Kurt was speechless. His beautiful shiny eyes shone at him, but Blaine went for his lips.
They kissed.
With tongue.
Beautifully.
Blaine stopped when he felt Kurt hesitate.
''…We should probably practice.'' Blaine said with a bashful smile.
''I thought we were.''
'Oh, Kurt.' he thought, diving in for another passionate kiss.
XXX
After the Regionals competition, which the Warblers did not win, Kurt sighed, disappointed at losing, after all the hard work.
But Blaine was in love with Kurt all along. And neither had any idea. Kurt almost laughed aloud.
He still needed to help Blaine though. He knew that Blaine would have to take a lot of convincing to go to the police, but Kurt was going to make sure this would work out.
XXX
(IMPORTANT MISSING CHUNK OF STORY IS HERE!)
''You're going to the police, right?'' Kurt asked, as they sat having coffee at the Lima Bean.
''Of course. I can't let him get to you.'' Blaine said with a tired smile. He finally reached his limit and was too exhausted to act like the perfect little boy everyone thought he was. He did his best though. Kurt smiled back.
''I do have proof of all the times I've gone out. They can always check the Dalton cameras. It's amazing how no-one ever saw me.'' Blaine said with a quiet embarrassment.
''No, it's not. It's not amazing.'' Kurt said firmly, with a strong look of certainty, ''And you can show them...your bruises.''
''Yeah...'' Blaine mumbled, already feeling reluctant.
''Well, it's the biggest proof you've got that he's been doing this to you.''
Blaine stared at Kurt. Everything about him was delicate, fragile, breakable, even. Except his personality. He was strong; what Blaine aimed to be for such a long time. And Kurt just achieved it easily, every day. He almost wanted to ask what Kurt's secret was.
''I'm ashamed.'' he said quietly.
Kurt's eyes widened, but his tone remained unsurprised, ''Oh, Blaine.''
''Look,'' Kurt said, with refreshingly unexpected confidence, ''You won't get anywhere if you don't man up and do it. And I'm sure the police will have a lot of respect for you. They're probably gonna wish they were half as strong as you!''
''You don't mean that. You're just saying that because I'm your friend, and because you know how weak I feel being...abused by Jordan.''
Kurt just stared at him liked a stunned child and Blaine realised Kurt had no idea.
''I...I honestly meant it, Blaine. Why would I lie to you?'' he finally said, sounding a little hurt.
''No, I just...I just don't want to make assumptions that everyone is trustworthy.'' Blaine apologised, ''I feel horrible, Kurt. I know you wouldn't lie to me.''
XXX
Together, they buried Pavarotti's grave in the bare garden of Dalton. Winter was coming and all the plants already withered.
They talked about losing and Kurt's mother's funeral.
Then, Blaine said something that pretty much made Kurt's life:
''You did win, so did I. We got each other out of all this. That beats a lousy trophy, don't you think?''
He offered his hand to Kurt, which Kurt took gratefully.
Something felt…right.
He gazed into Blaine's eyes, and then he knew.
Blaine felt right.
Kurt sighed, walking off to the Dalton, buildings, hand-in-hand with Blaine.