"Adoption isn't a birthmother's rejection but an unconditional love that inspires her to put herself last and do all she can for her baby."
-Author Unknown
Abby grunted as she moved box after box up the three flights of steps and into her small apartment. She had finally made it down to Louisiana for the first time since Gloria's funeral, and apparently, Gloria had left her a lot of stuff. She looked around at all the boxes in her living room and grinned.
"Finally done!" she said happily.
She grabbed a snack and a Caf-Pow!, plopped onto her black leather couch, and reached into one of the boxes. She felt around, and her fingers wrapped around a large book. She pulled it out and grinned. It was her very first chemistry textbook. She had been so curious about chemistry, that Gloria had bought it for her one summer at a school yard sale. The information was outdated, and the book itself had been falling apart, but she still remembered poring over it out on the back porch as a young girl, while the hot Louisiana sun baked the earth.
She leafed through the illustrated sheets, glancing at all her handwritten notes in the margins. What used to be so complicated now seemed like mere child's play. She stopped, as she saw an envelope, stuck between two of the pages.
"What in the world?" she muttered to herself.
The envelope said: "To Abigail Eliana, to open on your eighteenth birthday," in unfamiliar handwriting.
To the side, there was a short note in Gloria's familiar scrawl.
Abby, if you're reading this, well I'm either dead or dying.
Your father and I were supposed to give you this on your eighteenth birthday. We never did, and for that, I am truly sorry. I'm also sorry for never telling you about this in person. Your father and I could never find the courage. We thought you would see us...differently, see us as people other than your parents. Please, just read the letter enclosed in the envelope, and you'll see what I'm talking about.
Know that I'll always love you, no matter what.
All my love,
Gloria
Abby gasped, as she realized what the envelope must hold.
It had been two-and-a-half years since she had found out...found out she was adopted, that she had a younger biological brother, that her parents had lied to her, a lie of omission, yes, but a lie all the same. Two-and-a-half years spent aching and questioning and laying awake at night wondering, hoping, dreaming. Two-and-a-half years of not being able to summon the courage to even begin the process of finding her birth mother. She had contacted her biological brother, Kyle, only because of Gibb's concerned insistence, and for a while, that had satisfied her. Then, one day, the nagging questions, sleepless nights, and endless wondering came back again.
She just stared at the envelope, watching it as if the contents held inside would jump out and bite her.
Finally, she summoned all of her courage and gingerly opened the envelope. Inside, there was one sheet of fuchsia paper, both sides covered with the same unfamiliar print that had been on the front of the envelope.
She took a deep breath and began to read.
Dear Abigail,
She stopped and read and re-read those words over and over again. She felt tears begin to pool in her eyes, but she refused to allow them to fall.
Dear Abigail,
Today is your eighteenth birthday! You are officially an adult! I have not seen you since the day I gave birth to you in the hospital.
There are so many things I wish to tell you!
First of all, know that I have always loved you and will always love you, no matter how far away you are from me now. It may seem like I never loved you...that I never wanted you at all...that I hated you, even. That is not it at all.
As I carried you inside me for those eight months and twenty-four days, those were the best days of my life. As I gave birth to you, as I watched you breathe your first breath, everything inside me screamed for me to just snatch you and run away. Disappear and live together in some small corner of the world, somewhere where we would never be found, but I had already promised you to someone else. To your mommy and daddy and older brother. To the people I knew could give you a better life than I could ever hope to give you. To your family.
Your mom and dad...we kinda chose each other. We met at an adoption convention. I was there to attend some talks on being a mother giving her child up for adoption. Your parents were there to attend some seminars on being adoptive parents. We met in cafeteria during one of the breaks, and we just hit it off. It was then that I knew: they were the ones! They told me they already had a biological son, but they desperately wanted another child. After the pregnancy and delivery of your older brother, they found they could not conceive naturally without endangering the lives of both mother and baby. They admitted how devastated they were. Luckily for them (and me), they turned to adoption.
I had so many interviews with your parents, your brother, your extended family members, family friends, co-workers...anyone who would talk to me and give me information about your parents' character. I wanted to make sure you went to the best home possible.
When they found out they were going to add a baby girl to their family, they were so, so happy! They had the perfect family now...a mom, a dad, a little boy, and now a little girl.
One of the things I do know about you is your name: Abigail Eliana. Your parents gave me that small piece of you...something for me to hold onto you by, because as they were weeping with joy, I was weeping with sorrow.
Each name given to you has very special meaning.
"Abigail" means "father's joy." Your father started to cry when I told him you were a girl, he was so overjoyed! I could tell, then and there, that your daddy was going to spoil you like crazy! You were going to be a daddy's girl, your father's joy. I knew that name would fit you perfectly.
"Eliana" means "God has answered me." You were the answer to your parents' long, heartfelt prayers. They had begged and pleaded with God to allow them to somehow add to their family. He had heard their heartfelt pleas and petitions and had finally answered, "Yes."
The day you were born was such a...bitter-sweet day. You were a stubborn baby. I was in labor for over fifteen hours! Your parents were there with me every step of the way...every hour, every minute, every second, watching, waiting, praying for your safe arrival.
You were born at 8:54 am, on May 23rd. You were so beautiful...you had tiny wisps of blonde hair on your head, and you had these soulful green eyes that pierced straight into my heart, as the nurse held you up for me to see.
Your daddy was the first one to hold you. They tried to hand you to me, but I just shook my head and pointed to your father. He stood there, totally stunned at my decision. The nurses cleaned you up, then gently placed you in your father's arms. He gingerly sat down in a chair, and he stared into your eyes and whispered softly into your tiny, perfect ear, "Welcome to the world, Abigail Eliana Scuito."
I chose not to hold you. I held your little hand, double-checked to make sure you had all your fingers and toes, but I did not hold you. I could not. I knew that if I did, I would not be able to go through with my decision to give you up.
As I watched your parents fuss over you, cry as they held you, smile and cry again as they brought your brother in to see you, I knew I had made the right decision. Believe me, though, this is the hardest decision in my life.
As I write this, I am in the 30-day waiting period required by the state of Louisiana to give the birthmother time to think about her decision. As much as it hurts to say this, I know that I will never regret giving you up. Yes, there will be days where I will long to hold, to watch you grow up, but I promise you, it is for the best. I would never be able to give you the kind of love that you would so desperately crave- the kind of love you deserve.
I hope with this letter I have answered some of your questions, eased some of your fears.
One day, I hope to see you again, but if you don't want to see me or if we cannot be reunited, know that you are loved. Let me say it again. You are loved. You always have been loved, and you always will be loved, loved with a love so immense that I cannot even put it into words.
Until we meet again,
Your birthmom,
Leah
|•|
She set the letter down, the tears flowing freely down her cheeks in a never ending river.
Leah. Her name was Leah. And Leah loved her! She loved her enough to give her the life that she herself could have never provided.
She smiled as she remembered a poem that Gibbs had given her a couple months after finding out. He had seen it in the newspaper, and had cut it out and given it to her, along with her usual Caf-Pow! and kiss.
She dried her eyes, went to her bedroom, and rummaged around, finally finding the small newspaper clipping in a box underneath her bed. Ah yes, The Legacy of an Adopted Child. That's what it was called. She smiled as she read it aloud to herself, slowly and savoring each word, for it now had new meaning.
The Legacy of an Adopted Child
"Once there were two women who never knew each other.
One you never met, the other you call 'Mother'
Two different lives, shaped to make your one
One became your guiding star, the other became your sun.
The first one gave you life, the second taught you how to live it.
The first one gave you a need for love, the second was there to give it.
One gave you a nationality, the other gave you a name...
One gave you a talent, the other gave you an aim.
One gave you emotions, the other calmed your fears.
One saw your tears
One sought for you a home- that she could not provide.
The other prayed for a child
And her hopes were not denied.
And now you ask me through your tears
The age-old question unanswered through the years
Heredity or environment
Which are you the product of?
Neither, my darling, neither
Just two different kinds of love."
-Author Unknown
She wiped at the stray tear that leaked out her eye...the final line echoing in her head.
"Just two different kinds of love," she murmured softly to herself.
Suddenly, she had an idea. She grabbed her favorite pen, a piece of paper, another Caf-Pow! and began to write.
Dear Leah,
It's Abby...
A/N: Hey guys!
I wrote this in honor of National Adoption Month, which is this month (the month of November). I also wrote this for my 14th "Gotcha" Day (the day my parents "got me" in China) and Adoption Day (the day where I was legally proclaimed my parent's child), which are respectively December 6th and 7th.
I've always felt that the subject of Abby's adoption was never really complete. It was almost as if she found Kyle, then boom! everything in life is perfect and back to normal. I've always felt that there should've been something more, something extra.
This was...hard to write, because as the child given up, as the child abandoned, it's hard to remember that the birthmother also has feelings, that she loved her child enough to allow him/her to live a life she could never have provided.
I purposely left any details about Abby's birthmother, Leah, and the details surrounding Leah's pregnancy out of my story, because I felt this was for Abby's closure, Abby's benefit. I feel that Abby's biggest fear was that her birthmother never wanted her...never loved her, and this letter addresses that.
I hope you enjoyed! Please leave a review! :)