Gone Away
Maybe in another life
I could find you there
Pulled away before your time
I can't deal it's so unfair
A light breeze gently blows through the field as the three of you tower over the grave at your feet. Your hands find their way to your mouth as you try to choke back the sounds of your own sobs. You feel Sammy shift beside you, and before you know it, you're enveloped in one of his signature moose hugs. Bobby walks up next to you, glaring at Sam. You can tell the two of them are silently debating something.
For once, you just can't bring yourself to care. The big brother who had never left your side was dead, stuck in Hell. Your heart aches at the thoughts of what kinds of pain he must be suffering through.
And it feels
And it feels like
Heaven's so far away
Bobby and Sammy's yelling could be heard from your temporary room in Bobby's house. With Dean gone, something had drastically changed in Sam, resulting in him and Bobby fighting a lot more often. Whenever this happened, you just ran to the makeshift room and buried your face into your pillow. Normally, Dean would have been the one to break up their arguments, but now…
…
You don't bother looking to see who the intruder is as the door squeaks open. A few moments later, you feel the other side of the bed sink. A large pair of arms pull you closer to the mass beside you. You roll to your other side, facing Sammy with teary eyes.
"Sammy," you choke out as he wipes your tears away with the pads of his thumbs. He smiles sadly.
"Hey, bug. I'm so, so sorry. We're going to get through this, alright?" he mumbles, exhaustion evident in his voice.
You nod, clinging to that hope as you drift off to sleep in your brother's arms.
When you wake, you don't tell Sam about your nightmare about Dean in Hell, even though your eldest brother's cries for help echo through your mind as the day progresses.
There's nothing you can do to help him and you know it.
…
The moment you had learned that hellhounds had taken your brother away from you, you were beyond devastated. Dean was there for you when Mom died, when Dad went missing, and when Sammy left for college. He'd been the one thing holding this broken family together, and now that he was gone…
Tears stream down your cheeks as you listen to another one of Bobby and Sam's arguments play out downstairs. Now that Dean was gone, this family was more broken than ever.
You hated it.
And it feels
Yeah it feels like
The world has grown cold
Now that you've gone away
A few weeks later, you got up one day knowing that Dean wouldn't want you moping around the house all day every day. After a hot shower, a change of clothes, and a quick snack, you set out to take a quick walk. The outdoors are a nice change of scenery to your room, and the fresh air makes you smile a little bit. The sky is a little bit overcast, but you don't think you'll be out long enough to hit the rain.
With that, you follow the gravel road that would lead one to town if followed long enough. You don't plan on going that far. As you walk, your thoughts drift from one place to another.
What would Dean want you and Sammy to do?
…He'd want you to keep helping people. Help save lives and prevent people's families from turning out like yours. The wind suddenly picks up again, tossing your hair this way and that. Grunting, you swipe it out of your hair.
Your hair…you used to like it this long. Now, after everything…it's more of a nuisance than anything. Annoyed, you push it back.
Then you stop, realizing where you are.
A crossroads.
Warning bells ring through your mind as your eyes land on the center. Yeah, a crossroads demon might be able to get Dean out of hell, but then the hellhounds would go after your ass and the cycle would repeat.
You refuse to put your family through that a second time.
Your thoughts are interrupted by an unfamiliar flapping noise. Turning around, you instinctively curl your fingers around the demon blade Dean gave you when you were younger.
"Whoa, sugar! You know stuff like that can't hurt me, right?" comes a vaguely familiar voice. You furrow your eyebrows.
Leaving flowers on your grave
Show that I still care
But black roses and Hail Maries
Can't bring back what's taken from me
The Trickster from that one college campus case is there, smirking at you. "You…I remember you! You're that Trickster! I thought my brothers and Bobby killed you!"
He shrugs innocently. "Guilty as charged. Yep, that's me! But your brothers overlooked one teensy little detail that got me outta there alive." He winks at you, causing you to roll your eyes.
If Sam and Dean didn't kill him…then what is he? You voice your question.
The Trickster's obnoxious smirk is back. Your grip on the demon blade loosens. You don't trust this guy, but you don't think you're in any imminent danger, either. "I'm Gabriel!"
The name certainly rings a bell, you think as you try to remember where in the hell you've heard that name before. Then, it suddenly occurs to you: your studies with Sammy when you were learning how to hunt. The seven archangels – one of which is Gabriel.
"Gabriel. Like, as in archangel Gabriel?!" you exclaim, amazed. You've fought some crazy ass shit in your life, but a fucking archangel?!
Dean didn't believe in any of that.
Gabriel laughs. "Right again!"
Your frown grows…if he isn't lying, then you've got to be in some deep shit.
"Why are you here?" you question, feeling yourself growing defensive.
His smirk fades away, expression replaced with something more empathetic. His whisky-colored eyes focus on you.
"I heard about Dean," he says, voice soft, "and I wanted to say that I'm sorry."
Out of all the things you expected an archangel to tell you, this was the most unexpected.
Your expression softens as you avert your gaze. "If…if you really mean that…then thank you," you say.
He nods, glancing at the crossroads' center. "Were you thinking about making a deal?"
"I thought about it," you admit, "but then I realized even if a demon could bring Dean back, then I'd have hellhounds on my ass and then everyone would be pissed at me for making a deal…and I don't want to subject them to that."
He nods again. "I was going to try and talk you outta making one if you were going to. But you're stronger than that." He gazes at you with what you think is…admiration?
Again, another gust of winds sweeps through the road. Your hair is blown everywhere, and you're stuck reshaping it again as Gabriel chuckles at you.
"Correct me if I'm wrong, buttercup, but it looks to me like you're not enjoying the longer hair," observes the archangel. You roll your eyes.
"I need to get it cut," you muse.
Gabriel arcs an eyebrow. "How short?"
"I want to try a pixie. Bold, I know, but it'd be better like that, I think," you answer.
He tilts his head, smiling. "Well, let's see." Snapping his fingers, you suddenly feel light-headed.
Quite literally.
Eyes wide, you reach up to brush your hair back, only to find that your long locks are gone. A small gasp escapes you as you glare up at Gabriel, who is holding a…mirror?
He whistles. "Now that's gorgeous. Check it," he says, handing you the mirror. You take it tentatively, holding it up to face you.
…Goddamn!
Your hair is now styled in a trendy little pixie cut that you think suits you quite well. Eyes still widened, you run your fingers through the back.
"…Whoa," you murmur, marveling at how much weight that took off your head.
You look really badass.
"Dunno about you, sugar, but I'm digging it. What about you?"
You're speechless for a moment before you look up at him again. "How did you do that?!"
He wiggles his fingers. "Magic."
You continue looking up at him. "What if I don't like it?"
"Then I can change it back. Or give you a new one." He shrugs. "Whatever you want. But I know you like it." He waggles his eyebrows, making you roll your eyes.
You stare at your reflection for a little longer before you look up at him. "Okay, Gabriel. What's the catch?"
He feigns offense although he knew this was coming. You Winchesters, always expecting the worst in everyone.
"No catch. Just want to see you smile a little bit, sugar. Truth is…" he trails off for a moment, knowing he probably shouldn't tell you this.
But then again, since when is he the obedient son?
"I've got a brother who's been watching you pesky Winchesters for a while now," he confesses, leaning down to you. "And he's trying to find a way to get your brother out of Hell."
He thought he'd might've regretted saying that, but the amount of hope that flared through your eyes was completely worth it. "Really?! Who?!"
"You'll find out soon enough. Just hang in there. It'll take a while, but your brother willwalk this earth again. I swear to you, (Y/N)."
"Why is he looking for Dean? How do you know my name?" you ask, frowning again.
He chuckles. "First of all, it's God's will. Second of all…" he wiggles his stupid eyebrows again, "you Winchesters have made quite a name for yourselves. It's not your brother's time yet."
You grin. "I knew it! You th-" You're cut off by the sound of your phone ringing. "One second," you say apologetically, fishing it out of your pocket. He nods.
"Hello…yeah, fine…just…um, I got a haircut?...just too long…yeah…alright. Bye." You hang up with a sigh, returning your gaze to him. "I've gotta run, but thanks. For…whatever this was," you say, waving your hand around. "And for the hair! That was neat!" For that, you give him a tiny, chaste kiss on the cheek.
With a chuckle, he grins. "Want me to 'port ya back?"
"Thanks for the offer, but we aren't too far away from here. One more thing…" you say.
"What's up?"
"Will I see you again?" you question, smile fading.
"I'm positive you'll see me one way or another," he assures you. "I'll see ya whenever, (Y/N)."
With that, he vanishes. You blink, trying to process what just happened.
Even though he had a questionable reputation with your brothers, you had a feeling you could trust him. And Dean told you to always follow your instincts.
I reach to the sky
And call out your name
And if I could trade
I would
Even though you had faith that Dean would return one day, you couldn't help but feel slightly hurt when Sammy announced that he was leaving for a case.
"Please! Can I please come, Sammy?" you ask, grabbing his hand.
"No. Stay here with Bobby, and I'll be back before you know it," Sam replied, turning to you.
"But…we need you here…" you counter.
You notice the bags under Sam's eyes. "I need to do this alone, bug. We'll do something together when I get back, I promise. Okay?"
You sigh as he brings you in for a hug. "I love you."
"I love you too, Sammy," you mumble, inhaling his comforting and familiar scent while you still can. You weren't sure how'd you fare with both of your big brothers gone.
Judging from the grip Bobby has on your shoulder, the two had had another fight while you were out somewhere. When Sam sped away in the Impala, Bobby patted your shoulder.
"I think he just needs time to vent," he muses, although you both know that the last thing Sammy needs is to be alone right now.
And it feels
And it feels like
Heaven is so far away
And it stings
Yeah it stings now
The world is so cold
Now that you've gone away
Months pass.
Sammy hadn't been back for a while. Sure, he texted you occasionally, but he never specified what he was hunting or what kinds of things he was doing. He wouldn't tell you whether or not he was eating properly or if you could help him with research of any kind. You grew more worried with each passing day.
With your brothers gone and nothing to do, Bobby made you go to school until further notice. You didn't really make any friends, but the school did supply you with a really cheap laptop.
Thus, you discovered the wonders of YouTube.
From the Gaming Trinity to random little videos, you fell in love with it. Soon enough, you found yourself watching more and more video game playthroughs by many different YouTubers, ranging anywhere from big ones like Jacksepticeye and Markiplier to smaller ones, such as Kubz Scouts and Bijuu Mike.
There was something amazing about YouTube that made you feel like you could relate to someone normal. These were kind people who made a living doing what they love and interacting with their fanbases.
Not only that, but they'd be with you wherever you'd went. All of them made you feel less alone.
You loved it.
At lunch, if you didn't have any spare homework to do then you'd watch videos. You became a part of several different fandoms and enjoyed yourself. You met tons of people online by using a penname and exploring various websites.
These new obsessions weren't all. You kept your hair short and got it trimmed every month, so it didn't get much longer. You became a lot closer to Bobby, too, since he was the only one you could really count on these days. And at night, you'd text or call Sammy even if he didn't tell you much, and then you'd go asleep.
Gone away
Gone away
The time came where you were snuggled up next to Bobby, initially watching TV until you were on the verge of falling asleep when a knock came from the door. You'd assume that it wasn't anything meaningful, so you'd continued trying to fall asleep. Noises blurred together as sleep began to take over your conscious, until-
"Baby girl?"
Your eyes open, recognizing the voice as one you weren't sure you were going to hear again.
And there, lurking over you, was Dean himself, his fanfiction green eyes staring down at you. You didn't take the time to take in his disheveled, filthy figure as you shot up into his arms and hugged the hell out of your eldest brother.
"Dean!" you cried, tears streaming down your cheeks as he picked you up and spun you around.
"Babe," he mumbled, kissing your cheek, "I missed you so much." You think he's about to cry from the way his voice is trembling.
Eventually, he set you down but still had an arm wrapped around you. "I knew you'd come back!"
He arcs an eyebrow. "Really now?"
You nod. "I knew it all along." Your face falls as you remember your other brother. "Dean! You've gotta get Sammy to come back home!"
…
Castiel peers down at the newly-reunited family. Although his initial task is finished for the moment, he knows he has to make sure that the Winchesters fulfill their destinies. For once, he doesn't mind leaving Heaven to help this peculiar family. He knows that they'll try to contact him since they – well, two of them – aren't aware that this was an angel's doing.
So he'll wait when the time is right.
GONE AWAY
.
.
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"Gone Away" by The Offspring; lyrics are not mine.