Jack didn't understand what came over him.
Bodies were crushed together, moving together in a single mass. Heat choked the air, making it difficult to breathe without the opened windows of the small venue. Sweat was running down his face, back, and every other gland in his body.
And he couldn't keep his eyes off Zack.
He and his boyfriend hadn't talked for three weeks.
At first, it was Zack's fault. The boy had unintentionally hurt his boyfriend's feelings, ignoring him at the party that had been thrown the night before the way he had. Jack had responded in kind, belittling their relationship and its importance. Alex and Rian were caught in the middle, fruitlessly trying to fix the rift a week before tour started.
Since then, Zack hadn't talked, texted, or even looked at Jack, who again responded in kind. It had been three weeks since he'd been in his boyfriend's (ex's?) presence without a tense silence, so unlike the warm conversations about nothing he was so used to. So long since they'd joked, laughed, kissed. Nearly a month's time since Zack's hand had held his, arms had been around him, lips had touched some part of his body, any of it.
Jack wanted to hear Zack's voice.
He missed the jokes, the laughing and occasional snort if one of them went too far with a joke. He wanted his voice in his ear, whispering everything and nothing. He'd almost been tempted several times just to start an argument if just to hear his voice again. He wanted to hear Zack to say I love you, if just one more time.
Jack wanted to touch Zack so bad it ached.
He wanted to slide his tongue into his mouth and let it roam; wanted their teeth to clash together again and again. He wanted blonde hair under his hands, tugging, pulling, smashing their faces together. He wanted Zack to touch him – anywhere, even if just his pinky.
Maybe that was what kept missing notes. Why he continuously lost his place and occasionally stopped playing altogether while he frantically tried to focus on what song they were on. Probably the reason Alex and Rian kept shooting glances over at him as his mistakes became more and more noticeable, while Zack's back stayed turned to him as he stood on the other side of the stage. Alone.
"I'm falling apart," he whispered.
The dancing stopped. Every single eye in the room was on him, with the exception of one person. It was only then that Jack realized he had spoken into his microphone, louder than he intended, during a lull in the song.
"I'm sorry," Jack sighed, looking at the boys and girls in the mosh pit. "You guys paid good money to be here so we could show you a damn good time, and I'm just ruining it. I'm so sorry."
"We forgive you!" One voice screamed, and the rest of the fans nodded eagerly.
"We love you, Jack!"
"Feel better!"
Jack flashed the crowd a grateful smile. "I'm sorry about this guys. Alex, Rian… Zack… let's just keep going, yeah?" he swallowed hard.
His heart absolutely plummeted when he noticed Zack shaking his head. The bassist turned to look at him for the first time, and the feeling worsened when he noticed the cold look in the normally soft green eyes. Noticing his distress, Alex took a couple steps closer, and Jack all but shrank behind him as Zack headed over to them.
"No, I can't just keep going." He stated loudly. "Jack, I can't keep doing this."
"What?" Alex asked, thoroughly confused and slightly panicked.
Fans held their breath, tears welling up, too confused and scared to interrupt what they imagined the beginning of the end – the split of All Time Low.
Ever the peacemaker, Rian stood up from behind his drums. "Jack, Zack. Take a break and head backstage for a while." He advised urgently.
Neither of the two listened to him. There was a tense pause before Jack spoke again.
"I can't just keep feeling sorry and absolutely hating myself for making an idiotic mistake, not realizing that it's hurting everyone so badly." Zack stated. He glanced at his other two band mates, looking intensely apologetic. "Bear with me guys, this will only take a second."
Taking a couple more steps so that he passed Alex to stand right in front of Jack, Zack looked down at him. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "Damnit, I'm so fucking sorry baby. I'll explain everything after the show, just please stop looking at me like your entire world has ended."
"But it has," Jack hated the way his voice trembled, and noticed that the noise didn't carry over. Evan must have cut his and Zack's microphones, because the several fans were craning their heads and cupping their ears, straining to hear what was going on. They still seemed patched to Rian and Alex however, judging by the way they each cupped their hearing device in their ear and wore matching hopeful smiles.
A look of pure agony washed over Zack's face. He cupped Jack's cheek in his hand, skimming his thumb over his jaw and across his lips. "Please, just wait. I promise, baby, I'll explain everything."
Jack gave a quick, shaky nod and Zack let out a sigh of relief. A beautiful smile broke out on his face, making Jack's heart skip.
"Alright, are you ready to give these beautiful people a show they'll never forget?" Zack asked, spreading a hand out to indicate the audience. His mike was reconnected, and the entire crowd shrieked as they awaited Jack's answer.
With a nod, Jack struck his guitar.
Dear God.
What Jack had thought was hot before had nothing compared to this.
During the entire second half of the set, Zack's hands never left his body. Casual brushes and deliberate touches slowly ignited a fire in the pit of Jack's stomach, and each additional contact added fuel to the flame. Between the time Zack snaked his hand down his shirt and rubbed his chest, and the blonde possessively gripping his hips for several beats, white hot heat had engulfed the entirety of Jack's body.
Both boys were panting and sweating, and Jack was tempted several times to just lean forward and sink his teeth into the other boy's damp skin. He could nearly taste the salty tang as he imagined himself tracing a wayward drop of sweat streaking down the blonde's chest and disappearing into his shorts. That resulted in several moments of Jack staring at Zack's crotch, and the other boy took it as invitation to come over and – sweet Jesus – lick the shell of his ear.
Biting his lip to keep from groaning loudly, Jack played the ending notes of For Baltimore with shaking fingers.
Alex's goodbye faded to white noise as the blood rushed to Jack's ears. This was it. The concert was over, he had made it. Judging by the look in Zack's eyes, he wasn't sure he would make it to the end of the night, but the way the blonde sucked the side of his neck distracted him from caring too much. The hand inching its way down his pants did nothing to refute that resolve.
"That was obscene," Zack whispered hotly in his ear.
"You were obscene," Jack panted, rolling his head back to give the boy more access to his neck. "Getting down on your knees, practically sucking me off during Stella..."
Zack gave him a sharp bite. "You wanted it, Jack. I could fucking tell you would have done it, had I asked you."
Moaning loudly, Jack nodded his agreement.
The two of them were sitting in their dressing room, on a black leather couch. Jack was all but draped over Zack, whose hands were roaming, feeling, touching.
Without warning, their door banged open. Alex and Rian stormed inside, looking beyond pissed. Again, with Zack's fingers dipping into his boxers, Jack found it very difficult to care about their anger at this point.
Alex glared at them, chest heaving. Rian stood next to him, looking just as furious with his arms crossed. The two successfully broke through the others' lust-filled haze by reaching out and hauling Jack up, out of reach of Zack.
"Both of you fucking suck," Alex snarled. "You terrified the shit out of me and Rian, you know that? Our fans almost started an emotional riot, and all of our managers were backstage having a collective panic attack."
Jack could tell Zack's mind wasn't entirely on Alex's statement, judging by the narrowed green eyes fixated solely on his own face. The bassist licked his lips, reaching out with the intention of grabbing Jack by his belt loops.
Swallowing a couple times as an attempt to calm down, Jack took a step out of Zack's reach.
Rian nodded his approval before speaking. "Keep it in your pants, Merrick, because neither of you are fucking until you fix whatever the fuck's been broken with you for a goddamn month. It's hurting our friends, our fans, and hurting me and Alex directly. We've been so worried about you guys, and want you guys to talk through it, for real."
For the first time, their words were getting through to Zack. His expression cleared, and he looked ashamed. "Right," he cleared his throat. "I guess I have a lot of explaining to do," he rubbed the back of his head self-consciously.
Alex softened. "You don't have to say it all in front of me and Rian," he assured him. "We don't need to know the full story. But Rian's right in that we've been out of our minds, concerned with you guys and we just want you guys to talk it out so we can go back to normal."
"We'll leave you two alone," Rian nodded. "But don't you dare try to fuck before everything's worked out, because Alex and I will break it up again."
Before he even finished, Zack was shaking his head. "I'd rather have an audience for this," he admitted. "Issue a sort of public explanation – er – apology."
Alex and Rian shared a look and nodded.
Zack turned his gaze back to Jack. "Plus, if you would leave me alone with him, I don't know what I would do." He rasped.
A strange whimper came from Jack's throat, and before his friends could stop him, he was on Zack. The blonde's hands immediately wound around his waist and slid into his back pockets. Jack was nibbling along Zack's ear, whispering indecent words the other two could only hear snatches of.
"Fuck, I want you. Just kiss me – fuck my mouth with yours and remind me what you taste like." Jack growled lowly. Before Zack could – eagerly – fulfill his request, hands were on Jack again, pulling him away.
"Jesus, Jack." Alex rolled his eyes. "I know it's been a while, but at least decide for real whether or not you're getting back together before you keep humping his leg."
More than anything, those words were like a shock to Jack's system. All of the previous emotions of insecurity, pain, and sadness he'd been feeling came rushing back, reminding him of the situation he was in.
Zack noticed it right away, how Jack's demeanor changed from sexually confident to weak and hurt. The drastic change in mood was like a shot to his heart. He reached for Jack again, less urgently this time, to draw the boy into his lap.
"Baby, I'm sorry." He whispered, burying his face in dark hair. "Do you want me to explain?" There was a slight tinge of fear in his voice; what if Jack just didn't want to hear it, and left him there alone?
Jack surprised him by nodding vigorously. "That's all I've wanted for three weeks, baby."
Zack leaned his head back and sighed with relief. "Okay. Three weeks ago, at Flyzik's party…" he cut off with a groan. "This is really stupid of me, so please don't hate me." He begged.
Dropping a small kiss on his nose, Jack silently urged him to continue.
"I… was drunk. And not myself. I… I saw you hanging out with a bunch of girls, and it did something to me." Zack lifted the hand not around Jack's waist to rub his eyes. "They were all over you. They wanted you, I could tell even all the way across the room. God, I hated it. Normally I can deal with dumb sluts, but drunk me just... took control and made it seem worse than it actually was. I wanted… I don't know. I wanted them to stop, just stop touching you."
The black fury in Zack's tone made Jack shiver. Normally, he didn't have much patience around angry people, but the fact that he knew it was centered around, not directed at, him, that Zack was just afraid of losing him tugged at his heart.
"I was going to head over, and… I don't know, do something. But then I thought about you, and how you'd think I was being unreasonable. Which is understandable, but it made drunk me even more angry. So I avoided you altogether that night." He bowed his head, looking ashamed. "And when we came home."
"And it sucked, baby, because I just wanted to have a good time with you." Jack murmured, rubbing his nose against his cheek.
"I know," Zack sounded pained. "It was fucked up, I was fucked up. It's a shitty excuse, but I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have gotten drunk. It was a horrible day, first with my poor bass malfunctioning, then drunk me making an ass of myself, and then hurting you and making you mad at me…"
"My turn to explain," Jack admitted. He leaned his head on Zack's shoulder. "And apologize. I… I don't know why, but when you hurt me, a part of me just wanted you to hurt, too. It's petty and horrible, but I just… I wanted you to feel like I did. So after you ignored me, I decided to pretend like our relationship wasn't as important to me as it is."
"That nearly killed me," Zack gasped. "When you were like, 'if you're not going to listen, I should go find a fan that will. It would be the same thing.'"
Jack nodded guiltily. "I'm sorry. Please know that I didn't mean it, you know that nobody could ever possibly take your place."
With a wry smile, Zack nodded. "I understood. But at the same time, I was aware that you said what you did to hurt me. And I started getting mad. I was so, so angry…" he clenched his fists, flexing and reflexing his fingers.
It was Alex who interjected. "Why?" he sounded bewildered. "No offense dude, but it sounded like you brought it on yourself."
"Exactly, I wasn't mad at Jack. I was so mad at myself, for being such a dumbass and being the reason we were at the point of being mad at each other." Zack rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably. "I don't know what went wrong from there. I was in a bad place. I just stayed mad at myself the entire time – constantly blaming myself for hurting you – that I didn't realize that by staying quiet and continuing not speaking to you was making it worse. The only thing that snapped me out of it was, onstage, when you said you were falling apart… I had to fix it, make sure that it didn't happen."
Rian sat down next to Jack, putting one arm on his shoulder. He regarded him with a strange expression as he attempted to explain himself. "Zacky… I don't ever want to hear that from you again," he admitted softly. "You should never get to the point when you turn all your anger in on yourself, because that's a truly terrifying place to be."
Nodding seriously, Alex sat on Zack's other side. "Even if you're fighting with one of us, I never want you to feel like you can't come to any other member to talk about it. I don't care if you think it's nothing or if it's at two o clock in the morning, just come find one of us. Please don't get to the point you hate yourself."
Jack nodded, looking a little scared. "That's the easiest way to lose yourself, and could lead you to more dangerous things baby and I just don't want to lose you…"
Sitting up taller, Zack kept one arm around Jack but wrapped the other around Alex and rested his head on Rian's shoulder. "I promise I will," he agreed. "Honestly, this is the first time I've ever felt this way and most of it was alcohol induced so it's not like this is a serious issue. I didn't mean to scare or hurt any of you. I am really, truly sorry guys."
"We forgive you," Alex smiled, and Rian grinned in agreement. "Just make sure you deal with it better next time, yeah?"
Zack nodded and returned their grins. Each boy on either side gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before standing and heading back outside.
Hesitantly, Zack glanced down at Jack, who still hadn't said anything. Did the boy forgive him? Or did he no longer think he was worth it…?
"Should I forgive you for hurting me?" Jack pondered. He tapped a finger to his chin. "Yes. Should I forgive you for prolonging our fight longer than it should have been?" he repeated the motion. "Yes. Should I forgive you for drawing into yourself and hurting your own mind, damaging the mentality of my best friend in the world?" He fixed Zack with a glare. "No. But I'm going to help you work through it."
"I'm fine, baby." Zack assured him. "Honestly. This kind of thing just doesn't happen to me, and I'll make it won't again."
A bright smile warmed Jack's face. "I believe you," he hummed.
"There's just one thing I need to know…." Zack said haltingly.
"What's that?" Jack cocked his head to the side.
Hesitating, Zack remained quiet for a while. "Are… will you take me back? Do you still want to be with me?"
"Of course," Jack said instantly. "Breaking up never even crossed my mind, baby. I never considered myself not yours."
Blood rushed through his veins. "You mean it? You still love me?"
"Of course," the brunette repeated tenderly.
"Thank you, baby." Zack murmured. He pressed soft kisses along the side of his boyfriend's face. "Thank you for believing in me, and giving me another chance. I swear I won't hurt you again."
"Hurt us again," Jack corrected. He snuggled closer, cuddling up to him like a child. He slid his hands up, weaving his fingers through Zack's hair and rubbing small circles.
Zack smiled, relaxing under his touch. He slipped his hands under Jack's shirt, tracing random patterns on his stomach.
He noticed the first time the boy's breath hitched. Raising an eyebrow, he said nothing, and continued occasionally dropping a kiss on Jack's face every now and then.
It wasn't until the brunette squirmed slightly as Zack gently dug his nails into his chest that the blonde realized what was going on. He realized exactly how he was affecting his boyfriend. Still, he barely reacted.
Feigning boredom, Zack shifted slightly so that he could more easily access Jack's chest. One hand rubbed gently over the boy's heart, while the other curled around his waist. Cautiously, Zack teased the left nipple between his index and pointer finger while his right hand inched slowly toward Jack's belt.
Jack giggled, not noticing Zack's intentions. He swatted the boy's hand from his chest, pulling it out from under his shirt. Instead, he hooked Zack's arm around his neck.
With an innocent smile, Zack resumed his kissing. Softly at first, so as not to raise suspicion. Down his cheek, skimming his neck, back up to his jaw, inching closer and closer to his target. A breathy sigh indicated to Zack he had found it again, Jack's soft spot directly under his ear. He began to involve his tongue, flicking and licking the thin skin.
Jack's back arched, unintentionally pressing down on Zack's crotch. With a small grunt, Zack sank his teeth into the shell of his boyfriend's ear and reveled in the flush that rose up from his neck. He continued his ministrations, more boldly this time. One hand dipped into Jack's pants while the other cupped the brunette's face.
"Baby, stop dancing around it." Jack said huskily. "In case you haven't noticed, I've been grinding your dick for the past twenty minutes; you don't have to hold back."
"Tease," Zack rasped. "That would explain why I have an awkward boner during a cuddling moment."
With an innocent smile, Jack rotated his hips again, creating a spark of friction between their jeans.
"Fuck," he turned the younger boy around in his arms and feverishly kissed his neck. "I love you so much." His hands held Jack up as the other boy unfolded himself from the sitting position to straddle Zack's waist.
Heat instantly filled the room, most palpable in the atmosphere around the couple on the couch. Zack relentlessly attacked Jack's throat; sucking, biting, and nibbling at the skin. Jack whimpered, head lolling forward, onto Zack's shoulder. A sharp nip to his ear ripped a moan from his throat, paving the way for more noises to spill from his lips.
"So hot," Zack rasped. "Shitfuck. You're so hot."
"Compliments will get you everywhere," Jack whispered, rolling his hips into the other's. The delicious contact caused Zack to nearly go cross eyed with lust. "Zack, my Zacky. Do you love me?"
Zack's hands turned into claws, raking down Jack's back before coming down to cup his ass. "More than anything," he panted.
"I love you, Zacky." Jack pressed their foreheads together. "So much. So, so-" He never got the chance to finish, because Zack's hot tongue slipped inside his mouth to effectively cut him off. At the same time, Zack's left hand successfully unbuttoned Jack's skinny jeans. He wasted no time in taking his boyfriend into his hand, squeezing and rubbing.
The brunette moaned loudly and started to suck lightly on Zack's tongue, buried deeply in Jack's mouth. He felt so… dirty. So hot and desperate. He and Zack were practically fucking on the couch in a hotel room like teenagers after prom night, but he honestly couldn't bring himself to care.
"Your shirt," Zack managed say between kisses. "Off. Now."
"Pants," Jack panted, less coherently. "Off."
The two broke away for a brief moment to acquiesce to the other's request. Zack unbuttoned his pants and slid them off, letting them pool on the floor. He glanced impatiently at his boyfriend, surprised to see him still trying to work out of his own shirt with shaking fingers.
Without second thought, Zack gripped the fabric and tore it from his boyfriend's body to expose the pale chest.
"Someone's impatient," Jack chuckled breathlessly as he wiggled out of his jeans.
"Someone has missed you," Zack corrected, stepping over the discarded clothes to wrap his arms around him. "Someone hasn't been able to stop thinking about you for the past month. Someone can't believe how this incredible boy could ever be theirs…"
"I ask myself the same thing every day," Jack whispered, lifting his head slightly to connect their lips. Long, wet kisses gave way to fervent touching and a hunger for more.
A/N: I'm not sure how I feel about this story. I'm really just posting it prove that yes, I'm still alive, and yes, I feel absolutely terrible about being gone for so long. Sorrysorrysorry! I'll try to update more frequently, but my schedule's pretty crazy so I'll see what I can do, because something's gotta be better than nothing!
Anyway, I would love it if you could read and comment, because I need honest opinions. There are several parts I really didn't like, so I'm trying to think of how to improve.
For anyone who doesn't know, the story's about Jack Barakat and Zack Merrick from All Time Low. Who it's about isn't that important, I'm really just looking for feedback on the writing itself. The good, bad, and ugly is always welcome :)
Hope everyone's having an utterly fantastic October :D
-Lynx