Spoilers for Season 2

Notes: So ages ago I decided to write something very, very short from Brittany's perspective just to see if I could. This now stands as the longest one shot I've ever written. A couple of things about it -

There's a tiny, tiny amount of Spanish in this (I mean tiny as in, about 4 words). Although I asked someone to translate for me it's probably going to be painfully obvious I don't speak Spanish, so feel free to berate me for it/correct me.

The main song mentioned in this is "Portions for Foxes" by Rilo Kiley, I expect most people will have heard it but if you haven't it's good and you should go listen.

Hope you enjoy this :)

You're dancing and that's the way you like it, unrehearsed and no audience but your friends packed around you, crammed into someone's living room and running on rhythm and adrenaline with the beat of the music pulsing through you and through everyone. First Mike and then Sam twirl you around and you fall against Kurt, grasp his hands and dance together for a few moments before you break apart laughing, find yourself in front of Finn, reach up to ruffle his hair as he shuffles his feet and grins at you. You sing the chorus of the song with Mercedes, your arms raised, only distracted when you turn to Tina and find her looking out of the crowd and away at Artie, alone on the other side of the room.

You leave the group, tired and thirsty and unsure, to put your hand on his shoulder, because if you don't you're not sure that anyone will. He shrugs you away though, whether because he still hasn't forgiven you for taking his virginity or because he's sick of being the only one not dancing at yet another house party, and wheels away, to call his mom, probably, to come pick him up.

In the kitchen you find Rachel and Quinn, drunk and giggling against one another's lips, and you watch them as you gulp down water with a pang of knowing that it used to be you, hiding in the kitchen to make out. Eventually they realise they aren't alone and they turn around, Quinn looks slightly annoyed at the interruption, but Rachel beams, "Hi Brit," she slurs, "How are you?"

You smile, because when she's drunk Rachel isn't nearly so confusing, "I'm okay," you say, "Have you seen Santana?"

Rachel and Quinn glance at each other, "Uh," Quinn says, as Rachel chews her bottom lip, "I think she left. Sorry."

You shrug, throw the empty bottle away. She doesn't have to tell you because you know, Santana left with Puck. Because that's the way it is now, Santana leaves with Puck and you're left alone.

xxx

In Cheerios practice you don't always understand Sue's instructions right away. You don't do it on purpose, you just get kind of mixed up sometimes, but that doesn't stop people sniggering or rolling their eyes when you do it wrong. When that happened Santana used to push her way past the "jealous bitches" (that's what she called them) and explain the directions to you again, slowly and clearly, because Sue talks kind of fast and it's hard to follow sometimes. Then she'd stand back, fold her arms, and watch with a proud smirk while you did the moves and did them better than anyone else.

When it happens now, Santana is somewhere on the other side of the field, yelling at a freshman, and although she glances over she doesn't come to your rescue, and you stare around in desperation as the other cheerleaders turn away to hide their amusement. Eventually Quinn looks across from where she's talking to Sue, and by then you feel like you want to cry you're so embarrassed, as she takes you by the arm and explains it to you again, looking sad where she used to look irritated. When you do the moves right she glares at Santana, but she turns her back, and you still want to cry.

xxx

It feels strange to walk to all of your classes by yourself, without someone by your side to laugh and talk with. You go home by yourself too, play with your cat in your bedroom and try to do your homework, dance in front of your bedroom mirror, the whole time missing the voice on the other end of the phone or the warm weight next to you in bed. Rachel and Quinn try to be there, and the other Glee members hang out with you when they can, but they have other things on their minds, other people to go to.

You try to explain all of this to Rachel one day, when you're at her house doing homework, "I wonder if even Santana realised just how much she made you a priority." she says.

You're not sure what she means by that, and your confusion must show, because Quinn explains, "She doesn't know if Santana put you first on purpose or without even noticing she was doing it."

You don't reply because Rachel smiles at Quinn then, and Quinn grins back, and they squeeze each others hands and you remember when it was you looking at someone like there was no one else in the room. You used to think she looked at you the same, but you're not so sure any more.

xxx

You see by her locker one day, looking sad and angry, and you don't know why but you still want to go to her. Want to link your pinkie with hers so she'll give you that cute, half smile that means she's still upset but she's glad you're there, want to take her home and distract her for a little while with kisses, and then later lie with her in the dark as she whispers to you what was wrong, her voice shuddering with tears, whether it was her dad and his inevitable absence or her mom crying over him, or her own fear of never getting the hell out of this "crapsack town" (that's what she called it).

"I want to make it better," you used to say, wiping away her tears with your fingers and holding her close, "How do I make it better?"

"Just be here," she used to say, "That makes it better."

But now you're not there, and you're scared that she's crying at night without you.

xxx

Artie asks you out, and you feel like that's kind of weird but mostly you're just glad he's forgiven you. Quinn had said just a few days earlier, "Maybe dating someone else would help you kick your Santana habit." and Rachel agreed with her. Even though they're both pretty bossy, and they argue about stupid things a lot and then make up an hour later and sneak off to go have sex, Rachel and Quinn are sort of like your best friends now, so you think you should listen to their advice.

"Okay," you say then, when Artie asks you out, "Do you want to go to Breadstix, or do people in wheelchairs not eat regular food?"

When you tell Rachel and Quinn they glance at each other, and Rachel says she's not sure Artie is what they had in mind when they suggested dating someone else, since he was kind of mean to you. You think Artie's sort of cute though, and he said he was sorry, so they shrug and say, "Well, it's your decision, Brit". Even though Rachel and Quinn are your best friends now, and you love them a lot, Santana never confused you as much as they do.

xxx

You don't know how, maybe Quinn "accidentally" lets it slip, but Santana must find out that you're going to go out with Artie, because she approaches you for the first time in weeks the same day.

"Hi," you say, because she's standing right next to you not saying anything, and you feel sort of awkward.

"Hi," she says, and she seems kind of embarrassed, "Do you want to come to my place tonight?"

Your date with Artie isn't until Friday, and you really miss her, so you say "Sure."

You tell Rachel and Quinn later, thinking they'll be mad, but they just look at each other, "It's just as friends, right?" Quinn asks.

"We don't want you to get hurt again," Rachel adds.

xxx

It was a month ago, maybe more, you're not really sure, it seems like forever. She came over to do homework and you ended up in bed, but that was normal. That happened all the time. It was even sort of normal, although it didn't happen as often or anything, when you made a comment about being something more than friends-with-benefits. That time it was about doing a duet together, but it had been going to a school dance together, or what would happen after high school before as well. "I'm not like, in love with you," she said (she'd said that before too).

You were just fuck buddies, just another warm body underneath her. She stormed out, went home, or to Puck's, or somewhere else maybe, you don't know.

The next morning was when it changed though, and you still aren't sure why. Maybe it was seeing how happy Rachel and Quinn are together, or maybe you just finally reached your limit (that's what Rachel said, you hadn't even known you'd had a "limit"), but when she approached you before school started and tried to slip her arm through yours, you said, "No, thank you, I'm not going to be your stupid sexy friend any more. Well, I'll still be sexy, but you won't get to have sex with me. Okay?"

Rachel squealed and hugged you when you told her what you said, and Quinn looked impressed, "Way to be a badass, Brit." and you felt proud but sort of unsure, because you knew that Santana was a badass and you didn't know if that was such a good thing. Not if it meant hurting people who loved you.

You went out with Artie not long after, and then you had sex with him and he got so mad. You felt horrible, and thought maybe you weren't any good at being a proper girlfriend, maybe that was why Santana didn't want you for anything but sex.

"Don't be ridiculous," Rachel said, "Artie is being unreasonable."

You felt like you just didn't know, you still feel like that, a lot of the time. Being with Santana was so easy, she made everything simple, and now she's not here, and everything seems more difficult than before, and you don't seem to be able to do anything right.

xxx

You do your homework together in her room, and it's just like it was before - easy, easier than it has been for weeks, and not just because she helps you work out your math problems and tells you the answers when you just can't get it. You bitch about other Cheerios and discuss how annoying the Glee club is, and then grin with the shared and unspoken knowledge of how much you each love both. You play with her little brother while she helps her mom cook dinner, and she looks at you in that old way, the one that you thought meant you were the only one in the room. You can barely breathe through your smile.

Later on, when it's dark and you know your mom will be starting to worry, she reaches for you, kisses your neck and puts her hands under your shirt, and for a moment, you let her. Then you remember how much it hurt. How you'd see her kissing Puck in the hall, how she'd call him her boyfriend and be back in your bed the same night. Did she love him? She slept with other people too, did she love any of them? Maybe she even whispered to other people in the dark, and cried with them, and told them why she was sad. Maybe she listened to other people tell her she was the only one they wanted.

"Don't do that." you say, "We're just friends now."

She looks sad, for an instant, before the look is gone and she's turning away and shrugging. "Whatever." she says, so you go home.

xxx

"I guess if I'm not going to have sex with her she doesn't care." you say to Quinn and Rachel the next day.

When you see her in Cheerios practice, she doesn't even glance over at you any more. Quinn works her harder than anyone else, and you feel like you ruined your chances at being friends.

xxx

You go on several dates with Artie. You like being with him, you think. He's trying really hard to be a good boyfriend, you can tell, after he messed things up with Tina, and you guess that's why you work together - you're trying really hard to be a good girlfriend, after you messed things up with Santana. He gets frustrated sometimes when you don't understand things, you can tell, and you kind of hate how he thinks the xbox is the best invention ever (but then he's a boy, so he's probably never used a vibrator) and when you kiss him...well, it's just like kissing anyone else. Anyone that's not her, of course. This is what you wanted though, to stop sleeping with pretty much anyone, to stop trying desperately to get your mind off her and to be with just one person.

And if that person wasn't your first choice? Well, you don't really think you were his first choice either, so that works out okay too. You're happy, you think, for the most part. You meet his family, even, and you're sort of surprised because it turns out they aren't all in wheelchairs and only his dad wears glasses. You thought those things were family things, the way Santana has to be Spanish because the rest of her family is, and Rachel's adopted and that's why her dads aren't short and loud.

You like Artie's family, although you don't feel like you fit there, the way you fit at your own house, or at Santana's house. You don't find yourself playing with his little sister and his mom doesn't hug you when you come in ("You've known Santana's family since you were three, Brit." Quinn says, "What do you expect?"). You try hard to fit in with them though, to get them to like you, the way you used to try and understand when Santana's family spoke Spanish to each other. You don't think you're doing very well though (Artie's parents give you odd looks at the dinner table) just like you never got the hang of speaking Spanish. "Te amo", she used to say, at the height of her orgasm or when she thought you were long asleep. You used to think you knew what that meant, but you realise now it was just because you can't speak Spanish very well.

xxx

It's a month after you start dating Artie when you talk to her next. You're not sure why you do it, but then you've never been sure of a lot of things you do around her - you just know you do them, and that used to be a good thing, but not so much any more

"Hi, San." you say when she walks into Glee club.

She stops, looks at yours and Artie's joined hands, snorts, and keeps walking.

"Wow, Lopez," Quinn says, "You really outdo yourself sometimes."

Santana turns and looks at her, one eyebrow raised, "Excuse me?"

"Do you have to be a huge bitch all the time, or do you make a special exception for people who care about you?"

"Quinn." Rachel says softly.

"Fuck you." Santana says, "It's nothing to do with you, no matter what charity cases you and your midget pick up."

Rachel puts her hand on Quinn's arm, but the other girl stands up anyway, her jaw clenched, "What's your problem? Bitter because you gave up the only person willing to put up with your shit?"

Santana smirks, "Just because you went to the pound and adopted a yappy little mutt to follow you around, doesn't mean I want one." she jabs a finger in Rachel's direction, "And for the record, that thing you keep carrying around with you is making everyone nauseas."

Quinn punches her in the face.

It takes several minutes for Finn and Puck to pull them apart, and a few more for Rachel to stop screaming. By the time she does, and she's kneeling in front of Quinn inspecting her bust lip, Santana has turned on her heel and left, and you run out after her.

You find her in the parking lot, her hands trembling as she opens her car door. "Why did you have to say that?" you shout, "They're my friends."

Santana turns, looking even more angry than before, if that's possible, "Are you kidding me? Seriously? I just got fucking attacked and I'm still the one who's wrong here?"

You don't know what to say to that, so you just look at her. She rolls her eyes when she realises you aren't going to answer, "Everyone's acting like you're such a fucking saint. Like this doesn't suck for me too. It isn't like you never slept around, is it? More than me, in fact - so why is it that I'm the bad guy here?"

"I would have stopped." you say, she knew that, you thought, "If you asked me, I would have stopped." You'd have done almost anything if she'd asked, you think, you frequently did. Until you reached that limit you never even knew you had.

She snorts, "I suppose you want me to ask you to prom and go on double dates with Quinn and Berry too? Maybe sing a duet at Sectionals to remind everyone how much of a couple we are?" her lip curls, "It's disgusting. Face it, Brit, we're in high school. Every single couple around here is going to break up, probably even before we graduate." she shrugs, visibly deflating as her anger leaves her, "I'm sorry you've decided you're too in love with me or whatever to be my friend, but we're not ever going to be together, so I guess that's the way it's going to be."

You look down at the ground, at your scuffed tennis shoes, "It's okay if you don't love me, San," you look up to find her playing with her car keys in her hand, looking more sad than you've ever seen her. You want to hug her until she feels better, but you can't, you're starting to understand that now, "You knew that I loved you though, and you were pretty mean to me about it. I know it's my fault we can't be friends though, I am sorry about that."

She doesn't say anything, and you add, "And don't talk about Rachel like that, okay? She's really good for Quinn, and she's really nice to me too. So don't say that kind of stuff, even if you don't like her." before you walk away.

xxx

You approach Rachel in the library the next day while she's studying. She's engrossed in her History notes, and doesn't look up until you sit down opposite her.

"Hi Brittany," she says, "You know I'm always available to talk to you, but I really am quite busy..."

"It won't take very long, I promise."

She puts down her pen and smiles, "I'm all ears."

You think that would be weird, if she really was made of ears, and you wonder if Quinn would still like her as much, "What does "te amo" mean?"

She raises an eyebrow, "Given how long we've been studying Spanish, Brittany, you really should know that." when you just look at her, she gives you a small smile, "It means "I love you"." she explains.

You sigh, "That's what I thought."

xxx

Sometimes you see Artie looking across at Tina, holding hands with Mike, and you wonder if he'd rather be with her than you.

"Do you miss her?" you ask him one day, holding open a door for him to pass through as you make your way to Glee club together, "Tina, I mean."

He frowns, "What? Of course not, Brittany, I'm with you now."

"It's okay if you do, you know. I won't be mad."

He shrugs, "Would it matter if I did? Tina and I are both with different people now, and I like being with you."

You nod, and try not to notice when Santana glances up at you as you walk into the choir room.

xxx

She manages to find you by yourself after Cheerios practice one day, standing over you while you tie your shoes. Artie and his mom will be waiting outside to pick you up, you know, but you still stop what you're doing.

"Hi." she says. She looks awkward, like she doesn't really know why she's there. "How are you?" She hates this, small talk, doesn't see the point, refuses to involve herself in it whenever she can.

"Okay." you say, "Are you?"

She shrugs, "Been better."

When she doesn't say anything more you finish tying your shoelaces and stand up, "I should go." you say, you want to kiss her. "Artie's waiting for me."

When you're halfway through the door, she finds her voice, ringing loud in the empty locker room, "Do you like being with him? I mean...are you happy, and stuff?" She falters, "That sounded lame."

You turn back to face her, "Yeah, it did." you say, but can't help smiling, "He's nice to me. He's a good boyfriend." you're not sure how else to explain it.

"I guess I always just sort of thought...I don't know, that you'd be around, we'd always hang out. No matter what. I know that sounds really dumb but that's what I thought." she stares intently at the ground, "I keep expecting to come into school and see you, and you'll come hug me and tell me about your cat, and we'll skip Spanish to make out in the bathroom and go buy churros. Then..." she stops, seeming suddenly aware of how much she's just said. "I'm glad he's good to you." she looks at you with a small smile, "I'm sorry that I wasn't."

Then she pushes past you, out of the locker room and disappears down the corridor.

xxx

Two things happen quickly after that. Firstly, Mike and Tina break up. No-one is entirely sure why - the general consensus from the Glee girls is that she just got sick of hanging out with his mom, while the boys are sure she was still hung up on someone else ("someone with four eyes and two wheels", is Puck's verdict). Whatever the case, you notice Artie throwing her lingering glances a little more often afterwards.

Secondly, since Mr Schue has the creativity of a coma patient (or at least, that's what Santana used to say) he announces there's going to be another duets competition. Rachel is outraged, both because of the proximity to Sectionals and because he insists on male-female pairings for reasons no one can quite determine - nevertheless, she and Finn pull off a flawless version of 'Since You've Been Gone'.

You and Artie sing 'Hate That I Love You'. "That was wonderful, Brittany," Rachel says with a wide smile when you finish, and then, more quietly, "Although woefully unsubtle." You don't dare look over at Santana.

Quinn seems mildly disgusted as she and Sam sing another Jason Mraz song, and Mercedes and Kurt sing 'Ebony and Ivory' without the slightest hint of irony.

"We're singing 'Portions for Foxes'," Puck says, when it's his and Santana's turn, giving her a slightly irritated glance, "I didn't pick it."

They don't look at each other when they sing, but she watches you out of the corner of her eye.

"Baby, I'm bad news," she sings, "I'm just bad news, bad news, bad news."

No, you're not, you think, you're not, you're not, you're not.

xxx

"I can't believe he wants to give the Sectionals solo to Santana!" Rachel says, pacing her bedroom a week later. Mr Schuester made that announcement after the arguments about who had deserved to win the duets competition finally died down, causing yet more uproar amongst the Glee club. "Has she ever even sang a solo before? Why suddenly give one to her now - at one of our most important milestones?"

"She looked really excited about it," you say. Rachel and Quinn look at you.

"That's not really the point, Brittany." Rachel says with a frown, "I feel she's too inexperienced to make laying our chances of victory on her shoulders a wise choice."

"Not to mention she's kind of a bitch." Quinn adds.

You frown, but Rachel has started talking again and Quinn seems to be listening intently - or at least she's pretending to.

"She's not a bitch," you say finally, when you can get a word in edgeways, "Well, she is kind of a bitch, but so are you, Quinn, you used to be super mean to Rachel. And you're being bitchy right now too, Rach, even though I know it's just because you really like winning and singing solos. She's an awesome singer, I've heard her, I think she'll do well." you pause, and they stare at you, "Sorry. I just don't like hearing you guys being so mean about her."

"There's no reason for you to defend her, Brittany." Rachel says, "She was rather unfair to you."

You shrug, "Maybe I was unfair to her too. Maybe we could have still been friends."

Rachel and Quinn look at each other, like they think you're sort of crazy. You've been a bitch as well, you think, you were a bitch to Santana for not even trying to be her friend, and now you're being a bitch to Artie because you're his girlfriend and you don't even like him that much.

xxx

"Caminaba." Artie says impatiently, "Altogether it translates as 'She was walking to the store'," You frown at the unintelligible sentence in front of you - the first in a long passage that follows. He taps his pen rapidly on the piece of paper again, "Brittany, you've been studying Spanish for years, how don't you get this?"

In the seat in front of you Santana's shoulders tense - you wish she was here to explain this to you. "She was walking to the store." you repeat, but you can't make the words in front of you say that no matter how hard you try.

He sighs deeply and looks at his own paper, "We're never going to get this finished." he says wearily.

Santana turns around, finally, snatching his pen from him. "She's not getting it because you're terrible at explaining it." She underlines a word in the sentence and points at it, "We've learned this before, Brit. Remember? If you haven't got a car, you're gonna have to..."

"Caminar!" you exclaim, "But if your legs are no use, you'll have to take the autobús!"

She smiles, "Yep, you got it. Okay, so do you remember the rhyme I taught you to conjugate verbs?"

"Yeah," you say, meeting her eyes, and grinning.

xxx

"You still like her, don't you?" Rachel demands later. You're taken aback, but mostly glad she's not mad at you after you yelled the night before.

"I think I'll always like her." you say honestly, surprised she thought otherwise.

xxx

Artie breaks up with you later that week. You aren't surprised, or even particularly upset - you'll sort of miss him, you think, he's a good boyfriend for the most part, but it isn't like you've been dating for that long or that you ever thought you'd be together for more than a few months anyway.

"I'm really sorry, Brittany." he says.

"That's okay," you smile, and it really is, and you don't want him to feel bad, "Are you going to date Tina again?"

"Maybe, if she wants to," he shakes his head with a smile, "You're a really special person Brit."

"Thanks, you're special too. And not just because you're in a wheelchair."

xxx

After football games on a Saturday night, Artie used to give you a ride home - but that would be sort of weird now, since you're not dating and all, so Quinn agreed to take you. After the game you're tired and sweaty and more than ready to leave, and Quinn is nowhere to be found - probably something to do with the fact that Rachel was in attendance as well, at the front of the stands and barely paying attention to the action, preferring the cheerleaders a few feet away from her.

You sigh, sitting down and resting your head back against the wall of the locker room, your eyes closed. You're pretty sure you could fall asleep right here, you think, where's Quinn? It kind of sucks for her to promise you a ride home and then bail on you - you hope she didn't forget. The door thuds open and closed, but you feel too tired to get up, the squeak of sneakers on the floor giving no indication to who it is.

"Brit?" a voice says, and of course it would be Santana.

You open your eyes and look at her, clutching her gym bag in the otherwise empty room. "What are you still doing here?"

"Forgot my cell phone," she says, holding it up. She used to have a picture of the two of you as the background on there, you wonder if she still does, "What about you?"

"Quinn was supposed to give me a ride, but I think she forgot."

"I saw her and Berry all over each other and heading for her car, so probably." her mouth quirks, "It's so typical the two most annoying people in school would get together."

You laugh, and she seems to relax as you do. She said that when they first got together too, even while you could tell she was happy for them, deep down ("better than that idiot Hudson, I guess" she said, which was as close to a congratulations as she'd get). That's the thing about Santana, everyone thinks she's nothing but bitch (the same way everyone thinks you're nothing but dumb, you suppose). They mostly don't take the time to look past the insults and the eye rolls. They should though, you think, it's definitely worth it.

"I can give you a ride home, if you like?"

You smile, "Thanks."

The drive home is easy - you wonder if being with her will ever stop being easy. You talk about Sectionals, about her singing and your dancing, you smile at her barely suppressed excitement simmering just below the surface. She'd never admit it, to wanting this solo more than anything, to wanting to prove just what she could do, but you can see it.

"Are you nervous?" she asks, glancing over at you as she turns the car into your street. "About dancing and everything?"

You shrug, "It's just like cheerleading, except instead of being in a big group, it's just me and Mike, and instead of most people concentrating on the game, most people will be concentrating on me and him."

She smirks, "Is that a yes?"

"Yeah," you admit, "I'm pretty sure I'm going to fall off the stage and break both my legs and I'll have to be in a wheelchair forever like Artie."

She brings the car to a stop in front of your house, able to look at you properly now. "It would make fucking him kind of awkward." she acknowledges.

"I probably won't be fucking him any time soon." you say, "We broke up."

Her mouth opens and then closes again, and you giggle because she looks ridiculous. "He broke up with me." you explain, "I think he's going to date Tina now."

"Um...I'm sorry?" she says, clearly at a loss for words.

"It's okay," you gesture at your house, "I should go, my mom might think I got lost on the way home again."

She nods. This used to be the part of the night where you'd lean over and kiss her, get carried away and end up at second base before you both realised you were still in the middle of a brightly lit street. Instead you just open the door into the cool night air, and get out of the car.

"Hey," you say, leaning down before you close the door again behind you, "We should hang out. Just as friends, I mean."

"Yeah," she smiles, "We should."

xxx

Next Friday night you text her, and on Saturday morning you go to the park. You play on the swings together - you trying to see how high you can go, and her spinning round on the swing next to you and eating the cupcake you brought her.

"What happened with you and Puck?" you ask, stopping your movement slowly to bob back and forth gently next to her.

She shrugs, licking her fingers of the remnants of the cupcake, and you try not watch too closely, "He's an idiot. He has an awesome body but not much else. It didn't really matter to me until...well..." she gestures between the two of you, "You know. Sleeping with him stopped being fun, anyway, and he got all pissy about it."

You frown, because that's what most people say about you - you have an awesome body but not much else, and she catches it, the way she always does.

"I used to have this awesome friend who was totally nice and funny, and a way better dancer than Puck will ever be, and it made me realise he's not all that special."

You think about this, "Are you talking about me?"

She grins, "Maybe. Do you have any more cupcakes?"

You grin back, because you do, and because she was almost definitely talking about you.

xxx

You hang out a lot in the lead up to Sectionals.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Rachel says.

"We're just friends." you say, and you are - you haven't even touched her beyond the normal, friendly hugs you'd give to Rachel or Quinn or anyone (you don't think about the fact she never gives friendly hugs to anyone but you).

Rachel and Quinn look at each other, "Are you sure?" Quinn asks, but when you're adamant you are, they invite you both to hang out with them.

You don't think Santana's ever been to Rachel's house before, and she looks dubious when you ask her, but she goes. She mocks Rachel and bickers with Quinn, but all three of them seem like they're having fun - and they're your best friends, so when they're having fun, you are too.

"Did you enjoy yourself?" you ask when she's driving you home.

"It was okay." she says, and you can't help the grin that breaks out.

"You did!

"Yeah, maybe." she says.

When you go to get out of the car, you lean over to kiss her cheek. She turns her head slightly though before she realises what you're doing, and suddenly you find yourself inches from her, your mouth hovering perilously close to hers. You remember what it was like to kiss her, and when she's staring at your lips like that it's hard to resist.

You pull back though, finally, with what seems like a huge effort, and don't miss her tiny sigh of disappointment. "We're just friends," you say, your hand groping for the door handle.

"I know." she says, as you leave.

xxx

Sectionals is awesome. That's the only way you can describe it.

"Do you think she's singing 'Valerie' about you, Brit?" Quinn asks beforehand.

"Don't be silly," you say, "My name isn't Valerie and I'm not making a fool out of her."

Santana looks at you just before you have to go on, and gives you a thumbs up, which is a pretty big gesture because she once told you only freaks and paedophiles give people thumbs up, but you guess she just wants to wish you luck. After that Sam and Quinn sing 'Time of My Life', and it would be good by itself, but it's made really hilarious by Rachel gritting her teeth and glaring daggers at him all the way through. You're trying really hard not to laugh, and it's made even harder when Santana catches your eye and you can tell she's doing the same.

When she sings Valerie you think you might burst you're so proud, you wish you could just listen but you have to dance, and you try to dance better than ever, to match how good her singing is. "Sometimes I go out by myself, and I look across the water," she sings, and beckons you across the stage. You almost run towards her, because you still hate the thought of her being by herself at all.

At the end of the song, as the curtain lowers and you stand, panting with your arms around the rest of the Glee club, you see her looking at you with that old, proud smirk.

xxx

"Were you singing that song about me?" you ask her a few days later, licking at the ice cream she bought you.

"'Valerie'?" she asks, accustomed to your seemingly random comments.

"Yeah," you reply, and ice cream drips down her hand as she watches your tongue intently.

"No," she says, not looking away for a second, "You don't make a fool out of me. Plus your name isn't Valerie."

"Your ice cream's melting." you say.

She curses and wipes at her hand, "How come Ellen and Portia have forgiven me for being a bitch to them anyway?"

"I don't think Ellen and Portia know you think they're totally overrated, San."

"Rachel and Quinn, I mean."

"Oh," you eat your ice cream thoughtfully, "I think they just want us both to be happy."

xxx

"Okay," Mr Schue says, two weeks after Sectionals, "In order to stop phone calls from people - or rather, one person - posing as senior members of the ACLU," he looks at Rachel whose smile falters only slightly, "We'll be holding another duets competition." there's groaning across the room, from everyone except Quinn, Rachel and Santana, which is sort of strange you think, "I'll allow you to choose your partners this time."

Santana looks at you. You think back to that moment in your bedroom, forever ago, when she stormed out after you asked her to do a duet, and you reached that limit you never knew you had.

"You want to sing with me?" she says, and you grin, and nod.

Mr Schuester lets you talk amongst yourselves, to decide on your song choices and rehearse, and it's not long before you hear Rachel singing the opening lines of 'Kiss the Girl' (there's a few incredulous glances and muffled laughter when a few seconds later Quinn sings "she don't got a lot to say, but there's something about her").

"They're really nauseating together." Santana says.

"Nauseating in a cute way," you reply, "What do you want to sing?"

She doesn't meet your eyes, "I was sort of thinking about something by Melissa Etheridge. Maybe 'I Want To Be In Love', or 'Come to My Window'."

You feel a smile creeping at the corners of your mouth, "Really?"

"Yeah." she looks at you for a few long seconds, "I've tried really hard to just be your friend, but it sort of sucks, so I kind of - " She looks around the crowded Glee room, "Uh - ",

"You don't have to tell me now," you say quickly.

"No," she takes a deep breath, "I want to. I've tried just being your friend but I can't, and not just because I miss the sex - although I totally do, by the way. I think I want to like...take you to prom, and sing duets with you, and hold your hand in public and stuff." she buries her face in her hands, "God, this is so lame."

You prise her fingers away though, and hold her hands between you, "It's not," you say, "I promise. Well, it kind of is, but I like it."

She grins, looks down at your joined hands, "Yeah. So, this was kind of my dumb way of saying, I want to be like your girlfriend or something. I don't know - it went a lot smoother in my head."

You frown, "But what about all that stuff you said, about how all the high school couples would just break up?"

"I don't care, I think being with you and breaking up would be better than not ever trying, or not being friends again even. Because that was crappy as hell, I hated not having you with me, not being able to call you up and just hear your voice. And it would definitely be better than being just your friend forever, and driving you home and sitting in your driveway looking across at you, and not being able to hear anything you're saying because all I'm thinking about is kissing you, and knowing I can't, because I messed it all up."

"Me too," you say, "I messed it up too, we could have just been friends but it was me who - "

"No," she says, clenching your hands in hers suddenly, "I said I wasn't in love with you but I am, and I couldn't deal with it. It was me who messed up, not you - but I want to make it up to you. Starting with the duet."

She looks around, clearly glad that conversation was growing ever louder as the duets partners argued over the details of their performances. "So what do you say?" she asks, "You want to like, date each other, and stuff? Date each other and no one else, I mean, obviously."

She doesn't even hesitate when you lean forward to crash your lips into hers, grinning into the kiss and her fingers tangling in your hair.

When you pull away, you glance up to see Rachel and Quinn beaming down at you.

"Did they help you plan this?" you ask Santana.

She rolls her eyes, "Yeah, Berry is totally annoying but actually kind of useful." she looks up at them, and then back at you again, "We're never going on double dates with them." apparently your smile doesn't reassure her, because she says, "No, I mean it. Never."

xxx

You're dancing and that's the way you like it, unrehearsed and no audience but your friends packed around you, crammed into someone's living room and running on rhythm and adrenaline with the beat of the music pulsing through you and through everyone. Santana twirls you around and grins, as you find Kurt and Mercedes and Sam and Mike next to you, singing out the chorus with their arms raised. You don't know where Quinn and Rachel are, in the kitchen probably, making out, and Tina is on Artie's knee on the other side of the room.

"I might not be very good at this 'girlfriend' thing," she says against your ear, "I'm kind of bad news."

"If you're bad news, then I'm bad news too." you say, and kiss her, "We're both bad news."

"Us being together is bad news for every guy in school."

"Shut up and dance." you answer, and she laughs, and gives you that look that means you're the only one in the room.