My Alfabett
By Cascade ( firechild@post.com )
Rating: G
Pairings: yeah, right
Spoilers: none
Disclaimers: I own neither the characters nor the alphabet.
A/N: I am making progress on Fire, but after crying over a news story about
a four-year-old taking two grams of meth to school to keep it from his mom,
I really needed something positive. **The words are not supposed to be
spelled correctly, I know this is inconsistent and that a lot of six-year-
olds would do better, but there's always the suspension of disbelief,
right?**
Dedication: This is dedicated to MLL, a great help, and to Gizmo, who
needs hugs and humor, even from a first-grader.
Clark Kent
Smalvile Elumentry Skool
Grade 1
Missuz Dalton
My Alfabett
A is for asperrgus; it's a vejabul; my mama says it starts with A, but I say it starts with icky!
B is for boy; I'm a boy, and boys are bestest cuz we aren't smelly or gross and we don't play with dolls!
C is for cookies; cookies is the bestest cuz they are good and gooee and my mama makes the bestest peenut buter and chocklet chip cookies and she gave me two hole ones for lunch AND NO YOU CAN'T HAVE ONE LANA LANG!
D is for daddy, and my daddy is the bestest daddy in the hole world, and he's the strongest and he nose everything and he's funny cuz the other day he was fixxing the trackter in the barn and it zapped him and he said some real neat words and then mama chased him around with a big spoon and yelled a lot and it was better than waching tom and jerry!
E is for eggs, which taste good but come out of chickins rear ends which is gross.
F is for frind; everybody should have a frind and I have the bestest frind whoze name is pete ross and we like the same stuff and do stuff together and we both hate girls and we keep secrets for each other, like our middle names and the worstest stuff we done and how menny cookies we can eat in a roe cuz that's what frinds do and pete ross is the bestest frind and he's mine and no girl is gonna go take him away and make him all mushy!
G is for girls, they're yucky!
H is for hokkee, which is my favret sport besides basketball and dirt biking and baseball and that thing they do with brooms in cananada; hokkee is really cool cuz it's cold and you get to hit a puck with a stick and no one tells you to go to your room for playing two hard.
I is for indians; indians are peeple from india, which is all the way on the other side of the cuntree; indians yell a lot and are really cool cuz they can start fires and stuff; I wish I was an indian; my daddy won't let me start fires.
J is for jumpshot, which I can do tunns better than pete even thoe he's better at dribbeling and playing horse.
K is for Kent, which is my last name and my mama and daddy's last name; and K is for Kanziz, which is the name of this state.
L is for lunch, which is always good; we should all go have sum now!
M is for mama, who makes me good food and hepps me with my shoos and my work but she was bizzy last nite and so I did this all by myself; mama likes it when I do stuff myself cuz she says I lern better and she says I am smart and a good boy.
N is for NO, which my mama likes to say a hole hole lot!
O is for oink, which is suppozed to be how pigs sound, but our pigs don't say oink; they snort, but they don't really talk a lot; they're two bizzy eating.
P is for pogo, which is this neat toy that pete got for his birthday but I broke; I didn't mean to, and I felt bad and I even cried, but after yelling a little he sed it was okay and he even let me play with his trains.
Q is for. um. um. those little sticks with soft ends that my daddy uses to clean the junk out of my ears; he's real nice about it and he even makes it tickle so I don't have to think about the funny smell of the wet stuff he dips the sticks in.
R is for rain, which is good for the farm and for growing things, and it makes mud which is really cool, and when it rains my daddy smiles a lot and we have picnics in the living room and when the rain makes everything cold he wraps us in blankets like tacos; but he still won't let me make a fire.
S is for storms, which we have sometimes; storms are cool cuz they're lowd and sometimes big stuff happens, like nadoes, which are bad cuz they can hurt peeple but they're still kinda neat to see, and I would never ever ever go in to one for nobody, unless it was my mama or daddy; we have a storm seller, but I am not lowd to go in it; my daddy says if he sees me go in there I won't think storms are lowd after he's dun yelling at me.
T is for tuff, which boys are and girls aren't; boys don't scream or get all dumb when it rains, and when boys cry we don't make so much noyze!
U is for ummbella; when it rains the ummbella keeps me dry, but when mama and daddy can't see, I put it away and run throo the puddles like a duck!
V is for voom voom, which is how daddy's big red truck sounds when it goes; daddy says it's older than me and it rolls over more than a dog, but I don't know cuz daddy won't let me have a dog cuz he says I am two little to take care of it.
W is for warier angell which is the bestest comic book in the hole intire world; I think it is the coolest that this man keeps his frinds safe and has powwers and stuff; I wish I could be like him, but pete says I will never be like that cuz I'm not big, but my daddy says I will get bigger!
X is for the xersist, which is this really cool movie that I wasn't pozed to see but I saw when mama wasn't looking; it didn't really scarre me but I still had bad dreems and daddy was mad when I told him why and he told mama and I was in trubble, but he still made me feel better and he told me he loves me even when I mess up and that I have to do what daddy and mama say so I can stay safe cuz that's what mamas and daddys do.
Y is for yucky, which is vejabels, girls, math, girls, kissing, and girls.
Z is for zookeenee, which mama says is a vejabel but I say no cuz it's good and vejabels are yucky; I like zookeenee with cheeze and with butter, and sometimes mama puts it in chickin with cheeze and corn bread.
And that is my alfabett!
Clark Kent
Smalvile Elumentry Skool
Grade 1
Missuz Dalton
My Alfabett
A is for asperrgus; it's a vejabul; my mama says it starts with A, but I say it starts with icky!
B is for boy; I'm a boy, and boys are bestest cuz we aren't smelly or gross and we don't play with dolls!
C is for cookies; cookies is the bestest cuz they are good and gooee and my mama makes the bestest peenut buter and chocklet chip cookies and she gave me two hole ones for lunch AND NO YOU CAN'T HAVE ONE LANA LANG!
D is for daddy, and my daddy is the bestest daddy in the hole world, and he's the strongest and he nose everything and he's funny cuz the other day he was fixxing the trackter in the barn and it zapped him and he said some real neat words and then mama chased him around with a big spoon and yelled a lot and it was better than waching tom and jerry!
E is for eggs, which taste good but come out of chickins rear ends which is gross.
F is for frind; everybody should have a frind and I have the bestest frind whoze name is pete ross and we like the same stuff and do stuff together and we both hate girls and we keep secrets for each other, like our middle names and the worstest stuff we done and how menny cookies we can eat in a roe cuz that's what frinds do and pete ross is the bestest frind and he's mine and no girl is gonna go take him away and make him all mushy!
G is for girls, they're yucky!
H is for hokkee, which is my favret sport besides basketball and dirt biking and baseball and that thing they do with brooms in cananada; hokkee is really cool cuz it's cold and you get to hit a puck with a stick and no one tells you to go to your room for playing two hard.
I is for indians; indians are peeple from india, which is all the way on the other side of the cuntree; indians yell a lot and are really cool cuz they can start fires and stuff; I wish I was an indian; my daddy won't let me start fires.
J is for jumpshot, which I can do tunns better than pete even thoe he's better at dribbeling and playing horse.
K is for Kent, which is my last name and my mama and daddy's last name; and K is for Kanziz, which is the name of this state.
L is for lunch, which is always good; we should all go have sum now!
M is for mama, who makes me good food and hepps me with my shoos and my work but she was bizzy last nite and so I did this all by myself; mama likes it when I do stuff myself cuz she says I lern better and she says I am smart and a good boy.
N is for NO, which my mama likes to say a hole hole lot!
O is for oink, which is suppozed to be how pigs sound, but our pigs don't say oink; they snort, but they don't really talk a lot; they're two bizzy eating.
P is for pogo, which is this neat toy that pete got for his birthday but I broke; I didn't mean to, and I felt bad and I even cried, but after yelling a little he sed it was okay and he even let me play with his trains.
Q is for. um. um. those little sticks with soft ends that my daddy uses to clean the junk out of my ears; he's real nice about it and he even makes it tickle so I don't have to think about the funny smell of the wet stuff he dips the sticks in.
R is for rain, which is good for the farm and for growing things, and it makes mud which is really cool, and when it rains my daddy smiles a lot and we have picnics in the living room and when the rain makes everything cold he wraps us in blankets like tacos; but he still won't let me make a fire.
S is for storms, which we have sometimes; storms are cool cuz they're lowd and sometimes big stuff happens, like nadoes, which are bad cuz they can hurt peeple but they're still kinda neat to see, and I would never ever ever go in to one for nobody, unless it was my mama or daddy; we have a storm seller, but I am not lowd to go in it; my daddy says if he sees me go in there I won't think storms are lowd after he's dun yelling at me.
T is for tuff, which boys are and girls aren't; boys don't scream or get all dumb when it rains, and when boys cry we don't make so much noyze!
U is for ummbella; when it rains the ummbella keeps me dry, but when mama and daddy can't see, I put it away and run throo the puddles like a duck!
V is for voom voom, which is how daddy's big red truck sounds when it goes; daddy says it's older than me and it rolls over more than a dog, but I don't know cuz daddy won't let me have a dog cuz he says I am two little to take care of it.
W is for warier angell which is the bestest comic book in the hole intire world; I think it is the coolest that this man keeps his frinds safe and has powwers and stuff; I wish I could be like him, but pete says I will never be like that cuz I'm not big, but my daddy says I will get bigger!
X is for the xersist, which is this really cool movie that I wasn't pozed to see but I saw when mama wasn't looking; it didn't really scarre me but I still had bad dreems and daddy was mad when I told him why and he told mama and I was in trubble, but he still made me feel better and he told me he loves me even when I mess up and that I have to do what daddy and mama say so I can stay safe cuz that's what mamas and daddys do.
Y is for yucky, which is vejabels, girls, math, girls, kissing, and girls.
Z is for zookeenee, which mama says is a vejabel but I say no cuz it's good and vejabels are yucky; I like zookeenee with cheeze and with butter, and sometimes mama puts it in chickin with cheeze and corn bread.
And that is my alfabett!