I N T R O D U C T I O N .

It was the only day of the year when Itachi Uchiha would voluntarily wear a pink apron. Sasuke's birthday. "So what are you doing with your life?"

Marina: I don't own Naruto, Sasuke does. I also do not own the sunshine song Itachi sings. Twinky is still a funny word. P.S. I really dislike Sakura, so there will be Sakura-bashing.

Itachi Uchiha was in the kitchen, wearing a pink apron that said 'kiss the cook'. A once in a lifetime sight that would give many a fangirl a nosebleed. (Me included…)That is, unless you were Sasuke. Itachi was making a massive heap of pancakes for his favorite outoto.

Sasuke was lying in bed, still only semi-conscious, when his brother walked in with a foghorn.

Hooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!

"Good morning, Sasuke!"

"Is it that time of year already?"

"You bet! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!"

"Go away."

"Rise and shine, sleepyhead!"

"Get screwed."

Itachi took a deep breath.

"Ooooooooooh, you are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy, when skies are grey-"

"I'M GETTING UP!" Sasuke threw a pillow at Itachi's head.

Itachi left Sasuke's bedroom and returned to the kitchen, where the rest of team seven were waiting for the birthday boy.

"Ohayo, Sasuke-kun!" Sakura was sitting at the table, eyeing the massive stack of pancakes in front of her. (But she was on a diet. SUCKER!)

"GOOD MORNING, TEME!!!" Naruto was, rather dangerously, perched on top of a chair. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"

"Hn."

"I'm guessing that means 'thanks' in emo language."

Sasuke growled.

"Translation: You are the best friend a guy could have, Naruto-kun. I think Sakura should get over her crush on me and go out with you, cause you are way cooler and better-looking than me." Naruto gave Sasuke a big hug. "Thanks, teme!"

"Translation: Naruto's a dobe." Sasuke hit him across the back of the head sending him flying off the chair he was crouched on. A massive bump appeared on his head.

"Grrr…"

"Naruto fancies you, you know, Sasuke." Itachi leant closer. "And he's quite a catch!"

"ITACHI! YOU STUPID GAY YAOI FREAK! YOU'RE ALMOST AS BAD AS THE AUTHOR OF THIS STUPID, POINTLESS YAOI FIC!!!"

"Come on, Sasuke." Itachi grabbed Sasuke's arm. "We have important business to deal with."

"Hn?"

"We need to get that stick up your butt removed!!!"

"Funny."

"I know!"

"Hn."

Itachi pulled Sasuke into a room filled with scrolls. "Sasuke, I need to show you something." Itachi pulled a white scroll from his pocket and gave it to Sasuke.

"Itachi, I've seen this before. It's the Uchiha traditions."

"But have you read it all?"

"Um, no."

"Read it."

"But-"

"No buts! Just read it."

"Why?"

"I am sure you are ready to read some of the more adult chapters."

"Adult? THERE'S HENTAI IN THE TRADITIONS!?"

"Not that kind of adult! I mean the chapters about marriage and stuff."

"Oh. But why now?"

"You're 16 today. Officially old enough to get married!"

"WHAT!?"

"My little brother is old enough to be married. I could almost cry."

"Getting married isn't really something I was planning for the near future."

"Well, better you know the traditions before it's too late."

"Hn." Sasuke opened the scroll and began to read the contents aloud."1: The heir of the clan can be chang-"

"Not here! Wait till you're ready."

"Well how the heck am I supposed to know when I am ready?"

"You will know, trust me!"

"I'm ready now."

"NO YOU'RE NOT!"

"You said I'd know."

"YOU WILL, BUT NOT NOW!"

"Why not?"

"Read it at home."

"Why-"

"Just shut up and go home and read the bloody scroll!"

"We're home now."

"IN YOUR ROOM THEN!"

"Why does the place keep changing?"

"A good ninja is always flexible."

"What the hell does that have to do with anything!?"

"Just go to your room and read the fu- fudgy scroll!"

"Fudgy?"

"Well one day Deidara got fudge in his hair-"

"I really don't care."

"-and ever since then-"

"Shut up!"

"-he has called everything-"

"Lalalala!"

"-That annoyed him fudgy."

"I'll go now."

"Very well, Sasu-chan!"

"Don't ever call me that again!"

"I'm very sorry, Sasu-chan!"

"Grr…"

"Go read the scroll!"

Itachi pushed Sasuke down the hall to his room, then shoved him in and shut the door.

Sasuke sat down on his bed and opened the scroll:

'1: The heir of the clan can be changed at any time.'

'I knew that. I'll skip down a bit to the stuff I haven't read.'

'57: An Uchiha must marry the first person they kiss.'

Sasuke dropped the scroll.

"WHAT THE HELL!?" Sasuke remembered his first kiss. With a guy. And not just any guy, with Naruto. His best friend/rival. "There must be an exception if it was an accidental kiss with your best friend."

He skimmed down to the bottom of the page and read the last few lines:

'On your 16th birthday, you must bake your Aniki cookies.'

'Itachi added that. Obviously. Maybe that was why he wanted me away from him.'

'There are no exceptions to any of the laws/traditions.'

'Darn! So I was destined to marry a guy. I'm not even gay! I don't even want to know how Naruto will take this. He'll probably try to kill me. Literally.''

Sasuke lay down on his bed.

'Maybe I should forget about it for as long as possible. Even just for today.'

Sasuke threw the scroll on the floor and left his room. The rest of team 7 were still waiting in the kitchen. Naruto was nursing the bump on his head.

"Where did you go, Sasuke-kun?" Sakura was still gazing longingly at the pancakes. "We were all really worried."

"About what?"

"We thought you had gone to slit your wrists or something, teme."

'I wish that was all that had happened. At least slit wrists heal.'

"I'm fine, dobe."

'Dobe, do you take Sasuke Uchiha as your lawfully wedded husband?'

"That's good."

'If only he knew…'

"So, Sasuke, where do you want to go?" Kakashi was still perched on the windowsill. "We can go anywhere."

"Um... you pick dobe. Just not ramen."

Naruto pouted and gave Sasuke the cutest puppy dog eyes he could muster.

"Pleeeaaassseee?"

"OK, whatever."

'I'm way too soft… with my… future… husband.'

"So, ramen it is, then!" Kakashi hopped out the window.

"Thank you Sasuke!!!" Naruto gave him a massive hug.

'You would not be hugging me if you knew what I had read this morning. Fiancé."

They all jumped out the window and started walking to Ichiraku's.

"Sasuke-kun, did you know that you are old enough to get married today? You should start thinking about choosing a wife!"

'Or a husband…'

"Anyway, I'm sure any girl in the village would accept a proposal from you! I know I would…"

'Hint, hint.'

"I would love to get married young."

'I wouldn't.'

"And go on a romantic honeymoon."

"I am not planning on finding a wife anytime soon."

"What? I thought it was an Uchiha tradition to marry at 16!"

"It seems who I marry is out of my hands." He looked at Naruto, who turned around and gave him a massive grin.

"How so?"

"I really have no idea. But fate is set in stone."

"You sound like Neji-kun."

"He's right about some things you know."

"Guess so."

They arrived at Ichiraku's and Kakashi ordered for them all. A miso ramen for Naruto, a diet ramen for Sakura and rice for Sasuke. Nothing for our beloved scarecrow because he'd have to take off his mask to eat. And that wasn't going to happen. Not ever.

"Hey, teme. What's wrong?"

"Hm? Oh, nothing."

'I just have to marry you.'

"I know you better than that, Sasuke. What's wrong?"

"I just read something this morning that shook me up."

"What was it?"

"A scroll."

"What kind of scroll?"

"The kind that you read."

"I mean, what was it about?"

"I just found out that I am engaged."

"Sasuke! I am so happy for you. Who are you engaged to? Ino? Tenten? I know it's not Sakura, because if it was she'd make sure everyone knew. Is it one of the fangirls?"

"No."

"Well, then tell me who it is."

'You.'

"I can't say."

"Tell me!!!"

"It's a surprise to all of us."

"So you don't know yet?"

"I know who… I just don't know wether or not they'll commit suicide before marrying me."

"Are you crazy? Any girl would- IT'S A GUY!?"

"I never said that."

"But you never denied it."

"I can assure you, I'm as straight as a ruler."

'Well the statistics say otherwise. Girls kissed:0 Guys kissed:1'

"Whatever. Teme."

Naruto slurped down the contents of his bowl. Sakura left hers untouched. Sasuke ate about a millionth of his rice.

"Teme, are you on a diet or what? You're almost as bad as Sakura-chan. Anyway, you're like a size zero! At least she has reason to be- I'll shut up now."

"Hn."

"You must be anorexic or something."

"No, when I get home Itachi will force feed me pancakes till I throw up."

"Oh. Lets go to the park for a while. To keep you away for as long as we can." Naruto was visualizing the evil Aniki force-feeding Sasuke.

"Good idea."

Team 7 walked to the park. Kakashi had to leave early because 'He left the oven on and he had to go and check on it before the whole apartment flooded'. They decided to play Frisbee. Aka, Naruto and Sakura try to cut each other's heads off with a plastic disk and Sasuke watches.

Sakura threw it to Sasuke. Sasuke threw it to Naruto. Naruto threw it to Sakura. Sakura threw it at Naruto. It hit him on the head, leaving a big scrape across his forehead.

"Ow! What was that for, Sakura?!"

"Here, dobe. I'll clean that up for you." Sasuke was sitting in the shade of a big tree. He gestured for him to sit on his lap. Naruto sat down. Sasuke took a handkerchief from his pocket and started to clean the cut.

'Wouldn't want my fiancé dying from blood loss.'

(Marina: *Squeals like a crazy fangirl*.)

And that's the end of that chappie. I still haven't decided on any pairings except Sasunaru, so if there is a pairing you like, please tell me so I can try to put them in. Reviews are the cure to writer's block. Please review with storyline ideas. Thank you! And for any of you who got the jak and daxter crazy files reference in the intro WHOO! Twinky is STILL a funny word.

H A P P Y F A N F I C R E A D I N G ! ! !

-Marina Tsukino.