By:
Carmen, Demon exterminator11/13/03
Kikyou, the pure miko, is devastated by some turn of events that she reflects on – soon following to reflect on herself. An unexpected rainfall allows her to muse on her self and her second chance at life.
Coming Clean
Kikyou walked along the dusty path through the dry quiet forest, the only sound reaching her was the sound of the humming coming from the Shinidamachu floating around her. They were drawn to her pure aura, yet they were blind and did not see a single tear run down Kikyou's pale cheek.
Kikyou wiped it away fiercely and she breathed deeply as her fist tightened and her teeth clenched. Then her face softened and her hand loosened, and as another tear slid from her eye her lips began to tremble.
A single sob of despair escaped her mouth as she dropped to her knees. Her shoulders rose and fell rapidly as they shook. In her sorrow she brought her hand to her mouth to prevent the escape of any more sobs that may come.
But her hand didn't help her rage as she released her mouth and slammed her hand against the ground. She felt the skin break against the torn earth and she lowered her head. Her tears ran down her cheeks then trickled down her neck as she breathed in sobbing gasps. A shiver brought her to her senses as she opened her eyes, and then she remembered…
Lets go back
Back to the beginning
Back to when the earth, the sun, the stars all aligned
Kikyou wandered along the path – miles away from where she now sat. She was enjoying the silence when she heard bickering of some sort. She wasn't one to spy yet she though she recognized the voices, and sure enough she did.
She poked up from behind the bushes and she saw – the love of her life – Inuyasha and – her reincarnation – Kagome. They were bickering – as they usually did – but this topic greatly interested Kikyou.
"Why don't you just admit it? You're jealous!" Inuyasha grinned as the teenager.
"B-because it's not true!" She cried out in stammering protest.
"You're jealous!" Inuyasha pointed
"I am not jealous ok Kikyou!" Kagome glared defiantly.
Hearing her name, Kikyou moved in closer to see and hear them discuss Kagome's envy of her. "I'm not jealous," Kagome defied once more.
"You are too! It's damn obvious, Kagome!" Inuyasha urged, grabbing her wrist when she tried to walk away.
"What gives it off that I'm jealous of Kikyou, when I could possibly just hold a grudge against you for loving Kikyou?" she demanded with a piercing glare that made him flinch.
Inuyasha blinked at her comment, "why do you hold a grudge against me for that?" he asked.
"B-b-because…" she mumbled nervously as her cheeks turned a deep hue of red. "Be-cause I…"
Inuyasha moved his face closer to hers and he glared. Kagome closed her eyes and sighed. "Because I'm afraid of loosing you to her," she answered as her eyelids drooped.
Another identical pair of eyes drooped – into a glare. Kikyou could tell that Kagome wanted to kiss him, but she never expected her to actually kiss him. When her lips locked with his, she was surprised, but even more surprised when Inuyasha kissed Kagome back.
Kikyou wiped her tears away again, but this time the tears didn't return. The moisture in her face dried from the faint sunlight that peaked through the trees.
She began to feel sorry for herself as she began to touch her false body.
'Cause perfect, didn't feel so perfect
Trying to fit a square into a circle
Was no life
This false body her no good – it was not her own. She had to steal the souls from dead mortals to fill this empty shell, and the little bit of her own soul that she had was filled with her deep hatred towards Inuyasha – which until now had been forgotten.
What kind of miko was she if she didn't even have a pure soul of her own, or even a heart for that matter.
I defy
The distant sound of thunder disrupted her thoughts as she looked up to see dark clouds ahead and the Shinidamachu had gone, and it wasn't until then had she realized that her souls had begun to disperse – she felt a rain drop fall on her bleeding hand.
Let the rain fall down
And wake my dreams
Let it wash away
My sanity
'Cause I wanna feel the thunder
I wanna scream
Let the rain fall down
I'm coming clean, I'm coming clean
Kikyou raised her head and breath in as she felt the rain pelt against her skin. The rain was strong and steady and her breathing was in time with it
She felt her hair become heavier as the loose strands stuck to her wet face. Her clothes had already soaked through and were clinging around her frame, she knew one would see her breasts through the white fabric, but she could care less at the moment.
Kikyou was still on her knees, but then she stood and opened her arms apart as the rain trickled down her skin.
She felt so pure standing in the rain, as if all of her hatred and pain was being washed away from her small remaining soul.
I'm shedding
Shedding every color
Trying to find a pigment of truth
Beneath my skin
Kikyou knew she was different – she had been born a miko. Before knowledge of her existence it had been planned that she would protect the Shikon no Tama, and before she had died she dare leave the village. But she had been brought back outside in the valley of the living dead and had only been back at the village once.
Now that she was outside of the village – her original birth place – she felt more privileged. She could do so much more while the Shikon no Tama was in pieces – other than searching for the fragments – and then she felt obligated to relax.
'Cause different
Doesn't feel so different
And going out is better
Than always staying in
Feel the wind
The rain was doing it's job, she could feel her sanity being erased from her mind as her chest rose and feel with her rhythmic breathing.
Let the rain fall down
And wake my dreams
Let it wash away
My sanity
'Cause I wanna feel the thunder
I wanna scream
Let the rain fall down
I'm coming clean, I'm coming clean
The ground rumbled under her from the thunder, her arms were still outstretched and every breath that she took was full and clean. Then she lowered her head in a sputtered gasp. She dropped back down onto her knees as she then clasped her chest – she could feel her heart beating.
I'm coming clean…
Let the rain fall…
Let the rain fall…
I'm coming…
A smile erupted from the corners of her mouth and as she gasped laughter was heard from her mouth. How could she have not realized it?
Let the rain fall down
And wake my dreams
Let it wash away
My sanity
'Cause I wanna feel the thunder
I wanna scream
Let the rain fall down
I'm coming clean, I'm coming clean
Her hatred had been masking her heart and the rain had burned the mask away and now she knew – right from the beginning – her heart had been there. A single tear ran down her cheek – a tear of joy.
Let's go back
Back to the beginning
Kikyou stood, the rain had stopped and the sun was shining. She heard the birds and was no longer being stalked by the Shinidamachu. She looked behind her to the past, and needing to recap and change from things, she turned around and began walking back the way she came.