Disclaimer: I don't own the boys and don't make any money with them.
This is just something innocent and sweet, nothing big but enoug hto be written down. I hope that you like this oneshot...
Reviews are always welcome.
A Kiss Good Night
Silence…
Deep, dark, thick silence…
It surrounded him like a coat.
Nothing disturbed the absence of noise. No words, no laughter, nothing.
Ryan sighed and leaned back in his chair. His eyes wandered around the room which was dimly lit, only a single candle standing on his table to keep the darkness at bay. The young man looked around, taking in everything in his room – the big bookshelf which was about to break because of the heavy literature that was placed there, his desk where he worked when he couldn't sleep – something that had been a problem for the last few days.
A soft draught caused the flame to flicker and to throw bizarre shadows at the wall.
Bizarre, what a nice word, Ryan thought emptily.
Bizarre – that word described his situation pretty well. It was odd... He was an intelligent man but it seemed that he had smaller borders than he thought. Why wasn't he able to succeed in another job?
Ryan looked into the dancing flame and lifted up the glass that was placed in front of him. The strong scent of alcohol caused him to close his eyes. He didn't like whiskey but he wasn't sure how else to get to sleep. Pills hadn't been his first choice – too easy to become addicted. Taking a sip of the strong tasting liquor, he leaned his head back onto the backrest and breathed deeply.
Slowly, without his wish or will, his thoughts drifted back and the events of the last few days repeated in front of his mind's eye. Again and again he saw Stetler, that idiotic bastard, standing there taking his gun and identity disc. Then his failure as a crime expert on television.
Those were the worst days of his life.
He had forgotten what his intentions were when he decided to become a policeman and later a CSI. He wanted to help people, wanted to arrest the bastards who thought they could do anything without thinking about the consequences of their actions.
After the Billing's case he had remembered his ambitions and reasons.
And now...
Now he felt as guilty as hell for acting like he did. He had disappointed everyone... Horatio, Calleigh, Eric, just everyone.
A knock at his door ripped him out of his self pity. Heaving himself out of his chair he began to stumble towards his front door. A second knock disturbed the silence again and caused him to move a little faster.
"Okay, I'm on my way," he mumbled irritably and placed his hand on the doorknob.
Opening the door he said quietly:
"Yeah?...Oh, Eric!" Ryan was surprised by the sight of his former co-worker standing on the other side of his door.
"Hey Ryan," Eric greeted him, a small smile creeping over his face.
"May I come in?" Ryan nodded and stepped aside. He closed the door behind the taller man who stood in the hallway and observed his former co-worker. An uncomfortable silence settled between them. Both looked at each other.
"So, how are you?" Eric asked quietly. His eyes tried to catch Ryan's but he avoided the eye contact. Ryan shivered a little.
"I'm fine," he answered with a sigh. When he finally looked up he straightened his shoulders and attempted to look relaxed. He wasn't. The former cop was wound tighter than a clockwork spring.
The air between both men was electrified by the looks they were giving each other, eloquent with meaning. After a few minutes Eric smiled and shook his head.
"You know that I don't believe you," he said and crossed his arms in front of his chest. Again they sized each other up. Minutes passed by and finally Ryan lowered his gaze.
"You're right," he admitted slowly.
"I know," was Eric's answer. The taller CSI relaxed and stepped closer.
"Why are you here?" Ryan wanted to know, feeling a slight shiver run down his spine at the sudden proximity of the other man. He knew that Eric would notice the alcohol in his breath so he tried to discreetly turn away from his friend.
"I just want to talk to you."
The smaller man smiled sadly and nodded.
"Shall we sit down or do you want to talk here in the hallway?" he asked somewhat shyly. His hands shook and he tried to hide it by putting them into his pockets.
"Where would you prefer: kitchen or living room?" Eric's soft question made him shiver some more, and he moved away hastily, heading towards the kitchen.
"Do you want some coffee?" Ryan asked by way of reply.
"That would be great," smiled the taller CSI. His dark eyes had a soft glitter that grew brighter when he saw Ryan moving. His motions were full of strength and a masculine grace which fitted him perfectly. Eric followed him into the kitchen. There he took a seat at the table and watched Ryan who was grabbing two mugs. While Ryan made some coffee his older friend took a look around.
The whole kitchen was clean... he got the impression that it wasn't used very often. No dirty dishes in the sink or already cleaned and drying in the air. No stains or even a used tea towel.
Eric was lost in his thoughts when Ryan put the coffee in front of him.
"Hey," the smaller one tried to get his attention.
"Hm?" Eric snapped back into reality.
"Your coffee is getting cold," Ryan simply said, an inscrutable expression on his face, and pointed at the mug. Eric rose his eyes and blushed a little.
"Thanks," sipping at the hot liquid he scalded his lip. His uttered curse caused Ryan to chuckle softly.
"So," Ryan started after a few moments. "You wanted to talk to me. About what?"
Eric took a deep breath and another sip of his coffee before he answered:
"Well, I wanted to apologize to you."
Ryan, who was about to drink his coffee let the mug sink down onto the table. He seemed to be confused.
"Why?" was all he asked, puzzlement clear in his voice.
"Because I was a complete jackass today. I shouldn't have been laughing at you. You tried to help, no, you helped us to close this case and I made you feel guiltier than you should feel," Eric didn't look at Ryan's face while he said those words.
"It wasn't fair," he added after a couple of heartbeats.
Silence settled over both men and this time it wasn't such an uncomfortable one.
"It's okay, really," Ryan managed to say when he started to feel the truth behind Eric's words. "I made a fool out of myself. Trying to solve cases in a way that had nothing to do with real work. Taking everything out into public wasn't the right choice," he said quietly.
"No, it wasn't," Eric said simply, eyes meeting Ryan's. The frank acceptance in his gaze spurred Ryan to carry on.
"I was angry, sad, but mostly disappointed but not..." he swallowed dryly. "Not about you and your behaviour but about me and my foolishness. I should have gone to Horatio with my problems and I should have told him the truth so he might had been able to help me a little or give me an advice... but now... Well, Eric, to make a long story short: I made a big mistake by forgetting my oath. I had forgotten my true ambitions and dreams." He stopped and stared down into the blackness of his coffee. A soft touch brought his attention back to Eric. His former co-worker had placed his hand over his own. Ryan looked down at their hands. His own slender one was completely covered by Eric's bigger, stronger one. It didn't feel wrong – strange but comfortable.
"You know," Ryan whispered. "I told Horatio today, now I'm telling you, I won't let you down, none of you!" His voice rose to an almost shout at the end of his statement and he dropped his eyes to their entwined hands out of a strange sense of almost embarrassment. Eric's grip around his hand tightened and forced Ryan to look up.
"And I know that Horatio, Calleigh and the rest of us won't let you down," the taller man smiled reassuringly.
"Thank you," Ryan breathed.
Suddenly Eric's mobile phone started ringing, breaking into the comfortable silence that had grown between them. Both men loosened their grip on the other's hand. Looking at his phone the taller CSI stood up.
"I'm sorry Ryan," he said. "It seems that we have a new case." Ryan nodded and stood up too. He went to the door and waited for Eric.
"Well, it was nice to talk to you," he tried to sound happy but failed.
"Hey," Eric smiled. "Don't forget: You're important to the team and..." he stopped and stepped closer to Ryan who looked at him with curious eyes.
"You're important to me," Eric breathed and lifted Ryan's chin with a tender touch. Leaning forward he covered the shaking lips of the younger man with his own. It was a simple meeting between two pairs of closed lips but it was the most intense kiss Ryan had ever experienced.
After what seemed an eternity they separated again.
"See you tomorrow?" the smaller one asked shyly, heart pounding so loud he was certain the other could hear it.
Eric nodded and cupped Ryan's cheek once before leaving the young man behind – confused but somewhat happier.