Firestar was walking through a green-as-rotten-shit forest when he heard something. There was a bushfire, red, yellow, purple, orange. Firestar sharpened and polished his Shit-Smashers in heavier-than-Heavystep anticipation = No half-assed fire was going to own HIM! THE GREAT AND MIGHTY FIRESTARS!. But then he noticed he had forgetten to take his Shit-Smashers with him that day.
"Fuck." The fires caught him and took his remained 5 and a half lives away. "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK."
"Ve vill all miss our dear Virestar very little," said Brambleclaw solemn-like. The other ThunderClaners and the Daisy all started sobbing violently. "HUSH JOU BRATS! Firestar vould want us to be not be sad and- OMFSC WHO STUCK THIS FUCKING STAKE IN MY CHEST?!"
"VAMPIRE!" screeched Graystar. "Oh no." screeched the clan and Daisy.
"I'm not... a...vampire...fuck...you," Brambleclaw died. "Oh no," screeched Squirrelfly.
"Oh, b-but his accent a-and!" Graystripe yelled in horror=stricken grief. "I! HOW COULD WE! I ONLY MEANT TO RID THE CLAN OF AN EVIL VAMPIRE BUT IF I WAS WRONG!" He burst out sobbing.
"Graystripe, you must lead us or the mice will perish," mewed Shadowkit, (who was the reincarnation of Shadowstar but HUSH!)
"I-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i caaan't! I'm a minster!" yowled Graystripe, killing Spiderleg.
"Well, if he cannot lead then I must take the metaphorical reigns of our literal carrige," said a new voice - Blackstar.
"NO! He is ShadowClan he will eat us all!" protested a she-bitch who was immediately punched and thrown off the carriage on to a nearby streetlamp. But the other cats were also dubious until...
"WE NEED TO FIND ACTUAL REINS FOR OUR WAR CHARIOT BEFORE IT CRASHES," announced Blackstar. The other cats were awe-inspired, this cat would lead them to greatness!
"Blackstarstar! Blackstarstar!" They had to say the star bit twice because he was leader of two clans.
"That's right bitches." Things were looking up.