Twisted:Millenium
Prologue- Right Here, Right Now…
Ungle Elmug slept blissfully Under the stars. His job was the tribe's scribe and so he spent day after day drawing nice little pictures telling the story of the Day's hunts. While his friends went to play by that long Black Slab, he decided to have a quick nap. This dream though was different. It wasn't dreaming he had a bigger club, nor was it about that alluring female in the next hut, this dream was……
The Problem was that Elmug had been thinking, not a wise thing when all your life amounts to hunting, eating and making strange noises with members of the opposite sex (Elmug had limited experience in that field). He had been thinking about stories…..
He reasoned that since you could draw more than just Hunts, then there must be stories about other things. What happened if those Stories were allowed to grow? What if every story was, in fact REAL, in another place? Elmug had been thinking about this for a while now and in his head had been building up this theory. He never told anyone else, fearful of being cast out as a heretic. Tonight was the night. It was his first dream about this new theory. He imagined a large stone cave, with a throne (A large flatting rock) in the centre. A Single ray of light for dramatic effect shone down on it, and in the throne….sat a Queen. Queen Oolag she was called, one of the most desirable women who ever lived, noble and powerful.
The Problem with thoughts like this is that they are never static. In a World of Imagination, things seldom stay the same and in this case, take on a mind of their own.
In Limbo the Palace of Narrative causiality appeared, it was a largish cave with A Throne in the middle. The first Queen of Narrative causiality, Oolag surveyed her surroundings and smiled.
..Narrative Causiality was born……
The creator of narrative causiality slept blissfully Under the Stars…….
Chapter 1- Wednesday night at 7….
4 Million years later his late 20th century equivalent was engaged in intelligent conversation
"So, if Chucky from Child's Play and Chucky from Rugrats got into a fight, who do you think will win?"
Aeris01 rolled her eyes, "Elmo," she said "are you sure discussing this is wise, it'll be like the Krusty the clown Vs Don King debate all over again, Poor Veeil still has the limp."
Uncle Elmo sighed and stared at the ceiling, it had been several months since Piccolo had last attempted to take over reality and the members of F.A.N.F.I.C spent day after day eating big dinners, falling asleep and talking about nothing in particular, just like any decent government really. The First Agency for Narrative, Fantasy and Inverse Causialities was founded by Elmo two years earlier to combat any threat to reality, now, most threats had been neutralised, things were even quiet on the flipside font. ("The Flipside" a.k.a Dimension #101-B was the opposite of our reality (Dimension #101) and the inhabitants of which were the polar opposites of our own. Bill gates for instance was a well known philanthropist, and the cellophane wrapping around Cheese slices actually opened on the first attempt
However the inhabitants were hell bent on eliminating all other causialities so it's not as utopian as it seems!) .
He looked around the table at the assorted members of F.A.N.F.I.C, the membership had grown almost exponentially in the past few months, the last intake occurred around the Time Travelling Chocobo incident and there were almost more members then seats. , he looked across at Roy, who was speaking heatedly with his girlfriend Lisa, herself a new member.
Lisa sighed, "So this is all you do? Talk about stuff?"
Roy shook his head "No, we do other stuff, Save the girl, kill the bad guy, save the omniverse, that sorta thing, we're just in an empty period that's all."
Musashi stood up, "Sod this, anyone for a Jack Daniels?" he looked around at the blank faces "Suit yourself, more for me!"
Elmo stood up, "I'm just going to get some air"
He left the room, Roy nodded at Aeris01, she stood up "Excuse me for a minute I need to umm… get some air.."
James stared at her for a moment and sighted down the barrel of his magnum, he pulled the trigger
*CLICK*
He laughed to himself and put the gun away.
Aeris01 found Elmo staring at the stars on a balcony in F.A.N.F.I.C headquarters.
She took his hand "What's wrong?" she asked.
Elmo sighed, "I'm not sure, I mean reality is O.K, so I really should be happy so why do I feel…"
"Bored?"
"Yes, that too, but the word I'm thinking of is useless."
Aeris01 looked shocked. "Don't start that again or it'll be the FP for you, how many times do I have to tell you…"
"It's not a self-esteem thing it's just, I'm the creator of all this right, why can't I make it better? "
"Why? Is that it? Look everyone out there has free will, it's not as if you can control their lives, they screw things up, it's their problem, don't go blaming yourself for everything."
"I don't know Aeris01, it's almost as if I can't do anything right"
She looked into his eyes and smiled, "You did one thing right, for sure!"
"What?" asked Elmo, he then looked her in the eyes and realised "of course, I got THAT answer right didn't I? How long was it, Seven months ago? I remember that night as if it was yesterday."
"As do I…. " She fell into his arms and they embraced - eyes closed, her lips met his and…. She found herself embracing the cold night air.
"What the hell?" she opened her eyes, Elmo had vanished.
Aeris01 ran breathlessly into the chamber, Roy had started a rousing version of 1,000,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
"Elmo's gone!" she shouted.
"What?" asked the assorted member.
"We were outside…and we were together" She felt herself blushing but carried on regardless "and he disappeared, out of thin air."
James smiled "Well if you kissed him you probably turned him back into a frog, as far as Elmo's concerned that's probably a plus!"
Aeris01 shouted "James, why you….."
Roy interrupted "That's enough we have to find out where he is, it's too late at night now, we'll have to start our search tomorrow morning."
Aeris01 looked incredulously "TOMORROW? I'm leaving now! He could be hurt! If no one will help me – fine, I'll go on my own, Elmo's taught me a couple of incantations, I'll be fine."
She ran out of the room and everyone looked stunned.
Lisa tugged on Roy's arm, "Well, aren't you gonna go and help her?"
"I guess so, but we're meant to protect reality not play interdimensional 'Where's Waldo', who'll stay here and hold the fort?"
James stood up first "Not me, I've got to make sure that Aeris01 won't do anything stupid."
Roy nodded, "Well since You're out of commission Musashi, that leaves you Veeil and the A.E Sisters".
A.E Luna and Ivy looked shocked, "Us? But we've only been here a few weeks, what if anything happens ?"
Roy held up his hand, "It won't and but use the PHS to get in contact with us just in case"
Veeil piped up "I'll make sure everything's ship-shape!"
"Very good" replied Roy "I'll page Xealot to give you a hand".
Roy took Lisa's hand, "Let's go"
"Where are we going?" she asked
"We don't know where Elmo might have gone, but I bet I know someone who does"
Chapter 2- Adelente
Aerith's house was deserted, Roy knocked at the windows. "Nobody home? That's strange"
Lisa asked Roy "Who's this 'Aerith'?"
"Elmo's niece, well, adopted niece, it's pretty complicated, more complicated than your average Jerry Springer show"
Roy searched around the house and saw a note on the door.
"Dear Roy, I have gone on a top secret mission, will explain better when I get back. See ya! Aerith"
"Top secret mission? What could be so secret that F.A.N.F.I.C don't get to know about it?" asked Roy.
He thought for a minute before continuing
"Let's go and find Aeris01, I have an idea".
Aeris01 climbed the long steps towards the palace of narrative causiality,
"Why…*puff* couldn't Elmo imagine these *wheeze* stairs any shorter?"
She reached the front door and a guard met her.
Aeris01 smiled at the guard, "Let me in, I have to see the queen."
The guard stared straight ahead "Name your business."
"My Boyfriend's gone missing and I have an idea that your mistress might know where he is, Open up!"
"I can't do that."
"Fair enough" said Aeris01 before she spun around and struck him in the Jaw
"Now Let me in before I REALLY get mad."
The guard limped and nodded. "Open the gates" he shouted and Aeris01 was let in.
It was the first time Aeris01 had been to the place, she'd heard about it from Elmo, and she knew that if anyone knew where Elmo would be then Queen Alice would know.
She entered the throne room and saw the queen, the queen didn't look much older than herself and had long brown hair .
Queen Alice smiled, "Ahh Aeris01, I've heard many things about you, come, come closer"
Aeris01 obliged.
"So you're the woman who Elmo never shuts up about, I know why you're here and I have to say that it's classified."
"It's WHAT?"
"You can't see him, he's on a top secret mission, it's rather personal."
"Personal? What do you mean?"
The queen sighed as if the weight of the world was on her shoulders. "If you MUST know he's to stop an assassination attempt,"
"Why all the secrecy?"
"This is a journey he has to make on his own, he's far in the past if he fails….."
"Ahh the end of the universe, yadda, yadda yadda, is that it?"
"That's about it, yes, but I haven't told you about the person who is to be assassinated."
"Who?"
The Queen shifted in her seat uneasily
"The target is….. well your ancestor"
"What? Why the hell would anyone want to kill my ancestor?"
"Not just your ancestor, the target is a group of young women, it's pretty complicated but whoever did, I mean does this seems to want to bring down the throne of narrative causiality."
"I want to go back and help him" said Aeris01 with conviction
"You can't, what if you meet your ancestor, it's too bloody complicated as it is withou8t the fabric of the space time continuum being ruptured, you'll have to….."
A Guard ran into the chamber, he seemed panicked.
"Queen Alice, we have a new problem…."
Chapter 3 – Do the Timewarp.
In the year 14XX
"Open up! In the name of the Lord!"
Witchfinder James Cornett was very enthusiastic about his job, he had disposed of over 100 witches in New Amsterdam to date and this next one was going to be interesting.
A Small man answered the door, "About bloody time!" he said.
James removed his witchfinders hat and walked in. He turned to his assistant, "Wait here Steven"
Steven nodded.
James began to interrogate the man.
"What evidence do you have?"
The man seemed suspicious but continued.
"She babbles in Tongues, she doesn't even have a proper name, she calls herself, Doctrine Ugua…."
James raised his eyebrows "Really?"
The man led James into a small room, a youngish woman about 18 looked at him critically…
"You kill me?" she asked.
James sighed, why couldn't they just confess, he asked himself…
James Spoke " You have been accused of witchcraft, how do you plead?"
The Woman dropped to her knees
"Please don't kill me!"
"Joking will get you nowhere…"
"Kill me then you go BOOM Rearhead, me burn your rearholes, puke."
"I see. If you do not absolve your sins then you till be burned at the stake until you are dead"
"Can I have my Steak Well Done? Me like it like that, Puke."
"Then it shall be done, tomorrow morn you will die."
"Me die? You die, go BOOM BOOM BOOM! AHAHAHAHAHA! Go F/muck yourself!"
"Heretic! How dare you blaspheme!"
James spun around and looked at the man.
"Get the Pyre ready, tomorrow this vile creature shall meet her demise!"
Later on that day…
"But Sir! I like it here! Why a transfer…."
Matthew Hopkins looked at his eager young apprentice for a second before continuing.
"The forces of evil are everywhere Cornett, you are very talented, They need you in Selam, now leave before tomorrow morn, You can take Steven and Patricia with you "
"Ok" James reluctantly agreed.
Chapter 4 – I've cast a spell on you….
The Next day.
"You go BOOM!" said jade weapon, now tied to the Pyre.
The Elder lit the Stake and a second later half of new Amsterdam was destroyed
In the town of Selam, things were generally quite, and in the morning, the young women of the Town met in the local Tavern, owned by the young man- Shawn.
Susan, an 18 year old Writer sat sipping a cup of tea. Jennifer Smith, a close friend of hers beckoned closer…
"Susan, I'm telling you this girl has potential - her aura is off the scale!"
"Jennifer, are you sure?"
"I've never seen an Aura like that since…… Well you know he came along…"
Susan dropped her cup of tea.
"Did I not tell you not to mention him in my presence."
"I'm sorry Susan….I……"
"It's Ok, it's just that you know how he upset me.."
"It was a long time ago Susan."
"Yes, I know.."
Susan thought for a little while. Then came to a decision.
"Tell this Girl she can join. I really hope you're right about her, the invocation is tonight and she'll be helping to call the corners."
Jennifer Nodded.
"I'd better be getting back to school, Those little rascals have probably wrecked the classroom by now!"
Susan nodded and said. "Cristin, can I have another cup of tea please?"
The Stagecoach was packed
Patricia sat, fanning herself.
"Why do we have to leave James? You know Mohsen was about to pop the question.."
James sighed. "How long was it? Nearly six months. He would have asked you by the time we left.."
"Anyway, what is this Backend town like? It sounds like a dump!"
She knocked on the roof.
"Eh Driver!"
The Coachdriver, a young man named Jay answered
"Yes Miss?"
"You come from this Selam don't you?"
"Yes Miss Born and Bred there. My Girlfriend Heather and I are betrothed to be married Miss, "
"What can you tell me about it?"
"Well there's this nice tavern ran by a young couple, The Mayor is an interesting fellow, goes by the name of "Roy". And a local Artist, Miss Shade runs Art classes for the young ladies of the town every Saturday."
"Sounds boring as hell to me…"
James put his cap over his face and slept.
Susan's apartment was cramped at the best of times, just a small box room with an easel and writing desk in the corner. A Large Pentagram had been drawn in the centre of the floor.
The new member was depressingly enthusiastic. "So we're going to summon a demon? Is this legal?"
Susan fixed a critical eye on the newcomer, Jennifer sensed it. "Shush Amanda, we have to perform the incantation." Jennifer indicated three girls, "Cristin, Clarissa and Erin you take the outside." The three girls obligingly took the positions. Jennifer indicated another two girls. "Now, Heather, you show Amanda where to stand, with us in the middle. " She turned to the newcomer, "Amanda, you know what to do." Amanda nodded.
Susan winked at the newcomer,
"Well then, let us begin!"
The Stagecoach approached the Inn and Patricia got out, followed by James.
The Inn was full, and as soon as they entered the whole place ran quiet.
The Innkeeper, Shawn spoke first. "So you're the Witchfinder for these parts? I can tell you, you'll find no witches in Selam…"
An Old man stood up, he seemed drunk but surprisingly sure on his feet.
"There are indeed witches! They're Everywhere! These fools can't see them! "
Shawn sighed and poured the old man a drink, "Don't mind Old man Piccolo, he's a little paranoid sometimes."
Everyone turned back to their business, seemingly tired of this free entertainment.
Amanda stepped forward into the circle and chanted "I Amanda, Invoke thee by the power of the great goddess Aeris, of which there is only one. Demon, appear!"
Amanda stepped back, and Susan winked at her again. This time, another Girl, Heather, stepped forward.
"I, Heather Invoke thee by the power of the Angels who wield the ancient Weapon of Katana. Demon Appear!"
Heather stepped back and was replaced by Jennifer.
"I, Jennifer invoke thee by the power of the Dragons that are firstborn into this world, Demon Appear!"
Jennifer stepped back and Susan stepped forward.
"I, Susan, Invoke thee by the power of the Chibi-chan of the ancients, Demon Appear!"
Susan stepped back and they all held hands.
Susan nodded and they all chanted.
"DEMON APPEAR!"
Thunder sounded from above, there was a huge flash of light and a lot of smoke.
When the smoke settled…..
Susan couldn't believe her eyes..
"It can't be! Ellis? Is that you? ?"
Uncle Elmo looked up, arms embracing thin air and lips puckered up… he opened his eyes. . "Oh Bugger…Anyone for a game of Twister? ."
Susan Shade inspected the figure critically,
"Why do you take on this form Demon?"
Uncle Elmo shrugged "Whaddya mean, Hey! You look a lot like Chibi…..
"DO NOT MOCK ME, DEMON!" shouted Susan
"Look, If I wanted to mock you I'd say your arse is so big I'd need a GPS to navigate round it…"
"SILENCE"
"Sorry. Look if it's that time of the month, just say, I have a little sister, I understand these things…."
"SHUT UP!" said Susan, she looked at Jennifer who was deep in thought "What's your opinion Jennifer?"
She shrugged, "he's mostly harmless, I don't actually think he's a demon at all, he's a Type 3 Human, definitely has magical aptitude but nothing special…."
Elmo spoke up "Well thanks a bunch Jennifer, remind me to cross you off my Christmas card list"
Amanda shrugged "Well I think he's kinda cute…."
Elmo's eyes opened wide "Aeris01? Is it you Cariad? I love the costume!"
Susan looked at him critically "Well, can he cause any harm?"
Jennifer shook her head.
"Then I'll remove the subjugation of bondage" Said Susan
"Bondage? But I've only just met you" asked Elmo
"She's going to get rid of that force field" said Amanda trying to contain the laughter.
"Oh" said Elmo, sounding disappointed
"The thing is" said Susan "If we summoned a Demon, then why the hell is he here?"
"Wish I knew" said Elmo "One thing I knew I was with my girlfriend, the next I'm on the set of 'The Crucible' this is way off my weird shit-o- meter"
A Figure walked into the room, "I think I can answer that" upon seeing her everyone bowed,
Susan stuttered "Is it really you goddess?"
The figure nodded, "Elmo is here to protect you, he's not the man you know he's from the future, you're all in great danger."
Elmo tapped the figure on the shoulder "Excuse me, do you think I could be told something about this, at least have given me a few seconds so I could have said 'We'll make it a few mins Aeris01 honey because I'm off to save the world in a moment…' But Noooo……"
The figure turned to face Elmo "Will you shut up for once!"
He recognised the figure straight away, he had raised her for sixteen years of his life.. it was Aerith.
Chapter 5 – More to this
The guard introduced two new figures into the room, Aeris01 recognised both straight away but they looked somewhat different, the first looked a lot like the man she loved but wore a clashing Bermuda shorts & shirt combo. While the other one… it couldn't be, for the second time ever Aeris01 looked into her face what was to all intents and purposes her own =, however unlike the cruel twist of Aeris02, this one looked, well more dizzy…
The other Elmo looked around "Whoa!" he said in a broad cod-Californian accent, "This place is cool!"
The Queen stood up, "Identify yourself"
'Elmo' stood forward first "Firstly your Majesty may I comment on how much a babe you are…"
The other Aeris01 punched him in his arm. "Oww…. But of course not as babelicious as Mandy here…"
"Get on with it" said the queen impatiently
"MY name is the Master, and here is my babe, the Mistress, we come from Dimension #134,"
The Mistress spoke "Yah, totally, that's where we're from n'all"
"We've come to inform you of a great danger, and I'm not talking about running out of nachos here, I'm talking about total bummer, end of reality sorta stuff."
"It's even worse than wearing slingback sandals OUT OF SEASON!" added the mistress.
The Queen yawned, "Will you get on with it and stop wasting my time."
"Yeah, well it was a bodacious day for waves, Mandy and I were catching some Rays, I'd taken my EZ with me and left the Inside the Web board at home, they're way to easy to wipe out, those ITW types… I paddled out to sea while Mandy painted her nails and then it happened…."
"What happened?"
"A Huge swirly black, hole shaped thing…"
"A Black hole?" asked Aeris01
"That's what I said, N-E Ways it appeared and totally freaked me out, it started to suck everything in it… Mandy and I managed just escape but when we tried to get back the whole dimension had totally disappeared"
"What a mess?" said the queen.
"I know" agreed the Mistress "I had to leave my WHOLE summer collection, I mean this two piece bathing costume is Soooo passé, it's like Neolithic or something….."
The Queen sat back down "What could cause a whole plane of existence to be wiped out?"
"You think the flipside has something to do with t?"
The Queen shook her head, "No, the monarchy there was wiped out, besides it's not their style, it seems we have a greater enemy…."
"A greater enemy than the flipside? Oh bugger. Permission to take F.A.N.F.I.C to investigate."
"Permission granted, but if I catch you checking in on Elmo, they'll be trouble!"
Aeris01 smiled "I won't,"
"Oh and take these two with you, they may come in useful."
The master and mistress bowed, the mistress looked Aeris01 in the eye, "Love the face, but those shoes? Are they like totally carbon dated or something?"
Aeris01 protested "Do I have to?"
The queen smiled and waved her hand The three figures disappeared.
She laughed to herself "So, Elmo, let's see how you handle THIS one!"
Chapter 6 – That don't impress me much….
Elmo sat in the barn, listening to Aerith explain his mission….
"….so someone or something is going to try to kill this coven and it's my job to stop that. May I ask why this coven is so important?"
Aerith replied "The King and Queen of Narrative causiality have been killed in a cart accident, there's a shortlist of queen left, destiny has brought them all together to Selam."
"Ahh, so these witches are the 'shortlist' the thing is, I know who'll be chosen and Alice isn't here."
"She's out of town, Amanda was taking her place…."
"I noticed, question is, who's going to kill them?"
"May I speak" asked a disembodied voice…
Elmo & Aerith looked around but couldn't find anyone.
"Down here, blimp boy and Flower girl…."
They looked down and found a blue mouse.
"You can talk?" asked Elmo incredulously
"No shit sherlock, there ain't nothing clever about talking, trust me…" the mouse replied.
Aerith answered "But humans talk all the time"
"My point exactly," affirmed the mouse, "The name's Hanpan, I'm a wind mouse, just cruising from dimension to dimension and I'm telling ya, the broads here are boring as hell, the only two words they can understand is 'sex' and 'food' although you have to say those two words have their uses…."
Elmo interrupted "So, what do you know about the current situation?"
The mouse nodded, "I do know that Reality is knee deep in Guacamole, I think it's got something to do with the nature of stories…"
"You mean Narrative causiality?" asked Aerith
"Uh-huh, You see, there have been great rips in the space time continuum recently, some dimensions are just being wiped out…"
"How do you know this?" asked Elmo
"Us Wind mice are sensitive to these things, my Whiskers have been quivering like a newlywed's bedsprings, that and the fact that Queen Alice told me to tell you,"
"You've spoken with the queen? Does she know who waits to assassinate this coven?"
"Well if she does she ain't telling, As I said, I think it's to do with the nature of stories…"
"What do you mean?" asked Elmo
"Well as you know, stories aren't just words on a page, they're alive, life forms in their own right. Thing is, Stories are parasites, they live off an author's imagination and uses it to mutate ad breed. While inside an authors head they can't really do much harm, all they do is reproduce and thrive. The better stories are the ones that get told again and again while the older, weaker stories die out. The thing is…" the mouse chewed on some hay before continuing "what if those stories broke free, wouldn't the old stories want revenge? Wouldn't they want to fight it out, mano-a-mano?"
"This is stupid" said Elmo "They're only words, how can they fight each other?"
"Suit yourself" said Hanpan "Just an opinion, it's just that if it WAS a story that was aiming to kill off the coven, you better watch your back… stories can.. change people, you might find yourself fighting someone you don't want to….just tell yourself it's not real"
"What's not real?"
"None of it is, you can't get hurt if it's not real, you're a fanfic author remember, you have power over words, bend them to your will."
"You're not making any sense!" said Elmo
Hanpan shrugged, which is a pretty decent achievement for a six inch Wind mouse.
"I don't write this stuff, I just read the script, fancy some hay?"
Elmo's reply was interrupted by the appearance of Amanda at the door.
"Elmo, come quick, there's something happened to the house!"
Elmo ran out of the barn. And saw the house, it was aflame…
Chapter 8 - :Here, there and everywhere.
"So, let me recap" said Roy "Elmo's in the past on a secret mission, probably with Aerith, trying to stop an assassination attempt and something is eating up dimensions, Aeris01 you've been reading through Elmo's works, did you come up with anything?
Aeris01 nodded "While he was raising Aerith, he observed a large rift in causiality, it then ate up a smaller causiality before dissipating."
"Did he have a reason for this?" asked James
Aeris01 smiled and nodded "Yes, and I quote, 'it probably was hungry' "
"Typical Elmo, I say we go back in the past, hunt him down and ask him!" demanded James
Roy shook his head "I bet that Welsh dufus is as clueless as we are, I say we look at the suspects…"
"Well Piccolo's dead," ventured Amanda….
"How about another one of your Psycho Ex-Boyfriends?" said James Sarcastically
Roy ignored James' comments, and continued "It can't be 'The Master'"
"No, "replied Aeris01 "They're out surfing, I'm telling you, I'm one step away from killing that Airhead Mistress…."
"How about 'The Flipside?' It's definitely their M.O?" cautioned Musashi, who was sat at the back, polishing off the last Jack Daniels.
"But the monarchy is dead right? Who's masterminding all this?" asked Aeris01
"Only one way to find out" said Roy, Everyone nodded.
"Where are we going?" asked Lisa
"The Flipside, you sure you want to come?" replied Roy
"Sure!, Wherever you go, I'll follow." She smiled and gave Roy a peck on the cheek.
"Gimme a freaking break!" said James disgustedly.
Aeris01 read out the incantation from Elmo's grimoire and then they were gone…..
Chapter 9 – Great Balls of fire
"BURN THE WITCHES!" shouted Old man piccolo, gleefully dancing around the flames.
"Anyone in there?" asked Elmo,
Amanda shook her head, "Everyone had left, thankfully, I was clearing up when this guy showed up and tried to shove a torch in my face, he called me a witch."
"I'll get him.." said Elmo determinedly.
"What about paradoxes?" asked Aerith
"I'll give him a paradox so far up his arse he'll be able to use it to floss his teeth…"
Everyone ran out of the Tavern, Witchfinder James Cornett eyed Elmo suspiciously,
"What happened?" asked Shawn.
"As if YOU'D Care!" shouted Cristin.
"No time for games, " shouted Jay "We have to put this fire out, or the old Adams place will be gone for good, go and get some water."
"But….." protested Cristin
"GO!" Shouted Jay.
Jay turned and saw Elmo standing,
"Hello stranger, I don't suppose you have anything to do with this?"
Amanda intervened, "No, he's a…"
"..Bard" interrupted Elmo
"A bard? Ah, Spoony, well don't just stand there man, help to put this fire out!"
Elmo nodded and went to fetch some water.
The Team worked all night but to no avail, the whole house was gutted.
The next morning Amanda woke up in the barn. She saw Elmo's concerned face.
"Hello? What are you doing here? It's improper to enter a young ladies Bedroom without her permission you know…"
Elmo smiled "Aerith's with me, I was just checking to see if you're O.K"
"Well considering I'm homeless, I guess I'm fine." She said sarcastically
"Alice is back in town, she's agreed to put you up."
"Alice?" asked Amanda.
"The member of the coven who you replaced last night, she's a very nice woman, very concerned for your safety." Added Elmo
"Are you?" asked Amanda
"What?"
"Ever since you came here you've been looking at me as if you knew me, do you have a liking for me?"
Elmo blushed, "God, no, I already have a girlfriend!"
"Oh", she sounded disappointed.
"I've got to go" said Elmo "I'll see you soon."
Elmo left the barn with Aerith
Aerith turned to Elmo, "I really hope you don't have feelings for her Uncle."
"Of course not Aerith, it's just… I miss her you know?"
"Just don't fall for her completely, I don't think that Jerry Springer has a show for that, 'I'm cheating on you with your Ancestor….', "
Elmo shook his head, "They're not the same person, I just have to tell myself that, I wish I could get this mission over with, I miss her so much, I just wish I knew what she was doing right now?"
Chapter 10 – Dark side of the moon
Aeris01 stared into the murky sky, "I wish I knew what he was doing right now?"
"Snap out of it!" snapped James "Get going!"
They had waked through the flipside and found the place, deserted, places, cities, everything, all gone.
"What the hell happened here?" asked Roy
"Perhaps there was a sale in the next town?" suggested Aeris01
In the depths of the castle, the group explored the dungeon.
"Hey, do you think it's valuable? Said Lisa, indicating a golden sceptre
"Who knows?" shrugged Roy, "You might as well keep it"
"Nice décor if you have a penchant for Psychos – R – us"
A strange voice said "Well, I think you'll find we have the Loyalty card… Put your hands up dufuses, you're surrounded."
They turned around and saw the protagonist,
"Roy?" asked Aeris01 "Why does that guy have your face?"
The other Roy D. Mercer smiled.
"That's no way to respect Emperor Adam 1st !" he laughed. "Old Elmo, that fool, he never had the forethought that I had, my plan worked! He never listened though, even though I helped his propaganda machine along with my Archives, now who's laughing, Project Slider worked!"
"Project slider? Of course! " said our Roy "In our Dimension, I created it to cross the interdimensional divide without using magic, so in the flipside….. Oh Bugger."
Emperor Adam smiled and nodded, "I believe you have a saying, 'If Mohamed won't come to the mountain, bring the mountain to Mohamed"
"I think you'll find it's the other way around"
"Whatever, the thing is, Project slider is amalgamating all other dimensions into ours, soon the whole of the Omniverse will be ours!" Emperor Adam cackled.
"But look at what it's done to your dimension, everyone's gone!" pleaded Aeris01
"So?" asked Emperor Adam "I don't care, they're gone for the greater good of the Flipside."
James, ran towards the Emperor "Bullshit! We're gonna stop this Project right now!"
The Emperor shrugged, "You can only try, once the project is started however, it cannot be stopped."
"Don't you realise though" said Roy, "That eventually the Project will destroy this dimension too? Once Dimension #101 goes, then this one goes with it…"
"Nonsense!" shouted Emperor Adam "You're trying to trick me!"
"Suit yourself" said Roy, "It's a shame that my flipside self is such a dumbass…"
The emperor smiled and then collapsed, Lisa put down the sceptre.
"Never liked it anyway" Lisa said.
"What are you waiting for?" asked James "Come on!"
Chapter 11 – The Walk of life
Elmo sat with Aerith, "The thing is, The house was empty, why burn it?"
Aerith shrugged "I've no idea, but they're going to hang Old man Piccolo for it."
"I don't get it, why now?"
"I don't know."
"What do you think?" Elmo asked Hanpan who was sat between them, thoughtfully chewing on some straw.
"Don't ask me, I'm just an Extra with a speaking role…"
"Knock, Knock, Knock?"
"Who's there?" asked Elmo
Amanda peeped her head through the door.
"Alice is sooo Booring, why don't you and I go for a walk?"
"Well I don't know, I',m supposed to stay here unless something happens."
"Look, the assatination attempt was that fire, you stopped it, well done, now let's go!", she grabbed hold of Elmo's hand and pulled him up on his feet.
"Well alright, but not too far."
Amanda smiled, "That's better, it's not good to keep a lady waiting you know!"
They both walked off towards the villiage.
Meanwhile, in Alice's house.
"It's strange you know, tell me, how long have you known her Jennifer?" asked Alice
"Not long, a couple of months, why?"
"All the time she was here, she kept asking about Elmo, what he was like, I'm telling you, that girl is obsessed!" affirmed Alice
"Mabye she just really likes him" suggested Susan
"I don't know, something fishy is going on and I don't like it!" said Alice.
Aerith knocked on the door "Disterbing something ladies?" she asked.
Alice spun around, "Ahh it's you, I've heard so much about you, no we're just worried about the behaviour of one of our Brethren, that's all."
Cristin snorted, "Does she HAVE to be here?"
Susan spoke "Don't mind Cris, Aerith, for some reason she's never enjoyed me talking about you."
Aerith held up her hand. "It's alright."
"Well it's about time I went", said Susan "I have some sketches to be getting on with and.."
"No, don't leave" asked Aerith, "Not yet, I have something to share with you all".
Chapter 12 – It's only us.
The F.A.N.F.I.C members finally reached the machine.
"I say we put an axe to it!" said James,
"Good call, screw up reality while we're at it, I'm soo glad you never took up surgery" said Roy.
Aeris01 peered at the machine "If we get this wrong, where does that put Elmo"
"Well there's good news and there's bad news. The Bad news is that Elmo will cease to exist, the good news is that you won't be around to care…"
"oh."
"Hold on to your hats people, here we go…."
Meanwhile in the Palace of narrative causiality.
Aerith ran towards the throne….
"Phew! Got those Doritos for you!, I mean you really over-react when it comes to Doritos shortages, Top secret mission indeed! It took me a while, the queues were horrendous"
The Queen turned towards her, "If I were you, I'd get to the Flipside now, Reality is in deep Guacamole…."
"Again?"
Amanda skipped throught the forrest.
"We've gone far enough!" said Elmo "I want to go back!"
"Don't you like me?" she asked "Don't you like me at all? Don't I remind you of someone?"
Elmo grabbed hold of Amanda "Who are you? I mean Really?"
Amanda laughed loudly. "What do you mean Elmo? I'm me!"
"Quit playing games, I don't like being messed about"
"Oh don't you?, I thought games were your speciality, come, why don't we play a game of Twister…"
"Don't mock me!, I don't know who you are but you're not Amanda…."
"No Shit Sherlock, you'd have found out sooner or later, anyway, it's too late now, your dear coven have been slaughtered and soon, I'll be the queen of Narrative causiality!"
Elmo heard Amanda laughing as he ran back towards the villiage.
In Alices house….
Aerith had an evil glint in her eye as she approached Susan, the witch could only stare transfixed, frozen by the spell Aerith has cast on the group, as Aerith raised the knife, ready to strike…..
"STOP!" shouted Witchmaster James Cornett, "I have reason to believe that you, Aerith Gainsborough have been practising the unholy act of Witchcraft how do you plead?"
"Up yours!" shouted Aerith as she lunged towards the Witchfinder. James sidestepped Aerith and disarmed her, she raised her index finger,
"I could vapourise you with this!" she shouted…..
Elmo appeared Breathless, "You do and I'll counter you so hard you'll forget what centuary it is!"
Aerith appeared to Roy's amazment, "Let's get this thing working" she said
"ooh, tough words from the Welshman…. I didn't know you had it in you."
"Nor did I," said Elmo "But you're not gong to change history, not now, not ever."
"You don't even know who I am!" screamed Aerith.
"I've just left your wife in the forest, I never knew Cross-dressing was your strongpoint Emperor!"
The machine buzzed into life, "20 more seconds and we'll have done it" said Roy
"So you DO Know" said Aerith, as he morphed into the figure of Emperor Elmo. "How?"
"I must say, your Wife was VERY convincing,, my Amanda would never have come on like a Drunken Prom queen though, Aeris02 must have learned some compassion…"
"Death does that to you" Emperor Elmo smiled "However, I have not yet learned Mercy, I'll take pleasure in seeing every last drop of agony squeezed out of you!"
Three- Two One… NOW!!!!
Elmo Saw The Emperor's body stretch like some sort of elastic before it was gone…..
"The hell?" asked Elmo, he saw the world around him dissolve and the palace appear.
"Did you see that?" asked Witchfinder James, "I think it's time I gave up this business!"
Elmo found himself looking at the Queen.
"Did I do it?"
The Queen Nodded, "I was chosen shortly after you left. I think that's mission accomplished, someone wants to see you…"
Aeris01 ran up the stairs and hugged the stricken fanfic author.
"I missed you so much!"
"So Did I…."
"Now, before you left, where were we?" they embraced and shared a kiss.
In the Flipside, the assorted F.A.N.F.I.C members and Aerith looked at the scene. "Urgh!" said James, "Don't make me sick!"
"The thing is" asked Roy. "What about Emperor Elmo and Aeris02?"
"Watch…." Said Aerith…..
The Throne room was buzzing with excitement…
"You failed us Adam…"
"yes, your Majesty!"
"Your Hairbrained Project Slider failed, I think it's the full Bubble bath treatment…… what do you think Aeris02.."
"No, that's not good enough, I want to see the Feather duster being used too, every single crevice…"
"God, NO! PLEASE NO!!!!"
As Ex-Emperor Adam was taken away for his torture, a small blue Windmouse looked out at the world from a hole, he looked back and saw the mouse smiling at him provocatively….
"Well they don't talk much, but when it comes to 'hot stuff Hanpan' who needs words?"
In the year 14XX
Dispossesed by the soul of Aeris02, Amanda Adams sat underneath a tree.
"Can you tell me the way to Selam?" asked a figure
"Yeah, I'll show you, if you like" she said "I live there"
She looked up and her eyes met his,
"I'm a Bard you see, I'm supposed to perform there, the name's Ellis."
"Mine's Amanda" she said
They walked forward, hand in hand, in search of a better future.
THE END……..
Prologue- Right Here, Right Now…
Ungle Elmug slept blissfully Under the stars. His job was the tribe's scribe and so he spent day after day drawing nice little pictures telling the story of the Day's hunts. While his friends went to play by that long Black Slab, he decided to have a quick nap. This dream though was different. It wasn't dreaming he had a bigger club, nor was it about that alluring female in the next hut, this dream was……
The Problem was that Elmug had been thinking, not a wise thing when all your life amounts to hunting, eating and making strange noises with members of the opposite sex (Elmug had limited experience in that field). He had been thinking about stories…..
He reasoned that since you could draw more than just Hunts, then there must be stories about other things. What happened if those Stories were allowed to grow? What if every story was, in fact REAL, in another place? Elmug had been thinking about this for a while now and in his head had been building up this theory. He never told anyone else, fearful of being cast out as a heretic. Tonight was the night. It was his first dream about this new theory. He imagined a large stone cave, with a throne (A large flatting rock) in the centre. A Single ray of light for dramatic effect shone down on it, and in the throne….sat a Queen. Queen Oolag she was called, one of the most desirable women who ever lived, noble and powerful.
The Problem with thoughts like this is that they are never static. In a World of Imagination, things seldom stay the same and in this case, take on a mind of their own.
In Limbo the Palace of Narrative causiality appeared, it was a largish cave with A Throne in the middle. The first Queen of Narrative causiality, Oolag surveyed her surroundings and smiled.
..Narrative Causiality was born……
The creator of narrative causiality slept blissfully Under the Stars…….
Chapter 1- Wednesday night at 7….
4 Million years later his late 20th century equivalent was engaged in intelligent conversation
"So, if Chucky from Child's Play and Chucky from Rugrats got into a fight, who do you think will win?"
Aeris01 rolled her eyes, "Elmo," she said "are you sure discussing this is wise, it'll be like the Krusty the clown Vs Don King debate all over again, Poor Veeil still has the limp."
Uncle Elmo sighed and stared at the ceiling, it had been several months since Piccolo had last attempted to take over reality and the members of F.A.N.F.I.C spent day after day eating big dinners, falling asleep and talking about nothing in particular, just like any decent government really. The First Agency for Narrative, Fantasy and Inverse Causialities was founded by Elmo two years earlier to combat any threat to reality, now, most threats had been neutralised, things were even quiet on the flipside font. ("The Flipside" a.k.a Dimension #101-B was the opposite of our reality (Dimension #101) and the inhabitants of which were the polar opposites of our own. Bill gates for instance was a well known philanthropist, and the cellophane wrapping around Cheese slices actually opened on the first attempt
However the inhabitants were hell bent on eliminating all other causialities so it's not as utopian as it seems!) .
He looked around the table at the assorted members of F.A.N.F.I.C, the membership had grown almost exponentially in the past few months, the last intake occurred around the Time Travelling Chocobo incident and there were almost more members then seats. , he looked across at Roy, who was speaking heatedly with his girlfriend Lisa, herself a new member.
Lisa sighed, "So this is all you do? Talk about stuff?"
Roy shook his head "No, we do other stuff, Save the girl, kill the bad guy, save the omniverse, that sorta thing, we're just in an empty period that's all."
Musashi stood up, "Sod this, anyone for a Jack Daniels?" he looked around at the blank faces "Suit yourself, more for me!"
Elmo stood up, "I'm just going to get some air"
He left the room, Roy nodded at Aeris01, she stood up "Excuse me for a minute I need to umm… get some air.."
James stared at her for a moment and sighted down the barrel of his magnum, he pulled the trigger
*CLICK*
He laughed to himself and put the gun away.
Aeris01 found Elmo staring at the stars on a balcony in F.A.N.F.I.C headquarters.
She took his hand "What's wrong?" she asked.
Elmo sighed, "I'm not sure, I mean reality is O.K, so I really should be happy so why do I feel…"
"Bored?"
"Yes, that too, but the word I'm thinking of is useless."
Aeris01 looked shocked. "Don't start that again or it'll be the FP for you, how many times do I have to tell you…"
"It's not a self-esteem thing it's just, I'm the creator of all this right, why can't I make it better? "
"Why? Is that it? Look everyone out there has free will, it's not as if you can control their lives, they screw things up, it's their problem, don't go blaming yourself for everything."
"I don't know Aeris01, it's almost as if I can't do anything right"
She looked into his eyes and smiled, "You did one thing right, for sure!"
"What?" asked Elmo, he then looked her in the eyes and realised "of course, I got THAT answer right didn't I? How long was it, Seven months ago? I remember that night as if it was yesterday."
"As do I…. " She fell into his arms and they embraced - eyes closed, her lips met his and…. She found herself embracing the cold night air.
"What the hell?" she opened her eyes, Elmo had vanished.
Aeris01 ran breathlessly into the chamber, Roy had started a rousing version of 1,000,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
"Elmo's gone!" she shouted.
"What?" asked the assorted member.
"We were outside…and we were together" She felt herself blushing but carried on regardless "and he disappeared, out of thin air."
James smiled "Well if you kissed him you probably turned him back into a frog, as far as Elmo's concerned that's probably a plus!"
Aeris01 shouted "James, why you….."
Roy interrupted "That's enough we have to find out where he is, it's too late at night now, we'll have to start our search tomorrow morning."
Aeris01 looked incredulously "TOMORROW? I'm leaving now! He could be hurt! If no one will help me – fine, I'll go on my own, Elmo's taught me a couple of incantations, I'll be fine."
She ran out of the room and everyone looked stunned.
Lisa tugged on Roy's arm, "Well, aren't you gonna go and help her?"
"I guess so, but we're meant to protect reality not play interdimensional 'Where's Waldo', who'll stay here and hold the fort?"
James stood up first "Not me, I've got to make sure that Aeris01 won't do anything stupid."
Roy nodded, "Well since You're out of commission Musashi, that leaves you Veeil and the A.E Sisters".
A.E Luna and Ivy looked shocked, "Us? But we've only been here a few weeks, what if anything happens ?"
Roy held up his hand, "It won't and but use the PHS to get in contact with us just in case"
Veeil piped up "I'll make sure everything's ship-shape!"
"Very good" replied Roy "I'll page Xealot to give you a hand".
Roy took Lisa's hand, "Let's go"
"Where are we going?" she asked
"We don't know where Elmo might have gone, but I bet I know someone who does"
Chapter 2- Adelente
Aerith's house was deserted, Roy knocked at the windows. "Nobody home? That's strange"
Lisa asked Roy "Who's this 'Aerith'?"
"Elmo's niece, well, adopted niece, it's pretty complicated, more complicated than your average Jerry Springer show"
Roy searched around the house and saw a note on the door.
"Dear Roy, I have gone on a top secret mission, will explain better when I get back. See ya! Aerith"
"Top secret mission? What could be so secret that F.A.N.F.I.C don't get to know about it?" asked Roy.
He thought for a minute before continuing
"Let's go and find Aeris01, I have an idea".
Aeris01 climbed the long steps towards the palace of narrative causiality,
"Why…*puff* couldn't Elmo imagine these *wheeze* stairs any shorter?"
She reached the front door and a guard met her.
Aeris01 smiled at the guard, "Let me in, I have to see the queen."
The guard stared straight ahead "Name your business."
"My Boyfriend's gone missing and I have an idea that your mistress might know where he is, Open up!"
"I can't do that."
"Fair enough" said Aeris01 before she spun around and struck him in the Jaw
"Now Let me in before I REALLY get mad."
The guard limped and nodded. "Open the gates" he shouted and Aeris01 was let in.
It was the first time Aeris01 had been to the place, she'd heard about it from Elmo, and she knew that if anyone knew where Elmo would be then Queen Alice would know.
She entered the throne room and saw the queen, the queen didn't look much older than herself and had long brown hair .
Queen Alice smiled, "Ahh Aeris01, I've heard many things about you, come, come closer"
Aeris01 obliged.
"So you're the woman who Elmo never shuts up about, I know why you're here and I have to say that it's classified."
"It's WHAT?"
"You can't see him, he's on a top secret mission, it's rather personal."
"Personal? What do you mean?"
The queen sighed as if the weight of the world was on her shoulders. "If you MUST know he's to stop an assassination attempt,"
"Why all the secrecy?"
"This is a journey he has to make on his own, he's far in the past if he fails….."
"Ahh the end of the universe, yadda, yadda yadda, is that it?"
"That's about it, yes, but I haven't told you about the person who is to be assassinated."
"Who?"
The Queen shifted in her seat uneasily
"The target is….. well your ancestor"
"What? Why the hell would anyone want to kill my ancestor?"
"Not just your ancestor, the target is a group of young women, it's pretty complicated but whoever did, I mean does this seems to want to bring down the throne of narrative causiality."
"I want to go back and help him" said Aeris01 with conviction
"You can't, what if you meet your ancestor, it's too bloody complicated as it is withou8t the fabric of the space time continuum being ruptured, you'll have to….."
A Guard ran into the chamber, he seemed panicked.
"Queen Alice, we have a new problem…."
Chapter 3 – Do the Timewarp.
In the year 14XX
"Open up! In the name of the Lord!"
Witchfinder James Cornett was very enthusiastic about his job, he had disposed of over 100 witches in New Amsterdam to date and this next one was going to be interesting.
A Small man answered the door, "About bloody time!" he said.
James removed his witchfinders hat and walked in. He turned to his assistant, "Wait here Steven"
Steven nodded.
James began to interrogate the man.
"What evidence do you have?"
The man seemed suspicious but continued.
"She babbles in Tongues, she doesn't even have a proper name, she calls herself, Doctrine Ugua…."
James raised his eyebrows "Really?"
The man led James into a small room, a youngish woman about 18 looked at him critically…
"You kill me?" she asked.
James sighed, why couldn't they just confess, he asked himself…
James Spoke " You have been accused of witchcraft, how do you plead?"
The Woman dropped to her knees
"Please don't kill me!"
"Joking will get you nowhere…"
"Kill me then you go BOOM Rearhead, me burn your rearholes, puke."
"I see. If you do not absolve your sins then you till be burned at the stake until you are dead"
"Can I have my Steak Well Done? Me like it like that, Puke."
"Then it shall be done, tomorrow morn you will die."
"Me die? You die, go BOOM BOOM BOOM! AHAHAHAHAHA! Go F/muck yourself!"
"Heretic! How dare you blaspheme!"
James spun around and looked at the man.
"Get the Pyre ready, tomorrow this vile creature shall meet her demise!"
Later on that day…
"But Sir! I like it here! Why a transfer…."
Matthew Hopkins looked at his eager young apprentice for a second before continuing.
"The forces of evil are everywhere Cornett, you are very talented, They need you in Selam, now leave before tomorrow morn, You can take Steven and Patricia with you "
"Ok" James reluctantly agreed.
Chapter 4 – I've cast a spell on you….
The Next day.
"You go BOOM!" said jade weapon, now tied to the Pyre.
The Elder lit the Stake and a second later half of new Amsterdam was destroyed
In the town of Selam, things were generally quite, and in the morning, the young women of the Town met in the local Tavern, owned by the young man- Shawn.
Susan, an 18 year old Writer sat sipping a cup of tea. Jennifer Smith, a close friend of hers beckoned closer…
"Susan, I'm telling you this girl has potential - her aura is off the scale!"
"Jennifer, are you sure?"
"I've never seen an Aura like that since…… Well you know he came along…"
Susan dropped her cup of tea.
"Did I not tell you not to mention him in my presence."
"I'm sorry Susan….I……"
"It's Ok, it's just that you know how he upset me.."
"It was a long time ago Susan."
"Yes, I know.."
Susan thought for a little while. Then came to a decision.
"Tell this Girl she can join. I really hope you're right about her, the invocation is tonight and she'll be helping to call the corners."
Jennifer Nodded.
"I'd better be getting back to school, Those little rascals have probably wrecked the classroom by now!"
Susan nodded and said. "Cristin, can I have another cup of tea please?"
The Stagecoach was packed
Patricia sat, fanning herself.
"Why do we have to leave James? You know Mohsen was about to pop the question.."
James sighed. "How long was it? Nearly six months. He would have asked you by the time we left.."
"Anyway, what is this Backend town like? It sounds like a dump!"
She knocked on the roof.
"Eh Driver!"
The Coachdriver, a young man named Jay answered
"Yes Miss?"
"You come from this Selam don't you?"
"Yes Miss Born and Bred there. My Girlfriend Heather and I are betrothed to be married Miss, "
"What can you tell me about it?"
"Well there's this nice tavern ran by a young couple, The Mayor is an interesting fellow, goes by the name of "Roy". And a local Artist, Miss Shade runs Art classes for the young ladies of the town every Saturday."
"Sounds boring as hell to me…"
James put his cap over his face and slept.
Susan's apartment was cramped at the best of times, just a small box room with an easel and writing desk in the corner. A Large Pentagram had been drawn in the centre of the floor.
The new member was depressingly enthusiastic. "So we're going to summon a demon? Is this legal?"
Susan fixed a critical eye on the newcomer, Jennifer sensed it. "Shush Amanda, we have to perform the incantation." Jennifer indicated three girls, "Cristin, Clarissa and Erin you take the outside." The three girls obligingly took the positions. Jennifer indicated another two girls. "Now, Heather, you show Amanda where to stand, with us in the middle. " She turned to the newcomer, "Amanda, you know what to do." Amanda nodded.
Susan winked at the newcomer,
"Well then, let us begin!"
The Stagecoach approached the Inn and Patricia got out, followed by James.
The Inn was full, and as soon as they entered the whole place ran quiet.
The Innkeeper, Shawn spoke first. "So you're the Witchfinder for these parts? I can tell you, you'll find no witches in Selam…"
An Old man stood up, he seemed drunk but surprisingly sure on his feet.
"There are indeed witches! They're Everywhere! These fools can't see them! "
Shawn sighed and poured the old man a drink, "Don't mind Old man Piccolo, he's a little paranoid sometimes."
Everyone turned back to their business, seemingly tired of this free entertainment.
Amanda stepped forward into the circle and chanted "I Amanda, Invoke thee by the power of the great goddess Aeris, of which there is only one. Demon, appear!"
Amanda stepped back, and Susan winked at her again. This time, another Girl, Heather, stepped forward.
"I, Heather Invoke thee by the power of the Angels who wield the ancient Weapon of Katana. Demon Appear!"
Heather stepped back and was replaced by Jennifer.
"I, Jennifer invoke thee by the power of the Dragons that are firstborn into this world, Demon Appear!"
Jennifer stepped back and Susan stepped forward.
"I, Susan, Invoke thee by the power of the Chibi-chan of the ancients, Demon Appear!"
Susan stepped back and they all held hands.
Susan nodded and they all chanted.
"DEMON APPEAR!"
Thunder sounded from above, there was a huge flash of light and a lot of smoke.
When the smoke settled…..
Susan couldn't believe her eyes..
"It can't be! Ellis? Is that you? ?"
Uncle Elmo looked up, arms embracing thin air and lips puckered up… he opened his eyes. . "Oh Bugger…Anyone for a game of Twister? ."
Susan Shade inspected the figure critically,
"Why do you take on this form Demon?"
Uncle Elmo shrugged "Whaddya mean, Hey! You look a lot like Chibi…..
"DO NOT MOCK ME, DEMON!" shouted Susan
"Look, If I wanted to mock you I'd say your arse is so big I'd need a GPS to navigate round it…"
"SILENCE"
"Sorry. Look if it's that time of the month, just say, I have a little sister, I understand these things…."
"SHUT UP!" said Susan, she looked at Jennifer who was deep in thought "What's your opinion Jennifer?"
She shrugged, "he's mostly harmless, I don't actually think he's a demon at all, he's a Type 3 Human, definitely has magical aptitude but nothing special…."
Elmo spoke up "Well thanks a bunch Jennifer, remind me to cross you off my Christmas card list"
Amanda shrugged "Well I think he's kinda cute…."
Elmo's eyes opened wide "Aeris01? Is it you Cariad? I love the costume!"
Susan looked at him critically "Well, can he cause any harm?"
Jennifer shook her head.
"Then I'll remove the subjugation of bondage" Said Susan
"Bondage? But I've only just met you" asked Elmo
"She's going to get rid of that force field" said Amanda trying to contain the laughter.
"Oh" said Elmo, sounding disappointed
"The thing is" said Susan "If we summoned a Demon, then why the hell is he here?"
"Wish I knew" said Elmo "One thing I knew I was with my girlfriend, the next I'm on the set of 'The Crucible' this is way off my weird shit-o- meter"
A Figure walked into the room, "I think I can answer that" upon seeing her everyone bowed,
Susan stuttered "Is it really you goddess?"
The figure nodded, "Elmo is here to protect you, he's not the man you know he's from the future, you're all in great danger."
Elmo tapped the figure on the shoulder "Excuse me, do you think I could be told something about this, at least have given me a few seconds so I could have said 'We'll make it a few mins Aeris01 honey because I'm off to save the world in a moment…' But Noooo……"
The figure turned to face Elmo "Will you shut up for once!"
He recognised the figure straight away, he had raised her for sixteen years of his life.. it was Aerith.
Chapter 5 – More to this
The guard introduced two new figures into the room, Aeris01 recognised both straight away but they looked somewhat different, the first looked a lot like the man she loved but wore a clashing Bermuda shorts & shirt combo. While the other one… it couldn't be, for the second time ever Aeris01 looked into her face what was to all intents and purposes her own =, however unlike the cruel twist of Aeris02, this one looked, well more dizzy…
The other Elmo looked around "Whoa!" he said in a broad cod-Californian accent, "This place is cool!"
The Queen stood up, "Identify yourself"
'Elmo' stood forward first "Firstly your Majesty may I comment on how much a babe you are…"
The other Aeris01 punched him in his arm. "Oww…. But of course not as babelicious as Mandy here…"
"Get on with it" said the queen impatiently
"MY name is the Master, and here is my babe, the Mistress, we come from Dimension #134,"
The Mistress spoke "Yah, totally, that's where we're from n'all"
"We've come to inform you of a great danger, and I'm not talking about running out of nachos here, I'm talking about total bummer, end of reality sorta stuff."
"It's even worse than wearing slingback sandals OUT OF SEASON!" added the mistress.
The Queen yawned, "Will you get on with it and stop wasting my time."
"Yeah, well it was a bodacious day for waves, Mandy and I were catching some Rays, I'd taken my EZ with me and left the Inside the Web board at home, they're way to easy to wipe out, those ITW types… I paddled out to sea while Mandy painted her nails and then it happened…."
"What happened?"
"A Huge swirly black, hole shaped thing…"
"A Black hole?" asked Aeris01
"That's what I said, N-E Ways it appeared and totally freaked me out, it started to suck everything in it… Mandy and I managed just escape but when we tried to get back the whole dimension had totally disappeared"
"What a mess?" said the queen.
"I know" agreed the Mistress "I had to leave my WHOLE summer collection, I mean this two piece bathing costume is Soooo passé, it's like Neolithic or something….."
The Queen sat back down "What could cause a whole plane of existence to be wiped out?"
"You think the flipside has something to do with t?"
The Queen shook her head, "No, the monarchy there was wiped out, besides it's not their style, it seems we have a greater enemy…."
"A greater enemy than the flipside? Oh bugger. Permission to take F.A.N.F.I.C to investigate."
"Permission granted, but if I catch you checking in on Elmo, they'll be trouble!"
Aeris01 smiled "I won't,"
"Oh and take these two with you, they may come in useful."
The master and mistress bowed, the mistress looked Aeris01 in the eye, "Love the face, but those shoes? Are they like totally carbon dated or something?"
Aeris01 protested "Do I have to?"
The queen smiled and waved her hand The three figures disappeared.
She laughed to herself "So, Elmo, let's see how you handle THIS one!"
Chapter 6 – That don't impress me much….
Elmo sat in the barn, listening to Aerith explain his mission….
"….so someone or something is going to try to kill this coven and it's my job to stop that. May I ask why this coven is so important?"
Aerith replied "The King and Queen of Narrative causiality have been killed in a cart accident, there's a shortlist of queen left, destiny has brought them all together to Selam."
"Ahh, so these witches are the 'shortlist' the thing is, I know who'll be chosen and Alice isn't here."
"She's out of town, Amanda was taking her place…."
"I noticed, question is, who's going to kill them?"
"May I speak" asked a disembodied voice…
Elmo & Aerith looked around but couldn't find anyone.
"Down here, blimp boy and Flower girl…."
They looked down and found a blue mouse.
"You can talk?" asked Elmo incredulously
"No shit sherlock, there ain't nothing clever about talking, trust me…" the mouse replied.
Aerith answered "But humans talk all the time"
"My point exactly," affirmed the mouse, "The name's Hanpan, I'm a wind mouse, just cruising from dimension to dimension and I'm telling ya, the broads here are boring as hell, the only two words they can understand is 'sex' and 'food' although you have to say those two words have their uses…."
Elmo interrupted "So, what do you know about the current situation?"
The mouse nodded, "I do know that Reality is knee deep in Guacamole, I think it's got something to do with the nature of stories…"
"You mean Narrative causiality?" asked Aerith
"Uh-huh, You see, there have been great rips in the space time continuum recently, some dimensions are just being wiped out…"
"How do you know this?" asked Elmo
"Us Wind mice are sensitive to these things, my Whiskers have been quivering like a newlywed's bedsprings, that and the fact that Queen Alice told me to tell you,"
"You've spoken with the queen? Does she know who waits to assassinate this coven?"
"Well if she does she ain't telling, As I said, I think it's to do with the nature of stories…"
"What do you mean?" asked Elmo
"Well as you know, stories aren't just words on a page, they're alive, life forms in their own right. Thing is, Stories are parasites, they live off an author's imagination and uses it to mutate ad breed. While inside an authors head they can't really do much harm, all they do is reproduce and thrive. The better stories are the ones that get told again and again while the older, weaker stories die out. The thing is…" the mouse chewed on some hay before continuing "what if those stories broke free, wouldn't the old stories want revenge? Wouldn't they want to fight it out, mano-a-mano?"
"This is stupid" said Elmo "They're only words, how can they fight each other?"
"Suit yourself" said Hanpan "Just an opinion, it's just that if it WAS a story that was aiming to kill off the coven, you better watch your back… stories can.. change people, you might find yourself fighting someone you don't want to….just tell yourself it's not real"
"What's not real?"
"None of it is, you can't get hurt if it's not real, you're a fanfic author remember, you have power over words, bend them to your will."
"You're not making any sense!" said Elmo
Hanpan shrugged, which is a pretty decent achievement for a six inch Wind mouse.
"I don't write this stuff, I just read the script, fancy some hay?"
Elmo's reply was interrupted by the appearance of Amanda at the door.
"Elmo, come quick, there's something happened to the house!"
Elmo ran out of the barn. And saw the house, it was aflame…
Chapter 8 - :Here, there and everywhere.
"So, let me recap" said Roy "Elmo's in the past on a secret mission, probably with Aerith, trying to stop an assassination attempt and something is eating up dimensions, Aeris01 you've been reading through Elmo's works, did you come up with anything?
Aeris01 nodded "While he was raising Aerith, he observed a large rift in causiality, it then ate up a smaller causiality before dissipating."
"Did he have a reason for this?" asked James
Aeris01 smiled and nodded "Yes, and I quote, 'it probably was hungry' "
"Typical Elmo, I say we go back in the past, hunt him down and ask him!" demanded James
Roy shook his head "I bet that Welsh dufus is as clueless as we are, I say we look at the suspects…"
"Well Piccolo's dead," ventured Amanda….
"How about another one of your Psycho Ex-Boyfriends?" said James Sarcastically
Roy ignored James' comments, and continued "It can't be 'The Master'"
"No, "replied Aeris01 "They're out surfing, I'm telling you, I'm one step away from killing that Airhead Mistress…."
"How about 'The Flipside?' It's definitely their M.O?" cautioned Musashi, who was sat at the back, polishing off the last Jack Daniels.
"But the monarchy is dead right? Who's masterminding all this?" asked Aeris01
"Only one way to find out" said Roy, Everyone nodded.
"Where are we going?" asked Lisa
"The Flipside, you sure you want to come?" replied Roy
"Sure!, Wherever you go, I'll follow." She smiled and gave Roy a peck on the cheek.
"Gimme a freaking break!" said James disgustedly.
Aeris01 read out the incantation from Elmo's grimoire and then they were gone…..
Chapter 9 – Great Balls of fire
"BURN THE WITCHES!" shouted Old man piccolo, gleefully dancing around the flames.
"Anyone in there?" asked Elmo,
Amanda shook her head, "Everyone had left, thankfully, I was clearing up when this guy showed up and tried to shove a torch in my face, he called me a witch."
"I'll get him.." said Elmo determinedly.
"What about paradoxes?" asked Aerith
"I'll give him a paradox so far up his arse he'll be able to use it to floss his teeth…"
Everyone ran out of the Tavern, Witchfinder James Cornett eyed Elmo suspiciously,
"What happened?" asked Shawn.
"As if YOU'D Care!" shouted Cristin.
"No time for games, " shouted Jay "We have to put this fire out, or the old Adams place will be gone for good, go and get some water."
"But….." protested Cristin
"GO!" Shouted Jay.
Jay turned and saw Elmo standing,
"Hello stranger, I don't suppose you have anything to do with this?"
Amanda intervened, "No, he's a…"
"..Bard" interrupted Elmo
"A bard? Ah, Spoony, well don't just stand there man, help to put this fire out!"
Elmo nodded and went to fetch some water.
The Team worked all night but to no avail, the whole house was gutted.
The next morning Amanda woke up in the barn. She saw Elmo's concerned face.
"Hello? What are you doing here? It's improper to enter a young ladies Bedroom without her permission you know…"
Elmo smiled "Aerith's with me, I was just checking to see if you're O.K"
"Well considering I'm homeless, I guess I'm fine." She said sarcastically
"Alice is back in town, she's agreed to put you up."
"Alice?" asked Amanda.
"The member of the coven who you replaced last night, she's a very nice woman, very concerned for your safety." Added Elmo
"Are you?" asked Amanda
"What?"
"Ever since you came here you've been looking at me as if you knew me, do you have a liking for me?"
Elmo blushed, "God, no, I already have a girlfriend!"
"Oh", she sounded disappointed.
"I've got to go" said Elmo "I'll see you soon."
Elmo left the barn with Aerith
Aerith turned to Elmo, "I really hope you don't have feelings for her Uncle."
"Of course not Aerith, it's just… I miss her you know?"
"Just don't fall for her completely, I don't think that Jerry Springer has a show for that, 'I'm cheating on you with your Ancestor….', "
Elmo shook his head, "They're not the same person, I just have to tell myself that, I wish I could get this mission over with, I miss her so much, I just wish I knew what she was doing right now?"
Chapter 10 – Dark side of the moon
Aeris01 stared into the murky sky, "I wish I knew what he was doing right now?"
"Snap out of it!" snapped James "Get going!"
They had waked through the flipside and found the place, deserted, places, cities, everything, all gone.
"What the hell happened here?" asked Roy
"Perhaps there was a sale in the next town?" suggested Aeris01
In the depths of the castle, the group explored the dungeon.
"Hey, do you think it's valuable? Said Lisa, indicating a golden sceptre
"Who knows?" shrugged Roy, "You might as well keep it"
"Nice décor if you have a penchant for Psychos – R – us"
A strange voice said "Well, I think you'll find we have the Loyalty card… Put your hands up dufuses, you're surrounded."
They turned around and saw the protagonist,
"Roy?" asked Aeris01 "Why does that guy have your face?"
The other Roy D. Mercer smiled.
"That's no way to respect Emperor Adam 1st !" he laughed. "Old Elmo, that fool, he never had the forethought that I had, my plan worked! He never listened though, even though I helped his propaganda machine along with my Archives, now who's laughing, Project Slider worked!"
"Project slider? Of course! " said our Roy "In our Dimension, I created it to cross the interdimensional divide without using magic, so in the flipside….. Oh Bugger."
Emperor Adam smiled and nodded, "I believe you have a saying, 'If Mohamed won't come to the mountain, bring the mountain to Mohamed"
"I think you'll find it's the other way around"
"Whatever, the thing is, Project slider is amalgamating all other dimensions into ours, soon the whole of the Omniverse will be ours!" Emperor Adam cackled.
"But look at what it's done to your dimension, everyone's gone!" pleaded Aeris01
"So?" asked Emperor Adam "I don't care, they're gone for the greater good of the Flipside."
James, ran towards the Emperor "Bullshit! We're gonna stop this Project right now!"
The Emperor shrugged, "You can only try, once the project is started however, it cannot be stopped."
"Don't you realise though" said Roy, "That eventually the Project will destroy this dimension too? Once Dimension #101 goes, then this one goes with it…"
"Nonsense!" shouted Emperor Adam "You're trying to trick me!"
"Suit yourself" said Roy, "It's a shame that my flipside self is such a dumbass…"
The emperor smiled and then collapsed, Lisa put down the sceptre.
"Never liked it anyway" Lisa said.
"What are you waiting for?" asked James "Come on!"
Chapter 11 – The Walk of life
Elmo sat with Aerith, "The thing is, The house was empty, why burn it?"
Aerith shrugged "I've no idea, but they're going to hang Old man Piccolo for it."
"I don't get it, why now?"
"I don't know."
"What do you think?" Elmo asked Hanpan who was sat between them, thoughtfully chewing on some straw.
"Don't ask me, I'm just an Extra with a speaking role…"
"Knock, Knock, Knock?"
"Who's there?" asked Elmo
Amanda peeped her head through the door.
"Alice is sooo Booring, why don't you and I go for a walk?"
"Well I don't know, I',m supposed to stay here unless something happens."
"Look, the assatination attempt was that fire, you stopped it, well done, now let's go!", she grabbed hold of Elmo's hand and pulled him up on his feet.
"Well alright, but not too far."
Amanda smiled, "That's better, it's not good to keep a lady waiting you know!"
They both walked off towards the villiage.
Meanwhile, in Alice's house.
"It's strange you know, tell me, how long have you known her Jennifer?" asked Alice
"Not long, a couple of months, why?"
"All the time she was here, she kept asking about Elmo, what he was like, I'm telling you, that girl is obsessed!" affirmed Alice
"Mabye she just really likes him" suggested Susan
"I don't know, something fishy is going on and I don't like it!" said Alice.
Aerith knocked on the door "Disterbing something ladies?" she asked.
Alice spun around, "Ahh it's you, I've heard so much about you, no we're just worried about the behaviour of one of our Brethren, that's all."
Cristin snorted, "Does she HAVE to be here?"
Susan spoke "Don't mind Cris, Aerith, for some reason she's never enjoyed me talking about you."
Aerith held up her hand. "It's alright."
"Well it's about time I went", said Susan "I have some sketches to be getting on with and.."
"No, don't leave" asked Aerith, "Not yet, I have something to share with you all".
Chapter 12 – It's only us.
The F.A.N.F.I.C members finally reached the machine.
"I say we put an axe to it!" said James,
"Good call, screw up reality while we're at it, I'm soo glad you never took up surgery" said Roy.
Aeris01 peered at the machine "If we get this wrong, where does that put Elmo"
"Well there's good news and there's bad news. The Bad news is that Elmo will cease to exist, the good news is that you won't be around to care…"
"oh."
"Hold on to your hats people, here we go…."
Meanwhile in the Palace of narrative causiality.
Aerith ran towards the throne….
"Phew! Got those Doritos for you!, I mean you really over-react when it comes to Doritos shortages, Top secret mission indeed! It took me a while, the queues were horrendous"
The Queen turned towards her, "If I were you, I'd get to the Flipside now, Reality is in deep Guacamole…."
"Again?"
Amanda skipped throught the forrest.
"We've gone far enough!" said Elmo "I want to go back!"
"Don't you like me?" she asked "Don't you like me at all? Don't I remind you of someone?"
Elmo grabbed hold of Amanda "Who are you? I mean Really?"
Amanda laughed loudly. "What do you mean Elmo? I'm me!"
"Quit playing games, I don't like being messed about"
"Oh don't you?, I thought games were your speciality, come, why don't we play a game of Twister…"
"Don't mock me!, I don't know who you are but you're not Amanda…."
"No Shit Sherlock, you'd have found out sooner or later, anyway, it's too late now, your dear coven have been slaughtered and soon, I'll be the queen of Narrative causiality!"
Elmo heard Amanda laughing as he ran back towards the villiage.
In Alices house….
Aerith had an evil glint in her eye as she approached Susan, the witch could only stare transfixed, frozen by the spell Aerith has cast on the group, as Aerith raised the knife, ready to strike…..
"STOP!" shouted Witchmaster James Cornett, "I have reason to believe that you, Aerith Gainsborough have been practising the unholy act of Witchcraft how do you plead?"
"Up yours!" shouted Aerith as she lunged towards the Witchfinder. James sidestepped Aerith and disarmed her, she raised her index finger,
"I could vapourise you with this!" she shouted…..
Elmo appeared Breathless, "You do and I'll counter you so hard you'll forget what centuary it is!"
Aerith appeared to Roy's amazment, "Let's get this thing working" she said
"ooh, tough words from the Welshman…. I didn't know you had it in you."
"Nor did I," said Elmo "But you're not gong to change history, not now, not ever."
"You don't even know who I am!" screamed Aerith.
"I've just left your wife in the forest, I never knew Cross-dressing was your strongpoint Emperor!"
The machine buzzed into life, "20 more seconds and we'll have done it" said Roy
"So you DO Know" said Aerith, as he morphed into the figure of Emperor Elmo. "How?"
"I must say, your Wife was VERY convincing,, my Amanda would never have come on like a Drunken Prom queen though, Aeris02 must have learned some compassion…"
"Death does that to you" Emperor Elmo smiled "However, I have not yet learned Mercy, I'll take pleasure in seeing every last drop of agony squeezed out of you!"
Three- Two One… NOW!!!!
Elmo Saw The Emperor's body stretch like some sort of elastic before it was gone…..
"The hell?" asked Elmo, he saw the world around him dissolve and the palace appear.
"Did you see that?" asked Witchfinder James, "I think it's time I gave up this business!"
Elmo found himself looking at the Queen.
"Did I do it?"
The Queen Nodded, "I was chosen shortly after you left. I think that's mission accomplished, someone wants to see you…"
Aeris01 ran up the stairs and hugged the stricken fanfic author.
"I missed you so much!"
"So Did I…."
"Now, before you left, where were we?" they embraced and shared a kiss.
In the Flipside, the assorted F.A.N.F.I.C members and Aerith looked at the scene. "Urgh!" said James, "Don't make me sick!"
"The thing is" asked Roy. "What about Emperor Elmo and Aeris02?"
"Watch…." Said Aerith…..
The Throne room was buzzing with excitement…
"You failed us Adam…"
"yes, your Majesty!"
"Your Hairbrained Project Slider failed, I think it's the full Bubble bath treatment…… what do you think Aeris02.."
"No, that's not good enough, I want to see the Feather duster being used too, every single crevice…"
"God, NO! PLEASE NO!!!!"
As Ex-Emperor Adam was taken away for his torture, a small blue Windmouse looked out at the world from a hole, he looked back and saw the mouse smiling at him provocatively….
"Well they don't talk much, but when it comes to 'hot stuff Hanpan' who needs words?"
In the year 14XX
Dispossesed by the soul of Aeris02, Amanda Adams sat underneath a tree.
"Can you tell me the way to Selam?" asked a figure
"Yeah, I'll show you, if you like" she said "I live there"
She looked up and her eyes met his,
"I'm a Bard you see, I'm supposed to perform there, the name's Ellis."
"Mine's Amanda" she said
They walked forward, hand in hand, in search of a better future.
THE END……..