Title: I Just Can't Live A Lie
Author: Darley1101
Rating: Mature Readers Only
Pairing: Alex and Izzie
Secondary Pairings Mentioned: Alex/Lucy, Meredith/Derek, Mark/Lexie, and Callie/Arizona as well as references to Alex/Lexie, Alex/Rebecca, Izzie/George, and Izzie/Denny
Premise: When Alex gets the news that his father has died, his mother has stopped taking her meds, and his seventeen year old sister is pregnant he doesn't have a clue what he's going to do. So he turns to the one person who has always been there for him: his ex-wife Izzie. Between road trips delayed by blizzards, accidental kisses, and late night confessions will these two realize that they're lives are nothing but lies without the other?
Dedication: This story is for all my fellow Alex and Izzie shippers. We might not get to see them on the show but that doesn't mean we can't enjoy them in fan fiction! Author's Note: This first chapter will probably raise a lot of questions. Don't worry, they will all be answered by the end of this story! I hope you enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Grey's Anatomy characters nor am I representing any of the businesses mentioned in this story. I also want to be very clear that I do not share Alex's points of view on one night stands, body hair, or mental illness!
Chapter One
Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal- from a headstone in Ireland
Dr. Lucy Fields was as annoying in bed as she was out of it. Flat on her back with her feet planted firmly on the mattress was the only way she liked to be fucked and God forbid he try to change things up. If her lack of interest in mixing things up wasn't bad enough, she kept herself "au natural" in the winter months. Alex Karev would give her some credit, she had warned him that she didn't like shaving in the winter. It wasn't entirely Lucy's fault that he had been stunned to find at least a half of an inch of hair on her legs and a thick thatch of course curls between her legs. Nor was it her fault that as he lay next to her all he could think was she wasn't Izzie. Her breasts were too small. Her hair wasn't as soft. Her legs weren't as long. And, damn it, Izzie had shaved…everywhere…no matter what time of year it had been. Muttering a curse under his breath, Alex scrubbed a hand down his face. He really needed to get over his ex; it wasn't normal the way he compared every freaking woman he met to her!
"That was pretty amazing," Lucy gushed. The bed creaked and shifted as she rolled on to her side. She rose up enough to prop herself up on her elbow and smiled down at her. The tight lipped smile she got in response was out of habit, not agreement. What she had thought was amazing he had found boring. That was pretty much the way most of his one night stands went. He'd find someone, bring them home, have a little fun, and end up disappointed. Hot, sweaty sex with a woman who didn't care who he was, just so long as he had a dick. No cuddling. No whispering 'I love you' or talking about the future. Just empty, meaningless sex that he partook in out of habit rather than desire.
Relief shot through him as his cell phone buzzed its way across the nearby night stand. Untangling himself for the sheets, he reached for it, thankful for the distraction. His relief was short lived when the familiar Iowa number flashed across the screen. Taking a deep breath, Alex answered the call, knowing he would regret it. "It's two o'clock in the morning Amber," he grumbled. The sniffling on the other end of the line shot guilt through his veins. It wasn't his sister's fault that their parents had been shitty or that they barely knew each other. He made a mental note to get to know his seventeen and a half year old sister a little better. She was the only family he had that hadn't gone nuts or forgotten he existed.
"I'm sorry. I wouldn't have called except I…I don't know what to do!" The shuddering sob ricocheted across the phone lines, making Alex wish he were near enough to hug her. Whatever had prompted her to call in the middle of the night had to be big. Hell, the last time she had called it had been because Aaron had flipped his lid and tried choking her. "He's dead, Alex. Dad is dead. And mom, well she's not handling it at all. She's refusing to take her meds and won't stop screaming that her life is over. I'm scared. I think she's going to hurt herself."
Ignoring Lucy's questions about what was going on he scrambled into his boxers, quietly telling Amber to calm down. Alex knew the confused woman behind him wanted to know what the hell was going on but he didn't have time for explanations nor did he feel that she deserved one. After all, she was just some mediocre piece of ass that made him miss his ex-wife even more. "Calm down Amber. She isn't going to hurt herself." It was a lie. Alex knew it. Amber knew it. Their mother was bat shit crazy and had tried killing herself on more than one occasion. Years ago she'd been diagnosed as bipolar. It hadn't been a surprise. Alex had figured that out during Freshman psych. Half the time she took her medicine, half the time she didn't. He'd lost track of which ones they had put her on.
"I hate to ask," his sister whispered. Inwardly he groaned. He knew what was coming. She was going to ask him to come to Iowa. "And I wouldn't except I can't do this on my own. Not right now. Not with everything else that's going on. I need help Alex. I need my big brother."
I need my big brother was the clincher. How did he say no to that? He didn't. "I'll be there as soon as I can," he sighed, pressing the heel of his hand to his forehead. Mentally he made a list of the people he would need to call before he took off for Cedar Rapids. He'd have to let Meredith know so she didn't worry and, of course, he would have to let Webber know. Probably Arizona and Bailey, too. Everyone else could go to hell.
"Alex," Lucy called his name again, breaking through the haze that had formed around his thoughts. She had wrapped the sheet around her naked body and was sitting on the edge of the bed, her face a mixture of concern and uncertainty. "Is everything okay?"
The worry in her voice was genuine. It would have been easy to tell her what was going on but Lucy was the sort of woman who would need to make it better. She would want to ease his so called pain. And then she would expect a bond. He didn't form bonds. Not anymore. Not since…his thoughts hesitated before admitting that he hadn't formed a bond since Izzie. He had come close with Lexie, but that had been more of a friendship bond. Lucy didn't want friendship. She wanted a picket fence, babies, and a ring. A one night stand was all he had to offer. "My little sister," he answered finally. "Having a crisis."
"Oh." Lucy hesitated, her tongue darting out to lick her lips. "It sounded like she was worried someone was going to hurt themselves."
"Teenage girls," he joked, his gut twisting. God, he hoped his mom didn't do anything stupid. The last time they had seen Michael Karev, his mom had flipped her lid. She had said she couldn't go on without him and sliced her wrists to shreds. With the old man dead there was no telling what she would do.
"Right," Lucy said slowly. "Teenage girls. They're emotional wrecks who like attention. Nothing better than attempted suicide to get someone's attention. You shouldn't brush your sister's concerns about her friend aside."
Great. Advice and a lecture. He didn't need either. Not from her. "I'm not brushing her aside." Turning his back on her once again he tugged a long sleeved shirt on, the twisting in his gut magnifying as he silently agreed that most attempted suicides were a cry for attention. In his mother's case she wanted the attention of a monster who liked to beat her instead of love her. With the monster dead who knew how far she would take things. "This was…fun…but I've got places to be."
"At two o'clock in them morning?"
The shock on her pretty face was comical. Another time Alex would have educated her on what sort of man he was. He didn't have that luxury. Not tonight. Tonight she would just have to take the hint. "High demand," he joked, throwing her a wink over his shoulder as he shoved his feet into his battered combat boots and grabbed his jacket. Thank God they had gone back to her place. Kicking her out of Meredith's would have been a disaster. He shrugged off the names she was spitting at his retreating form and focused on what the hell he was going to do. By the time he reached his car he had a loose plan in place. Take a leave of absence and drive to Iowa. What other choice did he have? None. Amber needed him. And he needed to see the bastard that had been his father buried. Not out of love or respect but out of need to be sure the monster really was gone.
The reality of it sunk in as he sat behind the wheel of his car, letting the engine warm before he took off. His father was dead. Hands shaking he pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and pulled up Izzie's number and selected the blank text message option. Before he could stop himself he typed in the words My dad died and hit send. A moment later he got a reply. His heart skipped a beat as he read the question Are you okay? He didn't know how to answer so he replied with another question: Why wouldn't I be?
Muttering a curse at his stupidity in texting his ex-wife, Alex threw his phone in the backseat and gripped the steering wheel. It was only two o'clock. Joe's would still be open for another hour. Without allowing himself to think or feel he sped through the night toward the one place he knew he could drown his sorrows. Good ole Joe's. Since day one in Seattle that had been his go to place. Always good for a laugh, a shoulder to lean on, a drink, and a piece of ass. Who knew, maybe he would get lucky twice in one night. Or not, he thought with a grimace. There had been a time in his life when sleeping with two women in one night was acceptable; hell there had even been a couple times when he'd had both women in bed at the same time. At thirty-three he was too old for that stupidity. Truthfully, he was too old for the stupidity of all the one night stands he engaged in. Any time he tried to think about how many women he'd been with he ended up sick; he never could remember an accurate number past thirty-six.
"You look like shit Karev," Walter greeted, slamming his favorite beer down before he could even let the door slam shut behind him. They knew him so well.
"I feel like shit," he admitted, settling on to his usual bar stool. He didn't allow himself to think about the fact that it was the same stool Izzie had been sitting on when he first kissed her. Thoughts like that were best left alone. Just like the new message that was in his inbox. No way was he looking at it. Texting her had been a mistake. In a day or so he would reply, tell her everything was taken care of and he was fine. Or maybe he could talk Meredith into it. He would worry about it later. Right now he just wanted to drink until he couldn't think or feel and then have Walter call him a cab.
"You don't send texts like that and then disappear," a familiar voice hissed in his ear. The stool next to him squeaked as Izzie slid on to it. He wasn't going to look at her. If he ignored her enough she would go away. "Seriously, Alex, you can't just…"
"Just…what? Not respond to a text? You should know how easy that is." It was a low blow. One he instantly regretted. For two reasons; one it really had been low and two it made him look at her. Her beautiful face was twisted in a hurt, sad expression that tugged at his heart. She had no business making his heart feel anything.
"Go ahead. Act like an ass. You forget, I know what a put on that is." Her long, slender fingers reached out and wrapped around his beer. She took a sip before setting it back down. "You smell like cheap perfume."
"Yeah. She was a little on the cheap side. Didn't even have to buy her dinner." The joke didn't make him feel better or cause Izzie to look at him with disgust. All that was etched on her face was sadness and pity. The sadness seemed comfortable there, he noticed, as though it had been there for a while.
"Why do you do that?" She shook her head, tendrils of golden blonde hair escaping her ponytail. Her hair had grown at least eight inches since the last time he'd seen her. She had lost at least ten pounds to, he noticed. "You told me to stay out of your life because you deserved more than someone who walked away. Yet you intentionally screw yourself out of having any type of relationship with any woman by screwing around with as many skanks as you can find."
Anger surged through him. She was right. He had told her to leave, to stay away from him, so he could find someone who would stick around. Instead he fucked as many skanks as he could. Except, Lucy and Lexie hadn't been skanks. The med student hadn't been either. "Lucy isn't a skank. She's a doctor. Looks a little like you if I squint my eyes and keep the lights off." Damn it. Why had he said that?
"I don't care about her or any other woman you've been with. The person I care about is you and right now, whether you admit it or not, you need that. You need someone who cares."
Alex felt his heart clench in pain. Why was she there? He hadn't asked her to come. Hell, he hadn't even told her where he was. "How did you know I was here?"
"Where else do you go when things get shitty?" She had him there. When life got bad he went to Joe's. It was a little comforting having her remember that.
"My sister wants me to go to Iowa," he said after a pregnant pause. "Says our mom is acting nuts again. Threatening to kill herself." Wrinkling up his brow, he stared down at the scarred wood of the bar. Some of the markings were from drunken idiots dragging their cups across the surface, but some were intentional, like the A+I he had carved at least a year and a half ago. "I was out there six months ago to commit my baby brother for trying to choke our little sister. Now I have to go back out there to bury my dad and probably commit my mother." A bitter laugh escaped his lips as he looked at her with burning eyes. "Guess you got out while the getting was good."
The sadness on her face increased as she laid a soft hand on his forearm. For a moment everything seemed okay. She wasn't his ex-wife but his old friend, the friend that was there no matter what. He hated that it was only an illusion, that soon Walter would close the bar and he would go to Meredith's to pack and she would go to wherever it was she lived now. "I didn't leave because of your family Alex." She stared at him for a moment, as though she was trying to determine whether or not to tell him why she left. He wanted to know. More than anything he wanted to know why she had walked out on their marriage. It hadn't been perfect but it had been their's and they could have had a great life together. The burning in his eyes increased and he muttered a curse as a lone tear slipped down his cheek. "When do you plan on leaving?"
"Soon as I pack my stuff," he admitted. Her fingers inched down his arm, leaving a trail of comforting heat in their wake. She grabbed his hand and held tight, reminding him again of the life they could have had. A lump of emotion formed in his throat. If things had been different she would be going with him, helping him deal with the shit his family put him through. "Wanna come?" He asked the question as an off handed joke, knowing she would say no.
"Let me make a few phone calls," she murmured, squeezing his hand again. He stared at her, startled. "Don't look so surprised. If things had been different…" her voice trailed off and her chest heaved as she inhaled deeply. "You were there for me when I needed you. You made what could have been the last months of my life special and amazing."
The stool squeaked again as she slid off. Her body brushed against his as she leaned down to press a kiss to his cheek before disappearing out the door. It went unspoken that she would meet him at Meredith's, just as it went unspoken that he was relieved that he wouldn't have to go alone. There would be plenty of time to voice any questions he had about why she left or why she had shown up to comfort him or why she was going. All that mattered at that moment was he didn't have to go alone and he was going with someone who knew the score.