My Family
Dib
I almost didn't make it to school today. It was my alarm clock. When I woke up to Gaz pounding on my door and yelling at me to hurry up, I found the clock turned over on its side and the plug disconnected from the wall. I don't know how it happened. All I know is that I came home late last night after trying to break into Zim's, and then I spent at least an hour trying to send some evidence to the Swollen Eyeball (for some reason I couldn't get through, which was odd). But I don't remember knocking the alarm clock over at all.
Anyway, Gaz was not happy about my waking up late. I tried to explain to her why it happened, but she wouldn't hear of it. It was my fault. It's always my fault, whatever it is. Why did she wait so long after realizing that I wasn't up to try punching a hole in my door? Maybe I shouldn't have locked it. Maybe it would have been easier if she just could've come in and shouted me awake from a few inches away rather than making the door suffer. If you look at it closely, you can now see some small dents.
But back to the point. Gaz got me up at the last minute, so I had to skip breakfast and we both had to practically run to school. She couldn't have left without me earlier because Dad insists we go together to avoid any danger. We never run into danger. Well, except for the time when there was construction going on a few blocks away and Gaz fell into a hole that was being drilled in the sidewalk. It was because she was looking at her GameSlave instead of where she was going. I had to help her by pulling her out. We were really late that morning. And Gaz will not admit to this day that it was her fault for falling into that hole. She probably said it had something to do with me.
I really get off the subject, don't I? Heh. Sorry. So, my sister and I go to and from school together each day. Today Gaz grumbled a lot as we were hurrying along, obviously mad at me. I apologized, of course. I usually end up doing that whether I caused the problem or not. I can't be sure that she accepts my apologies. Sometimes she'll tell me flat out that she doesn't, and sometimes she'll just glare and go back to whatever she's doing.
It's not like I hate Gaz for all her gruffness and anger. I think maybe there's something about the rest of the world that gets her ticked off really easily. She always tends to find the bad side of things before the good. And she likes to put the blame on others all the time, particularly on me. I wish I could figure out what makes her like that. Will she ever change, even a little? I mean, we fight like we'd be expected to (and nine times out of ten I lose), but it would be nice to balance the bickering more equally with agreeable conversations. Gaz may be blunt and irritable all the time, but she's not the devil incarnate. I know this because she hasn't actually killed anyone yet.
I remember a few times when she seemed to be halfway to happy. A few. As she got older she could have very well started being happy only at the expense of others, now that I think about it. But either way, I guess her "childhood innocence" wore off very fast. Why, though? Why can't I just have a normal sister?
Well, she may not be completely normal, but I try not to let it matter. Gaz is my sister. I have to look out for her, whether she likes it or not, because…because I suppose I care about her. She's family, right? Now if she knew I was saying this, she'd probably try to kill me, which wouldn't be surprising, so I never say anything. I do value my life. But it could be that Gaz already knows but won't admit it to herself. She is kind of stubborn, after all. It just might be. It better be.
I don't think that Dad notices how Gaz is. He doesn't seem to. He probably just sees her as his good little daughter, because she usually behaves herself when he's around (though he has caught her trying to beat the stuffing out of me a couple times. He must have dismissed them as common sibling fights). He doesn't seem to think she's crazy, either, like he thinks I am whenever I say anything about aliens or ghosts or those weird monster-looking claw prints in the backyard. I know he's disappointed because I don't share the same passion for science as he does. But I can't change that! It just doesn't work for me. And I know Dad wants me to take over his laboratories after he's gone, but I really don't know if I will. I'd rather not let him down – it really is nice when he's happy with me, you see – but I just don't know if that's meant to happen.
Dad wasn't at home this morning to hear Gaz beating her fists against my door. Even if he was home, he'd be in the basement anyway, up bright and early with "real science!" Whenever Dad is at home, we're most likely to see him in the morning and/or evening. In the morning he goes to work – which can be either in his home lab or in the one across town – a little while before Gaz and I leave for school. Then he comes back (or upstairs) in the evening – it can range from right after dinner to many hours later. And these are the times when he's in the house at all – a lot of the time he's gone for days, sometimes weeks, traveling around promoting his inventions and meeting with important people, while giving messages to me and Gaz through those hover-screens.
Sometimes I'll think about Dad and his career and wonder if I hate him for not being around as much as he should be. I mean, come on. He's not really a great father, you know? At least he buys us food and everything else we need, but…it's weird not to know your own dad as much as other kids know theirs. It can get frustrating. I can't really remember ever having a good long conversation with him about anything. All that happens is that at rare intervals he'll get guilty and try to make things up to us. I don't really hate him though, despite the times when I think I definitely do – the times when I wonder why the heck he wanted kids in the first place. It can just be hard to love him, I've figured that out. It's now clear to me that he just gets too absorbed in his work and can't handle us at the same time. Ha – maybe he doesn't know how. Wait a second – could that be it? Professor Membrane – Dad – has a natural weakness?...you're kidding.
I still find myself giving him a card on Father's Day every year, though. Gaz does too. It's usually difficult to pin Dad down at a good moment to give them to him, but I try not to give up. Last Father's Day I found him in the basement and reminded him of what day it was. He looked over at a calendar and sort of said, "Oh, so it is," and then I gave him the card I had bought and signed (I used to make the cards by hand, when I was really little. Now I just can't think of what to draw or design on them anymore). He read the card quickly and then placed it in his desk drawer, said "Thank you, son," and gave me a pat on the head. At times like that I wish I could see his whole face, because it sounded like he just might be smiling at me. Maybe. I hope he was. He's not exactly the type to say outright that he loves us…but if he were thinking it…that would be a different story.
It's not like Dad is mean or anything. He can be…hard to approach, I guess. Especially when he's busy. I'm thankful he hasn't actually forgotten us. I don't think he really forgets…he just can't seem to divide his time between science and everything else. But, at least Gaz and I are here to give him a family…even if we do make a pretty unconventional one. Even so, I would like to keep Dad in our family. He's all we have.