Note: I originally wanted to write about Ultear's reaction to learning about Gray's death, but with how content and peaceful she seemed after GMG I really couldn't envision writing angst for her, so it really just turned into angst for Gray instead. As usual. And then Natsu shows up again, because he just has to stick his fingers in everything. Also, I know that technically Ultear's mother should probably be called "Ul" because of the story behind Ultear's name, but I heard "Ur" first and it stuck. Sorry if it seems a little inconsistent, but "Ur" it shall be.
When Gray saw the little old lady by the side of the road, he didn't recognize her immediately. There was a slight tug of familiarity which puzzled him since he shouldn't feel a connection with some random old woman, but something about her held his attention. She was a mystery, a puzzle, and he stared at her through the window of the carriage, trying to figure out why he felt like he should know her.
And then she looked over at him and smiled, and he knew.
"Stop! Stop the carriage!" he shouted, jumping to his feet.
The old woman was slowly shaking her head, but Gray wouldn't—couldn't—just leave without talking to her again. He had the terrible feeling that this might be the last time he saw her, and he couldn't bear to just ride away without saying anything.
He could dimly hear Erza asking what was wrong, but he didn't bother answering. The carriage was slowing, but not fast enough. Gray stumbled across the compartment and threw the door open, clumsily falling down the steps as the carriage hit a bump and bounced. He let out a hiss of pain as he hit the ground, but hastily scrambled to his feet and took off running.
His friends piled out of the carriage behind him as it ground to a halt and they followed after him, asking what was going on.
"Ultear!" he called as he skidded to a stop in front of the old lady and tried to catch his breath.
Behind him, Natsu muttered something about him losing his mind, but Gray ignored him.
"Gray," Ultear responded calmly, smiling at him serenely. "You needn't have stopped."
Gray just stared at her, his heart twisting with pain and guilt. The physical changes were hard enough to swallow, but it occurred to him that Ultear sounded much more at peace with herself than she ever had before. He couldn't understand why. Surely she had even more to be upset about now than ever before.
"Oh my gosh, she knows him!" Lucy exclaimed in a stage whisper.
"No way…That really is Ultear?" Natsu asked incredulously.
Gray wished his friends would shut up.
"It was you," he breathed, his hands unconsciously tightening into fists. Of course. That one minute reversal would have to have been time magic. "What the hell did you do?"
Ultear's smile remained in place and she even laughed a little. "Oh, I tried to cast a spell and failed. There was a spell I never thought I'd use, that can rewind time at the cost of the caster's own time. I had been hoping to rewind time far enough that the Eclipse Gate could be stopped from opening at all, but I failed." She laughed, sounding far more amused than bitter. "In the end, I suppose my life was worth one minute of time."
A nauseous feeling settled in Gray's stomach. How could she be so calm, so accepting? But…Even if she didn't seem to need any comfort, he thought he might be able to offer a little anyway. He was suddenly glad that he had stopped the carriage. He was glad that he hadn't left Ultear behind thinking that her life had been practically worthless.
"You could look at it that way," he said quietly, "but maybe you should consider how valuable that one minute was before dismissing it. You can think that your life was only worth one minute, but how much was that one minute worth?"
"Since when did he become so damn philosophical?" Natsu muttered. Gray could practically hear him rolling his eyes.
Ultear just looked at Gray thoughtfully, a curious expression on her face. "What do you mean?"
"I died," he said flatly. "In that one minute, I died."
There was a collective gasp from behind him.
"What the hell do you mean, you died?" Natsu demanded.
Gray turned slightly so that he could see his Fairy Tail friends as well, and glanced at the Natsu. The incredulity in his voice wasn't surprising, but there was also a strange mixture of something like fear and grief that startled Gray. He couldn't quite figure out what Natsu was feeling, but it was more than Gray had expected him to feel.
"What I mean is that Juvia got distracted during the battle and almost got herself shot full of holes by a horde of dragonlings. As it stands, I was shot here." He pointed at his chest. "Here, here, here, here…" He slowly touched several other places on his body that he could remember being pierced by the dragonlings' attacks. "And here." He finally reached up and gently pressed a finger against his forehead.
He looked at the others and was greeted by a gaggle of horrified expressions. Lucy was covering her mouth with her hand, her eyes clouded with unshed tears. Erza looked partially aghast and partially like she wanted to hunt down some dragonlings and tear them apart limb from limb. Wendy's big eyes were filled with tears as she clutched an equally shocked Charle to her chest. Natsu's mouth was opening and closing soundlessly, his eyes brimming with unreadable emotions, and Happy had been so startled that he had fallen out of the air and was now sitting on the ground as he stared up at Gray with wide eyes. Even Ultear looked shocked and taken aback.
"Seeing as I was dead, I don't know what else happened in that minute," Gray said conversationally, keeping his voice casual, "but I imagine that I'm not the only one you helped. It's possible that other mages died in that minute. And even if they didn't, do you realize what a huge advantage it is to be able to see one minute into the future when you're in the middle of a battle? That glimpse of the future would have stopped a lot of people from getting injured or killed.
"So yeah, maybe your life was only worth one minute, but I have a feeling that that single minute made a lot of difference for a lot of people."
Silence greeted his words. He thought that some of his friends might still be in shock over his revelation, but he only had eyes for Ultear at the moment. She was still staring at him, but her eyes had slowly filled with moisture and a single tear dripped down her wrinkled cheek.
"Well, thank goodness I cast the spell then," she remarked softly. "I'm glad that it made a difference. Knowing that I saved you...It means that it was worth it. Thank you," she added after a second. "Thank you for telling me."
Part of Gray was happy that he had shown her the meaning and importance of her sacrifice, but part of him wanted to break down and cry because she shouldn't be so damn happy about saving his life. He truly did think that her spell might have saved a lot of people and he couldn't regret that, but he hated the idea that she had given her life for his. She shouldn't have. He didn't deserve it. He had been one of the reasons she had turned to darkness, after she had seen him with Ur and thought he was replacing her. Even worse, he had then caused Ur's death.
People kept sacrificing themselves for him and he hated it. He should have died so many times that he had begun to think that his life was worth at least a fraction less than the lives of others, if only because he should have lost it so many times before. If anyone's life should only be worth a minute, it should be his, not Ultear's. Gray should be dead, and Ultear should be back to normal.
"Wait, I thought he said that Juvia was the one who was going to get shot?" Happy hissed. He might have been trying to keep his voice low, but it was clearly audible in the silence. "How did he get killed?"
"That's the kind of stupid question I'd expect from Natsu, not from you," Lucy muttered.
"Hey!"
"He saved her, obviously," the blonde continued over the dragon slayer's protest. "He somehow sacrificed himself for her."
That last comment ground on Gray's nerves even more than the rest of their inane chatter. Yes, he should be the one dying. Other people shouldn't be sacrificing themselves for him. It should be the other way around.
"Don't sound so damn pleased with yourself," he burst out bitterly, casting a baleful glare at Ultear. His Fairy Tail friends squawked in surprise at the unexpected outburst, and even Ultear looked startled. "You can feel good about helping out the others, but don't feel so damn good about saving me. Don't act like it was worth it."
Ultear stared at him, her sereneness fading a little as first surprise and then sadness crossed her face. "Gray," she said gently, "it was worth it."
Gray let out a breath and turned away so that he didn't have to look at her anymore and be reminded of the price she had paid for saving him.
"Don't expect me to thank you," he said darkly.
"That's alright," she responded mildly. Her previous contented attitude had returned, although he could hear the hint of sadness in her voice as she considered him. "I still think it was worth it, regardless."
"Why?" Gray demanded in frustration, glowering at the ground. "After everything I've done…Why?"
"What is it that you've done that I should be so angry about?" Ultear asked mildly.
He frowned over at her. "Really? I was half the reason you thought Ur had abandoned you, which is what pushed you into joining a dark guild in the first place. That's why you spent half your life thinking she didn't want you, and why you were willing to do terrible things in order to go back and change the past. And then," he continued bitterly, "I killed your mother."
He thought he heard Natsu mutter something like "here he goes again" under his breath, but Gray didn't want to look at his friends right now, so he chose to ignore it. Instead, he scowled at Ultear. Her smile faded as she studied him seriously.
"Your first charge was a complete misunderstanding from the beginning, and it's partially my fault for assuming things," she said quietly. "In any case, you had no idea that I was even still alive, so how could you have known? As for the second…" She trailed off and shook her head with a sigh. "I thought I told you that I wasn't angry at you for what happened to my mother."
Gray raised an eyebrow. "Yeah. But at the time you were still trying to manipulate me into using iced shell on Hades, so it didn't seem very heartfelt," he answered dryly.
"She was what?"
There was the sound of scuffling and muffled whispers as the other Fairy Tail mages tried to make Natsu shut up. Gray grimaced and wished they'd just go back to the carriage already. This didn't concern them.
"I suppose so," Ultear conceded, glancing back at Natsu with a strangely apologetic but amused look. She returned her attention to Gray. "But I think we've all told you often enough that you need to stop blaming yourself for everything. And besides that…You know, you've listed off the things I should hate you for, but you never mentioned any of the ways you helped me."
Gray stared at her blankly. He had no idea what the hell she was talking about. Seeing his uncomprehending look, Ultear sighed and continued on.
"Surely you must have realized that you're the reason I abandoned Grimoire Heart and my…villainous ways to form Crime Sorcière. I mean, the memories that Ur showed me when I fell into the ocean were a big part of that, but part of the reason is because you tried to help me understand what I was doing. You are one of the main reasons I was able to let go of my hatred and pain to move on."
She smiled at him fondly, and he continued to stare at her stupidly. He supposed that made sense and he had always known that he had helped her in some way back on Tenrou, but he also couldn't accept that it was enough. It wasn't enough to make up for how much he had taken from her, and it certainly wasn't enough to justify a sacrifice on his behalf.
"It's not the same," he grumbled.
"No, it's not," she agreed cheerfully. "But that doesn't make it any less valuable. I don't think you understand how much you really helped me."
No, maybe he didn't. But Gray still couldn't accept that her sacrifice had saved him. It was too much like…
He felt his bitterness and anger drain away as his eyes filled with tears that he quickly blinked away. There was no way he was about to start bawling out here in front of all his friends. He averted his eyes, but Ultear was perceptive.
"Gray, what is it that you're really so upset over?" she asked gently.
There was a heavy silence, but then the words poured out of Gray's mouth of their own accord before he could stop them.
"Because this is how I lost Ur," he said brokenly.
Everything seemed to still for a moment, before Ultear stepped forward and wrapped her arms around him, pulling him close. Gray was initially startled, but hesitantly hugged her back.
"I'm sorry," she said simply. "I know how much she meant to you."
Gray blinked rapidly in an attempt to prevent his tears from falling. "It's not only about Ur," he said hoarsely. "It's about you too. I can't believe I'm losing you the same way I lost her."
He hadn't known Ultear for all that long, but he had felt a deep sense of kinship for her in the same way he had for Lyon. They were connected because of Ur, but also because of the friendships they had formed with each other. And Gray simply could not accept that both his master and her daughter were dying for him. A stab of remorse pierced him and he felt the sudden urge to apologize to Ur for taking her daughter's life as well as her own.
"She would have been proud of how much you've grown and of the man you've become," Ultear murmured, gently pushing Gray away so that they could look at each other again. "And I'm proud of you too. I feel very lucky to have met you and gotten to know you, and I'm glad that you're safe and alive."
She smiled. "Besides, things aren't all that bad now. I feel better than I have in my entire life. I've finally found peace and a way to forgive myself for the things I've done. Now all I can do is hope that you find the same."
Gray's breath caught as he stared at her with wide eyes, and he bit his lip. He knew what Ultear was trying to say. He wasn't sure that he could manage that right now, but maybe in the future he would find a way to let go and move on.
"Will you come back with us?" he asked in a low voice, unable to reassure her that he could find peace the same way she had. She noticed the change of subject and smiled a little, although it was melancholy at the edges.
"No, I'm quite happy here just the way I am," she replied.
"Do you want us to help you find Jellal and Meredy?" he pressed.
"No," she said with a sigh. "I already told them what happened, but they have work of their own to do that I can no longer help them with, so I'm staying behind."
Gray got the feeling that there was something she wasn't saying because he couldn't imagine that her guildmates would agree to leave her behind, but he let it go.
"But surely there's something we can do…"
Ultear just shook her head. "I'm perfectly fine and I don't need any help." She smiled, and again Gray wondered how she could be so content and happy given the situation. "You already gave me everything I needed by showing me how much that one minute was worth. Thank you for that.
"I still think that your life was worth saving, and I won't apologize for that. You and your guild have a very bright future ahead of you, so live on with your friends. Now go on. It was nice to see you one more time, but it's time for you to go. Goodbye, Gray."
Her gaze drifted past him to rest on the people standing behind him. "It was nice meeting all of you as well." She paused and then added, "Take care of him."
There was a muted chorus of affirmative responses from the gathering of Fairy Tail mages.
"I can take care of myself," Gray protested, but his voice was strangely flat since he couldn't summon up much emotion at the moment.
Ultear smiled one last time and then turned and began hobbling away without another word. Gray stared after her numbly, unable to make his body move.
"I'm sorry," he whispered finally.
He watched her until she disappeared from view, and then forced his sluggish limbs to start moving. He walked past his friends and waved off their concerned inquiries about how he was doing.
"I'm fine," he answered evenly. "Let's go. It'll be nice to be in Magnolia again. And please, for the love of everything holy, don't mention any of this to Juvia. She'd feel horrible."
He had known his friends long enough to instinctively realize that they were exchanging glances behind his back and waging a silent debate over whether or not they should press the issue. After a moment, he heard footsteps crunching on the gravel behind him and exhaled in relief. They were going to let it go. For now, anyway.
Climbing back into the carriage, Gray resumed his previous seat by the window. He stared out the pane of glass at the world beyond as everyone else filed in and took their seats. Lucy, Erza, and Wendy hesitantly started up a conversation as the carriage began rolling again, and Gray was relieved that they were going to pretend everything was normal instead of bothering him.
Since they were seemingly absorbed in their conversation, he let his mind wander. He made sure to keep his face turned towards the window and away from the others so that they couldn't see the tears welling in his eyes. He still couldn't believe that he had lost both mother and daughter under such similar circumstances. They had both given their lives for him, and his heart twisted in guilt as he thought about how he had destroyed their family.
Ultear's sacrifice also brought back bad memories of when Ur had used iced shell after he had stupidly challenged Deliora, so now he had to deal with the grief and guilt of two sacrifices instead of one. He still couldn't understand what they saw in him to make them think it was worthwhile to save him at the cost of their own lives. He tried to conceal a shaky exhale as he rested his forehead against the cool glass. He just couldn't understand why people cared so much about him after everything he had done.
There was a loud groaning sound from beside him, and he looked over in surprise. He arched an eyebrow as he realized that Natsu was sitting beside him now, where Erza had been sitting before. The dragon slayer moaned pitiably again and suddenly slumped over against Gray.
"Hey, get off," the ice mage griped, although he was still too numb and sad to inject much heat into his voice.
"No," Natsu groaned. "You're cool. It helps with the motion sickness."
Gray's eyebrows shot up. Throughout all the time they had been friends, Natsu had never once suggested that coldness could help his traveling ills. Gray resisted the urge to roll his eyes. He knew what his friend was doing.
Natsu couldn't care less about whether Gray's lower body temperature could provide him with relief. This was just his way of reminding Gray that he wasn't alone and that he still had friends who cared about him. Despite himself, one corner of his mouth twitched upwards. If he called Natsu on it then he would deny it, but Gray knew that this was just another way Natsu surreptitiously offered his support without admitting that he actually cared.
Gray considered just pushing Natsu off, but decided to play along. He did appreciate the effort, after all, and there was some small comfort in being reminded that the stupid flame brain cared about him.
"Hm." He extracted one of his hands and pressed it against Natsu's forehead, grimacing slightly at how hot his friend's skin was. Clearly not expecting the contact, Natsu started in surprise. Gray hid a smirk, wondering if he would abandon his plan now that he'd have to deal with Gray's cold directly. Instead, Natsu made a slight sound of surprise.
"Huh. It actually does feel good," he remarked in wonder.
Gray felt his eyebrows inching upwards again. Well, that was unexpected, although the confirmation that Natsu had been lying earlier was not. So Gray didn't remove his hand. Leaving the appendage in place, he turned back to look out the window, his thoughts taking a dark turn once more.
After a few minutes, Natsu sighed in contentment and Gray glanced back over at him again. He was surprised to see that although Natsu was still clearly feeling ill, he actually looked a great deal better than he normally did. Gray would have to remember this for next time they had to go to a job by train or other transportation. The real challenge would be finding a way to repeat the favor without coming out and admitting that he was actually trying to help Natsu.
Gray felt the sudden urge to laugh, but suppressed it. Come to think of it, that meant he was thinking in the exact same way Natsu was thinking now. The two of them would never come out and actually admit how much they cared, but they still helped each other in little ways, all the while pretending that they were still annoyed with each other. He wasn't sure why they kept playing at that game since neither of them was fooling the other anymore, but it was an integral part of their relationship that Gray secretly enjoyed.
"If you throw up on me, I'm going to freeze you solid," he warned.
"Yeah, yeah," Natsu grumbled. He didn't say anything else for a second, but then couldn't resist adding one last muttered comment. "Who knew that having a personal ice cube would come in handy someday?"
Now Gray did laugh softly. It was half amused and half a brittle warning that his grief was threatening to break through. Natsu looked up at him in surprise and concern, before slumping over again to bow his head and stare at the floor. Gray didn't know what Natsu had seen in his face, but the dragon slayer was going to give him the courtesy of pretending that he hadn't seen it at all. Gray appreciated that.
But now, even surrounded by his friends, the numbness began to wear off and his anguish over Ur and Ultear was coming through. His body shook slightly as he began silently crying in earnest. He was about to turn back to the window to hide his tears, but changed his mind at the last second and impulsively slumped over himself to rest his face on the head that was leaning against his shoulder.
Natsu stiffened as he felt Gray's tears seeping into his hair, but then slowly, surreptitiously, snaked one arm around the ice mage's back to give him a one-armed hug. They stayed like that for a long time, and Gray didn't even care that Lucy and Erza were watching.
He mourned for the master he had inadvertently killed and for her daughter who had also sacrificed herself to save him. But even as his grief threatened to overtake him, the presence of his friends kept him grounded. Gray didn't know what he had done to deserve such great friends, but he curled himself against Natsu and silently thanked them for everything they had done for him.
And he prayed that he wouldn't lose them as well.