DISCLAIMER: 'Supernatural' and its characters belong to the (magnificent) bastard Eric Kripke and The CW/WB - I'm just borrowing them in all their awesomeness for a while…
Gravel crunches, dry and dusty under the wheels of the Impala as Dean kills the engine, listening as the last husky rumbles subside into nothingness. Glancing right, Dean studies his little brother, watches as Sam sits almost catatonic in thought, his large frame folded into the seat, his eyes a maelstrom. The silence is deafening.
Sam won't meet his gaze, but Dean knows those eyes.
Those eyes that sparkled as his small hands offered him the prize from a cereal box.
Those eyes that watched his lover's fiery end and burned for revenge.
Those eyes that saw an unwavering heroism in his big brother, even when Dean felt unworthy of it.
Those eyes that both hated and loved his stubborn older brother for staying, cards and foosball notwithstanding.
Those eyes that pleaded with him, that begged him. Those eyes that made him promise.
Those eyes were Dean's one weakness. The one thing in his fucked-up life that still tore a reaction from him, even when the violence didn't faze him. And these days it didn't. He vividly remembers bringing that whirring blade deftly across the fang's filthy neck, remembers how it screamed, remembers enjoying it. He remembers the moment when his burden lifted for just that fraction of a second, how he forgot about his father's last words. How all he thought of was the satisfying knowledge that this scum wouldn't live to see another day. He too remembers the acuteness of that burden returning, watching the horror contorting Sam's face as demon blood tainted his features. He remembers the bloodlust and the shame.
Gripping the steering wheel, Dean searches his brother's eyes again. They're awash in a sea of confusion. Dean knows what burdens feel like, but try as he might to protect his little brother from whatever lies ahead, Dean knows it will remain Sam's burden to endure. And it kills him to even think that. It tears him apart that he can't do more. That he can't know what will happen, but he's nothing if not determined to save his brother, even if it means that Sam is alone in the end. Some things are worth dying for.
He scrubs his face in his hands, feeling three days worth of driving manifest itself as one mother of a headache.
He remembers the guilt as he lessened some of his burden by releasing it onto his little brother. How he looked at his little brother and told him that one day he might be the one to kill him. He remembers cursing his father's cryptic message, how he couldn't give Sam the answers he so deserved. He will never forget how Sam fought back the tears, the betrayal. How the knowledge that he could become so much like the evil they hunted everyday haunted his brother's young face. Dean knew he shouldn't have shared this burden; he should have kept it till death tore it from him. But deep within the recesses of his mind, he knows that it would have consumed him from the inside out. He searches Sam's eyes again.
They've changed.
He now sees in them a stubborn defiance. A defiance that makes him violently proud of his little brother. He's not stupid enough to believe that Sam is anywhere close to dealing with everything, but Dean can at least see the resolution, the determination begin to build within Sam.
Starting the engine once more, he looks back at his brother for the briefest of moments before pulling back onto the highway. Before long, the miles begin to fly again, and the road ahead beckons. Sam is looking at him now, that defiant intensity he usually saves for research is evident in his body language. And although there's so much that needs to be said, Dean can't tear open wounds he has just begun to heal. And yes, some will fester into scars that will forever remind him of who he is, and what means the most to him.
And in case Sam doesn't know what he means to his older brother, Dean chances a look.
Sam turns to him, and for the first time in over three days and nine hundred miles of silence, two brothers exchange a silent promise to each other, that no matter what hell sends to stop them, they'll take it down, and they'll fight it side by side until they can't.
Comments are love!
I'd really love to hear what you thought! Any constructive criticisms... whatever!
I've got another few stories in the works, so if I get a positive reaction to this one then I'll move on from angsty!Dean drabble fics (not that there's anything wrong with that…) ;)
Also, anyone who is as addicted to this show as I am, I'd love to chat to you!