p class="p1"span class="s1"strongemPrologue/em/strong/span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2"emI always wanted to understand Johnny's past. We are able to understand the organisms that took over his psyche through I Feel Sick, but we never received a fleshed out backstory to our anti-hero. I wanted to understand what happened to Johnny before we met him in his chapter one of Johnny the Homicidal Maniac./em/span/p
p class="p2" /p
p class="p1"span class="s2"em* Reverend Meat: Oh, it terrifies me that you wouldn't remember. Though, it's no surprise. You don't remember the pretty girl that gave me to you? Being in her room? Doing what you did? What she did to you?/em/span/p
p class="p2" /p
p class="p1"span class="s1"strongemIt Happened So Fast, I Nearly Missed It/em/strong/span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2"Being afflicted with a mental illness is something that happens more often than the public at large is aware of. It carries a stigma so cursed, we don't speak of it./span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2"Back, so far back, before it all began./span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2"In those restless moments I fall asleep, sometimes I have visions of times past. When I awake, they disappear as if they've never existed. Just like me./span/p
p class="p2"/***/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" "Here's my card, refill prescriptions, and all the papers you'll need in order to fill in a new psychiatrist about Johnny's condition. We'll fax them over, too. Just in case. Call us when you find someone." A comely middle-aged woman smiled and glanced at a young man sitting with his arms folded over his chest. "Please, don't hesitate to call if you need assistance."/span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" The boy was unmoved by her genial manner. He was wearing mostly black, and where there wasn't black there was white. Even his own body matched his clothes, palest skin seen on anyone who wasn't dead and dark hair that challenged the ebony keys of a piano. The two adults that sat to the sides of him were the opposite, besides their washed out pallor most likely due to stress./span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" "Thank you, doctor. We didn't mean to be so abrupt about this. It just sort of happened." The man, most likely the father, folded his hands in a brooding manner./span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" "I understand completely. Things happen." She rested her eyes on the boy again, "All we can do is keep trying to help Johnny as much as we can. That's what we're here for."/span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" "This means a lot to us. Once we land and get our heads on straight we'll look for a doctor right away." The skinny woman was wringing her handkerchief in her hands./span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" "That would be for the best. Once you start seeing someone else, Johnny can start getting used to the surroundings and new faces and talk out any anxieties." She smiled again but the boy was still unaffected./span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" "Johnny, do you have anything to say to the doctor?"/span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" A silence filled the room from wall to wall./span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" "Well, if anything comes up, you have my card." The doctor stood up and the two adults followed suit, they both were as skinny and tall as trees. "Please, I emphasize again, don't hesitate to call. Leave a message with the receptionist or on my answering machine." She shook their hands./span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" The boy didn't stand up to shake hands, only to leave./span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" "Good-bye, Johnny. Take care of yourself. Good luck." The doctor's face went grim as the family walked out the door. She meant everything she said and could only hope for the best from here on out. She looked out her window and waited to see the family get into their car. It was a silver polished compact car. The gleam of the windshield made her squint and when she opened her eyes fully again the car was out of the parking lot./span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" A few miles felt like a stretch of forever. Right now, Johnny did not want to be in a small space such as a car. It was confining and made him breathe like a straightjacket was tightening around him. He could see it, the straps and buckles were tight and the jacket itself was old and overused. A few more twists and his arms would be free. Though old and tattered, he couldn't get away. Get free. He was panicking now. /span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" 'I can't get away. Stuck like this. Forever! For the rest of the ride.'/span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" That's exactly what his parents wanted. What her parents wanted. Why would they do this to him? He didn't do anything wrong. It was a lie! He started to thrash about the backseat./span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" "Johnny...? Johnny? JOHNNY! Oh, dear God. Pull over!"/span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" "Why? What's wrong?" An urgent tone fell off each world./span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" "I don't know! I don't know! Oh, God, I don't know! Pull over!"/span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" The car quickly stopped, jolting the boy forward into the seat in front of him. His mother quickly reached in the back and undid his seatbelt. She took the boy's face in her hands and examined his face./span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" Tears were gleaming from his eyes and he blankly stared into his mother's eyes, "You took off the straightjacket?"/span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" "Wh-what? What straightjacket? There was no straightjacket."/span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" "The one that was put on me after we left the office."/span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" "Dear, there was no jacket." The mother's eyes were starting to water./span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" The father was silent. His fists were clenching the steering wheel. If you looked closely at his face, you would be able to tell he too was on the verge of tears./span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" "The jacket... the jacket... the old, tattered straightjacket..." He trailed off into muteness./span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" His mother turned around and sunk down into her seat while his father took the car out of park and began to merge back into traffic. They'd have to make a mental note of this hallucination to tell the new psychiatrist./span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" A trip that only takes fifteen minutes was twice that in duration today. A sense of relief and reluctance was felt amongst the whole family when they arrived. The "for sale" sign swung with a slight breeze. The father locked the car after they all got out and the mother checked the mailbox. But Johnny stood staring up at the house. It was an ordinary single house, two stories with a chimney and a porch. It wasn't extravagant, but what it lacked in lavishness it made up for in friendliness./span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" "Johnny, honey, are you coming inside?" His mother had a worried tone and weary eyes./span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" "In a minute." /span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" His mother waited a few more seconds and then walked inside. He stared into the house and looked it over and over, committing it to memory. He was born in this city, raised in this neighborhood, and grew up in this house. Everything changes once people think you're crazy. He sauntered inside, but right before the threshold, he snuck a glance at the house next door. The sun was setting and the lights turned on in the house next door. Lights not for him. Nothing was for him in this city anymore. He closed the door behind him and went upstairs to his room./span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" The stairs squeaked and the floorboards creaked. Johnny moved to the attic for the space. He had his bedroom and his art studio. All walls were covered with graphite drawings. His bedroom was packed up in boxes, but he left his art for last. Gently, he unpinned the oversized pieces of paper. He stacked them on one another, and when they all were taken down, he retrieved his portfolio cases. All pieces had their place, except one. His art wasn't pleasant to most people and he'd even go so far to say it frightened at least half the people that viewed his work. But there was someone who understood his work, or at least understood why his art was so frightening. The same someone he had to leave this city for./span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" "Johnny, dinner." His mother called up the stairs to him./span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" "I'm not hungry."/span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" "You have to eat something."/span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" There was a pause. She always said the same thing even though time and time again he showed that eating wasn't an activity he had to partake in three times a day. Last night under this roof, why not eat?/span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" "Fine."/span/p
p class="p2"/***/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" Patient: Johnny C. 00/00/0000/span/p
p class="p2" /p
p class="p1"span class="s2" To whom it may concern:/span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" This is Johnny C.'s in-patient papers for when he was in our hospital (please see business card). Johnny C. has been a patient here for approximately a year and due to circumstances out of our control, he is now moving. Please see to it you contact us right away when you take him on as a patient. /span/p
p class="p2" /p
p class="p1"span class="s2" height: 5'9" weight: 115 lbs/span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" Patient was checked into a hospital his first year of college. Due to stress and environmental factors, he had a psychotic break on campus. College dismissed him on medical leave and parents checked him into hospital. Upon first conditional evaluation, Johnny is an intelligent and artistic young man. Report with college states he started to scream about voices and having hallucinations (first signs of schizophrenia noted) and had, what seems to be, a manic episode of non-stop drawing. Fearing his state after he threw supplies around his studio and scaring other students, he was dismissed on leave./span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" A week of therapy and daily sessions with the doctor, patient seems to be stabilized. /span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" Another week of monitoring is necessary to see his reactions to the new medications (Rx noted)./span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" Blood test results: no trace of any type of substances to alter chemicals in his mind (schizophrenia?), CLEAN/span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" Gets along well with nurses and other patients, yet sometimes will have a short outburst. Patient can express remorse./span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" Maintains low body weight due to insomnia and lack of being able to tell reality from a dream-state. Occasionally eats meals. (00/00/0000 - higher Rx of sleep-aid)/span/p
p class="p2" /p
p class="p1"span class="s2" Preparing for discharge: patient exhibits grasp of reality, situation, past, present, and what future therapies are needed to keep him stable. (00/00/0000 - higher Rx of sleep-aid, patient still doesn't sleep often)/span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" Diagnosis: bi-polar disorder, acute depression, schizophrenia, insomnia/span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" GAF 25/span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" Future therapy: patient will undergo weekly therapy sessions with psychologist and see psychiatrist monthly to monitor levels of Rx as well as check-in to impede another psychotic break. Patient not suited to continue studies at college./span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" Cost $ /span/p
p class="p2" /p
p class="p1"span class="s2" Signed zzz zzz 00/00/0000/span/p
p class="p2"/***/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" The ruffling of an envelope and papers were heard from a small room. He purposefully made his presence known and heard the papers being put back in place. His mother or father was hiding the fact that they were reading over what his psychiatrist wrote about him. Time to begin the grueling process of sharing a family meal./span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2"emI always wanted to understand Johnny's past. We are able to understand the organisms that took over his psyche through I Feel Sick, but we never received a fleshed out backstory to our anti-hero. I wanted to understand what happened to Johnny before we met him in his chapter one of Johnny the Homicidal Maniac./em/span/p
p class="p2" /p
p class="p1"span class="s2"em* Reverend Meat: Oh, it terrifies me that you wouldn't remember. Though, it's no surprise. You don't remember the pretty girl that gave me to you? Being in her room? Doing what you did? What she did to you?/em/span/p
p class="p2" /p
p class="p1"span class="s1"strongemIt Happened So Fast, I Nearly Missed It/em/strong/span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2"Being afflicted with a mental illness is something that happens more often than the public at large is aware of. It carries a stigma so cursed, we don't speak of it./span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2"Back, so far back, before it all began./span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2"In those restless moments I fall asleep, sometimes I have visions of times past. When I awake, they disappear as if they've never existed. Just like me./span/p
p class="p2"/***/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" "Here's my card, refill prescriptions, and all the papers you'll need in order to fill in a new psychiatrist about Johnny's condition. We'll fax them over, too. Just in case. Call us when you find someone." A comely middle-aged woman smiled and glanced at a young man sitting with his arms folded over his chest. "Please, don't hesitate to call if you need assistance."/span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" The boy was unmoved by her genial manner. He was wearing mostly black, and where there wasn't black there was white. Even his own body matched his clothes, palest skin seen on anyone who wasn't dead and dark hair that challenged the ebony keys of a piano. The two adults that sat to the sides of him were the opposite, besides their washed out pallor most likely due to stress./span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" "Thank you, doctor. We didn't mean to be so abrupt about this. It just sort of happened." The man, most likely the father, folded his hands in a brooding manner./span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" "I understand completely. Things happen." She rested her eyes on the boy again, "All we can do is keep trying to help Johnny as much as we can. That's what we're here for."/span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" "This means a lot to us. Once we land and get our heads on straight we'll look for a doctor right away." The skinny woman was wringing her handkerchief in her hands./span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" "That would be for the best. Once you start seeing someone else, Johnny can start getting used to the surroundings and new faces and talk out any anxieties." She smiled again but the boy was still unaffected./span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" "Johnny, do you have anything to say to the doctor?"/span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" A silence filled the room from wall to wall./span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" "Well, if anything comes up, you have my card." The doctor stood up and the two adults followed suit, they both were as skinny and tall as trees. "Please, I emphasize again, don't hesitate to call. Leave a message with the receptionist or on my answering machine." She shook their hands./span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" The boy didn't stand up to shake hands, only to leave./span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" "Good-bye, Johnny. Take care of yourself. Good luck." The doctor's face went grim as the family walked out the door. She meant everything she said and could only hope for the best from here on out. She looked out her window and waited to see the family get into their car. It was a silver polished compact car. The gleam of the windshield made her squint and when she opened her eyes fully again the car was out of the parking lot./span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" A few miles felt like a stretch of forever. Right now, Johnny did not want to be in a small space such as a car. It was confining and made him breathe like a straightjacket was tightening around him. He could see it, the straps and buckles were tight and the jacket itself was old and overused. A few more twists and his arms would be free. Though old and tattered, he couldn't get away. Get free. He was panicking now. /span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" 'I can't get away. Stuck like this. Forever! For the rest of the ride.'/span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" That's exactly what his parents wanted. What her parents wanted. Why would they do this to him? He didn't do anything wrong. It was a lie! He started to thrash about the backseat./span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" "Johnny...? Johnny? JOHNNY! Oh, dear God. Pull over!"/span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" "Why? What's wrong?" An urgent tone fell off each world./span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" "I don't know! I don't know! Oh, God, I don't know! Pull over!"/span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" The car quickly stopped, jolting the boy forward into the seat in front of him. His mother quickly reached in the back and undid his seatbelt. She took the boy's face in her hands and examined his face./span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" Tears were gleaming from his eyes and he blankly stared into his mother's eyes, "You took off the straightjacket?"/span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" "Wh-what? What straightjacket? There was no straightjacket."/span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" "The one that was put on me after we left the office."/span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" "Dear, there was no jacket." The mother's eyes were starting to water./span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" The father was silent. His fists were clenching the steering wheel. If you looked closely at his face, you would be able to tell he too was on the verge of tears./span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" "The jacket... the jacket... the old, tattered straightjacket..." He trailed off into muteness./span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" His mother turned around and sunk down into her seat while his father took the car out of park and began to merge back into traffic. They'd have to make a mental note of this hallucination to tell the new psychiatrist./span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" A trip that only takes fifteen minutes was twice that in duration today. A sense of relief and reluctance was felt amongst the whole family when they arrived. The "for sale" sign swung with a slight breeze. The father locked the car after they all got out and the mother checked the mailbox. But Johnny stood staring up at the house. It was an ordinary single house, two stories with a chimney and a porch. It wasn't extravagant, but what it lacked in lavishness it made up for in friendliness./span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" "Johnny, honey, are you coming inside?" His mother had a worried tone and weary eyes./span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" "In a minute." /span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" His mother waited a few more seconds and then walked inside. He stared into the house and looked it over and over, committing it to memory. He was born in this city, raised in this neighborhood, and grew up in this house. Everything changes once people think you're crazy. He sauntered inside, but right before the threshold, he snuck a glance at the house next door. The sun was setting and the lights turned on in the house next door. Lights not for him. Nothing was for him in this city anymore. He closed the door behind him and went upstairs to his room./span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" The stairs squeaked and the floorboards creaked. Johnny moved to the attic for the space. He had his bedroom and his art studio. All walls were covered with graphite drawings. His bedroom was packed up in boxes, but he left his art for last. Gently, he unpinned the oversized pieces of paper. He stacked them on one another, and when they all were taken down, he retrieved his portfolio cases. All pieces had their place, except one. His art wasn't pleasant to most people and he'd even go so far to say it frightened at least half the people that viewed his work. But there was someone who understood his work, or at least understood why his art was so frightening. The same someone he had to leave this city for./span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" "Johnny, dinner." His mother called up the stairs to him./span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" "I'm not hungry."/span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" "You have to eat something."/span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" There was a pause. She always said the same thing even though time and time again he showed that eating wasn't an activity he had to partake in three times a day. Last night under this roof, why not eat?/span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" "Fine."/span/p
p class="p2"/***/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" Patient: Johnny C. 00/00/0000/span/p
p class="p2" /p
p class="p1"span class="s2" To whom it may concern:/span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" This is Johnny C.'s in-patient papers for when he was in our hospital (please see business card). Johnny C. has been a patient here for approximately a year and due to circumstances out of our control, he is now moving. Please see to it you contact us right away when you take him on as a patient. /span/p
p class="p2" /p
p class="p1"span class="s2" height: 5'9" weight: 115 lbs/span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" Patient was checked into a hospital his first year of college. Due to stress and environmental factors, he had a psychotic break on campus. College dismissed him on medical leave and parents checked him into hospital. Upon first conditional evaluation, Johnny is an intelligent and artistic young man. Report with college states he started to scream about voices and having hallucinations (first signs of schizophrenia noted) and had, what seems to be, a manic episode of non-stop drawing. Fearing his state after he threw supplies around his studio and scaring other students, he was dismissed on leave./span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" A week of therapy and daily sessions with the doctor, patient seems to be stabilized. /span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" Another week of monitoring is necessary to see his reactions to the new medications (Rx noted)./span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" Blood test results: no trace of any type of substances to alter chemicals in his mind (schizophrenia?), CLEAN/span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" Gets along well with nurses and other patients, yet sometimes will have a short outburst. Patient can express remorse./span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" Maintains low body weight due to insomnia and lack of being able to tell reality from a dream-state. Occasionally eats meals. (00/00/0000 - higher Rx of sleep-aid)/span/p
p class="p2" /p
p class="p1"span class="s2" Preparing for discharge: patient exhibits grasp of reality, situation, past, present, and what future therapies are needed to keep him stable. (00/00/0000 - higher Rx of sleep-aid, patient still doesn't sleep often)/span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" Diagnosis: bi-polar disorder, acute depression, schizophrenia, insomnia/span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" GAF 25/span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" Future therapy: patient will undergo weekly therapy sessions with psychologist and see psychiatrist monthly to monitor levels of Rx as well as check-in to impede another psychotic break. Patient not suited to continue studies at college./span/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" Cost $ /span/p
p class="p2" /p
p class="p1"span class="s2" Signed zzz zzz 00/00/0000/span/p
p class="p2"/***/p
p class="p1"span class="s2" The ruffling of an envelope and papers were heard from a small room. He purposefully made his presence known and heard the papers being put back in place. His mother or father was hiding the fact that they were reading over what his psychiatrist wrote about him. Time to begin the grueling process of sharing a family meal./span/p