Well look at this! I've decided to disgrace all those Final Fantasy fans (including myself) by writing a parody of the whole game of Final Fantasy VII (7 for all you people who can't read roman numerals for crap) anyway, I'm going to have a bit of fun with this story, so you know... so don't mind me and I so so so hope you enjoy!

Rated PG-13 for Cursing, lewdness, FF insulting even though I'm a fan, myself... and.. And... STUFF!Don't take anything said seriously, okay?

---------------------------------------Chapter One: Pink Girl in a Stripper Mall----------------------------------------------

It was a peaceful night on the ever-peaceful floating... thing... Anyway! Up in the sky was the ever-so great looking pixely looking stars! Aren't they so peaceful looking?

Anyway, here is the Aeris... or was it Aerith? Know what? Let's just call her Flower Girl like they do in the beginning. YES! She seemed to be staring at a green spark of... stuff... coming out of... something? She walks down the alleyway and stops in the middle of the street holding her basket of flowers. She was hit by car and sent flying into the air.

"You jackass!" She yelled. Wait... Flower Girl isn't allowed to yell... Flower Girl never gets mad.. So let's forget that whole thing happened.

Anyway, let's focus off the little pink twat for now, and let's go see where this train is going... Oh, let's not forget the nice logo of Final Fantasy VII.. I never really got the point of showing the title of the game IN the game... I mean... you bought the game, didn't you? You should know damn well what you're playing unless you're some ADD induced dumb-ass (like myself).

The train stops into a station and people get onto the platform. A guard dressed in red attacks one of them and the flips him over his head and into the stationed train. Another guard attacks another of the people getting off the train and this person retaliates by raising their leg out in the air in front of them and the guard runs into it and knocks himself out... (There's nothing to make fun of, here... this actually happened.) Then, a big scary black dude with a gun-arm steps off of the train.

"C'mon, Newcomer. Follow me." The big scary black dude with the gun-arm says.

A spikey-haired blond in a kick-ass light-purple suit with a red karate belt jumps off the top of the train. See, people? This isn't why Cloud is considered 'Emo' by many people... he wears light-purple clothing. Wait... we don't know his name yet... I mean.. Ex-Soldier.. There! Happy?

Anyway, the big scary black dude with the gun-arm took off running down the station and took a left with Cloud... er... Ex-Soldier close behind. Well... These two blue soldiers ran right past mister big scary black dude with the gun-arm and decided to attack Ex-Soldier... Damn racists... Against Ex-Soldier's hair, anyway.

So Ex-Solder kicked the shit out of them because he only takes 4 damage to bullets! Ummm.. Er. I don't mean 4 damage.. I mean.. Well... there's no excuse for that, sorry. Anyway, Squall... I mean CLOUD... I mean.. EX-SOLDIER! Damn it, it's going to be Cloud from now on. Anyway! Cloud wins a potion from the battle... and before he leaves he strips the two unconscious guards for more potions.

Anyway, so Cloud comes across a few random guards and dispatches them... why is he the only one fighting them? Anyway, he stumbles across the AVALANCHE people (yes, it IS so important it has to be in all caps...?) Where the guy now known as "Biggs" begins blabbering away...

"WOW! You used to be SOLDIER all right! ...Not everyday ya find one in a group like AVALANCHE." (Two things... What's with the random capitalized words... and... I doubt there's any other 'SOLDIER' people that have ever been in AVALANCHE... so this guy's dumb.. But let's not tell him that.)

The guy now known as Jessie, says: "SOLDIER? Aren't they the enemy? What's he doing with us in AVALANCHE?" (Money! And potion stealing... of course)

This Biggs dude interrupts with: "Hold it Jessie. He WAS in SOLDIER. He quit them and now is one of us. Didn't catch your name…"

"Cloud" (FINALLY I won't be patronized for calling him Cloud... I like Cloud... his name reminds me of clouds.)

"Cloud, eh? I'm…" (Friggen Canadians...)

"I don't care what your names are. Once this job's over... I'm outta here." (Kinky... he sounds fresh)

Yawn... Jabber jabber jabber jabber... TIME TO MESS WITH THINGS! YES!

Big scary black dude with gun-arm walks in, "The hell you're doin'!? I thought I told you never to

move in a group! Our target's the North Mako Reactor. We'll meet on the bridge

in front of it." (They wanted groupies)

Oh, look... Big scary black dude with a gun-arm now has a name... It's... Barret... AWESOME!? No... It's not.

Anyway, gate opens... Big scary... I mean... Barret dude looks at Cloud ever-so intently... "EX-SOLDIER, huh? Don't trust ya!"

Cloud decides to have a random ADD moment and stare up at the top of the Make-oh.. I mean Mako reactor for about ten minutes.

Barret starts wondering to Cloud whether or not if this is his first time in a Mako reactor... Which is answered with a subtle "No" but let's no forget the little comment of "No. After all, I did work for Shinra, y'know." To insert that little "Durrrr" moment onto Barret... (OH GOD HE SOUNDS LIKE THAT ONE GUY FROM FINAL FANTASY 8!!!)

"The planet's full of " blah blah blah... Cloud tuned out Barret since he's started mumble about "sucking the life out of the planet" and all that stuff worthy of "blah blah".

Cloud rushes him on, before Barret breaks him off with something about Cloud now having to come with him from now on... So how does this little thing go? Not like any normal thing... but Barret instead goes inside Cloud... . . .. ...

Anyway... After about five minutes Cloud steps inside and elevator and Biggs runs inside and tells him to push a button on a wall... The little one with a down arrow... But... Cloud doesn't know which one to do... so after about five minutes of staring up at the wall he steps on his tippy toes and presses the little down button on the wall.

At this keen point Barret decides to finally take himself out of Cloud and start blabbering again... (People shouldn't talk when they're doing that sort of thing with each other... it's annoying)

He starts blabbing about the reactor again... Oh God...

"I don't care." Says Cloud... GOOD FOR YOU, CLOUD!!! TELL THE BIG SCARY BARRET OFF!

Barret yells at him again, and Cloud tells him he just wants to hurry and finish the job before the robo-thingies come... The robo-what, now?

Barret gets mad and gets a forced entry inside Cloud... So Cloud works himself down a little set of Ladders after being told he had to push some button on a controller to go down them... He just looked at the person oddly and jumped down the ladders... HEY! Is that a dildo!? Oh, no.. it's a save point... But they sure don't know that...

Cloud walks up to it and looks at it oddly.

"What's this?" He asks to the person hiding himself inside him... Barret decides to unhappily take himself out of Cloud again...

"This is one of those, er... things... they save your state of consciousness and whatever the $& that means." Symbolic curses! UH OH!

"I don't care," Says Cloud... so Barret happily puts himself back in Cloud and Cloud decides to stand on the thing for a moment.

–End Chapter–

Well... I can imagine it was crappy... but I didn't want to mess with the story too too much, yet... Since it IS just the beginning of the game and this thing is going to span the entire game... See all that writing? That's just for FIVE minutes of game play... It's going to get easier to write down the line, though... And a LOT funner to read, too... I can promise you that... This beginning part is difficult to right... And I did not intend on hurting any Canadians' feelings from writing this... You guys rock, okay? So... if you liked it, review! If you thought it sucked, review as well! I like knowing when things suck... Especially when it's from me. Sorry for the short chapter... it's four in the morning.