A/N: A rambling one-shot about jealousy and almosts. All over the place, but posting it anyways; let me know what y'all think?
"We might be oil and water,
this could be a big mistake,
we might burn like gasoline in fire,
that's a chance we'll have to take."
-Thompson Square
"Who is that boy that Ally's talking to?"
Dez looks up at the sound of Austin's voice. His best friend is staring moodily in the direction of the open bar, where Ally is chatting with a dark-haired boy that Dez vaguely recognizes as the lead singer of an up-and-coming indie band. He opens his mouth to reply when he sees Austin move forward, only to stop abruptly. He looks at the bar again, where Ally (being Ally) has somehow managed to trip over a barstool, stumbling into the arms of the singer. Both of them are laughing and Dez winces at the dark expression on Austin's face.
"I bet he tripped her on purpose." Austin turns to his best friend, voice earnest. "Look. Ally's obviously really uncomfortable with him. We should intervene." He gestures emphatically in the direction of the bar. "See. He's not even wearing a tie. Does he not understand the concept of 'black tie' dress codes? This guy is bad news."
Dez clears his throat. "Austin, I seem to recall you ditching your tie in the men's bathroom two hours ago."
Austin glares at the redhead. "That is besides the point. That's just my image. I am a rebellious bad boy. This guy is just an egocentric wannabe." He pauses. "And he has bad hair." He finishes decisively. "You should never trust someone who abuses gel to that extent. It just comes off as plastic and phony. You know, I bet his hair isn't even brown."
"I'm sure Ally's most important criteria for her relationships is hair." Dez says dryly. He briefly considers going along with Austin's meddling, if only to have a front row seat for the fallout. Then he imagines Ally's reaction and winces. As long as they've been best friends, Austin's been lighthearted and relatively reasonable-except when it came to three things: being scared of umbrellas, being in love, and Ally. He got over one of those things and the other two have to do with Ally, and Dez is fairly certain his thickheaded best friend has yet to realize it. Austin's pulled the "protective best friend" routine so many times that he's convinced himself it's not jealousy, and definitely not because he's in love with Ally (and has been since pianos and stolen songs). But Dez knows Austin and he knows Ally and he knows how this plays out.
Maybe tonight's different. Then again, maybe a safe distance is the way to go.
"You know, I'm going to go eat the ham sandwich I just found in the pocket of my suit." He claps Austin on the shoulder then gives him a thumbs up as he takes advantage of Austin's confusion and backs away. "But dude, good luck with that. And with your weird jealousy issues."
"I am not jealous." Austin says hotly, but Dez has already disappeared into the crowd of people. "Not jealous." He mutters under his breath as he considers the best way to insert himself into Ally's conversation.
"Hey, what's up?"
Ally feels herself tumbling into the counter as a sudden weight drops over her shoulders. Smoothly, a familiar arm guides her upright again, and she turns to meet Austin's laughing eyes.
"Steady there Dawson?"
She wrinkles her nose. "I would be, if elephants in tuxedos didn't use me as an armrest." She's in no danger of falling again, yet Austin's arm is still wrapped around her waist and she finds herself a little breathless. But it's eight years of friendship and almost-somethings and Ally can't risk her own heartbreak again by giving too much thought to the sparks skittering beneath her skin.
"Have you and Evan met before?" Ally says, lightly stepping out from Austin's embrace to beam at the dark-haired boy she's been conversing with all night. Out of the corner of her eye, she sees a frown flit across Austin's face, before giving way to a bland smile.
"No, I don't think we run in the same circles." Austin's expression is inscrutable as he turns to Ally. "Guess you'll have to do some introductions, Ally."
"Oh, well, this is Evan Stryder. He's let me talk his ear off about songwriting all night."
Evan grins crookedly. "Trust me, you've been better company than anyone I ever meet at these parties."
Ally blushes and smiles back. Austin clears his throat and Ally, almost involuntarily, smooths a hand over the lapel of his suit as she introduces him. "This is Austin Moon. He's my writing partner."
"And best friend." Austin adds, reaching out to shake Evan's hand.
"So you're Austin." Evan's grip is firm and his expression is open and honest, and Austin can't find a reason for the surge of annoyance he feels.
It's probably the hair. It's practically shellacked to his head.
"Yup." Austin says perfunctorily. "That's me."
"Ally's mentioned you at least a dozen times." Evan says with a friendly smile. "You guys have been partners for a while right?"
"For eight years." Ally replies, before Austin interrupts.
"Eight years of being partners and best friends. We've been through a lot together." He slings a protective arm around Ally's shoulders again, eyes never leaving Evan's. "A lot. We're basically irreplaceable in each other's lives. Sometimes people feel awkward because we're so close."
There's a few beats of silence in which Austin glares at Evan, Evan looks confused, and Ally grows increasingly exasperated.
"Um." Evan looks at Ally, and then back to Austin. "I feel like maybe I should go." He backs away, nodding at Ally as he goes. "Call me if you ever want to talk about selling the band that song; it sounds amazing already, and I'd love to hear it when it's finished." His eyes slide over to Austin. "Or not. Whatever."
Austin watches the overly-gelled head dart into the crowd with satisfaction, before he feels a sharp jab in his side. He looks down to see Ally with her hands on her hips and a familiar thundercloud expression.
Oops.
"Want to explain what that was? Because to be honest, Austin, it was kind of creepy and definitely weird." Ally waves a hand wildly at him. "What is wrong with you? Evan was perfectly nice and you were atrocious."
It's been a long night and she's tired and confused and so frustrated. It's not the first time Austin's done this. For some reason, the high-handed protectiveness has been a thing since high school, and for eight years, Austin has made it next to impossible for her to move on from him. There was Elliot, and then Jeff, the perfectly sweet boy who asked her to prom and then had approached her at her locker two days later with a stammering excuse about visiting his grandma that night. Ally had gone with Trish, Dez, and Austin, and prom had been wonderful; it wasn't until after that she'd found out about Austin's "friendly conversation" with Jeff about "looking out for Ally's best interests." Then Scott, her first college boyfriend, who had broken up with her on their six-month anniversary because he felt like he was "dating two people, Ally. You and Austin. And he definitely hates me, so the relationship just isn't going to work out." It's a cycle, and she's sick of it: sick of Austin's possessiveness, sick of longing for someone who only wants her when she's moving on, sick of eight years of something, stagnant and hopeless.
Austin holds his palms up defensively. "He seemed a little off. I was saving you the trouble of getting rid of him."
Ally hits him with her clutch. "We just met, you-you-jerk." She splutters. "I was making friends. I liked him. He was nice and funny and straightforward and you scared him away!"
"Let's dance." Austin says abruptly, taking her hand and pulling her towards the wooden dance floor in front of the stage, where a string quartet's soaring harmony is just beginning.
"Austin, no, we have to talk about this. You have no right to be an asshole to every guy I talk to. Its been this way since high school and it's infuriating and irrational and I am sick of it." Ally tugs away from him halfheartedly.
Austin looks at her beseechingly. "One dance, Allygator. One dance and then I promise we'll talk." He reaches a hand to her and she pauses for a second before her heart softens at the old nickname and she twines their fingers together.
"Fine. One dance."
His hands are warm on her skin, and Ally rethinks the swooping dip in the back of her gown. The calloused pressure of his fingers leads her in the familiar steps of that first dance he taught her, and Ally smiles despite herself. Her dancing has improved exponentially since then: two tours and countless hours in rehearsal will do that to a girl. Despite how much she loves her performance routines though, she'll always have a soft spot for the languid heartbeat steps of a waltz: there's something about the rhythm, something about the music (something about the partner).
Austin spins her into a dip before pulling her back up and Ally's surprised laugh fades into a sigh as she tucks her head under his chin. They sway gently to the last few beats, and in the fading violins, Ally feels her anger settle into resigned sadness. The song ends, and Austin guides them to a stop in a secluded corner.
"I'm sorry, Ally." He looks genuinely remorseful as he tucks a stray strand of hair behind her ear. "I didn't mean to make you mad."
"That's just it." Ally sighs. "You never mean to. But every time I get remotely close to another guy, you act like a possessive idiot and it sucks, Austin. It's not fair."
"I just don't want you to get hurt. You're my best friend, Ally."
"Really? Is that it?" Ally says quietly, eyes meeting Austin's.
There's a long pause before Austin finally replies. "We decided in the beginning that this wasn't a good idea. That we weren't a good idea." He shrugs helplessly. "I care about you, Ally. I always will. And I've spent a really long time trying to figure out how to fit into your life like this. Trying to figure out who you need me to be."
"That's the thing. I just need you to be Austin Moon. That's all. But I don't think I can keep on doing this."
"Ally, it's been years. Why this? Why now?" Austin looks bewildered and Ally's heart clenches. "We agreed that being together just didn't work with our partnership. I thought you were okay with that."
"The way you were acting with Evan; you can't keep getting in the way of me moving on, Austin. And Evan was just being friendly! What's going to happen when I'm actually interested in someone? What are you going to do?" She pauses. "We thought it wouldn't work when we were both young and scared. We're still young, and I'm still scared, but when will it work if we don't try, Austin?" Ally's voice is pleading and she waits for a reply. Austin is silent, and she continues softly. "Is this our always?" She whispers. "Is this all we get? Waltzes and songwriting and ships passing in the night?" She says wistfully. "When will it be our turn? When will it be us? Because I feel like we've been on the verge of something forever, and I'm tired of being stuck in limbo, Austin. I'm tired of waiting for the time to be right."
"Ally-"
Austin looks at a loss for words and Ally's eyes drop to the floor. "I think I'm going to go home. There's a pint of cookie dough in the fridge calling my name. We can forget this conversation ever happened." She steps away. "I'll see you at the studio tomorrow."
"No, Ally-" But Ally's already disappeared into the crowd, and Austin blinks, feeling like he just let something slip through his fingers.
"Dude. That was not good." Dez materializes at his elbow, a half-eaten ham sandwich in his hand. "Not good."
"I-she-wha-j-" Austin splutters. "I've never seen her that upset with me before. And I don't understand why."
Dez raises a skeptical eyebrow. "Really?"
Austin opens his mouth to retort, and then snaps it shut when Dez looks at him knowingly.
"It's because you're in love with each other, bozo." Dez says around a mouthful of bread. "And she's always been braver than you."
Austin whooshes out a breath and sits down on a barstool with a thump. "I know. But what if we don't work out, Dez? I can't do it without her." He drops his head to his hands.
"But what if it does?" Dez responds. "You're Austin and Ally. And at the end of the day, you two always find your way back to each other. So why not just try being together? What's the worst that could happen?"
"She'd hate me, we'd break up, and then she'd marry George Clooney and live happily ever after and I would become a bachelor living in your basement for the rest of my life." Austin replies immediately.
"Why is my basement the worst thing that could happen?" Dez says indignantly. "I will have you know that I don't even have a basement. And even if I did-well, that's besides the point. The point is, that that isn't going to happen. You know it, you're just being a chicken. And sooner or later, you're going to lose Ally because of it." Austin raises his head as Dez continues. "And then you'll really be a sad unsuccessful bachelor living in my nonexistent basement."
Austin raises his head, sudden realization flitting across his face. "Dez, you are absolutely right."
"I know." Dez brushes crumbs from his suit as he shrugs nonchalantly. "So, what are you go-"
But Austin's already gone, tearing through the crowd, looking for swirling blue skirts and chestnut curls.
Ally's slipping on her coat in the near-empty foyer when she hears pounding footsteps. She spins around as Austin almost collides with her, hair mussed and eyes alight.
"Austin, is something wrong? I-" She's about to continue when Austin presses a finger to her lips. A grin spreads across his face.
"So. You were right."
"I was right?" Ally says bewilderedly, mind racing as she tries to understand the disheveled boy in front of her. "Austin, what?"
"You were right. We-I've been scared and stuck. But we deserve a shot at this. At us."
Ally blinks. "Austin, what changed in the past ten minutes?"
"I thought about life without you and realized that I couldn't see it. I remembered that I see the world in the curve of your smile and I hear forever in every word we write together, and Ally Dawson, I am so in love with you."
And Ally's reply is lost in a giddy whirl of breathless joy and a kiss that makes her heart skip a beat.
So this is what always looks like.
As always, thanks for reading!