Hey! ...Alright, so this is my first FMA fanfic I've actually written down (or typed, in this case) so here goes my best shot! Lol... Well, for a while, I've wanted to write a 'In Memoriam' or kind of reminiscence of Hughes kind of thing... I'm very helpful, aren't I? Basically, I've had this idea for a while. So finally, I get to share it with others. Can you say "Hooray"? Lol... so yeah... By the way, this goes along with the anime so don't get mad at me if this doesn't go exactly the way the manga story line does. (Though, I don't think there are very many differences in this case...)

Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist, the characters or anything of that sort. (As much as I hate to admit...)

Warning: This contains mostly hints of shonen-ai. Not sure if it's a real warning since most people read fanfics for the things they can't find in the original show or book or just to spread ideas. Ok... I'm digressing. Contains hints of shonen-ai, which means there is boyXboy love. Don't like, don't read.

They Say Third Time's A Charm

That damn stain appeared everywhere. No matter how many times he tried to look away, it always drew him back to it. Roy Mustang had to clean up the mess that he created but the one thing he couldn't clean was that one stain. He sighed softly, scratching the back of his head. How long had he been in this room now? A half an hour? More? Who knew. Roy had lost track of time a long time ago.

Suddenly, the memories flashed across his mind. Roy had offered to clean up the room where he had shot the two doctors to try to get his mind off of all the war happening outside. It had worked until now.

Images of the tattered bodies, of the bleeding people begging for him to stop and the sounds of the loud screams filled his head. Roy's eyes snapped open as he seemed to hyperventilate. Quickly, he reached back and unbuckled the gun on his side. He brought it up to him, to his throat, and clutched the trigger.

Pull it. Come on. Roy told himself. My life may not be equal to all the one's I took but it's a start.

Yet, his hand just shook with the gun gripped in it. No matter how many times his mind told him to pull the trigger, nothing happened. His arms never responded.

And then Marcoh appeared. The gun returned to his side as he listened to the doctor talk. Great, he had let a fellow officer see him in such a horrible position. Still, Marcoh acted normal. "If I run away, will you keep it a secret?" He asked Roy. "You won't tell anyone will you?" Of course Roy would not tell anyone. Marcoh had been by his side through a majority of this terrible experience.

As Marcoh disappeared, Roy stared at the gun that never left his hand. "Damn thing." He put it back into the pocket at his side. Roy still hated the gun. With that gun, he had killed the two doctors and almost himself. But Marcoh had saved him. Roy decided he would help the older man by not telling anyone and by continuing to live his pathetic life.

"Why do you always have to be so pessimistic, Roy?" Maes Hughes chuckled softly. He shoved a large chocolate chip cookie in his mouth. Meanwhile, Roy sat next to him, gazing at his feet. Maes noticed where he was looking at and cocked his head. He first glanced down at the floor. When he didn't find anything, Hughes bent down to try and see Roy's face but his black hair hid his expression.

He straightened back up and sighed. Quickly, Maes grabbed a cookie and faced Roy. He reached out, grabbed the man's head, pulled it up and, just after noticing his surprised expression, Hughes shoved a cookie in his mouth. "They say that chocolates and sugars and such help sadness." He told Roy.

Roy Mustang just sat there with his eyes wide with the cookie in his mouth. "Chew." Maes growled, his square glasses hiding his devious look in his eyes. With a quick jump, Roy nibbled on the cookie. He took the cookie back out and let out a loud sigh.

"But you know it's true."

"No, I don't. I think it's completely wrong." Maes finished the cookie he was eating and grabbed another. "Come on, Roy. I thought you were smarter than that. Your life is not pathetic. Either it was because you took a few lives or you couldn't save a few lives, it can't make you pathetic." Roy gazed up at his best friend as he spoke. Hughes stared forward, not even bothering to meet eyes with Roy. "People care about you, Roy. They don't think that you're pathetic."

"They also don't know what happened out there." Roy went back to look at his feet. "You were there but we didn't see the same things."

Before he knew it, the older man grabbed him by the chin and forced him to look at him. "So what? Stop feeling bad for yourself. I'm sure there are hundreds of other people who feel just as crappy as you do! I thought you said you wanted to get to the top! You're going to have to get your hands dirty if you want to get there!"

As much as Roy's dark black eyes tried to avoid Hughes light green ones, they always ended up meeting each other. Finally, Roy sighed and nodded. "You're right, Maes. I'm sorry."

A laugh of triumph came from Hughes. He let go of Roy, but seconds later, he leaned in close. At first, Roy was confused but as their lips met, the confusion ended. He knew that Maes was just trying to support him. He was trying to be a good friend. Which, oddly enough, made Roy feel even crappier about his actions and how he was acting like a horrible friend.

The kiss lasted only for a few seconds. Hughes leaned back and relaxed with a wide grin on his face. "I love these cookies." He told Roy. "My girlfriend made them. I hope that one day, when I get a wife, she's just as good a cook as Gracia."

Roy chuckled and finished the cookie Maes had given him earlier. It was true, the cookies were very good.

It was Roy's first try.

Hughes yawned loudly as he walked down the empty hallway. He fiddled with the toothpick in his mouth while rubbing his thumbs on the basket he had. Earlier, Gracia's parents had come over for dinner. Since she and Hughes were getting married in two months, they figured they should get to know their new son-in-law. Quite unfortunate news for Maes...

They had plenty of leftovers so Hughes, being the great friend that he was, thought that Roy might have liked some. Hughes knew Roy liked Gracia's food, even though he wouldn't admit it. He brought food over to the man's apartment from time to time and Roy even ate over at their house a lot.

Maes bit softly on the toothpick in his mouth as he was walking up to Roy's apartment. It had been a while since he had been up there. Truthfully, the last time he was at Roy's apartment was when... A sudden blush cross Hughes face. After helping Roy get over his depression, the had been a lot more involved than before.

He quickly shook his head, trying to erase the thought from his mind. Hughes then let out a sigh. He finally arrived at Roy's apartment. Maes stared at the door for a minute. The door was cracked open and the lights inside were all off. "Why would he leave the door open?" Maes sighed again.

Sure, he knew the man could be careless. He had found Roy's apartment door unlocked before when he'd come over just to find that no one was home. But to leave his door open? Maes shook his head with a chuckle. He was just being plain apathetic.

Hughes went to reach for the door knob when he stopped to think. Should he shut the door like a good friend would or leave it open and let the Lieutenant Colonel learn his lesson? Sure, it would be mean to let his place be robbed but wasn't it something that Roy needed? A slap in the face that told him to shut his door at least? It worked the last time. Hughes shook his head. He couldn't do something like that though.

He extended his hand and gripped the doorknob. Then, he heard something come from inside the apartment. It was a soft moan. Suddenly, Maes' face turned beet red and the toothpick he had been chewing on pointed towards the ceiling. Maybe Roy was home? Was there someone with him? Was he that bored, he actually brought home a girl? Maes continued to shake his head. He shouldn't have been thinking that kind of things! But what if he brought home a man? That thought kind of angered Maes.

For a long time, Hughes liked Roy but they never really expressed it more than being close friends and the occasional over night stay at Roy's house. The image of Roy's face after Maes had told him he was getting married flashed through his head. Roy had been able to hide the expression on his face but his eyes had the most pained look Maes had ever seen on the Lieutenant Colonel's eyes. If Maes could have had both of them, he would have. But of course, he couldn't do anything like that to either Gracia or Roy. He knew that Roy would stay his friend no matter what so that was what Maes chose, to stay friends.

He tried to think of more possibilities. Maybe Roy could have been alone and he just decided to take care of things himself. Hughes' face burned, he didn't like how he had put that. Plus, even if he did choose that, couldn't he have the decency to shut the door?

But Maes disapproved of the idea of leaving Roy alone. He had gotten over the Ishbal thing a long time ago but a man can still use a friend for comfort.

"Roy?" The man pushed open the door slowly, bringing the basket with him. Maybe he could have just left the basket in his kitchen or somewhere where Roy might actually find it. As Hughes walked into the apartment, the place was pitch black. He leaned against the walls as he walked, helping him guide his way through the apartment. Maes chuckled to himself, he was quite happy the man did not have the buckets of blood in his apartment anymore.

As he walked, Maes found the light switch. With a breath of relief, he flicked it on. At once, he was blinded by the light. Once his eyes became adjusted to the light, Maes searched around. The apartment was the same old mess Roy had always left it to be. He chuckled to himself as he continued to search.

After a few minutes, Maes let out a deep breath. "Maybe he's just not home." Just as Maes took a step to leave the apartment, he suddenly heard something. It was another moan. Maes hadn't heard it from outside but inside the apartment, it was more of a sob than anything else. Plus, it sounded like it was coming from Roy's bedroom.

"Roy?" He called out again, walking towards the bedroom. "Roy, you in there?" Maes cracked open the door, then pushed it all the way open.

There, in the middle of the floor, lay a curled up, shaking Roy Mustang. "Roy!" Maes dropped the basket of food and dove in the room. He kneeled down, wrapping Roy in his arms. "Roy! Answer me! What happened?" With a closer look, Maes noticed there were no signs of injury. The younger man was just crying.

Slowly, Roy gazed up at Maes. His eyes had a look in them that Maes hadn't seen before. Not only did the man seem sad, but there were also hints of anger and confusion in his eyes. Suddenly, his eyes snapped open and he let out a loud shout as he wrapped his arms around Maes tightly. "I couldn't do it!" He sobbed.

"Couldn't do what?" Maes asked, wiping the hair from Roy's face.

"I COULDN'T DO IT!" He continued to weep. Roy buried his face in Maes' chest, still shouting words Maes could barely understand. "I'm so weak! How can I take all their lives, yet be so reluctant when taking my own?" Maes couldn't understood what the man meant. As Roy cried, soaking the Major's coat, Maes remained frozen. How was he supposed to respond to something like that? Maes' eyes inspected the room. As they searched the floor, Hughes saw it. Next to Roy's leg was a gun. "That's what he meant by 'I couldn't do it'?" Maes whispered to himself.

After a minute, Maes grabbed the man by the shoulders and shook him, just enough to get his attention. "Roy! Listen to me!" Roy let out a tiny squeak after Maes' shout. "I thought you were over this! I thought you learned to live with what you've done!" He shouted, keeping a firm grip on Roy. "Time passes, Roy! People forget and forgive! You're not to blame for what happened! Stop thinking you are!

"And what did you think you were doing?" Maes snatched the gun and shoved it in Roy's face. A look of bewilderment stuck on the Flame Alchemist's face. "Is that why you left the door open? So someone would find you? How do you think that would have been for me, Roy? What if I was the one who found your dead body? Do you know how that would have made me feel?" Slowly, Hughes' voice grew calmer. "You can't do something like that to me. I care about you too much. I can't let you leave me."

Meanwhile, Roy was staring at his lap. "But you're leaving me."

Maes knew it was the completely wrong time to do this, but he burst out laughter. He couldn't help it. The tone of Roy's voice was so childish, it was funny. Once he calmed down, he stared at Roy. "I'm not leaving you. I'll just be a little farther away than normal." Maes took one of Roy's hands and held it in his. "I would never leave you."

Roy nodded. "I see... But can't you stay just a little longer?"

Maes smirked at the Flame Alchemist. "A little longer."

The two of them sat with each other for a few minutes when Maes glanced down at Roy. "Feeling better?"

"Tonight."

"What?" Maes cocked his head softly.

"Stay for tonight."

Hughes looked away with a blush on his face. "But, it's been a while and I didn't tell Gracia that I was going to stay here."

"Call her. I want you to stay here with me. At least, just for tonight." Roy had a tight grip on the older man's shirt.

Sighing, Maes ran his free hand through his hair. For some reason, he could never say no to Roy. Then, scratching his clean chin, he smiled at Roy. "Fine. Just for tonight." Maes stood up, kissing Roy on the forehead and walked out to the kitchen to call his fiancee.

It was Roy's second try.

He just sat there. Roy sat in the chair behind his desk, staring at the wall. He made no movement except for the occasional blink. The room was dark and the only light was the moonlight peeking in through the narrow space open between the window curtains. The moonlight reflected brightly off the small glass cup that Roy was holding. The cup had a little bit of scotch left, meanwhile a bottle of it sat right next to his hand. The bottle was only about a third full, meaning that Roy had basically drank the rest of it.

Roy's glazed eyes stared blankly at the cup in his hand. There was a moment where his hand flinched to pick up the cup but he seemed to have changed his mind. Colonel Mustang sat still in his chair for another few minutes until he finally stood up, finished his drink and pounded the glass down on the desk. He wavered in the air for a second. Once Roy finally was stable, he went to walk, using the wall as his guide.

Staring down at his free hand, Roy wondered just how drunk he was. After a moment, he wondered if any other drunk man had ever thought that before. Chuckling softly, Roy glanced up at his calender. The date was December 23rd, which meant it was two days until Christmas.

Funny. Why would Roy think of Christmas when he wasn't even going to celebrate it? He was alone. What was the use?

Roy found his way to the kitchen. He opened his cabinets and searched until he found what he was looking for. He pulled out a candy cane that had a red bow tied around it. Since he had been thinking about Christmas, Roy kind of had the taste for it. While he glanced at the cane, Roy let out a deep breath. What was he? A woman? He didn't know any men close to him who had cravings.

Now, somewhat more able to walk on his own, he trudged back to his desk. Roy had noticed a weird smell but did not know where it was coming from, so he just ignored it. As Roy went to open the candy cane, he noticed the picture on the wall of him and Maes Hughes. It was their graduation photo. That was back when Maes didn't have his beard and Roy was much chubbier from not having to fight a war. A sudden tug pulled at Roy's heart.

But he was gone. Maes Hughes had died months ago. He had been gone for a while. Mustang's eyes traveled down to candy cane, to the tag attached to it that said, "To Roy, From Maes. These things are really good. You should try it." Now that Roy thought about it, the candy canes had just become popular in the past few years. It was kind of weird to Roy.

Something else was bothering Roy. Maes had given the simple little candy cane to Roy and all he did was go back to his apartment and throw it to the side. Guilt nagged at him. How would Hughes react if Roy knew he never ate it? Sure, Roy had plenty of others, especially the one time Havoc fell in love with them and was still eating them through April. The thought made Roy feel sick. How could any man eat so many sugar sticks? Roy unwrapped the candy cane and placed it in his mouth, sucking lightly. He sighed, it was satisfying for the moment.

They're only peppermint and it's not anything special but doesn't it look festive? The giggle from an old, familiar voice scared Roy so much, he actually jumped out of his chair. He stepped backwards, hitting his leg hard enough on the desk to leave a bruise the next day. Roy Mustang ended up falling down on his behind. He hissed in pain before glancing up at the picture. For a minute, he had believed that the Hughes in the picture was talking.

Roy placed his head in his hands, snickering at himself. He knew he was going nuts, he just didn't believe it was happening this soon.

It's going to be Elysia's first Christmas! You're going to get her something nice for her, right? How about that big stuffed dog in front of the toy store? It seems that both you and Elysia have a fondness for dogs. The Flame Alchemist shook his head, trying to get the voice out of his head. It was another thing he hated about Christmas, besides all the consumer madness. It brought back a lot of memories he would more than love to forget.

Don't you think this would look sexy on Gracia or Hawkeye? Alright, well then how about me? The shenanigans of the two best friend's Christmas shopping haunted him. Maes truly was an idiot. But he was a smart idiot. Did that even make sense?

Roy, what do you think?

"Be quiet." Roy's eyes glided over to the gun that had fallen off of his desk when he had ran into it.

Roy, isn't this nice?

"Shut up." He picked it up, his finger twitching softly on the trigger.

Roy, I think you-

"SHUT UP!"

would really like-

In a quick and swift movement, Roy brought the gun up to his temple. "I SAID SHUT UP!"

Riza Hawkeye yawned loudly. The cold made her tired and walking through all the snow she had to walk through made it even more tiring. She tucked some of her hair behind her ear as she glanced up at the building she was walking to. Hawkeye looked back to the street, where Havoc, sitting in the warm car, motioned for her to keep walking.

She sighed and gazed up at where the Colonel's window was. A large number of military members where at a party in a local bar. Havoc, Hawkeye, Falman, Breda and even Furey all agreed that they should invite Colonel Mustang to the party. Of course, Havoc and Hawkeye had been chosen to carry out the duty.

Once again she looked up at the window. She wondered what in the world that man could be doing right now. Knowing Roy, Hawkeye guessed reading or sleeping. Suddenly, she had seen it. A bright flash of light. There was a faint sound of a gunshot to accompany it. Hawkeye quickly glanced back at Havoc, who was looking at two woman walking on the other side of the street. He defiantly would not have seen it.

In a full sprint, Hawkeye ran to the apartment building. She dashed up the stairs and without hesitation or the thought of even checking the lock, she kicked down the Colonel's door.

Sitting at the end of the room, next to his desk, was Colonel Roy Mustang. He was trembling and his eyes seemed to be locked on something on the wall. She ran to his side. Quickly, Hawkeye analyzed the Colonel. His eyes were wide, he was shaking and short gasps could be heard coming from his mouth. She saw the gun in his hands that rested in his lap but Riza saw no blood or gunshot on him. So, what had he shot?

Hawkeye looked up at the wall to see what Roy was staring at. There was a bullet hole in the small space between Roy and Maes in the photo on the wall.

She looked back down and took the gun from his hand and met no resistance. "Sir. Sir, are you alright?" Hawkeye asked but got no response. After getting no reply, Riza grabbed the Colonel by his shoulders and shook him softly. "Colonel, Sir, please answer me." Slowly, Roy's head turned and his eyes met his Riza's. With a loud gasp, he jerked back out of her grasp.

"Hawkeye, what are you doing here?" His normal stoic voice was replaced by something that sounded like it was on the verge of tears.

"Sir, I came to invite you to a party but what are you doing?" She asked frantically. As she spoke, Roy's eyes slowly became clouded and he returned to his daze-like state. Both worried and frustrated, Hawkeye shook Roy again. "Please, Sir. You're going to have to stay with me." But this time, he didn't respond when she shook him.

Hawkeye glanced down and noticed that his normal clean, white shirt was stained with alcohol. It also wreaked with a smell that Hawkeye couldn't name. Without a second thought, she unbuttoned his shirt, removing it, along with her own jacket and placed it on the Colonel's shoulder. "What am I supposed to do?" She spoke to herself, frustration winning over every other emotion.

Unfamiliar with the new feeling on his shoulders, Roy snapped out of his daze once again. He noticed the jacket on his shoulders and went to remove it when Hawkeye pulled his hands away from it. "Keep it on." She said, like a mother would to her son. Roy gave her an awkward look. Riza noticed it and bowed her head. "My apologies, but you need to keep it on until we can find you another shirt. It's cold and I don't want you to catch a cold."

Roy nodded and grabbed the coat tightly. His eyes were glued to the gun laying next to Hawkeye. "I still can't do it."

"What, Sir?"

"Not even now, even when I'm drunk, when I'm hearing voices and going insane, I still can't do it." His voice was empty.

"Do what?" Riza didn't know what her superior was talking about but it did worry her.

Suddenly, she was met with an angry glare from Mustang. "I couldn't shoot myself! No matter how many times I try, I'm still a coward and I can't pull the trigger! I've killed hundreds but I can't end my worthless existence! What's the point of-" But before he could finish, Roy was covered with more warmth. He looked down to see Riza Hawkeye hugging him. She had pulled him into a tight embrace. "Hawkeye?"

"Don't say that." Her voice remained calm. It seemed as though it was something she was very good at. Riza Hawkeye could remain calm in any situation. "You're not a coward because you couldn't kill yourself. That means that you're strong. It means you're strong enough to keep living. Cowards take the easy way out and get rid of everything."

Roy remained silent for a few moments before speaking. "But what's the point of me living? It's not fair that Maes had to die but I'm still here."

"Listen. I understand that you and Brigadier General Hughes were the best of friends. You two would die for each other, and unfortunately, one of you carried out that promise. Roy, he died so you can live and finish what he started." Roy felt his heart skip. Hawkeye never called him Roy. "You act like you think you're worthless but you know you're not. Why would any worthless person want to be the Fuhrer?"

She had a point. Roy's head rested lazily on Riza's shoulder. "I'm sorry." He muttered.

"It's fine." Her voice grew softer. "Just don't do it again." Riza slowly backed away from Mustang, who still seemed to be thinking about what she had said. "And what were you aiming for? Come on, even Breda has better aim." Hawkeye managed a soft smile. It was nice to see that she really supported him.

"I don't know. I acted on impulse. Works for me most of the time."

"Sure, with alchemy. Whenever you act on impulse with guns, you either throw them away for your gloves even though it's raining or end up shooting nothing." Her gaze met Roy's agitated one. It was good to see him back to normal. "So, are you coming with me?"

"Where?" Roy couldn't remember her mentioning anything.

"Whether you like it or not, you're coming. Go put a shirt on, Sir." Hawkeye told him.

Roy Mustang nodded to her, standing up. As he took a step towards his bedroom, Hawkeye asked, "What try was that?"

It took him a minute to think about what she meant but it soon clicked. "It was my third." Roy regretted saying that he had tried before.

"Really?" There was a small hint of surprise in her voice. "Funny. Isn't there that saying, 'Third time's a charm'?" She chuckled.

"I guess they lied." Roy said before shutting the door behind him.

FINALLY! I finished it! I started this about two months ago, got my computer taken away but now I finished it! Go me!

Yes, I know. According to Hiromu, in the world of FMA, Christianity does not exists so neither does Christmas but I needed something! So... there you go.

I love RoyXHughes and RoyXHawkeye. They all just support him so much and it's so cute! And sorry about all the suicidal tendencies in here but Roy's just so fun to write about since he can be so emo! ... I know it's weird...

Well, I hope you enjoyed it. Care to share your thought about it? -coughreview!cough-

Thanks for reading!