Cooking Ninjustu! Chapter 1
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Or Staples™. (Sasuke snickers) Don't make me come over there! (Holds up a pen for emphasis)
Naruto: Welcome to Cooking Ninjustu!! I'm the chef and the host, the gonna-be-Hokage: Uzumaki Naruto!!!
Kakashi: Oh, god no…
Sasuke: We're going to die here, and I can't kill Itachi. How depressing.
Naruto: You're depressing! Okay, today we're making apple pie! What we need is some apples (Dumps apples on the counter) some flour (dumps a bunch of petunias next to the apples)
Sakura: Naruto-baka, you need mashed-up grain flour, not a bunch of flowers. Here. (Hurls a sack of flour at Naruto)
Naruto: (Shrieks and ducks)
Kakashi: (sighs and snags the flour bag)
Naruto: I coulda done that myself, sensei!
Kakashi: Whatever. (Whips out Icha-Icha Paradise and starts cackling over it)
Naruto: Whatever you! (Dumps a white-noise maker next to Kakashi) Okay, so first we chop up the apples! (Whips out a kunai and starts slicing up the apples) This is easy! (Kunai slips and cuts off all of Naruto's fingers) OH MY GOD!!!
Intermission, look at the cute wittwe kitty:3
70 Hours (and twice as many stitches) later…
Naruto: We're back!!!
Sasuke: And ready to die… I'm taking Itachi with me! (Uses whiny-little-brother-jutsu, Itachi runs up immediately)
Itachi: What is it?
Sasuke: (Whimpers and puts on doggy face) Can you pwetty pwease suffer with us, Itachi-yarou??
Itachi: Whatever… (Notices Kakashi still reading Icha-Icha Paradise) OH SWEET! YOU'RE READING THAT SERIES TOO?!
Kakashi: IT'S MINE!!! (Breathes fire)
Itachi: NO, IT'S MINE!!!! (squeals like a cheeseburger [A.N. What?)
Kakashi and Itachi start fighting
Naruto: Umm… -.-' whatever… Now we mutilate the apples… (Mutilates the apples by looking at them) That was easy (Gets a lawsuit from Staples™) (tears apart lawsuit) now we mix the "flour" with some water (Dumps the flour in a pot of acid) Oh dear… I'm positive that isn't supposed to work that way…
Everyone: Like hell I'm eating that!!! (Flees)
Naruto: Whatever. So we put the apples in this stuff and stuff it into an oven for a few hours and voila!!! Our apple pie is done? Wait, what does voila mean?
A few hours later…
Naruto: Okay, I rounded up everyone!!!
Sasuke: Lemme out of here!!! (Tries to chew off strait jacket)
Naruto: Now for them to try my chicken fajitas!!!
Sakura: I thought we were eating apple pie…
Naruto: I changed my mind…(looks at the glowing green pot) No wait, it WAS originally apple pie…
Kakashi: (screams like a little girl and tries as best he can to get out of strait-jacket)
Naruto: Well, I see Kakashi-sensei would like some chicken fajita first!!! (stuffs some green blob thing into Kakashi's mouth)
Kakashi's jaw falls off.
Everyone: O-O'
Kakashi starts violently shaking and falls off his chair, convulsing and barfing out organs.
Sasuke: (Screams like a little girl and tries to gnaw off his ankle-restraints)
Naruto: Well… Kakashi was no immunity to anything to begin with so let's try with Sasuke! (Stuffs a even larger green-glowing-blob-thing into Sasuke's mouth)
Sasuke explodes.
Everyone but Naruto starts screaming and tries to run out of the studio.
Naruto: We'll be back next time!!! (Chases after Sakura with another blob) I'm gonna get you!!!
TBC, unfortunately…
A.N. Be afraid… be very afraid…