A/N: It's a song-fic from me. Song belongs to Hilary Duff, called 'Outside of You'. It's a very nice song; I have to admit her style-change did attract me to her songs. Bought her album and loved it. Lyrics borrowed from a site. I find the lyrics a very nice fit to what Yuya feels for Kyo…I think. I don't think listening to the song whilst reading would do you good though…forgive me for any mistakes in tenses and grammar and maybe misspellings, I'm not good with them. Especially tenses.
Disclaimer: SDK is not mine. Never mine. Lyrics used are also not mine.
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Yuya stared at his back and wondered why she kept on staying behind his pace. Why she can't just leave him, knowing that he will never look at her. Never will he look at her, let alone listen to her. Her green eyes kept staring at his broad back and wondered…what will happen when she tries and rest her head and body on them. She shook her head off of the thoughts and looked down to her feet. She watched her right foot move forward…and how her left foot reluctantly followed. She stopped.
Was she reluctant to follow him?
She knew, she knew that she can never ever get his attention…so why?
Why would she follow him when she knew she can never understand him? When she knew that he'll never give her a chance to actually let her understand him…
…when she knew that he'll never think about understanding her.
I can't get your attention
And I'm so sick of it
I've got something to say to you
So shut up and listen
He stopped, and glanced at her over his shoulder. He narrowed his eyes when she stopped moving altogether. He stared at her as her eyes widened when she kept staring intently at her feet. He turned around completely and walked towards her.
Her head rose up and she quickly backed away. Her body shook in fear. She was in doubt. She just wanted to understand him more but she just couldn't…her heart was in doubt now. She was afraid…
Afraid of rejection.
Afraid of rejection in any form.
"…Kyo…I…I want to…" she started, stuttering. She backed away more when he took a step. She closed her eyes.
"Tch. Hurry up, dogface. You're slowing me down."
…and he turned around and walked away.
I don't want you to look past me
I want you to know who I am
I hate it when you ignore me
You just don't understand
She just stared as he kept on walking away from her. Her feet were glued to the spot at where he left her. She felt a strong and painful tug at her heartstrings and how it pained her that it hurts much more that she ever thought it would. She didn't know that he mattered so much to her.
She just bit her lips when she felt her tears giving in to fall down her cheeks and let her emotions crumble and her dignity just break. She just couldn't. She couldn't take the abuse he'd done to her even without meaning it.
She just hated it.
…hated the fact that he's not giving her a second glance when she's not following him anymore.
She heard his whisper, his muttering.
"Stupid useless dogface…"
See the funny thing is
You're just as useless as me
I can make you better
If you would just let me in
She pivoted her feet and turned and carried her body away. She picked up her pace and ran. She ran away because he just wouldn't let her break into his life so easily. She knew…she knew she can make him happy.
…if he could just give her a chance to open his eyes and let her into his thoughts and life.
I'm outside of you
And I can't get through
Overlooking the beauty
That's dying inside me
Can't you see?
She knew she wasn't beautiful outside but she knew, if he looked at her twice…a little longer than the first gaze…he might've seen…
…seen the sincere look of love in her eyes.
The love that could make both of them happy…
I'm outside of you
And I'm so confused
You keep missing the small things
The safety that love brings
Can't you see?
She's never felt anything like what she felt for him. The feelings she felt when she watched him fight and get injured or how she tried to stop herself many, many times from jumping in front of him and protect him from getting injured. She knew that she'll never regret it if she died protecting him…but she also knew that he will never know of her feelings if she died.
But…did she want him to know of her feelings?
When he wouldn't even let her have a decent conversation with him?
I'm outside of you
Kyo stopped completely and felt nothing. No life coming from behind him. No sound. There was no sound of the steady breathing the woman behind him gave out. There was no sound of light footsteps following him.
He looked behind him and saw just the empty, silent forest. He couldn't see the woman anywhere.
He changed his direction and followed the track where his mind protested of him following but…
His actions were not caused by the instructions his brain gave out.
For anything to survive
It needs love and light to grow
I could be something beautiful
I guess you'll never know
Yuya kept on running and she couldn't comprehend, understand the fact of why she'd run away from him. Why did she have to run away? Why must she run away? Maybe…
…it's because that she'll never get to bloom like a beautiful flower if she kept on following him. She will never be able to be a happy girl like this…
Because…he's never curious of what she can be like if he'd given her the chance to show him.
See the funny thing is
You're just as lonely as me
We could be so much better
If you would just let me in
Yuya stopped when she found herself stopped by a large length of a river. A steadily flowing river, the water flowing so slowly that when she looked at her own reflection on the water, it was like a mirror.
It was showing her face clearly and how pale she looked and how messy her hair was, caused by the days of traveling without even stopping to even rest. Oh, how miserable she was. Even an animal would run away when it saw her like this.
A small ripple formed when something dropped into the water.
She looked at her face intently.
She was crying.
I'm outside of you
And I can't get through
Overlooking the beauty
That's dying inside me
Can't you see?
She untied her obi and unwound it from her body, letting it fall on the ground, pooling around her feet. She kneeled down and removed the outer kimono from her body and let it slip. She pulled the ribbon holding her hair together in a ponytail in one swift tug and discarded it. Clad in only her inner kimono, she got into the water and dipped her whole body in the water.
I'm outside of you
And I'm so confused
You keep missing the small things
The safety that love brings
Can't you see?
She opened her eyes in the water and stared at the blurry view caused by the water. She felt something drop into the water and then many ripples formed on the surface of the water. It was raining.
I'm outside of you
Kyo hastened his pace and glanced around warily. He couldn't even feel her presence anywhere…and he couldn't trace her footsteps. And then, drops of rain began to fall before it became heavier.
"Shit…" he cursed as he ran.
And as you walk by me
I'm silently screaming to set me free
I look in the mirror
And I see your future
You look good with me
Yuya kept on looking up, not caring of the water that stung her eyes. She was getting cold and she felt all tingly. She wanted something to set her free from the tight knot so stubborn of being untied around her heart.
She hated the feeling of being so helpless when it came to her feelings for him.
Maybe…maybe if she could just wait in the water a little while longer holding her breath…maybe she'd be free from the bindings.
She closed her eyes and waited.
And as you walk by me
I'm silently screaming to set me free
I look in the future
And I see your future
You look good with me
Kyo found a clearing with the sound of the steady flow of water. He slowly walked forward and saw a river and his eyes fell on the heap of clothes left clumsily on the riverbank. He saw her obi, he saw her colorful kimono and he saw her cherished ribbon. But he didn't see her.
He walked closer to the river.
I'm outside of you
And I can't get through
Overlooking the beauty
That's dying inside me
Can't you see?
Kyo saw something out of place in the river and he didn't see any bubbles of oxygen in the water. But he knew better than to believe that a dead body doesn't float. He plunged his arm into the water and grabbed a hold of a wrist and yanked it.
A body emerged from the water and it was pale and shivering. He still had a hold of her wrist and she couldn't run away now. She opened her eyes and felt the grip softening. She looked up slowly to face him.
She gasped.
I'm outside of you
And I'm so confused
You keep missing the small things
The safety that love brings
Can't you see?
Yuya saw the worried look mixed with annoyance on his face. She was even more surprised when she witnessed his eyes softening. A sting felt in her eyes alerted her that she was going to cry again. He let her go and she backed away and covered herself with her arms. She turned her gaze away from him and waited for anything that'll come her way.
However, she wasn't expecting strong arms to crush her body in an embrace. She also wasn't expecting it to come from Kyo. Her eyes widened and she cried, listening to the erratic heartbeat of her object of affection. He was worried about her.
She listened and felt as it began to slow down into a normal heartbeat.
"Why…?"
Yuya looked up.
"Why do you have to be so stupid as to drown yourself?!" he shouted at her, pushing her body away. She was surprised but she understood why he should be so angry at her.
She was always stupid, useless and forever will be the dogface to his eyes.
She readied herself to any beating or insults…
…but none came her way.
"…you don't know me."
She looked up, a frown painting her face. She was readying with a counter but he beat her to it. She knew, if she told him that she wanted to understand him before this, what's the use? He'd never share with her his thoughts and feelings. She'll just let him talk. Let him tell her whether or not she meant anything to him.
"…you don't understand me."
She just listened and stared at him as he continued to talk.
"…I don't want you to die when it's not by my hands."
She just nodded and wrapped her arms around him and didn't budge when he tried to push her away again. She understood what he wanted to say. What he wanted to tell her. He need not say any more. She just wanted to cherish their closeness before he pushes her away again in the future.
He's letting her in just now, even if it was just for a second.
She closed her eyes and embraced the warmth just before it slips away again…
…when she embraced the coldness.
I'm outside of you
"…dogface?"
He looked down at her immobile body.
I'm outside of you
"…Yuya…?"
He saw how her face paled and how she sagged in his arms.
He told himself that he shouldn't let her go.
He will never let her go.
He brought her head closer to his chest and hugged her tight. His voice broke whenever he tried to say something so he just let silence engulf them in its embrace.
…in its sad, lonely and hollow embrace, Kyo held her tight.
I'm outside of you
Your embrace is what completes me…and I'm content.
Arigato…Kyo.
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A/N: …was it okay? Was it? I'm not good with song-fics. I think this is my first one? I dunno. I guess it shouldn't end happily because I don't think the song really tells me that it ends up happy…so I'll just keep to that. I think this song could be done in a ballad. It'll be sadder. Oh well, R&R&R, it's polite. BTW, I'm gonna have a two-weeks holiday so I might update ALL my stories just before the long hiatus, Curse of the Fading Tears will be up first so you better read the latest chapter before I update. Yay for school holidays!!! Or…just do my own little small original short story projects for practice! If anyone's interested, do tell me. It'll be a mix of horror, romance and some disturbing topics. One will be called 'Brother Complex', the second will be 'Beauty Makes My World Go Round' and also 'I Dream of a Ghost'.