DL oneshot. After seeing Don in the hospital, Lindsay knows Danny needs to deal with his feelings. Takes place after CoTP and has some season 2 spoilers. The idea came to me when I heard the song "You Save Me". Rated T for language.
All characters belong to CSI:NY, which belongs to CBS, not me. And the song (lyrics are at the end) belong to Kenny Chesney. Thanks to all involved for letting me borrow them.
This is my first fan fiction, so any thoughts you have will be appreciated.
You Save Me
"You want that ride?"
Lindsay looked up at Danny, finding no hint of his usual smirk. She nodded and took one last look inside the glass room to the still figure in the hospital bed.
"G'night, Mac." Lindsay looked toward him as he leaned forward in the uncomfortable hospital chair.
Mac nodded and turned his gaze to Danny. Danny started toward the exit, looking at Mac.
"Call if anything changes." Mac nodded in agreement as Lindsay and Danny left.
Lindsay walked next to Danny out in to the cool evening air, stealing sidelong glances at him whenever she could. They were both silent walking to the car, Danny lost in his own thoughts and Lindsay caught up worrying about Danny.
Nearing the car, Danny clicked the remote to unlock the door and went to the driver's side. Lindsay opened the passenger door, taking another chance to study his face. Worry, fear, adrenaline and something far more savage emanated from every part of Danny's being.
Unsure what to do, Lindsay reached for the radio as Danny started the engine.
"Montana, we are not, I repeat, not listening to country music while I drive you home."
Lindsay frowned, not at his poor taste in music, but in the flat tone of voice he used compared to his much more animated normal way of razzing her about country music. Lindsay reached for her seatbelt as the song started. Less than thirty seconds in, Danny forcefully pushed a button on the front of the radio to change the station to alternative rock.
Lindsay had heard enough of the country song to instantly recognize it. Not that she didn't like alternative rock or other music; Lindsay preferred country when she was feeling down. Realizing she was feeling down and trying to understand what Danny might be feeling, Lindsay mentally sang the country song in her head.
"Danny?"
"Yeah?"
"Um, would it be okay if I stayed at your place tonight?" Lindsay let out the breath she hadn't realized she was holding.
"Come again?"
"If you have other plans or don't want me to, I understand. It's just that I think I'd feel better if I wasn't alone tonight."
Danny turned to her for a long moment before focusing on the road. "I'm sorry. I forgot you were there when it happened this morning, too. Of course you can crash at my place, but I may not be very good company tonight. I'm kinda tired."
"I can just go back to mine if it'll be a problem."
"Nah. Are you kidding? If you don't mind the mess."
Lindsay smiled. "Since you're letting me camp out, takeout's on me."
Danny smiled, making Lindsay sigh in relief. "No spiders, okay?"
"C'mon Messer, would I do that to you?"
"In a heartbeat!"
"Okay, okay", Lindsay conceded. "You pick the place."
"There's a good Chinese take out place not far from my building."
"Works for me."
The rest of the ride was spent in silence. Danny concentrating on the road with both hands on the steering wheel and Lindsay studying him with stolen glances.
Lindsay followed Danny off the elevator and to his apartment door, watching his hand shake as he fumbled with the key. Unconsciously, she reached over and placed her hand on his shoulder. Danny didn't lean into her touch, nor did he pull away.
Lindsay followed Danny inside, waiting inside the door as he turned some lights on and tossed his jacket on the back of a chair.
"I'm gonna go grab a shower. The take out menu is in the kitchen by the phone."
"Okay." Lindsay took her jacket off and put it on the back of another chair, before walking to the kitchen. Finding the menu and the several choices listed, Lindsay walked into the small hallway with the bedroom and bathroom and knocked on the closed bathroom door.
"Danny? What do you want from Chinese?"
"Scared to open the door, Montana?"
Lindsay smiled and opened the bathroom door. "Nope. Now, what do you want me to order for you?"
Danny peeked out from the shower curtain with shampoo still in his hair, squinting to try to see.
"Montana? You're inside my bathroom!"
Lindsay looked around the room. "It would seem that way."
"I, uh, I can't believe you actually came inside my bathroom."
"You already said that, Messer. Talk about stating the obvious. What do you want me to order?"
Danny smiled the lopsided grin that made her heart skip a beat. "Since you're here, do you want to join me?"
"Sorry, no can do."
"What? A shower would be just the thing to help you relax."
"While I'm sure it would, but I'm not supposed to get the stitches wet for twenty-four hours."
Danny's smile fell and he pulled the shower curtain closed. "Right, right. Just get me whatever to eat, it's all good."
Lindsay mentally chided herself for brining him back to the reality that was dragging him down. Lindsay dialed the number from the kitchen telephone, giving the take out order and address. Looking in the refrigerator, she pulled out two beers and looked through drawers for the bottle opener.
"Here. I'll do it."
Startled, Lindsay flinched from her position at the bottom drawer, raising up and smacking the back of her head on the ledge of the counter.
"Ow. Damn that hurt." Lindsay stood up, rubbing the back of her head, to stare at Danny fresh from the shower, dressed in sweats and a t-shirt, his hair still damp.
"Careful. I don't want to have to take you back to the hospital to have your head checked again." Danny smirked, but softened his words by approaching Lindsay and reaching around to softly stroke the back of her head.
Lindsay's gaze locked with Danny's until he turned away and took the first beer, taking the cap off with his hand and giving it to Lindsay.
Danny took the second beer and walked out to the living room. "I'm gonna see what's on the tube."
Lindsay followed him out, unzipping her boots and sliding them off in the living room corner and sitting next to Danny on the couch. Danny flipped through every channel available, watching any show that captured his attention for no more than three minutes before moving to the next channel.
Lindsay knew he was not doing well when he skipped past the Yankees game. At the knock on the door, Lindsay stood, taking her purse to the door.
Danny was completely lost in thought, flipping through channels and didn't even notice the food until Lindsay sat a plate down in front of him on the coffee table. Lindsay took the TV remote and turned the Yankees game on, motioning to Danny to eat. Danny slid down onto the floor next to Lindsay and filled his plate, eating in silence.
Normally, Lindsay was a patient person, but Danny's silence was driving her crazy. All her attempts at small talk, even about the game, had resulted only in monosyllable responses, usually grunts.
"Danny?" Lindsay frowned as she got no response. Lindsay leaned over and gently touched his forearm. "Danny?"
"What? What is your problem tonight?"
"My problem?"
"Yeah. You just won't leave me alone!"
"No I won't. Danny, you've been through some horrible things recently and with Flack in the hospital, you need to open up."
"Flack's gonna be alright."
"I didn't say that. But you have so much stored inside you with Louie, Aiden and now Flack, you need to get it out."
"How do you know what I need?"
"I just do. You're gonna have to trust me on that one."
Danny turned away from her, standing up. "I don't trust anyone."
"That's part of your problem."
"You're the one with a problem. Why can't you just leave me alone?"
"Because I care about you."
Danny walked over to the window, shoulders slumping in defeat and staring out at the City lights at night for several long minutes. "I'll be fine, Montana. I'm gonna go to bed."
Danny turned to walk to the bedroom when Lindsay jumped up and ran to stand in front of him.
"The hell you are! You're not going anywhere."
"What is up with you? This is my place and you're lucky I'm not kicking you out."
"So I'm lucky to be stuck here with your grumpy ass?"
"I told you, you can leave. It won't break my heart."
Lindsay tried to keep her emotions in check, but she really did care for Danny and he was pushing her away. "But if I left now, it might just break my heart."
"That's a load of crap if I ever heard one. What? You think I'm so special? That I could break your heart?"
"Would that be a bad thing? For me to think you're special?"
Danny grabbed his dirty plate and some take out cartons, carrying them to the kitchen sink. Lindsay followed with the rest of the cartons and her plate.
Lindsay walked up behind Danny, touching his shoulder. "Danny, you're not pushing me away that easily."
Danny threw the plate into the empty sink, shattering it into several small pieces. Lindsay's heart felt as if it shattered at the same time, but she knew she had to stay strong.
"So that's what you do to get me to leave? Break a piece of flatware?"
"Lindsay…"
"No, Daniel Messer. I am not leaving."
Danny gripped the edge of the counter with such force, his knuckles turned white. "You don't want to keep pissing me off."
"No? All you've done is break a plate. Even I can do that." Lindsay then took her dirty plate and tossed it into the sink, breaking it.
"What the hell are you doing?" Danny turned around and yelled at her.
"I'm not afraid of you, Messer."
"You should be." Danny advanced on Lindsay, backing her up against the kitchen counter.
"But I'm not. You would never intentionally hurt anyone."
"That's not what you should be afraid of. You should be afraid of being around me. Everyone close to me gets hurt." Danny grabbed her upper arms forcefully.
Lindsay schooled her reaction to the pain caused by Danny's grasp. "Are you saying you feel close to me?"
"Don't change the subject. You need to get out of here now, before you get hurt. More than you already are." Danny looked up at the cut along her hairline.
"Sweetie, being close to you did not get Louie beat up, or get Aiden killed or put Don in the hospital. You can't blame yourself."
"Don't talk like that!" Danny's grip on her upper arms tightened and Lindsay visibly flinched at the pain.
"Danny, please. None of it is your fault."
"Dammit Lindsay! You don't understand."
"I understand you have to make yourself feel responsible and to punish yourself for causing others pain. Danny, you're a good, kind, smart, funny and caring person. Louie knew that, Aiden knew that and Flack knows that."
"Lindsay, don't …" Danny released his hold on her and stepped back to pinch the bridge of his nose.
"No Danny. It is not your fault."
Danny continued to back away, across the kitchen. Lindsay advanced on him, holding his gaze.
"But, I don't want to lose anyone else. I can't go through it again; I can't." Danny took his glasses off, wiping his eyes.
"Danny, you're not.."
"Shut up! Just shut the hell up! You don't know what you're talking about!" Danny threw his glasses down on the counter, turning his back on Lindsay to lean on the edge of the counter.
Lindsay reached out to him, gently touching his bicep. "Danny, let me help you."
"You can't help me! No one can!" Danny nearly yelled the retort, reigning in his barely leashed anger.
Lindsay kept her hand on his arm. "Please Danny. I can help."
Danny's shoulders shook with his will to contain his emotions. "You want to help? Are you sure? You might get your hands dirty."
Lindsay pursed her lips, feeling the anger form inside her. "Messer, I am not like that. You of all people should know that!"
"What I do know is that you'll run away the minute things get tough!"
"That was low." Lindsay dropped her hand from his arm and turned her back to him.
"But true." Danny turned around to see her shoulders shake slightly. Danny's resolve to push her away almost melted at her slumping shoulders, but she straightened, took a breath and turned to face him.
"This is not about me. This is about you. And you obviously need to let something out, so go ahead. You want to aim it at me, be my guest. If it will help you deal and make you stop moping, do it!"
"You don't want to know what I want from you." Danny's voice was low and his gaze was not directed on Lindsay's face, but on her chest, which was heaving with her anger.
"You, Detective Messer, will not get away that easy. You need to deal with your feelings."
"Feelings? Feelings! What is it with you women and your feelings? Aiden used to tell me that all the time. Of course she'd at least get me drunk first!"
"So you want me to get you drunk?"
"I want you to leave!"
"Danny, I'm not going anywhere." Lindsay leaned back against the counter, crossing her arms in front of her chest.
"I could make you leave, you know."
"And the neighbors would call the police and then what do you think Mac'll do about that?"
"Then you should just leave on your own."
"Danny, I'm not leaving."
"I think that bump on your head caused more damage than those medics found."
"Danny, quit changing the subject. You need to deal with your feelings."
"Montana, what part of 'I don't want you help' do you not understand?"
"Danny, what's it gonna hurt to talk?"
Danny again turned his back to her.
"C'mon Danny, please. Let me help you." Lindsay boldly stepped over to Danny, again touching his arm.
"What? You're here only to offer me comfort?"
"Yes. I want to be here for you."
"Think you can save me or something like that?"
"Danny, I hate to see you drowning like this. I'm here to help in anyway I can."
Danny spun around and grabbed Lindsay's arm, surprising her. He looked at her with a smirk that was almost menacing and backed her up against the kitchen counter.
"You sure you want to waste your time on me?"
"Danny, stop this. It is not a waste of time to help a friend!"
Danny slowly pushed her further back, until the edge of the counter dug into the small of her back.
"Well, well, Miss Monroe. I don't want to talk anymore. The only thing I want from you is quite a bit more, uhm, carnal in nature." Danny leaned over, his breath gazing her cheek, as he pressed his body along hers to emphasize his point.
Lindsay looked up into his eyes, seeing their crystal blue now darkened in turmoil and pain and made a decision. Lindsay leaned up into Danny and pressed her lips to his, wrapping her arms around his neck.
Danny tensed at her response and pushed her away, looking into her eyes which were clouded in confusion.
"Montana, when did you get so bold?"
Lindsay ducked her head in embarrassment, immediately questioning her decision.
"I'm sorry Danny. I just wanted, I mean, I thought that you…. Oh, never mind!" Lindsay pushed against him trying to get away.
Danny held her tightly against him as she struggled to break free.
"Lindsay, please."
She immediately froze, hearing her given name, not the nickname he usually chose to call her. Lindsay looked up at Danny, tears and hope shimmering in her eyes. Danny let out a breath he wasn't aware he was holding and hugged her against him.
Lindsay saw knew Danny was not good with the word 'sorry', but saw something in his eyes that made her heart soar. Returning his hug, Lindsay willed him to take all the strength she was giving him. Instead, Danny pulled back, looked into her eyes and ran his thumbs along both sides of her jaw.
Almost reverently, Danny slightly tilted her head and touched his lips to hers. Lindsay felt the tentative touch of his lips and the tiny movements as their lips moved slowly together. Lindsay sighed at the sweetest of kisses and Danny chose that moment to use his tongue to lick her bottom lip. Lindsay gasped and Danny's tongue danced with hers. Lindsay felt the raw energy and emotion emanating from Danny and held nothing back.
Danny was the first to pull away and stare at her in awe.
"Linds, if I'd have known it would've been this good, I wouldn't have waited this long to do it."
"As I recall, Detective Messer, I'm the one who started it tonight."
"That's true, but I'm gonna be the one who finishes it!"
"Is that right?" Lindsay smiled and raised one eyebrow, challenging Danny.
"Oh yeah."
"We'll see about that." Lindsay reached up, threading her fingers through his hair and pulling his head down for another kiss.
Unable to get close enough, Lindsay jumped up against him and wrapped her legs around his waist. Caught unaware, Danny quickly regained his balance and never breaking their kiss, carried her to his bedroom.
Later that night, Danny was wide away, laying in bed, one elbow propped up supporting his head, as he watched her sleep. He slowly reached over near her head, touching a wayward curl and wrapping it around his finger.
As the moon broke through the clouds and shined in through the side of the window blinds, Lindsay's face was illuminated in moonlight and looked so peaceful. Danny realized he felt more at peace within himself than he had in quite a long time. He also knew the reason for that warm feeling spreading through his heart and into his soul was lying right next to him. Wondering what he did to deserve something so good and pure, Danny lay down next to her and placed his hand against her cheek.
Danny whispered something against her hair and closed his eyes. Lindsay smiled in her sleep hearing his whispered words:
"Thanks for saving me, my love."
You Save Me
Every now and then I get a little lost
My strings all get tangled, my wires all get crossed
Every now and then I'm right up on the edge
Dangling my toes out over the ledge
I just thank God you're here
'Cause when I'm a bullet shot out of a gun
'Cause when I'm a firecracker comin' undone
Or when I'm a fugitive ready to run, all wild-eyed and crazy
No matter where my reckless soul takes me
Baby you save me
It's hard lovin' a man that's got a gypsy soul
I don't know how you do it, I'm not sure how you know
The perfect thing to say to save me from myself
You're the angel that believes in me like nobody else
And I thank God you do
'Cause when I'm a bullet shot out of a gun
When I'm a firecracker coming undone
When I'm a fugitive ready to run, all wild-eyed and crazy
No matter where my reckless soul takes me
Baby you save me
I know I don't tell you nearly enough
That I couldn't live one day without your love
When I'm a ship tossed around on the waves
Up on a high wire that's ready to break
When I've had just about all I can take
Baby you, baby you save me
When I'm a bullet shot out of a gun
When I'm a firecracker coming undone
When I'm a fugitive ready to run, all wild-eyed and crazy
No matter where my reckless soul takes me
Baby you save me