Dean sits at the edge of the bed, gazing out the open window. The cigarette in his hand is wasting away, ignored as Dean loses himself in his memories. He thinks back
to a happier time; a time full of pain and sleepless nights, a time of cuts and bruises, but a happy time nonetheless. A time with Sam.
His brother had been killed in a hunting accident, almost two years ago to the day. Dean had had his time to grieve. He had buried Sam in an abandoned field,
overtaken by cowslips and periwinkles, under an old oak tree. The thing he remembered most wasn't the pain he had seen on Sam's face as blood poured out of the
seemingly shallow cut on his neck. It wasn't the last words Sam whispered into his ear, moments before he slipped away. It wasn't even the anguish of having to bury
his only brother. It was how beautiful the field had been, on the day he put Sam to rest. At the time, he couldn't quite comprehend how anything could be that
breathtaking.
It didn't seem right.
Dean laughs quietly to himself, brought back for a moment to the present.
"Nothing ever seems right in our lives, does it, Sammy", he mutters.
He takes a puff from the nearly burnt-out cigarette, then puts it in the ashtray. He inhales deeply and allows it to fill his lungs, enjoying the sensation. He can see the
stars outside. The night is clear and fresh, and the wind that blows through the trees is just strong enough to cause Dean to shiver. He stands up and shuts the window.
With a sigh he walks back to the bed, but doesn't sit down. Castiel is still sleeping, his back turned to Dean. A small smile finds its way onto the hunter's face.
"Cas, my little angel," he murmurs fondly.
He can't remember how their unique relationship began, but he knows he couldn't have survived without it. Cas has always been there for him. Dean leans over Cas and
brushes the hair back from his rugged face.
"God, you're beautiful", he whispers.
He sits back and watches the angel's sides rise and fall as he breathes. Everything about him is perfect; from the small scars on his face to the way he walks. Dean can
feel tears welling up, threatening to overflow and spill out onto his cheeks, and he doesn't know why. He turns away and bows his head, resting his hands on his
forehead. Finally, he can't hold it in, and the tears flow down his face. He's been holding them in for too long. The tears for his brother. The tears for his father. Even
the tears for himself. He knows he can't show his emotions; that would be weakness. But right now, he just can't see the point. Suddenly he feels two strong arms
around his waist. Cas rests his head on Dean's shoulder, and kisses his neck.
"I love you, Dean Winchester", he whispers. "I love you."
Dean chokes on his tears, his entire body shaking. He clutches Cas closer to him, needing reassurance that the angel is there.
"Don't you leave me Cas", he sobs, "Don't you leave me alone."
Cas gets off the bed, and kneels in front of Dean. He kisses his sweaty forehead, then looks into the eyes of the man he loves.
"Dean…I will never leave you.
Never."