Just For a Second
By: Shia-chan
Disclaimer: I wish I owned these characters. :/
Summary: Set after Potentials. Dawn's own little monologue expressing her true feelings. What does she really think about Amanda and all those other Potentials?
Dawn...
They didn't notice it. I don't think anybody did. No one noticed anything out of the ordinary when I handed that stake to Amanda. Thus they didn't notice how hard it was for me to do it.
They didn't notice how my hand had gripped the stake sooo tightly and I had to virtually force myself to place it into her baffled hands. My legs, my arms, my body. Not a single part of me wanted to hand her that stake of death. I wanted to keep it. I wanted the job. And I was all ready to welcome it too.
I'm a selfish person, I know. I didn't want her to have it because on some level I didn't think she could handle it. Honestly, I didn't think any of them could. The pressure. The bloodshed. The heartache. But I knew I could do it. I could fight, handle death, handle anguish, and avoid all those mistakes that Buffy had made. I could also keep up that silly facade that Buffy had on everyday. After all I've lived with it all my life. And it's all an intergral part of me. Everything that had to do with Slaying that is. But even though, I was still scared out of my mind.
When Willow's spell went through me, hell I was more than just a little frightened. I was terrified. I have seen first hand what a Slayer's duties were and my first instinct was denial. I didn't want to be a potential. I didn't want those burdens on my shoulders. Seriously...who would?
But the other part of me. Rejoiced. It welcomed the fact that I was selected to be a potential. Then I finally figured out why. It wanted me to be something more than what I was. What I am.
Sometimes I get so tired of sitting along the sidelines with Xander. You don't know how hard it is. To be able watch, but never actually allowed to become an intergral part of the story. It is so hard when everyone around you is a part of this...this greatness, and well...you're not. It makes you feel inferior and unwanted and useless. And for a long time, I've felt that way.
But I know I'm not inferior or unwanted or even useless. I'm special. I've been taught that all my life. And I knew it. A lot of people love me and depend on me. For many things...but I can't help but feel like the pariah. Can't help but feel alone. Wouldn't you feel the same way?
Yet sometimes, you just can't help but want it. You crave it. This...power. And you'd give up anything to get it. So that you too could be someone great.
Even if it was, just for a second.