Disclaimer: I do NOT own Golden Sun or The Lost Age.
xxShadowSpiritsxx: Ok, this is actually a story that I wrote for a school assignment, but I want more feedback on it and I just thought others might enjoy reading it. It was supposed to be a fairy tale that includes ten of the 'parts of a castle' words, so just ignore the underlines... if they even show
The Battle for theOracle Relic
Up in the sky, two shadows converse at the break of dawn-the water spirit and earth spirit. "I feel an alternate force impending. It questions the prophecy of the Oracle Relic," the water spirit said. "I sense it too. It seeks revenge. The gods of Mercury ad Venus struggle with Mars and Jupiter."
"Yes. And there will be a great battle between them shortly. We must do anything to stop this."
"But the only way is to return the Oracle Relic to the spirits of light and darkness. I've kept an eye on the four chosen ones, but they are still working their way up the staircase of success."
"All we can do is hope."
"I see things the same way," the earth spirit agreed and they floated away.
***
The sun shone down on the small village of Kolima, where four brave warriors rested for the night. Of these, two were knights, another a squire, and the last, a healer. They go by the names of Felix, Alex, Isaac and Mia. From the villages of Vale and Imil, these young fighters left their hometowns to go on a quest; a journey to find and return the Oracle Relic to its rightful place. "Isaac!" The young priestess banged on the door, "Isaac, wake up or we're leaving without you!" "Mia, calm down," a familiar voice said as it approached. "Yes, there's nothing to be mad about, right Alex?" Felix joined the two. "Right. Anyways, we've got better things to worry about." "But we should get going." Mia opened the door to see a sleeping Isaac lying on his bed. "He looks so peaceful. let's go wake him up!" Alex and Felix charged at the inactive squire. " I better get packed and ready to leave. I'll be in my room, you two!"
The four set off on their journey once again. At around noon, they stopped at the nearby town of Madra. Although it was busy, the village itself was fairly small. They quickly restocked their supplies and found a place to eat. "You know, Isaac," Mia told him as he ate his lunch, "I think you should learn to get up earlier in the morning. It's always a hassle to wake you up each day." "It's not my fault." "Well you can't blame him for being born like that!" "Alex!" Mia flew a look of anger and frustration on her face, "You're older than all of us and yet you still act like a 10 year old page." "Not all the time," he opposed. "But almost." Isaac took another bit out of his bread. "Guess what!" A knight rushed up to them wit ha fast pace. "What now, Felix?" "Well, while I was exploring town, I Overheard some people talking about a castle up ahead. They say it has some sort of legend in its past and I think it has to do with the Oracle Relic we're searching for." "We should get going. Maybe we can get some answers to this mystery." "Good idea, Mia," commented Isaac.
It was almost dark when Felix, Alex, Isaac and Mia reached the castle. "Prox Castle. so that's what it's called," Alex said as they crossed the drawbridge over the moat and to the portcullis. "Wow! Look at all of this great armour!" Felix rushed toward a table with countless shields, gauntlets and chain mail. The other three entered the outer bailey and joined him. "Felix, it's late. We should get some rest. I'm sure Alex and Isaac agree with-what are you doing?!" "Here, Isaac," Alex handed him a sword, "This is a very strong weapon. It has good grip, it's not extremely heavy and it can do some serious damage."
"Excuse me, but we'll be leaving now," Mia said with annoyance and dragged them to the inn to get some rest. After all, they traveled quite a long way and they deserve some time to just relax. But when they woke up, they found themselves no longer at the inn.
"Ahh! Where are we?" asked Mia. "I have a slight suspicion that we're somewhere in the keep." Alex stood up and walked around the dark cell. "But the keep isn't a dangerous place. In fact, it's considered to be one of the safer places to be. You shouldn't worry so much." "Felix, I'm just cautious. You still have a lot to learn, too." "I see you've awakened. Greetings. My name is Master Hamma. Don't worry. I'm trying to get you out of here. You see, I have a very rare ability. This skill lets me communicate with the elemental spirits of earth, fire, wind, water, light and darkness. And with it comes a prophecy." While the four warriors listened attentively, Master Hamma told them the history of the Oracle Relic and the dangers it possessed if it would fall into the wrong hands. She also told them of four young warriors who were to protect it along with the spirits. "So if we're so important, how come we ended up here?" asked Felix. "The people of Prox castle are highly religious and superstitious. Whenever visitors come, the villagers get nervous and often accuse those people of witchcraft or spell casting. That's why you're here. But I usually meet with those accused in person, and I've awaited the day you four would come. I knew they'd bring you here, and that, I planned. You must continue to search for the Oracle Relic and save the world from the great dangers ahead. I also-" All of a sudden, they heard a loud bang coming from the barbican. "My lady, invaders from the south have come! They seek something called the Oracle Relic." "Thank you for informing me. I was afraid this would happen. The spirits did warn me. Felix, Alex, Isaac, Mia. come with me." They followed obediently. "Can we trust her?" Mia asked. "She definitely has some powers and she did know our names. And don't forget what she told us about the history of the Oracle Relic. Of course we can trust her," Alex responded. Master Hamma led them to a room filled with armour and weapons. "You may choose what you like. Then, we must join the rest of the knights in battle." "Right," they replied in unison, not even knowing what they just committed to or whom they were up against.
They stepped outside the inner bailey and saw all of the villagers scattering and finding safe places to stay. "Now, you must help me lead the army into battle to defeat the enemies," Master Hamma commanded. "Yes, ma'am." They stepped up onto their horses and began riding towards the postern gate to attack them from behind. "I'll be at the front gate helping out the people there!" Master Hamma rode her horse to the entrance of the castle and on the way saw the enemies that were being drenched with boiling oil from the machicolations in the parapets. After hours of treacherous fighting, the number of knights left decreased. Many of Master Hamma's soldiers ha died or were relocated and transferred to help guard the main gate, and drop stones through the murder holes. Finally, there were only nine warriors left. Master Hamma, you must stop this fighting at once, a voice called from above. With that, Master Hamma knew exactly what the voice meant. "Oh my gosh. what have I done? I completely forgot. Felix, Alex, Isaac, Mia, stop this battle right now!" She dashed toward them on her horse. "What?! Why?" "Just stop!" The four warriors put their swords and maces down. "Why did they stop?" asked a girl from the other side. "I don't know, but it might be our cue to attack," another answered. Master Hamma approached. "You seek the Oracle Relic, do you not?" The other four glared at each other, "Yes, but what's it to you?" "What you're searching for has great danger entwined." Master Hamma walked between the two groups of knights. "Let me explain. You see, Mercury and Venus gods have been at war with Mars and Jupiter. You four are from Mars and Jupiter clans, while Felix, Alex, Isaac and Mia are from Mercury and Venus clans. This is why you are fighting right now. There are supposed to be only four chosen ones to help guard the Oracle Relic. However, because of the hatred between the gods, both sides chose representatives. Now that the Oracle Relic is missing, it is the duty of the chosen to return it" "So we're fighting for the same purpose?" asked Mia. "Right." They all put their weapons down and looked at the ground where hundreds of dead bodies lay. "All this fighting. it led to this tragedy," the girl whispered as the rest stood in silence. "We have learned much from this experience, though," said Mia, hopefully. "Yes. I too have learned that violence never solves anything," Master Hamma added. "I have an idea! Since we both seek the Oracle Relic, we can work together. It will strengthen our group and the chance of success will be greater," Isaac, usually the quiet one, suggested. "Working together. as one. harmony." They joined hands and formed a new alliance. Felix, Alex, Isaac, Mia from Venus and Mercury, Garet, Jenna, Ivan, Sheba from Mars and Jupiter.
Alas, elemental balance.
xxShadowSpiritsxx: So, what'd you think? Sort of stupid, but please review. Oh, and if you wouldn't mind, I want to know what mark you think I'd get (out of 10), 5 marks for grammar and 5 marks for creativity. Thanx! Ta ta for now!
xxShadowSpiritsxx: Ok, this is actually a story that I wrote for a school assignment, but I want more feedback on it and I just thought others might enjoy reading it. It was supposed to be a fairy tale that includes ten of the 'parts of a castle' words, so just ignore the underlines... if they even show
The Battle for theOracle Relic
Up in the sky, two shadows converse at the break of dawn-the water spirit and earth spirit. "I feel an alternate force impending. It questions the prophecy of the Oracle Relic," the water spirit said. "I sense it too. It seeks revenge. The gods of Mercury ad Venus struggle with Mars and Jupiter."
"Yes. And there will be a great battle between them shortly. We must do anything to stop this."
"But the only way is to return the Oracle Relic to the spirits of light and darkness. I've kept an eye on the four chosen ones, but they are still working their way up the staircase of success."
"All we can do is hope."
"I see things the same way," the earth spirit agreed and they floated away.
***
The sun shone down on the small village of Kolima, where four brave warriors rested for the night. Of these, two were knights, another a squire, and the last, a healer. They go by the names of Felix, Alex, Isaac and Mia. From the villages of Vale and Imil, these young fighters left their hometowns to go on a quest; a journey to find and return the Oracle Relic to its rightful place. "Isaac!" The young priestess banged on the door, "Isaac, wake up or we're leaving without you!" "Mia, calm down," a familiar voice said as it approached. "Yes, there's nothing to be mad about, right Alex?" Felix joined the two. "Right. Anyways, we've got better things to worry about." "But we should get going." Mia opened the door to see a sleeping Isaac lying on his bed. "He looks so peaceful. let's go wake him up!" Alex and Felix charged at the inactive squire. " I better get packed and ready to leave. I'll be in my room, you two!"
The four set off on their journey once again. At around noon, they stopped at the nearby town of Madra. Although it was busy, the village itself was fairly small. They quickly restocked their supplies and found a place to eat. "You know, Isaac," Mia told him as he ate his lunch, "I think you should learn to get up earlier in the morning. It's always a hassle to wake you up each day." "It's not my fault." "Well you can't blame him for being born like that!" "Alex!" Mia flew a look of anger and frustration on her face, "You're older than all of us and yet you still act like a 10 year old page." "Not all the time," he opposed. "But almost." Isaac took another bit out of his bread. "Guess what!" A knight rushed up to them wit ha fast pace. "What now, Felix?" "Well, while I was exploring town, I Overheard some people talking about a castle up ahead. They say it has some sort of legend in its past and I think it has to do with the Oracle Relic we're searching for." "We should get going. Maybe we can get some answers to this mystery." "Good idea, Mia," commented Isaac.
It was almost dark when Felix, Alex, Isaac and Mia reached the castle. "Prox Castle. so that's what it's called," Alex said as they crossed the drawbridge over the moat and to the portcullis. "Wow! Look at all of this great armour!" Felix rushed toward a table with countless shields, gauntlets and chain mail. The other three entered the outer bailey and joined him. "Felix, it's late. We should get some rest. I'm sure Alex and Isaac agree with-what are you doing?!" "Here, Isaac," Alex handed him a sword, "This is a very strong weapon. It has good grip, it's not extremely heavy and it can do some serious damage."
"Excuse me, but we'll be leaving now," Mia said with annoyance and dragged them to the inn to get some rest. After all, they traveled quite a long way and they deserve some time to just relax. But when they woke up, they found themselves no longer at the inn.
"Ahh! Where are we?" asked Mia. "I have a slight suspicion that we're somewhere in the keep." Alex stood up and walked around the dark cell. "But the keep isn't a dangerous place. In fact, it's considered to be one of the safer places to be. You shouldn't worry so much." "Felix, I'm just cautious. You still have a lot to learn, too." "I see you've awakened. Greetings. My name is Master Hamma. Don't worry. I'm trying to get you out of here. You see, I have a very rare ability. This skill lets me communicate with the elemental spirits of earth, fire, wind, water, light and darkness. And with it comes a prophecy." While the four warriors listened attentively, Master Hamma told them the history of the Oracle Relic and the dangers it possessed if it would fall into the wrong hands. She also told them of four young warriors who were to protect it along with the spirits. "So if we're so important, how come we ended up here?" asked Felix. "The people of Prox castle are highly religious and superstitious. Whenever visitors come, the villagers get nervous and often accuse those people of witchcraft or spell casting. That's why you're here. But I usually meet with those accused in person, and I've awaited the day you four would come. I knew they'd bring you here, and that, I planned. You must continue to search for the Oracle Relic and save the world from the great dangers ahead. I also-" All of a sudden, they heard a loud bang coming from the barbican. "My lady, invaders from the south have come! They seek something called the Oracle Relic." "Thank you for informing me. I was afraid this would happen. The spirits did warn me. Felix, Alex, Isaac, Mia. come with me." They followed obediently. "Can we trust her?" Mia asked. "She definitely has some powers and she did know our names. And don't forget what she told us about the history of the Oracle Relic. Of course we can trust her," Alex responded. Master Hamma led them to a room filled with armour and weapons. "You may choose what you like. Then, we must join the rest of the knights in battle." "Right," they replied in unison, not even knowing what they just committed to or whom they were up against.
They stepped outside the inner bailey and saw all of the villagers scattering and finding safe places to stay. "Now, you must help me lead the army into battle to defeat the enemies," Master Hamma commanded. "Yes, ma'am." They stepped up onto their horses and began riding towards the postern gate to attack them from behind. "I'll be at the front gate helping out the people there!" Master Hamma rode her horse to the entrance of the castle and on the way saw the enemies that were being drenched with boiling oil from the machicolations in the parapets. After hours of treacherous fighting, the number of knights left decreased. Many of Master Hamma's soldiers ha died or were relocated and transferred to help guard the main gate, and drop stones through the murder holes. Finally, there were only nine warriors left. Master Hamma, you must stop this fighting at once, a voice called from above. With that, Master Hamma knew exactly what the voice meant. "Oh my gosh. what have I done? I completely forgot. Felix, Alex, Isaac, Mia, stop this battle right now!" She dashed toward them on her horse. "What?! Why?" "Just stop!" The four warriors put their swords and maces down. "Why did they stop?" asked a girl from the other side. "I don't know, but it might be our cue to attack," another answered. Master Hamma approached. "You seek the Oracle Relic, do you not?" The other four glared at each other, "Yes, but what's it to you?" "What you're searching for has great danger entwined." Master Hamma walked between the two groups of knights. "Let me explain. You see, Mercury and Venus gods have been at war with Mars and Jupiter. You four are from Mars and Jupiter clans, while Felix, Alex, Isaac and Mia are from Mercury and Venus clans. This is why you are fighting right now. There are supposed to be only four chosen ones to help guard the Oracle Relic. However, because of the hatred between the gods, both sides chose representatives. Now that the Oracle Relic is missing, it is the duty of the chosen to return it" "So we're fighting for the same purpose?" asked Mia. "Right." They all put their weapons down and looked at the ground where hundreds of dead bodies lay. "All this fighting. it led to this tragedy," the girl whispered as the rest stood in silence. "We have learned much from this experience, though," said Mia, hopefully. "Yes. I too have learned that violence never solves anything," Master Hamma added. "I have an idea! Since we both seek the Oracle Relic, we can work together. It will strengthen our group and the chance of success will be greater," Isaac, usually the quiet one, suggested. "Working together. as one. harmony." They joined hands and formed a new alliance. Felix, Alex, Isaac, Mia from Venus and Mercury, Garet, Jenna, Ivan, Sheba from Mars and Jupiter.
Alas, elemental balance.
xxShadowSpiritsxx: So, what'd you think? Sort of stupid, but please review. Oh, and if you wouldn't mind, I want to know what mark you think I'd get (out of 10), 5 marks for grammar and 5 marks for creativity. Thanx! Ta ta for now!