Disclaimer: I don't own CJ but I take responsibility for any mental damage done by this fic ;)
A/N: So I was on Skype with Steph and I was going through my old fics saved on my laptop. I found one I wrote for Farscape called The Bathroom Fairy and I read it aloud. Then I decided to write one for CJ. Thanks, Stephy for helping me come up with the wishes!
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Jordan had finally fallen asleep. She had a hard time doing so because of the horrible head cold she had. After drinking half a bottle of Nyquil she fell into a drug induced sleep. In that drug induced she began the dream the craziest dream of all time.
She, Woody, Lily, Garret, Nigel, Bug, and –for reason- Lu were all in the break room of the morgue. All of the sudden a being appeared – it was about three feet tall, had blue wings and a hot pink body suit. To Jordan it seemed like everyone else expected this odd flying man to be there.
"Who are you?" Jordan asked.
"I am Stiles, the break room fairy," he told her.
"Yeah, Jordan," Nigel replied, "Where have you been?"
"Anyway," Stiles the break room fairy said, "You each get three wishes. Lily, you may go first."
"Ok," Lily said. She thought for a couple minutes, "I would a scarecrow made entirely out of banana baby food, Umm… the answer to life, the universe, and everything and maybe never ending tube of strawberry flavored toothpaste."
Stiles the break room fairy waved his wand and the items lily wished for appeared in front of her.
"Jordan, now you go."
"Um, ok," Jordan found her self saying, "I want half a snow globe, a neon potato wall clock, and 72 trombones."
Jordan didn't know why exactly she wanted those things but she had wished for them and Stiles the break room fairy gave them to her.
"Now for your wishes, Garret," Stiles the break room fairy said.
"I would like a reprogrammable thingamajig, a giant horse ride, and an office made out of post it notes."
Jordan got more and more confused as time went on. Especially when Woody, Nigel and Bug made their wishes. Woody wished for a drunken sailor by the name of peg leg Pete, a brand new monorail, and a tiger cub named Ralph. Nigel's wishes were a pink fluffy pillow, a TV that only shows TV guide channel, and a life time supply of grocery store bags. And finally Bug's were the most off the wall - 43 ½ sporks, a lifetime subscription of Cosmopolitan, and an indestructible hot red car completely resistant to dings from Jordan and falling superhero wannabes. Ok maybe she could understand that last one. But the dings weren't really her fault – her car is just so damn big. There's just this inexplicable wind that blows every time she opens her door.
Finally Stiles the break room fairy got to Lu. Jordan didn't even want to hear Lu talk but she did anyway and as usual. Jordan didn't really like what Lu was wishing for. She wanted total ownership of Woody, designer hair cuts, and free fashion advice for life! Alright. So she needed two of those three things.
Surprisingly Stiles the break room fairy didn't give Lu her wishes, two of those being things she desperately needed. Jordan didn't question the fairy and was thankful when he waved his wand at Lu and she turned into a hoe. And the kind used for gardening, not the kind she already was.
"Have a nice day," Stiles the break room fairy said, "and I'll see you all next month for your yearly evaluations."
With that he was gone and Jordan awoke in her bed amidst a plethora of Kleenex.
"I have to got to lay off the Nyquil," she said before going back to sleep.