Learning to Breathe
Notes: Blue growls as she tugs on large portions of her hair. I can't take it anymore! Sorry guys but I just had to post, yes a new fic. Again this one isn't connected with either "Frozen Rain" which is in desperate need of an update, or "Kiss and Tell". This fic won't even be really set either during the Silver Millennium, or during the series but rather an AU between the series and the building of Neo Tokyo. Warning this fic will be kind of dark so note the R rating. I don't own Sailor Moon and never will, so stop trying to sue me!
Enjoy.
Chapter One
Illusionary Walls
Peace came from illusions.
From the moment that she had "awoken" she had found that life or whatever this hell was called was best to be handled with gentle hands and an intelligent mind that could override matter any day. She could handle pain; now with years of abuse her skin may have been marred with scars and bruises that won't fade but at least she was sane.
Or at least she hoped that she was.
She would wake up every day, facing the same four walls of bolted steel and a door that only opened if "they" wanted it too. She preferred for that door to stay closed, even though beyond that door meant freedom from these cursed four walls she always had to pay for the freedom with more flesh, more blood.
Every day it seemed as if sanity was becoming harder to grasp.
She shook her head; long black-blue bangs fell into her eyes. No she couldn't give into them.
They hadn't seen it coming. They were living in a peace that they knew wouldn't last especially since they were coming close to some tragic event that would force the Earth to sleep for at least a thousand years before her queen would arise and awake it again.
Crystal Tokyo.
Yes, she remembered now. She now knew that no matter how much it hurt or how difficult the struggle to keep sane was she knew that this wouldn't be the end for her.
One day a utopia was due to dawn.
"But when will that day come?" a voice asked
How?
"How can it dawn if everyone is dead?" was her reply.
Tears fell with a burning sensation as it mixed in with the blood of open wounds.
"Where are they now?" he asked. In truth she had forgotten his name, all she knew was that he was always there, that he had been with her all the time. It was just now that he seemed to regain his voice once more.
Dead.
Was she sure?
Yes, she saw it with her own eyes. They all died.
Was she certain, the shadow asked. He seemed to ask her useless questions all the time now.
Yes, their blood still stained her hands.
But how could she have done such a thing? She was never a good fighter even when she was senshi so how could she muster up the strength magical or otherwise to kill all of them; let alone do such a thing to her friends without becoming insane.
'I am insane!' she thought inwardly.
No, there must be something left to grasp onto.
There was nothing.
"Just leave me here. Let me fade away."
"No! You have to snap out of this! You have to tell me. What happened to the others?"
"I already told you. I killed them."
"Lie! You are lying again!"
Hands grasped her shoulders and gave her hard shake. It was the shadow. He had not only regained the use of his voice but of his limbs as well, or of his arms at the very least.
"Tell me the truth, now!" the shadow man growled.
She was brought up to face him. She tried to turn her head away but he just snapped her neck back towards him; it hurt a lot but if anything she was not going to let him know it.
Emerald eyes that had long since gained a wild almost unhinged look in them glared at her.
If she had the energy she would have muster up enough pity for the both of them. She knew that her eyes wouldn't be wild, but hollow and broken, which is why she smashed the mirror that once hung on the wall. She just couldn't stand staring at her haunted looking reflection anymore.
His face was gaunt, lines that shouldn't be there for several more years lined his face making him look like an old man instead of the boyish looking young man that he was months, maybe even years before. Her body was nothing but skin attached to bone, his body was no better but at least he appeared to have retained some muscle tissue.
Her eyes grew soft, her voice hardly above a whisper, "It is so unfair," her uninjured hand reached to touch his face, gently trying to smooth back the lines.
Again tears prick her eyes, for what reason she did not know. "You look so old," she murmured, before resting her tired head against his shoulder, sobbing quietly.
For a moment her tears distracted him, allowing instinct to take over anger. Arms gently wrapped around her middle; his back leaning against the wall. His mouth uttered soft unintelligible but universal mutters used to soothe the weak and broken.
"That is what we are, we are weak, tired, but mostly broken," she thought trying to keep her mind awake.
"Ami?" the shadow asked.
Ami? Who was this Ami?
She felt his hands brush against her hair, almost as if he was petting a beloved dog or cat.
"Ami are you still awake?"
'That's right, Ami is my name,' she realized.
"Yes,"Ami replied, her voice still sounded rusty from lack of use.
The shadow sighed heavily, his hand dropping from her head to his side. She was certain that if she were to look at his face his eyes would be looking forward, wandering out beyond the door, yet still inside a secret place in his mind.
"The others. Please tell me what happened to them."
Ami grunted, burring her face deeper into the shadow's shoulder, "What's the point? They are all gone."
"I know that. But I can't believe that you killed them," he replied.
Her hands curled into fists, tears were falling like an endless waterfall down her face.
This is why she hated talking to him. He always made her cry. Just looking at him made her upset. She had forgotten when he was first brought into her cell, or if he had been there all along. He rarely spoke to her and she showed him the same courtesy; but every time, they could be talking about nothing; he always made her cry. For no apparent reason.
"Shhh, its' alright. You don't have to tell me now if you don't want to," the shadow replied as he painfully arose, carrying her across the room. She winced in sympathy; he shouldn't force himself to carry her if he could barely carry his own body around.
"Please, put me down before you hurt yourself." Ami protested weakly, but she knew that he wouldn't.
He laid her in the single bed, only a mattress actually, then he laid beside her, his arms encircling her, making her feel safe yet frightened at the same time.
Emerald eyes clashed with dark blue. For a moment Ami closed her eyes, wanting nothing more than to shut him out. But while he always made her cry he also made her feel very happy. He was something she could hold onto in these dark days, which seemed to grow dimmer by the day.
His hands found hers, calloused palms met as fingers intertwined together forming a very loose but needful bond. She saw wisps of his long and tangled strawberry blond hair fall across her shoulder sometimes the locks draped across her face causing her to giggle for a second as they tickle her nose. His head rested on her shoulder, she could feel his breath fall across the nape of her neck.
Yes, this was what she needed to remember. Her name, her reason, her mind, and him; these four things would keep her sane, if only she could hold onto them with all of her might.
But at the same time, he wanted to know something; he wanted to know what she was trying to forget. Ironic, she lost his name, the threat that had destroyed everything, even her own name but that one thing kept returning to her, she never forgot it. Everything but that would remain lost for minutes, hours, even days. Her own name had been forgotten for months, since he hadn't spoken it in so long until now that is.
Her fingers curled tightly around his hand, this sudden but subtle movement drew the attention of the shadow.
He glanced at her face, "Are you alright?" he asked, whispering; they always whispered, it seemed as if their own voices feared of becoming too loud. Maybe they would cause something to awake in one or both of them if they spoke louder than horse whispers.
Ami wanted to say yes, to look him in the eye, to lie blatantly that she was fine. It was a lie. An illusion. She had begun to love illusions, they pushed pain away, pushed painful thoughts away.
Her lips trembled, her heart beating loudly in protest. She had to say it; the words were just burning on her mouth.
"What do you want to know?" she asked, this time speaking above a whisper, not screaming, not crying but normal level tone that for once didn't sound afraid.
It was an omen.
Notes: Yes I know that is confusing, as heck but it will get better, trust me! And just in case you are wondering there will be a love triangle but first the dark and brooding stuff has to be taken care of. Sorry if Ami is a bit OOC but as with most of my madness there is reason, or at least a very good excuse. I suppose that all of you know who the "shadow" is but I'll just allow you guys to guess anyway. Until next time, peace ^_^
Notes: Blue growls as she tugs on large portions of her hair. I can't take it anymore! Sorry guys but I just had to post, yes a new fic. Again this one isn't connected with either "Frozen Rain" which is in desperate need of an update, or "Kiss and Tell". This fic won't even be really set either during the Silver Millennium, or during the series but rather an AU between the series and the building of Neo Tokyo. Warning this fic will be kind of dark so note the R rating. I don't own Sailor Moon and never will, so stop trying to sue me!
Enjoy.
Chapter One
Illusionary Walls
Peace came from illusions.
From the moment that she had "awoken" she had found that life or whatever this hell was called was best to be handled with gentle hands and an intelligent mind that could override matter any day. She could handle pain; now with years of abuse her skin may have been marred with scars and bruises that won't fade but at least she was sane.
Or at least she hoped that she was.
She would wake up every day, facing the same four walls of bolted steel and a door that only opened if "they" wanted it too. She preferred for that door to stay closed, even though beyond that door meant freedom from these cursed four walls she always had to pay for the freedom with more flesh, more blood.
Every day it seemed as if sanity was becoming harder to grasp.
She shook her head; long black-blue bangs fell into her eyes. No she couldn't give into them.
They hadn't seen it coming. They were living in a peace that they knew wouldn't last especially since they were coming close to some tragic event that would force the Earth to sleep for at least a thousand years before her queen would arise and awake it again.
Crystal Tokyo.
Yes, she remembered now. She now knew that no matter how much it hurt or how difficult the struggle to keep sane was she knew that this wouldn't be the end for her.
One day a utopia was due to dawn.
"But when will that day come?" a voice asked
How?
"How can it dawn if everyone is dead?" was her reply.
Tears fell with a burning sensation as it mixed in with the blood of open wounds.
"Where are they now?" he asked. In truth she had forgotten his name, all she knew was that he was always there, that he had been with her all the time. It was just now that he seemed to regain his voice once more.
Dead.
Was she sure?
Yes, she saw it with her own eyes. They all died.
Was she certain, the shadow asked. He seemed to ask her useless questions all the time now.
Yes, their blood still stained her hands.
But how could she have done such a thing? She was never a good fighter even when she was senshi so how could she muster up the strength magical or otherwise to kill all of them; let alone do such a thing to her friends without becoming insane.
'I am insane!' she thought inwardly.
No, there must be something left to grasp onto.
There was nothing.
"Just leave me here. Let me fade away."
"No! You have to snap out of this! You have to tell me. What happened to the others?"
"I already told you. I killed them."
"Lie! You are lying again!"
Hands grasped her shoulders and gave her hard shake. It was the shadow. He had not only regained the use of his voice but of his limbs as well, or of his arms at the very least.
"Tell me the truth, now!" the shadow man growled.
She was brought up to face him. She tried to turn her head away but he just snapped her neck back towards him; it hurt a lot but if anything she was not going to let him know it.
Emerald eyes that had long since gained a wild almost unhinged look in them glared at her.
If she had the energy she would have muster up enough pity for the both of them. She knew that her eyes wouldn't be wild, but hollow and broken, which is why she smashed the mirror that once hung on the wall. She just couldn't stand staring at her haunted looking reflection anymore.
His face was gaunt, lines that shouldn't be there for several more years lined his face making him look like an old man instead of the boyish looking young man that he was months, maybe even years before. Her body was nothing but skin attached to bone, his body was no better but at least he appeared to have retained some muscle tissue.
Her eyes grew soft, her voice hardly above a whisper, "It is so unfair," her uninjured hand reached to touch his face, gently trying to smooth back the lines.
Again tears prick her eyes, for what reason she did not know. "You look so old," she murmured, before resting her tired head against his shoulder, sobbing quietly.
For a moment her tears distracted him, allowing instinct to take over anger. Arms gently wrapped around her middle; his back leaning against the wall. His mouth uttered soft unintelligible but universal mutters used to soothe the weak and broken.
"That is what we are, we are weak, tired, but mostly broken," she thought trying to keep her mind awake.
"Ami?" the shadow asked.
Ami? Who was this Ami?
She felt his hands brush against her hair, almost as if he was petting a beloved dog or cat.
"Ami are you still awake?"
'That's right, Ami is my name,' she realized.
"Yes,"Ami replied, her voice still sounded rusty from lack of use.
The shadow sighed heavily, his hand dropping from her head to his side. She was certain that if she were to look at his face his eyes would be looking forward, wandering out beyond the door, yet still inside a secret place in his mind.
"The others. Please tell me what happened to them."
Ami grunted, burring her face deeper into the shadow's shoulder, "What's the point? They are all gone."
"I know that. But I can't believe that you killed them," he replied.
Her hands curled into fists, tears were falling like an endless waterfall down her face.
This is why she hated talking to him. He always made her cry. Just looking at him made her upset. She had forgotten when he was first brought into her cell, or if he had been there all along. He rarely spoke to her and she showed him the same courtesy; but every time, they could be talking about nothing; he always made her cry. For no apparent reason.
"Shhh, its' alright. You don't have to tell me now if you don't want to," the shadow replied as he painfully arose, carrying her across the room. She winced in sympathy; he shouldn't force himself to carry her if he could barely carry his own body around.
"Please, put me down before you hurt yourself." Ami protested weakly, but she knew that he wouldn't.
He laid her in the single bed, only a mattress actually, then he laid beside her, his arms encircling her, making her feel safe yet frightened at the same time.
Emerald eyes clashed with dark blue. For a moment Ami closed her eyes, wanting nothing more than to shut him out. But while he always made her cry he also made her feel very happy. He was something she could hold onto in these dark days, which seemed to grow dimmer by the day.
His hands found hers, calloused palms met as fingers intertwined together forming a very loose but needful bond. She saw wisps of his long and tangled strawberry blond hair fall across her shoulder sometimes the locks draped across her face causing her to giggle for a second as they tickle her nose. His head rested on her shoulder, she could feel his breath fall across the nape of her neck.
Yes, this was what she needed to remember. Her name, her reason, her mind, and him; these four things would keep her sane, if only she could hold onto them with all of her might.
But at the same time, he wanted to know something; he wanted to know what she was trying to forget. Ironic, she lost his name, the threat that had destroyed everything, even her own name but that one thing kept returning to her, she never forgot it. Everything but that would remain lost for minutes, hours, even days. Her own name had been forgotten for months, since he hadn't spoken it in so long until now that is.
Her fingers curled tightly around his hand, this sudden but subtle movement drew the attention of the shadow.
He glanced at her face, "Are you alright?" he asked, whispering; they always whispered, it seemed as if their own voices feared of becoming too loud. Maybe they would cause something to awake in one or both of them if they spoke louder than horse whispers.
Ami wanted to say yes, to look him in the eye, to lie blatantly that she was fine. It was a lie. An illusion. She had begun to love illusions, they pushed pain away, pushed painful thoughts away.
Her lips trembled, her heart beating loudly in protest. She had to say it; the words were just burning on her mouth.
"What do you want to know?" she asked, this time speaking above a whisper, not screaming, not crying but normal level tone that for once didn't sound afraid.
It was an omen.
Notes: Yes I know that is confusing, as heck but it will get better, trust me! And just in case you are wondering there will be a love triangle but first the dark and brooding stuff has to be taken care of. Sorry if Ami is a bit OOC but as with most of my madness there is reason, or at least a very good excuse. I suppose that all of you know who the "shadow" is but I'll just allow you guys to guess anyway. Until next time, peace ^_^