Story is set several months after the boys go topside for the first time. I envision it in the 2012 series, but it could fit any of the series I suppose. Enjoy!
Fear is dangerous. For those that work in our profession, it can be deadly. As warriors, powerful emotions can hinder us on the battlefield. If one lets himself be overcome by fear, even for a moment, it could get him killed. Knowing this from personal experience, our sensei taught my brothers and me from a young age to set aside such emotions in the heat of combat in favor of reason and strength. To guys like us, fear is weakness.
That's not to say that we are now, like, mindless robots that are incapable of feeling or something. We have emotions and we do express them… sometimes… sort of… when not in training or on the battlefield. (We're dudes, remember. We ain't sitting around the living room in frilly nighties painting our nails and talking about our crushes or whatever it is chicks do in their spare time!) It's just that if we let it overload us, it takes a long time to box all that pent up anger, fear or anxiety back up after the flood waters recede. Emotions like that have to be controlled or it can have serious consequences.
We were about 15 when we got our first real taste of what kind of consequences can arise from letting your fear get the better of you, courtesy of my youngest brother Mikey. We had just started setting out into the outside world on a regular basis. Those first few months had been an absolute overload on the senses. Not only because of the change in scenery but also because of the way strange happenings seemed to gravitate toward us. I mean it makes sense that, since we are sorta strange ourselves, weirdness would kind of follow us. We'd seen a lot of things since we surfaced in NYC: aliens, monsters, mutations, gruesome injuries, explosions, the worst of the worst. Hell we'd seen some things that would probably lead lesser mortals to the brink of insanity. Even for those that were taught from youth to "expect the unexpected" it was difficult to stomach sometimes. And yet, we carried on, because this was our duty – to keep the silent vigil and protect the innocents of this city.
After some of those days, a night like this was almost a welcome break. A small gang, a rival of the Purple Dragons, had herded a small group of shop employees out of their store and had them backed against an alley wall while their comrades looted the store. One of the employees can't have been much older than us and was visibly shaking under the rough treatment of the thugs. It was okay though, because we were there to save the day, like we always were. We didn't even need to strategize before bounding in, there were no detectable firearms present so we were confident that we could fend off the invaders with minimal effort or incidents.
Donnie made a small commotion to distract the guys holding the terrified workers long enough for Mikey and I to pull the aggressors into the shadows and let the innocents escape. They were surprisingly sturdy guys for your average street scum, and put up a powerful fight. Really, I just blame the numbers of them. Twelve against two can be a bit difficult, especially in wider areas. So sure one of the guys got a lucky hit across my face, the metal studs in his fingerless gloves splitting the skin open right above my eye. It barely slowed me down as he soon ended up with a foot to the throat. It wasn't long after that that my eldest brother Leo came barreling out of the store, having successfully removed the cretins that had been hauling off with the goods. We took off and were several rooftops away before we slowed down.
Don asked for an injury check and though Leo and I just shook our heads, Mikey made a funny choking sound, catching my attention. I glanced at him only to find my little brother staring at me in abject horror, his eyes wide and slightly dilated. His skin looked washed out even in the shadows, and was he trembling? "Mike?" I asked cautiously, wondering vaguely if the Shredder was standing behind me or something equally frightening since he looked like he had seen a ghost. Suddenly, wordlessly, his eyes slid shut and he just… fell. It was weird and unnerving and more than a bit terrifying to me since I didn't remember him being hit in our brief scuffle.
"Whoa!" I almost shouted, grabbing for him before he face planted on the unforgiving concrete of the department store roof. My other brothers instantly flocked to my side, trying to assess the damage.
"Mikey," I called patting my youngest brother's cheek urgently. "Mikey, talk to me!"
Donnie grabbed Mikey's wrist, feeling for a pulse and visibly relaxed when he determined it was rapid but steady. Leo had gently grabbed Mikey's head was inspecting him for any contusions or injuries that may indicate a concussion or other serious issue.
After several tense moments, Leo glanced at us and said, "He seems okay. No injuries, no fever, breathing's normal."
Donnie agreed. "As weird as it seems, I think he just fainted. I mean, there are dozens of things that can make a person collapse, but I won't really know until he comes to. He should come around soon. Leo, stand guard, while Raph and I try to revive him?" Leo bit his lower lip, a nervous habit of his, but stood and drew one of his swords, standing slightly in front of us in the "guard" position.
"Raph, grab his feet and elevate them just a bit. That should help," Donnie commanded. Numbly I did as asked, resting my baby brother's legs across my lap. Glancing up briefly from Mikey's prone form, Donnie must have seen the grimace of helplessness on my face because he next asked, "You all right? You're bleeding." I nodded in acknowledgement, some of the blood from my scalp dripping into my eye at the motion which I quickly scrubbed away. "M'fine."
It was another agonizing few minutes before Mikey finally showed signs of life. Upon seeing him twinge a bit, Donnie instantly put a firm hand on Mikey's chest and said his name softly. Mikey responded after a moment with an oh-so-eloquent "Ungh…" It was one of the sweetest things I had ever heard. His eyes blinked open slowly and he lay still for another long moment looking dazed. Donnie talked to him softly: asking him if anything hurt and if he knew what year it was, checking his eyes and motor skills. Mikey completed all the tests but still seemed a bit out of it and he looked thoroughly exhausted. Leo returned to the group once Donnie stood and carefully helped haul our little brother up, wrapping an arm around him since he still seemed a bit shaky. I stood back, afraid I'd cause more harm if I stood too close.
Donnie nodded and gave the okay to head home, though he had a slight frown creasing above his purple mask. Luckily for us, we were just a few blocks from home and it only took us about five minutes to get underground and back to our humble abode. Mikey leaned heavily on Leo for support and remained eerily quiet the entire trip. "Hey, you with us kid?" I asked gruffly, trying to downplay my concern, after Leo deposited him on the couch and then stood to grab some things. I watched Mikey closely as his eyes tried to focus on me. Suddenly, it was like someone had turned the light back on in his eyes. They went from dull comprehension to panicked awareness and he choked out, "Raph… you're - you're hurt!" sounding very much like he was about to cry. His voice startled me more than his initial collapse.
"Hey don't worry about it. Just a scratch. I got a hard head y'know."
And that's when the waterworks came on, full power. I actually stumbled back a bit in alarm, giving my oldest brother room to jump in and comfort the youngest, shushing him softly and trying once again to reassess for injury. Donnie and I shared a look of panic before he also moved to kneel by Mikey. "Mikey, buddy, come on, what's wrong? Are you in pain? Do you feel sick at all?" Donnie asked gently, truly beginning to think that there was something seriously wrong with our generally happy natured brother. I mean why else would the kid pass out and then have a total mood change when he woke up?
Mikey just continued to sob into Leo's shoulder, shaking his head slightly at Donnie's questions. For a few nerve wracking moments the rest of us just sat there in numb shock, unsure what to say and letting him spiral further into whatever weird kind of meltdown he was having. Not smart on our part because the longer we let it continue, the more Mikey's breath seemed to hitch with every sob. Leo realized it before the rest of us and jostled the youngest a bit, commanding him to take a deep breath as he seemed on the verge of hyperventilating. When Mikey lifted his head slightly from Leo's shoulder, I could see he was trembling again and was audibly gasping for air between sobs.
"Mikey, for heaven's sake, you've got to calm down or you are going to pass out again!" Donnie reprimanded, pushing him down into a supine position to open his airway and try to prevent him from losing consciousness for the second time that night. "Come on little brother, with me, deep breath in, and let it out." He grabbed Mikey's hand and placed it over his own chest. Mikey thankfully obliged and began to automatically follow suit. Leo and I also began to take slow breaths, though my knuckles were now probably bone white from clenching at the arm of Splinter's tattered recliner in helplessness. After a few more moments, he seemed to finally have calmed down. "Better. Much better," Donnie said soothingly. "Now, Mikey, look at me. Talk to me? What's going on?"
Our little brother looked so fragile and helpless laying there on the couch, I could hardly stand it. His eyes turned to me and watered up a bit before he took a deep breath and said, "I'm sorry… I… I don't know what came over me. It's just… I haven't been sleeping very well the last couple weeks, y'know with all the crazy stuff that's been happening and when I saw the blood I just… I dunno, it's like my whole body just froze, everything just slowed down and - and I- I couldn't handle it!"
"What blood Mike? Did you or Raph…?" Leo asked, trailing off to avoid having to ask the question that was more or less taboo in the house: Did you kill or gruesomely maim the enemy? It's a fair question in our line of work; we are ninja after all and though we strive to avoid killing or brutally injuring our opponents it does happen from time to time. However, we tend to avoid these discussions to dissuade any episodes of grief and guilt and what-if scenarios, which by Leo's guess we seemed to be having now.
Mikey again shook his head and pointed at me instead. Then it clicked. It was my blood that had freaked him out: the stupid lucky punch that had grazed above my eye. I raised my hand to the shallow wound automatically and cursed. It was a head wound after all, and those tended to look a lot worse than they actually were. "Shit, sorry Mike, I didn't mean to scare ya! I'm fine, honest. Doesn't even hurt." Leo handed me a damp cloth he had grabbed from the sink when we had walked in the door and I immediately pressed it over the now mostly congealed blood to conceal it from Mikey's view.
"It's… I mean, it's not that… I just…I mean, we get hurt all the time. I've had worse than that, and I didn't feel anything like this!" His hands went to cover his eyes as his face pinched in frustration and… fear? "With everything that's happened lately, I mean, I know we're awesome and all but I just… I guess I'm afraid of something really bad happening to one of you guys. I keep having these nightmares… and I know that's stupid, they're just dreams right? What do they know? It's just, the last few were so bad and I couldn't sleep cuz every time I close my eyes I see… blood… and then tonight I turned and I saw Raph's face all covered in… I… I just lost it!" Donnie put his hand on Mikey's knee sympathetically as my little brother shuddered and scrubbed at his face as though trying to physically erase the image from his mind. "You can go ahead and laugh. Now you all know I'm a total wuss. I mean what kind of ninja faints at the sight of a little blood? You all probably think I'm some sort of liability now."
"That ain't true Mike," I said gruffly, finally inching closer to my brothers that were piled on and around the couch. "We've all seen you kick ass and take names and hell, like you just said, we've all had worse wounds than this little cut. I mean, Donnie burned his arm real good that one time when we were, what, ten? And it looked gross for weeks. And Leo scraped his knees raw when we first started sewer skating and those were a bloody mess. I've watched you tackle a guy and break his jaw with your bare fist and you didn't even flinch. You ain't afraid of a little blood and you sure as heck ain't a wuss."
Leo nodded, though frowning indignantly at my less than appropriate language. "Raph is right. Michelangelo, you're not a liability and I have no doubt that you really just need to find your center again and you'll be alright. You have to know, we're a team and we will always have each other's backs. We may not always be able to guarantee that we come home unscathed, but we can always promise to do everything in our power to come home. We all have bad dreams, but we can't dwell on the "what ifs," believe me, it's not worth it. We just need to remember that as long as we are together, we are more powerful than the enemies we face."
Donnie nodded in agreement and turned Mikey's chin so they could look eye to eye. "Mikey, I don't think the sight of the blood is what caused you to faint. I think it was just the final catalyst to your already overstressed body's forced shutdown. You say you haven't been sleeping well for weeks, and with all the endurance training we do on a daily basis plus the nutty missions we've been on lately, I think you more likely passed out from exhaustion, pure and simple. A few nights of rest along with some proper nutrition and a little reprieve from heavy training and you'll be right as rain."
Mikey nodded mutely, pondering what we had said and sniffling just a bit before he replied softly, "Thanks guys. I think I really needed that. I know we don't usually get all sappy like this, but I appreciate it. Sorry for the whole freaking you guys out thing."
"Yeah, well don't do it again knucklehead," I replied feigning nonchalance. "You're getting too heavy to carry around NYC like a little prima donna."
Mikey stuck out his tongue at me, with all the maturity of a five year old, but he quirked a smile briefly, the barest sparkle of his usual self shining through the depths of fatigue in his eyes.
Donnie went to the kitchen to fetch a bottle of water for Mikey and Leo went to retrieve a pillow, as it looked like Mikey was seconds away from sleep. After making sure our little brother was comfortable, Leo and Donnie retreated to their rooms for the night. I hesitated though, as I went to turn out the lights. I glanced around to make sure my father and my other siblings were nowhere in the vicinity and then stealthily planted myself in the beat up recliner next to my sleeping brother, just in case.
Now Mikey is a pretty durable guy. Within the week he was back to his usual self, pestering us, grinning like an idiot when Casey brought him new comic books, and giving Master Splinter the puppy dog eyes to try and get out of his chores. As much as the fear that had haunted his nights plagued him previously, he seemed to have taken some comfort from our talk (and the 12 hours of uninterrupted sleep he got that same night). However, after this incident, we all agreed to try and be a little more vocal about our feelings and our fears. We may be warriors but we are also teenagers, and fighting evil all the time is bound to be emotionally as well as physically exhausting. Fear is dangerous, but with our bond as a family we would learn to not simply ignore it, but to fight it. Together we would take down this enemy too.
I had a hard time deciding whose voice the story should be written in, but ultimately decided to go with Raph because I feel like he is the one who struggles the most with keeping his fear in check (it's why he's so angry all the time). Also, though Mikey drives Raph up a wall sometimes, I think he has a soft spot for Mikey. So seeing something like this happen to his youngest brother would in my opinion give Raph a reality check that it's not only okay but necessary to talk about his fears and emotions from time to time to avoid a total meltdown. Hope you enjoyed! Comments and critique are welcomed!