Note from me: I took this idea and ran. If you didn't like it say so. It won't hurt my feelings you fucking pansies. Don't be afraid to say you liked it too. The Akatsuki & Naruto are owned by Masashi Kishimoto.
The Akatsuki, are the most feared ninja throughout the land. Known to leave their survivors even more traumatized then the victims. They feel a psychological need to kill. They also fell pray to becoming clichés. With predictable patterns it's amazing they haven't gotten caught yet. Can their leader save them?
It was a soggy Tuesday morning, and every Akatsuki member knew what that meant, mission reports. Unfortunately a minor explosion caused the old meeting room to become under repairs, to say the least. So, for the time being, a rather grumpy Deidara and a rather perky Tobi needed to share rooms, while the latter's became the new meeting area. While providing the basic function of being a room, it had its downfalls. Have you ever tried to be evil in a room with wide-eyed puppy and kitty posters? None the less, the terrifying ninjas walked in, grabbed a bean bag chair, and argued.
"Everyone shut up," a menacing leader spoke, gripping onto his morning coffee for dear life.
"Why don't you shut the fucking hell up?"
"Quiet you retard," answered someone before Pein could. Pein dragged his chair to the open spot next to Konan. He looked into the ripples of the drink and chugged the last bit. Wordlessly Konan left to refill his life force. Pein rubbed his temples and cleared his throat. "Deidara, Sasori what's the status on the current mission?"
"We got the stupid scroll, un," Deidara said proudly, like he found a cure for cancer.
"Yeah no problem, un," Sasori agreed, bobbing his hallow head.
"Are you mocking me Danna?" Deidara crossed his arms.
"No, un."
"Stop it, un."
"Stop what, un?"
"What you're doing!"
"Silence, un!" Pein yelled. "Shit. Umm Itachi your mission status?"
After a brief silence, Kisame answered, "We did our part."
"Thanks Itachi," Pein sarcastically said. "Seriously why don't you talk you are suppose to be a fucking genius. How about contributing to the group?" Harassing his comrades seemed to give him more energy, but just in case Konan returned his cup to his hand and a silent thank-you was issued.
" I do talk," Itachi calmly said. "I'm a serious person that's all. Besides you always—"
"Don't tell me you lost your voice along with your eyes," Pein joked, smirking at his wit.
"Ignore," Itachi continued.
"Don't you wanna hear how we fucking did," Hidan barked causing his money-loving partner to roll his eyes in embarrassment.
"Me." Itachi finished. Not that anyone noticed.
"Thrill us," Pein said letting the black liquid touch his lips.
"We didn't finish. Because my cock sucking partner had to -"
"Stop and…"
"Kill someone…"
"In order to…"
"Get money?" The rest of the group filled in.
"How'd you fucking know?" Hidan questioned, fearing that one of his teammates could read minds, and he prayed to fucking Jashin that it wasn't Konan.
"Yeah seriously?" Kakuzu asked, equally as stunned.
"You two are the most predictable members, un," Deidara answered.
"It's always fuck this," Kisame mocked, even adding on a whiny Hidan voice.
"Get money that," Itachi added.
"Believe it!" Sasori said throwing a wooden thumb in the air and standing up with pride.
"The Ninetails! I heard it! Someone get it," Pein yelled looking up from his coffee.
"That was me, un," Sasori said sitting back down, his puppet head turning a slight shade of pink.
"Sasori! Stop stealing everyone's catch phrase," Pein commanded.
"O...o...okay Pein-kun," Sasori squeaked fidgeting around with his fingers.
"Stop it!"
"I can't," Sasori pleaded. "It's, it's, it's…such a drag!"
"Praise Jashin!" Hidan bellowed, kissing his necklace.
"Praise Jashin." Everyone blandly agreed.
"We need help," Konan said turning to Pein.
"Yeah you do," he agreed. "First thing tomorrow all of you are seeing a personality specialist."
With that Pein slurped down the last of his sweet caffeine and marched off to his happy place.