Disclaimer: I own nothing, I claim nothing (except my own poor verses)
"Um Lily, may I have a word?"
I was startled at her voice; I thought everyone had left. I turned and set the patrol schedule down on the desk in front of me. It was Narcissa Black, Slytherin, engaged to Lucius Malfoy, not one to seek me out on a regular basis. She looked drawn and a little pale.
"Yes, yes of course. Would you like to sit down?" I motioned to the chair in front of my desk. There was no reason to be hostile, Narcissa had never been as vicious as her other housemates. She sat quickly and proceeded to smooth her skirt, not looking at me. I waited for her to speak. She finally did, although she seemed very hesitant.
"I know that I'm probably not who you expected, I mean with our house rivalries and your, your family," I didn't react. I knew she was into blood purity. Many wizards were, and she hadn't really insulted me, "It's just that you've always been fair. To everyone, and I, I need some advice."
I leaned back in my chair and looked at her. She looked almost scared. It was sad really, she looked broken. "How can I help? Is it a problem with your housemates or-"
"No, no nothing like that," she was quick to assure me, "It's more of an 'I just need to talk to someone not involved' thing. You see," she began, finally looking up at me, "I'm scared. I'm scared of this war that's coming. I'm scared that I've gotten myself into a huge mess and I'm scared that I'm in too deep. I think I've passed the point of no return and I'm terrified." She said all this in a rush, like the very information was being pulled from her by force.
"Why me? Why are you confiding in me Narcissa?" I needed to understand, but I also needed to ask for myself because I was confused.
She looked down.
"Because I thought, I thought you'd give me your honest opinion. And because I trust you won't go blabbing this to the entire school."
I sighed and walked around my desk till I could stand in front of her.
"I won't and I promise to be honest. But I really don't understand why you're scared. What have you gotten yourself into that makes you so frightened?"
She looked up at me and started to roll up her left sleeve. Her eyes didn't leave my face as I stared at the tattoo on her forearm. I stumbled back and sat on the desk, gripping its sides for support.
"Oh my God."
"I had to, please understand, it was the only way to ensure that my family was safe. That my child will be safe."
She was pregnant, that explained it.
"What happens when he looses? What then?"
"If."
"What?"
"If he loses. Don't be so certain."
"It doesn't even matter now, it's done. You can't back out. It's like you've sold your soul."
"Because I have to know that my baby will be safe," She drew a shuddering breath and sat up straighter in her chair. "Because it's the best shot I have. Because any mother would do anything for her child, even if it meant selling her proverbial soul, as you so nicely put it."
Why did she have to do it for all the right reasons? I was supposed to hate Death Eaters but I just pitied her. She was so scared for her child and because she couldn't control the future where that child would live. Narcissa was right; any mother would do as she had done if they didn't have the strength to fight for a better tomorrow.
"What do you want me to say? Should I tell you that you're evil? Do you want me to report you, because I won't. I won't ruin what you've worked for. I'm not going to ruin your plan to save your child. I don't agree with how you've dealt with the situation you're in, but Agrippa I admire your courage for taking the leap." She looked at me, obviously confused. "Narcissa, maybe Sirius wasn't the only Black that could have been in Gryffindor. You may not be a daredevil like him (I'm not and I'm still in Gryffindor) but maybe you show your bravery in different ways. I think that you'll need it now that you've chosen your path. Some advice though: don't look back because it's too late to change the past. And teach your child not to make the same mistake that you did. Don't let them get in over their head, huh?"
I smiled at her, grasped her shoulder with a friendly hand and grabbed the patrol schedule on the desk behind me.
"And please remember Narcissa, I can always talk if you need to, ok?"
As I headed out the door I heard her stand and follow me out of the Head Office.
"This won't happen again Lily, I won't be seeking you out. From now on, I probably won't even acknowledge you exist. But I want you to know that I am grateful."
She took a breath, "Thank you."
I smiled sadly and nodded, watching Narcissa Black walk away. She had made some hard choices and she was stuck with them, whether or not I agreed. And I hoped that when my turn came I could be as brave as she was.
And when it came to it, Lily Evans was braver than Narcissa Black ever could have been because though Narcissa gave up her soul, Lily gave up her life.
A/N
This makes me cry. The end.
mulberryjam