1 Cindy-DJ
By: Michelle-Tara
Once upon a time a looooong time ago (like the 1500s) in the wild country of Oshkosh, capital of Genovia there once lived a man with his wife, daughter and two stepdaughters. One day after a hectic day at the office he came home with a splitting headache. He plopped into his favorite Catnapper recliner and opened the paper.
"WIFE!" he called out. His wife strode into the room.
"Yes love." The wife replied.
"I've had the most dreadful of all dreadful days at work and now have a splitting headache. Would you be ever so kind as to getting me a Tylenol or a Advil?" he asked.
"Why yes dear." She hurried into the kitchen.
After five minutes the wife returned with a glass cup full of Coke and two white tablets.
"Thank you." He gratefully took them from her.
"You're welcome husband- oh my! My girls are fighting! You eat your Tylenol and get some rest." She said.
The wife hurried off. The poor husband ate the two tablets and drank the Coke. He suddenly coughed and keeled over- dead. His daughter came in.
"Hey Dad guess what! Gap and Old Navy are having HUGE clearance sales! Can you loan me the carriage so I can go?" the daughter waited for an answer, "Dad- Dad! Hello!" She waved her hand in front of his face. At that moment the evil stepmother came into the room.
"HE'S DEAD! CALL 119!" the daughter shrieked.
"YAAAAAAAY! He's dead! Now we get all his fortune!" the wicked stepmother sang out. The daughter stood up. She angrily pointed a finger at the rejoicing stepmother.
"YOU DID THIS!" she angrily cried.
"Yes I did! Those two tablets weren't really Tylenol- they were laundry detergent tablets. And the Coke wasn't Coke- it was oil-changing liquid! He's deeeaaad! He's deeeaaad!" the wicked stepmother rejoiced. She pranced out of the room. One of the vicious stepsisters said, "Now that your father is dead you have to be our slave."
And so the poor maiden became enslaved by her outgoing and talented wicked- step mother and two evil stepsisters. They lived in a small mansion with only 18 bedrooms. The stepmother forced Cindy-DJ (that's what we'll call this poor victim) to clean the marble floor with her electric toothbrush. The marble floors sparkled- then in came the family goat (his name is Billy- Willy) with mud all over. Cindy-DJ had get down and RE-CLEAN IT!! Poor girl.
Well, a few years have passed and a page from King Mr. Rose arrived at their house and knocked on the door. Wicked Stepsister #1 opened it.
"WAAZZZZUUP AMIGO?!" the page said.
That scared Wicked Stepsister #1.
"Fine. What do want." She said viciously.
"I got a letter for you- from the king. *Ahem* It says-" he began to read it, but, Wicked stepsister#1 snatched it from him.
"I can read moron! Go away!" She shouted at him. Then she slammed the door in his face.
"So young- so angry-darn that rap music!" the page muttered some more to himself as he walked to the next mansion.
Inside wicked stepsisters 1&2, and evil stepmommy read the invitation.
"OH MY MONKEYS!! I'm going to marry Prince Kearney!" Wicked Stepsister #2 gushed happily. Cindy-DJ read the invitation real fast.
"It says you're invited to go so you can meet the prince so he may choose his bride." She corrected. Wicked Stepsister #1 growled, "So- he'll naturally choose ME!!"
The party was that night. The wicked stepsisters and stepmother all rushed to get into their finest threads.
"Does my butt look big in this?" asked Wicked Step Sister #1
"You don't wear mini-skirt to balls." Corrected the stepmother.
"ACK! I'm ruined! A patch of lint has collected on this dress!" cried Wicked Stepsister #2. They set off to go. The stepmother turned to Cindy- DJ.
"Yo stay here and wash the roof with your electric hairbrush." She said.
"You mean electric toothbrush."
"Same difference." And with that comment they left, Cindy-DJ sat on the steps and cried.
"I wish I could go to the ball." She sobbed.
Suddenly- a little blue ball fluttered around her head and materialized into the UK fairy.
"Where's the team. I need to sprinkle some fairy dust on the ball so we win!"
"What?! You're the UK fairy! I'm Cindy-DJ!" Cindy-DJ said, surprised.
"That's nice. WHERE'S THE DARN GAME AT?!" The fairy asked impatiently.
"We have no UK games here. I think you got lost. You're messing up my story!" wept Cindy-DJ. "And the critics will say it's an utter failure due to bias and unfeeling UK fairies!
"Narrators." The fairy muttered ignoring the later part of Cindy-DJ's line, "Always send ya in the wrong direction!"
"Anyways- I'm a true red UL fan!" Cindy-DJ said proudly.
"Help me! I'm in the presence of an unclean person!" cried the UK fairy in anguish.
The UK fairy disappeared and another pink ball of light fluttered around her head. It materialized.
"Like hi Cindy-DJ!" said the ditzy fairy.
"Hi- can you get me to the ball. The UK fairy couldn't do it." Cindy-DJ smiled hopefully.
"Like yeah?! Close like you're eyes and like sing 'Oops I Did It Again'!!" the fairy grinned. DJ sand the song and when she opened her eyes she was in this gorgeous pink fluffy dress.
"DUDE! I don't do fluffy!" she wailed.
Director: Fine,reverse it!
When Cindy-DJ opened her eyes she was in a spectacular pink evening gown.
"I love this story!" she smiled.
Anyway the Britney Spears fairy shipped her off to the ball. She arrived as Wicked Stepsister #2 had finished dancing with Prince Kearney. He looked bored to death. Suddenly he lifted his eyes and saw Cindy-DJ.
"YUCK! Is that the best you can come up with as Cinderella! If it wasn't for our contract I'd get my under-study to play this part!" Prince Kearney frowned.
"I'm not to pleased to have to dance with you Aaron!" Cindy DJ replied.
The prince looked love-struck.
"He does not!" Cindy-DJ said.
He held out his hand for Cindy-DJ to take and dance with him.
"I don't want to dance with him! He has cooties or germs or something!" Cindy-DJ winced.
Director: GRRRRRR! JUST DO AS I SAY FOR CRIPES SAKE!!
They began to dance. Cindy-DJ looked into his eyes with love and admiration.
"How about utmost loathing and distaste." Corrected Cindy-DJ.
Director: STOP THE AD-LIBBING!!!!
They danced into the night. The ball was over.
"Hey how about you join me up in the palace for a private dinner with my parents." Prince Kearney forced the statement out.
"You've probably poisoned the food." she muttered.
"What?" questioned the Prince.
"I'd like that so terribly much!"replied Cindy-DJ through gritted teeth.
Director: Stop gritting your teeth like that Cindy-DJ. You're supposed to be in love.
After the private dinner the clock was 15 seconds from striking 12. Cindy-DJ ran away- but left her plastic 15-inch heeled shoe.
"Do I have to touch it?" whined the Prince.
Director: YES! FOLLOW THE PLAN!
Prince Kearney picked up the shoe.
"Good riddance she's gone" Prince Kearney stammered, "I mean; I must find that lovely girl. No matter what it takes."
So search he did until he found Cindy-DJ.
"ACK! I'm being stalked by the mad prince-dude! Is there no place I can find peace!?" cried out Cindy-DJ.
"I'm not happy either." Prince Kearney agreed. "Oh beautiful maiden. Please descend from your heavenly cloud to earth- and-and-and… DO I HAVE TO SAY THE MOST FEARED OF ALL FEARED LINES?!"
Director: Yes! It's a play for goodness sakes! It's not real!
"Will you-*gulp*- will you- marry me." Prince Kearney was near tears.
"Yes." Growled Cindy-DJ.
Director: Stop frowning Cindy-DJ! Smile! Your Prince Charming has come for you! GO! The wedding was beautiful. Prince Kearney sat in a tuxedo anxiously fidgeting- waiting eagerly for his bride.
"I think I got the ring too small. I hope it turns her finger green and she never gets it off!" He quietly said.
Director: You actors are hopeless.
And down the aisle came the soon-to-be Princess Cindy-DJ. Like an angel she stood beside her love as they traded vows.
"DJ- if I ever live through this torturous moment I promise to find a cold, damp cave and become a hermit." The Prince solemnly vowed.
"And Kearney- I can ever withstand the torture I will receive after this story is read, I promise to find the closest castle and become a nun." Cindy-DJ vowed
All the people cheered.
"You may now kiss the bride!"
Cindy-DJ and Kearney leaned forward-
Director: DJ! YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO RUN AWAY!!!
"I can't go that far!" said Cindy-DJ. "Hello monastery! I wanna be a nun!"
"GO ON! I didn't want to marry you anyway!" Prince Kearney said.
Cindy-DJ stopped in her tracks. She whirled around.
"You like military junk right?" she asked.
"It is not 'military junk' it is correctly called- official government business equipment!" corrected the Prince.
"MILITARY JUNK!"
"Ya know what your perfume and makeup are?" he asked her.
"Designer Makeup and French Perfume." She said forcefully.
"STINKY STUFF AND FACIAL JUNK!"
"fine- MILITARY JUNK!"
"OFFICIAL GOVERNMENT BUSINESS EQUIPMENT!"
"FRENCH PERFUME!"
"STINKY STUFF!"
"DESIGNER MAKEUP!"
"FACIAL JUNK!"
"MILITARY JUNK!"
"OFFICIAL GOVERNMENT BUSINESS EQUIPMENT!"
"FRENCH PERFUME!"
"STINKY STUFF!"
"DESIGNER MAKEUP!"
"FACIAL JUNK!"
"MILITARY JUNK!"
Cindy-DJ began chasing her loving husband around the cathedral, waving a coke bottle over her head like Xena (warrior princess might I add) or something.
Director: These actors are hopeless. Their careers are ruined! I quit! This job stinks.
2 The End
By: Michelle-Tara
Once upon a time a looooong time ago (like the 1500s) in the wild country of Oshkosh, capital of Genovia there once lived a man with his wife, daughter and two stepdaughters. One day after a hectic day at the office he came home with a splitting headache. He plopped into his favorite Catnapper recliner and opened the paper.
"WIFE!" he called out. His wife strode into the room.
"Yes love." The wife replied.
"I've had the most dreadful of all dreadful days at work and now have a splitting headache. Would you be ever so kind as to getting me a Tylenol or a Advil?" he asked.
"Why yes dear." She hurried into the kitchen.
After five minutes the wife returned with a glass cup full of Coke and two white tablets.
"Thank you." He gratefully took them from her.
"You're welcome husband- oh my! My girls are fighting! You eat your Tylenol and get some rest." She said.
The wife hurried off. The poor husband ate the two tablets and drank the Coke. He suddenly coughed and keeled over- dead. His daughter came in.
"Hey Dad guess what! Gap and Old Navy are having HUGE clearance sales! Can you loan me the carriage so I can go?" the daughter waited for an answer, "Dad- Dad! Hello!" She waved her hand in front of his face. At that moment the evil stepmother came into the room.
"HE'S DEAD! CALL 119!" the daughter shrieked.
"YAAAAAAAY! He's dead! Now we get all his fortune!" the wicked stepmother sang out. The daughter stood up. She angrily pointed a finger at the rejoicing stepmother.
"YOU DID THIS!" she angrily cried.
"Yes I did! Those two tablets weren't really Tylenol- they were laundry detergent tablets. And the Coke wasn't Coke- it was oil-changing liquid! He's deeeaaad! He's deeeaaad!" the wicked stepmother rejoiced. She pranced out of the room. One of the vicious stepsisters said, "Now that your father is dead you have to be our slave."
And so the poor maiden became enslaved by her outgoing and talented wicked- step mother and two evil stepsisters. They lived in a small mansion with only 18 bedrooms. The stepmother forced Cindy-DJ (that's what we'll call this poor victim) to clean the marble floor with her electric toothbrush. The marble floors sparkled- then in came the family goat (his name is Billy- Willy) with mud all over. Cindy-DJ had get down and RE-CLEAN IT!! Poor girl.
Well, a few years have passed and a page from King Mr. Rose arrived at their house and knocked on the door. Wicked Stepsister #1 opened it.
"WAAZZZZUUP AMIGO?!" the page said.
That scared Wicked Stepsister #1.
"Fine. What do want." She said viciously.
"I got a letter for you- from the king. *Ahem* It says-" he began to read it, but, Wicked stepsister#1 snatched it from him.
"I can read moron! Go away!" She shouted at him. Then she slammed the door in his face.
"So young- so angry-darn that rap music!" the page muttered some more to himself as he walked to the next mansion.
Inside wicked stepsisters 1&2, and evil stepmommy read the invitation.
"OH MY MONKEYS!! I'm going to marry Prince Kearney!" Wicked Stepsister #2 gushed happily. Cindy-DJ read the invitation real fast.
"It says you're invited to go so you can meet the prince so he may choose his bride." She corrected. Wicked Stepsister #1 growled, "So- he'll naturally choose ME!!"
The party was that night. The wicked stepsisters and stepmother all rushed to get into their finest threads.
"Does my butt look big in this?" asked Wicked Step Sister #1
"You don't wear mini-skirt to balls." Corrected the stepmother.
"ACK! I'm ruined! A patch of lint has collected on this dress!" cried Wicked Stepsister #2. They set off to go. The stepmother turned to Cindy- DJ.
"Yo stay here and wash the roof with your electric hairbrush." She said.
"You mean electric toothbrush."
"Same difference." And with that comment they left, Cindy-DJ sat on the steps and cried.
"I wish I could go to the ball." She sobbed.
Suddenly- a little blue ball fluttered around her head and materialized into the UK fairy.
"Where's the team. I need to sprinkle some fairy dust on the ball so we win!"
"What?! You're the UK fairy! I'm Cindy-DJ!" Cindy-DJ said, surprised.
"That's nice. WHERE'S THE DARN GAME AT?!" The fairy asked impatiently.
"We have no UK games here. I think you got lost. You're messing up my story!" wept Cindy-DJ. "And the critics will say it's an utter failure due to bias and unfeeling UK fairies!
"Narrators." The fairy muttered ignoring the later part of Cindy-DJ's line, "Always send ya in the wrong direction!"
"Anyways- I'm a true red UL fan!" Cindy-DJ said proudly.
"Help me! I'm in the presence of an unclean person!" cried the UK fairy in anguish.
The UK fairy disappeared and another pink ball of light fluttered around her head. It materialized.
"Like hi Cindy-DJ!" said the ditzy fairy.
"Hi- can you get me to the ball. The UK fairy couldn't do it." Cindy-DJ smiled hopefully.
"Like yeah?! Close like you're eyes and like sing 'Oops I Did It Again'!!" the fairy grinned. DJ sand the song and when she opened her eyes she was in this gorgeous pink fluffy dress.
"DUDE! I don't do fluffy!" she wailed.
Director: Fine,reverse it!
When Cindy-DJ opened her eyes she was in a spectacular pink evening gown.
"I love this story!" she smiled.
Anyway the Britney Spears fairy shipped her off to the ball. She arrived as Wicked Stepsister #2 had finished dancing with Prince Kearney. He looked bored to death. Suddenly he lifted his eyes and saw Cindy-DJ.
"YUCK! Is that the best you can come up with as Cinderella! If it wasn't for our contract I'd get my under-study to play this part!" Prince Kearney frowned.
"I'm not to pleased to have to dance with you Aaron!" Cindy DJ replied.
The prince looked love-struck.
"He does not!" Cindy-DJ said.
He held out his hand for Cindy-DJ to take and dance with him.
"I don't want to dance with him! He has cooties or germs or something!" Cindy-DJ winced.
Director: GRRRRRR! JUST DO AS I SAY FOR CRIPES SAKE!!
They began to dance. Cindy-DJ looked into his eyes with love and admiration.
"How about utmost loathing and distaste." Corrected Cindy-DJ.
Director: STOP THE AD-LIBBING!!!!
They danced into the night. The ball was over.
"Hey how about you join me up in the palace for a private dinner with my parents." Prince Kearney forced the statement out.
"You've probably poisoned the food." she muttered.
"What?" questioned the Prince.
"I'd like that so terribly much!"replied Cindy-DJ through gritted teeth.
Director: Stop gritting your teeth like that Cindy-DJ. You're supposed to be in love.
After the private dinner the clock was 15 seconds from striking 12. Cindy-DJ ran away- but left her plastic 15-inch heeled shoe.
"Do I have to touch it?" whined the Prince.
Director: YES! FOLLOW THE PLAN!
Prince Kearney picked up the shoe.
"Good riddance she's gone" Prince Kearney stammered, "I mean; I must find that lovely girl. No matter what it takes."
So search he did until he found Cindy-DJ.
"ACK! I'm being stalked by the mad prince-dude! Is there no place I can find peace!?" cried out Cindy-DJ.
"I'm not happy either." Prince Kearney agreed. "Oh beautiful maiden. Please descend from your heavenly cloud to earth- and-and-and… DO I HAVE TO SAY THE MOST FEARED OF ALL FEARED LINES?!"
Director: Yes! It's a play for goodness sakes! It's not real!
"Will you-*gulp*- will you- marry me." Prince Kearney was near tears.
"Yes." Growled Cindy-DJ.
Director: Stop frowning Cindy-DJ! Smile! Your Prince Charming has come for you! GO! The wedding was beautiful. Prince Kearney sat in a tuxedo anxiously fidgeting- waiting eagerly for his bride.
"I think I got the ring too small. I hope it turns her finger green and she never gets it off!" He quietly said.
Director: You actors are hopeless.
And down the aisle came the soon-to-be Princess Cindy-DJ. Like an angel she stood beside her love as they traded vows.
"DJ- if I ever live through this torturous moment I promise to find a cold, damp cave and become a hermit." The Prince solemnly vowed.
"And Kearney- I can ever withstand the torture I will receive after this story is read, I promise to find the closest castle and become a nun." Cindy-DJ vowed
All the people cheered.
"You may now kiss the bride!"
Cindy-DJ and Kearney leaned forward-
Director: DJ! YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO RUN AWAY!!!
"I can't go that far!" said Cindy-DJ. "Hello monastery! I wanna be a nun!"
"GO ON! I didn't want to marry you anyway!" Prince Kearney said.
Cindy-DJ stopped in her tracks. She whirled around.
"You like military junk right?" she asked.
"It is not 'military junk' it is correctly called- official government business equipment!" corrected the Prince.
"MILITARY JUNK!"
"Ya know what your perfume and makeup are?" he asked her.
"Designer Makeup and French Perfume." She said forcefully.
"STINKY STUFF AND FACIAL JUNK!"
"fine- MILITARY JUNK!"
"OFFICIAL GOVERNMENT BUSINESS EQUIPMENT!"
"FRENCH PERFUME!"
"STINKY STUFF!"
"DESIGNER MAKEUP!"
"FACIAL JUNK!"
"MILITARY JUNK!"
"OFFICIAL GOVERNMENT BUSINESS EQUIPMENT!"
"FRENCH PERFUME!"
"STINKY STUFF!"
"DESIGNER MAKEUP!"
"FACIAL JUNK!"
"MILITARY JUNK!"
Cindy-DJ began chasing her loving husband around the cathedral, waving a coke bottle over her head like Xena (warrior princess might I add) or something.
Director: These actors are hopeless. Their careers are ruined! I quit! This job stinks.
2 The End