The Darkness in me
Sasuke Uchiha found himself staring at the mirror in front of him. He didn't see the pale skinny boy that was reflected in the mirror instead he saw one that lacked perfection in every area. The morning had started out like always. Sasuke had gotten up early so he could work on his shuriken practice. Sasuke had been practicing for three hours when his father Fugaku had come out to see what kind of progress Sasuke was making. He spent the hour and half telling Sasuke that he had been throwing it wrong the entire time. At the end of it, his father had Sasuke that it was a shame he wasn't more like his brother Itachi.
"Itachi could throw it perfectly and hit his target at a good distance when he was two years younger than you." Fugaku informed Sasuke before walking off to. Sasuke scowled down at the ground, no matter how hard he worked he was never as good as Itachi. Sasuke loved his brother but the fact that Fugaku expected Sasuke to be just as talented as Itachi was a little ridiculous. He was his own person he shouldn't be expected to be more than what he was.
Sighing, and feeling a little rejected, Sasuke stored his shuriken in their holder before turning and entering the house. Heading for his bedroom, Sasuke flopped down on the bed, not really caring that if he didn't hurry and grab his shower he would be late for the ninja academy. Sasuke stared up at the ceiling wondering if he would ever be looked upon with approval.
Hearing his door open, Sasuke turned his head and saw Itachi stick his head in the door.
"You're going to be late little brother if you don't hurry."
"I don't care" Sasuke mumbled it kind of seemed pointless to him, since no matter how hard he worked it would never be good enough.
"Don't let anything Father said get you down," Itachi said "I know he is hard on you, but you can't let it bother you so much. Father does know best."
"Really?" Sasuke wondered out loud as he sat up on his bed. "Because it seems to me the only thing he knows is insults and I don't know about you but putting someone down is not the way to help them get stronger."
"He won't always be pushing you so hard." Itachi said softly knowing that their father's careless words affected Sasuke more than Sasuke let on. "He just wants you to be strong."
"I can't be as strong as you which is exactly what he wants." Sasuke said sighing, "You have accomplished so much and he expects me to be able to do the same." Sasuke said a tear falling down his face. Itachi hurt for his brother, he wished he knew the words that would ease Sasuke's pain and confusion, but at the moment the only person who could do that was their father. Itachi doubted Fugaku Uchiha would bother to offer Sasuke any kind of apology. Didn't their father know that he was killing Sasuke with his aloofness? Did he not care?
"Don't ever try to be someone other than you" Itachi told Sasuke. "You won't ever be happy if you try to be more than that."
Sasuke sighed and shoved himself to his feet. He wanted to be a shinobi that his father could be proud of. If he didn't work harder than what would his father have to be proud of?
"Think about what I said, Sasuke." Itachi said "You don't have to be anyone other than you. Screw what he thinks." If only it was that easy Sasuke thought as he gathered up some clean clothes, hiding the razor underneath them. He didn't think his father would ever understand how he felt.
Once he was standing underneath the water, Sasuke pulled out the razor. Holding his breath, Sasuke made a small cut on his thigh, he watched a small amount of blood well up and drip down his leg, before he made another cut. Unbeknownst to Itachi, Sasuke had found a way of dealing with the pain that their father's words often caused. When he was finished showering, Sasuke placed a small band aid on the two small cuts, before getting dressed.
"Don't forget Sasuke you have to train today after school." his father said before muttering "Not that its doing you any good you are nowhere as good as Itachi." Itachi scowled at his father before following a dejected Sasuke out the door.
"Ignore him" Itachi muttered under his breath "its just words." words could cause as much damage as any kind of weapon, sometimes more so when the person wielded them the right way. Sasuke wasn't going to point that out to Itachi though.
"Hey, I will work with you after school if you want me to" Itachi said knowing that his offer to help probably wouldn't ease the sting of their father's careless words.
"okay" Sasuke mumbled knowing that something would probably come up and Itachi wouldn't be able to help him. He didn't blame Itachi, his older brother was an extremely talented shinobi and was often in demand for missions. Sasuke knew that Itachi would do anything to spare him from his father's words.
Upon entering the academy, Sasuke found himself sitting alone, trying to ignore the sound of his classmates. The fangirls were especially annoying and Sasuke found it hard not to snap at them and tell them to leave him alone.
As the class started Sasuke found himself annoyed at the loud boisterous blond that was sitting beside him. Naruto Uzumaki was his name, and the kid couldn't sit still, he shouted out answers, even if they were the wrong ones just to annoy their sensei.
"Do you ever shut up?" Sasuke snapped when the blond's comments grated on his nerves. "you're an idiot. Saying whatever you think Sensei wants to hear." The blond turned and glared at Sasuke.
"How about you mind your own business?" Naruto said glaring at Sasuke "you should stop being high and mighty and thinking the world revolves around you for a change." Naruto continued "You think you're so perfect so why don't you knock it off?" Sasuke glared at the blond, the kid had no idea what it was like to walk in his shoes. He had no idea about the depression that weighed heavily on Sasuke's shoulders. Naruto didn't know that Sasuke cut himself every single morning and every afternoon when he came home from academy. Naruto was just an orphan who had no idea what it was like to have to deal with the pressure that parents could put on them for them to succeed.
"You're just a stupid orphan who no one loves." Sasuke said "You have no idea what its like to live up to impossible expectations."
Naruto's eyes widened with hurt. Sasuke knew that he had crossed a line with that comment, but the blond was getting on his nerves and Sasuke needed to do something to shut him up.
"I might not have parents." Naruto said "but at least I didn't grow to be a stuck up bastard." that being said, the blond leaped to his feet and rushed out the door, ignoring Iruka's cries for him to come back.
"Sasuke there was no call for you to say that." Iruka said a disappointed look in his eyes. "You know about Naruto's difficult circumstances, calling him out was the wrong thing to do. I'm afraid I am going to have to send you home." Iruka told him and Sasuke rolled his eyes before standing and exiting the room. He honestly didn't care if he got sent home or not, but he knew his father would find out and would give him hell. Sighing, Sasuke exited the academy, knowing his father would be home and not really wanting to deal with it, but at the same time wanting to get it over with. Sasuke headed home.
Upon reaching the complex, he found his father standing on the porch waiting for him. An angry expression on his face.
"Do you mind explaining what the hell you were thinking?" Fugaku demanded. "I haven't raised my boys to be pricks. So where do you come off with putting that boy down?"
"He was getting on my nerves and I couldn't concentrate." Sasuke said knowing that it didn't matter what he said, his father wouldn't like it. His father scowled at him and Sasuke had the feeling he wouldn't like his punishment.
"You will apologize to Naruto when you return to school. Until then you will work on your shuriken throwing until I say you can stop. Trust me that is going to be a while." Fugaku said before turning and entering the complex.
Sasuke headed towards the forest where he began throwing his shuriken at the targets. He winced when the shuriken missed the target.
"Itachi could have hit it on the first try." Fugaku snapped from where he was standing watching Sasuke's practice. Sasuke proceeded to throw the shuriken harder. His father making biting comments telling Sasuke how much better Itachi could do.
Sasuke bit the inside of his cheek, trying to ignore the pain that his father's words caused. Would he ever prove to be as good as Itachi?
Five hours later, Sasuke found himself sitting at the table, Itachi sitting beside him. His father and mother across from them. Sasuke silently picked at the rice, not really hungry after all the practice he had just gone through.
"Father told me what you said to Naruto." Itachi said once Fugaku and Mikoto had stepped away from the table. "It wasn't very nice." Sasuke hated the disappointment he saw in Itachi's eyes. Sasuke could handle anyone else being angry with him but he couldn't handle it from Itachi. "You know Naruto has a hard enough time with people of this village. He doesn't need you to add to his problems." The more Itachi scolded Sasuke the more he felt sick to his stomach. Sasuke adored his older brother, even if his father expected him to be just like Itachi. Knowing that Itachi was mad at him, hurt Sasuke more than anything else.
As Itachi continued to address the issue with Sasuke. Sasuke pushed himself away from the table and walked off towards the bathroom.
Entering the room, Sasuke threw himself on the floor in front of the toilet, his stomach heaving and he wretched into the toilet losing everything that he had just eaten. He knew he had made a mistake but not everyone had to keep telling him how wrong it was. Still, feeling sick to his stomach, Sasuke found himself placing two fingers down his throat forcing himself to rid himself of everything else he had eaten.
Sasuke was unaware that Itachi was standing right outside the door listening to the violent bout of vomiting. When Sasuke was finished, he forced himself to his feet.
Opening the door, Sasuke ignored the concerned look on Itachi's face, as Sasuke made his way to his bedroom, longing for the feel of a sharp blade across his skin.
Thanks for reading and reviewing Liz