DISCLAIMER: None of these characters are mine, they belong to G.L.
Author's Note: This is for all of those Obi-Wan/Amidala shippers out there!
A Knight's Duty
"Have you ever been in love, Obi-Wan?"
The question caught him off-guard, and it was a moment before he regained his equilibrium enough to say, "Why do you ask, m'lady?"
"I'm just curious about a Jedi's life. It seems so noble, but strange."
He paused before answering her question. "Jedis are forbidden to love," he told her carefully.
"But have you ever been in love?" she pressed.
He was silent for so long that Padmé began to regret asking him. "Once," he finally answered quietly.
"What was she like?"
"She was . . . " His voiced trailed off and he appeared to be staring past her. "She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. She was brave and determined. She was . . . in my eyes she was perfect in every way."
Padmé smiled. It seemed so unlike the normally reserved Jedi to fall in love. He seemed so sweet, staring into space as though reliving the past. "What happened?"
"Nothing. I knew that I could not allow anything to happen between us. My duty as a Jedi must always come first." There was so much sadness in his voice. Padmé leaned over and touched him on the shoulder.
"So she never knew how you felt about her?" she asked.
Obi-Wan looked at her, and he seemed to be staring through her. His eyes were locked onto hers, and all she could see were their stormy blue-green depths. The intensity in them shocked her. She had always thought of him as a sweet, gentle, good man. But his eyes spoke of passion far greater than she would ever have expected from him.
"No . . . " he whispered hoarsely, "but sometimes I thought that she knew . . . somehow . . . "
Time seemed to slow and expand. She was aware of a minutiae of details. His mouth was trembling, and she could almost feel his lips against hers, forceful and sweet. His breath came more raggedly than normal and seemed to mirror the pounding of her own heart. Surely he could hear it. It seemed to fill the room with its desperate rhythm. Despite the beard, his face suddenly seemed as youthful as it had ten years ago on Naboo. His eyes smouldered with intensity and desire. Looking at them was almost painful, yet she could not bring herself to look away.
"Padmé!"
Both jerked up in surprise. Anakin stood in the doorway. "What are you two doing?" His words were casual, but both sensed the underlying tension in his voice.
"I was looking for you, and Master Obi-Wan invited me to wait here for you." She stood up quickly. "How are you? Shall we go? You were going to show me the gardens today."
She quickly steered Anakin out of the room, promising Obi-Wan to be back before late. However, she glanced back at him as she and Anakin left. His normally serene countenance was lined with emotion. She watched him bury his face in his hands and sigh mournfully.
*****
From then on, things were strained between Padmé and Obi-Wan. He seemed even stiffer around her, always bowing formally and addressing her as "m'lady." She longed to see him smile or to hear her name pass from his lips. But no. He was always polite and reserved, a perfect gentleman.
Anakin was another matter. His emotions grew increasingly unpredictable. Sometimes even Padmé was unable to appease his temper. Then she would flee, hiding from him while tears ran down her face. Where was the sweet boy she had once known? She knew that Anakin loved her, but his moods frightened her. She wanted to do something, but the flash of anger in his eyes and the tremor of violence in his body terrified her.
Obi-Wan found her on one of these nights. She sat outside of Anakin's room crying. Anakin had stormed out of the Jedi Temple in a terrible rage, leaving his new bride to tremble and sob alone.
"Senator? Are you all right?"
The kind words were too much for her. She pulled him down beside her, throwing her arms around his neck.
"Oh Obi-Wan!" she sobbed. "I -- I've never seen him this bad! He's furious. He's so angry with the Jedi, so frustrated by his own limitations. I don't know what to do!"
At first he felt stiff against her, but gradually he softened, pulling her close and stroking her hair. He felt wonderfully solid and reassuring beneath her, and gradually her tears subsided. In the silence she could feel the pounding of his heart under her cheek in perfect synchronization with her own. The warmth of his strong body made her tremble.
*Stop this,* she screamed to herself. *You are a married woman. You love Anakin.*
But she could not deny the feelings that surged within her. The very essence of his being drew her towards him. His eyes stared at something she could not see, but the pain in them was clear. She tilted her head up and locked her brown eyes with his blue ones. In the evening light, he cast a shadow across their faces. In the dim light she could see the pain and agony in his soul, and also a deep passion. She brought her mouth to his and kissed him.
She felt a brief moment of surprise before he surrendered to her. His mouth was soft and sweet, but firm. She felt his hands move to the back of her head, pulling her closer. This was different from kissing Anakin. There was no fire devouring her. Instead it felt warm and gently intoxicating as pleasurable sensations crept over her, making her body yearn for his.
And then he pulled away. His face was flushed, and his eyes wore the shock of an innocent boy.
"Padmé . . . " he whispered. He gulped, trying to regain control over himself. "Senator Amidala," he began again, "we can't . . . "
"Obi-Wan, I love you. I think I've loved you as long as Anakin has loved me. I have always and will always love you."
He stiffened visibly. He rose and walked away from her. "You don't know what you are saying. Passion is dangerous for a Jedi. A Jedi is forbidden to love." He sounded as though he were talking more to himself than to her.
"Obi-Wan . . . "
He turned to her. "What about Anakin? He loves you. Sometimes I think you are the only one he cares about anymore."
"That's not true. Anakin loves you. He thinks of you as a father."
"Exactly! How . . . how could I do that to him? Betray him like that? He has loved you every day for ten years."
"And I have loved you every day for ten years. I love everything about you -- your goodness and strength and compassion, your loyalty and humor and . . . " She broke off with a sob. "I love Anakin, but . . . but I also love you."
"And I love you . . . "
Hearing the words spoken aloud intensified her feelings a thousand times. She walked towards him. She cupped his face in her hands and kissed her again. Another jolt went through her body, and again he let himself enjoy the moment before pushing her away.
"Please . . . " He walked over to the window. "You ask something of me that I cannot give. I am a Jedi. I cannot fall in love."
"But you have! Are you going to ignore your feelings forever?"
"Yes. A Jedi must learn control." The calm façade broke for a moment, revealing the torture within him. "What else can I do?"
"Love me," she pleaded. She tried to kiss him again, but he moved away from her and sat down on the couch.
"I can't."
She sat beside him feeling numb. All of her hopes that had been created by the surging emotions inside of her had been extinguished in an instant. There would be no happily ever after for them. Obi-Wan was a Jedi. Period. They could never be together.
*Anakin,* she thought, *I have Anakin.* But the thought was not comforting. She did not love Anakin any less, but he could not fulfill her the way that Obi-Wan could. She and Anakin's love was an all-consuming, burning desire. But Obi-Wan's love was like a gentle rain, nurturing and healing her soul.
He was silent for a long time. Finally he spoke again. "In ancient times," he said in a low voice, "a queen would have a knight who protected her and loved her more than anyone else. Her knight would devote himself to her, loving her always . . . but never able to have her."
The romantic image he had painted for her made her smile. "But I'm not a queen," she protested.
He lifted her head so that their eyes met once more. "You will always be a queen to me," he kissed her chastely on the forehead, "m'lady."
In his eyes she could see love and devotion that would last forever. She wanted him so badly, but this was all they could ever have. She could never be anything more than his queen, and he her faithful knight.
Epilogue
When Padmé awoke, he was there. A smile tugged at her lips to see the serious Jedi holding her twin babies.
"Obi-Wan . . . " she whispered faintly.
"See, I told you she would wake up," he said to the children. "A queen needs her sleep, that's all."
She smiled more broadly. "You came. I knew you would."
"Of course."
She could still see the old love in his eyes, but now it was clouded with pain and remorse. Obi-Wan probably blamed himself for everything. But it was no one's fault. None of us could have prevented this. We played our parts perfectly from the moment we first met Anakin until the last act to destroy the Republic.
*Oh, Ani!* her heart cried. *Oh Ani, come back to me! Hold me in your arms and kiss me and tell me everything will be fine. Be the little boy I met all those years ago, the man whom I fell in love with.*
His voice brought her back to the present. "What are their names?"
"The girl is Leia, and the boy is Luke."
"Leia and Luke," he repeated, examining each twin in turn. "Perfect. They're perfect."
"What happens now?" she asked. "I know you didn't come here just to say hello. It was far too dangerous for you to come out of hiding."
His smile faded, replaced by his normal serious expression. It was different now, though. The pain and suffering he had seen had aged him. She wondered if she would ever see the young man she had first known in his eyes again.
"Leia is to stay here with you on Alderaan. Bail Organa will take good care of both of you."
"And Luke?" she asked, a sense of dread filling her.
"He is to come with me."
"No, you can't take my son away from me! They are all that I have left of Anakin."
"It is safer this way," he said. His voice was gentle, but it was clear that this was not a suggestion.
"Where are you taking him?"
"It is best that you don't know."
She began to cry. "You can't ask a mother to give up one of her children, not knowing where they'll be or if she'll ever see him again."
"M'lady . . . Padmé, you have to trust me. I will not let any harm come to Luke, I promise. He will be in good hands. But it is too dangerous to keep them together. If Darth Vader should find one, there is a chance that the other will survive."
"Don't call him that! I don't care what he's done . . . he'll always be Ani to me."
"Anakin is dead now. Remember that. The man you loved is gone. Darth Vader is all that is left of him."
"You are asking too much of me! I can't do this."
"Yes you can. You are strong, Padmé. You can do this. It is for the good of the entire galaxy. You have always been able to rise to the occasion, and I know that you can do it now."
Still crying, she nodded. "Let me hold them one more time," she begged.
Carefully, he deposited Luke and then Leia into her arms. She looked down at their little faces. Through her tears, they appeared to be little angels, their faces shining with innocence, one fair and the other dark. They felt so soft and sweet in her arms, and for a moment the rest of the world seemed to melt away. All that existed was her and her babies.
And then Obi-Wan's strong hands pulled Luke away. He and Leia began to cry immediately as though sensing Obi-Wan's purpose.
"Don't . . . " Padmé pleaded. "They don't want to be separated . . . let them have each other, at least."
But Obi-Wan continued out the door, rocking Luke gently. "It's all right, little one," he whispered. "I'll take good care of you."
"Will I ever see you again?" she cried out as he stepped through the doorway.
He paused for only a moment.
"Perhaps." He hesitated before adding, "I will love you forever, Padmé."
"I love you too."
And tears ran down her face as she lay alone, holding her daughter and weeping for the men she had loved.
Author's Note: This is for all of those Obi-Wan/Amidala shippers out there!
A Knight's Duty
"Have you ever been in love, Obi-Wan?"
The question caught him off-guard, and it was a moment before he regained his equilibrium enough to say, "Why do you ask, m'lady?"
"I'm just curious about a Jedi's life. It seems so noble, but strange."
He paused before answering her question. "Jedis are forbidden to love," he told her carefully.
"But have you ever been in love?" she pressed.
He was silent for so long that Padmé began to regret asking him. "Once," he finally answered quietly.
"What was she like?"
"She was . . . " His voiced trailed off and he appeared to be staring past her. "She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. She was brave and determined. She was . . . in my eyes she was perfect in every way."
Padmé smiled. It seemed so unlike the normally reserved Jedi to fall in love. He seemed so sweet, staring into space as though reliving the past. "What happened?"
"Nothing. I knew that I could not allow anything to happen between us. My duty as a Jedi must always come first." There was so much sadness in his voice. Padmé leaned over and touched him on the shoulder.
"So she never knew how you felt about her?" she asked.
Obi-Wan looked at her, and he seemed to be staring through her. His eyes were locked onto hers, and all she could see were their stormy blue-green depths. The intensity in them shocked her. She had always thought of him as a sweet, gentle, good man. But his eyes spoke of passion far greater than she would ever have expected from him.
"No . . . " he whispered hoarsely, "but sometimes I thought that she knew . . . somehow . . . "
Time seemed to slow and expand. She was aware of a minutiae of details. His mouth was trembling, and she could almost feel his lips against hers, forceful and sweet. His breath came more raggedly than normal and seemed to mirror the pounding of her own heart. Surely he could hear it. It seemed to fill the room with its desperate rhythm. Despite the beard, his face suddenly seemed as youthful as it had ten years ago on Naboo. His eyes smouldered with intensity and desire. Looking at them was almost painful, yet she could not bring herself to look away.
"Padmé!"
Both jerked up in surprise. Anakin stood in the doorway. "What are you two doing?" His words were casual, but both sensed the underlying tension in his voice.
"I was looking for you, and Master Obi-Wan invited me to wait here for you." She stood up quickly. "How are you? Shall we go? You were going to show me the gardens today."
She quickly steered Anakin out of the room, promising Obi-Wan to be back before late. However, she glanced back at him as she and Anakin left. His normally serene countenance was lined with emotion. She watched him bury his face in his hands and sigh mournfully.
*****
From then on, things were strained between Padmé and Obi-Wan. He seemed even stiffer around her, always bowing formally and addressing her as "m'lady." She longed to see him smile or to hear her name pass from his lips. But no. He was always polite and reserved, a perfect gentleman.
Anakin was another matter. His emotions grew increasingly unpredictable. Sometimes even Padmé was unable to appease his temper. Then she would flee, hiding from him while tears ran down her face. Where was the sweet boy she had once known? She knew that Anakin loved her, but his moods frightened her. She wanted to do something, but the flash of anger in his eyes and the tremor of violence in his body terrified her.
Obi-Wan found her on one of these nights. She sat outside of Anakin's room crying. Anakin had stormed out of the Jedi Temple in a terrible rage, leaving his new bride to tremble and sob alone.
"Senator? Are you all right?"
The kind words were too much for her. She pulled him down beside her, throwing her arms around his neck.
"Oh Obi-Wan!" she sobbed. "I -- I've never seen him this bad! He's furious. He's so angry with the Jedi, so frustrated by his own limitations. I don't know what to do!"
At first he felt stiff against her, but gradually he softened, pulling her close and stroking her hair. He felt wonderfully solid and reassuring beneath her, and gradually her tears subsided. In the silence she could feel the pounding of his heart under her cheek in perfect synchronization with her own. The warmth of his strong body made her tremble.
*Stop this,* she screamed to herself. *You are a married woman. You love Anakin.*
But she could not deny the feelings that surged within her. The very essence of his being drew her towards him. His eyes stared at something she could not see, but the pain in them was clear. She tilted her head up and locked her brown eyes with his blue ones. In the evening light, he cast a shadow across their faces. In the dim light she could see the pain and agony in his soul, and also a deep passion. She brought her mouth to his and kissed him.
She felt a brief moment of surprise before he surrendered to her. His mouth was soft and sweet, but firm. She felt his hands move to the back of her head, pulling her closer. This was different from kissing Anakin. There was no fire devouring her. Instead it felt warm and gently intoxicating as pleasurable sensations crept over her, making her body yearn for his.
And then he pulled away. His face was flushed, and his eyes wore the shock of an innocent boy.
"Padmé . . . " he whispered. He gulped, trying to regain control over himself. "Senator Amidala," he began again, "we can't . . . "
"Obi-Wan, I love you. I think I've loved you as long as Anakin has loved me. I have always and will always love you."
He stiffened visibly. He rose and walked away from her. "You don't know what you are saying. Passion is dangerous for a Jedi. A Jedi is forbidden to love." He sounded as though he were talking more to himself than to her.
"Obi-Wan . . . "
He turned to her. "What about Anakin? He loves you. Sometimes I think you are the only one he cares about anymore."
"That's not true. Anakin loves you. He thinks of you as a father."
"Exactly! How . . . how could I do that to him? Betray him like that? He has loved you every day for ten years."
"And I have loved you every day for ten years. I love everything about you -- your goodness and strength and compassion, your loyalty and humor and . . . " She broke off with a sob. "I love Anakin, but . . . but I also love you."
"And I love you . . . "
Hearing the words spoken aloud intensified her feelings a thousand times. She walked towards him. She cupped his face in her hands and kissed her again. Another jolt went through her body, and again he let himself enjoy the moment before pushing her away.
"Please . . . " He walked over to the window. "You ask something of me that I cannot give. I am a Jedi. I cannot fall in love."
"But you have! Are you going to ignore your feelings forever?"
"Yes. A Jedi must learn control." The calm façade broke for a moment, revealing the torture within him. "What else can I do?"
"Love me," she pleaded. She tried to kiss him again, but he moved away from her and sat down on the couch.
"I can't."
She sat beside him feeling numb. All of her hopes that had been created by the surging emotions inside of her had been extinguished in an instant. There would be no happily ever after for them. Obi-Wan was a Jedi. Period. They could never be together.
*Anakin,* she thought, *I have Anakin.* But the thought was not comforting. She did not love Anakin any less, but he could not fulfill her the way that Obi-Wan could. She and Anakin's love was an all-consuming, burning desire. But Obi-Wan's love was like a gentle rain, nurturing and healing her soul.
He was silent for a long time. Finally he spoke again. "In ancient times," he said in a low voice, "a queen would have a knight who protected her and loved her more than anyone else. Her knight would devote himself to her, loving her always . . . but never able to have her."
The romantic image he had painted for her made her smile. "But I'm not a queen," she protested.
He lifted her head so that their eyes met once more. "You will always be a queen to me," he kissed her chastely on the forehead, "m'lady."
In his eyes she could see love and devotion that would last forever. She wanted him so badly, but this was all they could ever have. She could never be anything more than his queen, and he her faithful knight.
Epilogue
When Padmé awoke, he was there. A smile tugged at her lips to see the serious Jedi holding her twin babies.
"Obi-Wan . . . " she whispered faintly.
"See, I told you she would wake up," he said to the children. "A queen needs her sleep, that's all."
She smiled more broadly. "You came. I knew you would."
"Of course."
She could still see the old love in his eyes, but now it was clouded with pain and remorse. Obi-Wan probably blamed himself for everything. But it was no one's fault. None of us could have prevented this. We played our parts perfectly from the moment we first met Anakin until the last act to destroy the Republic.
*Oh, Ani!* her heart cried. *Oh Ani, come back to me! Hold me in your arms and kiss me and tell me everything will be fine. Be the little boy I met all those years ago, the man whom I fell in love with.*
His voice brought her back to the present. "What are their names?"
"The girl is Leia, and the boy is Luke."
"Leia and Luke," he repeated, examining each twin in turn. "Perfect. They're perfect."
"What happens now?" she asked. "I know you didn't come here just to say hello. It was far too dangerous for you to come out of hiding."
His smile faded, replaced by his normal serious expression. It was different now, though. The pain and suffering he had seen had aged him. She wondered if she would ever see the young man she had first known in his eyes again.
"Leia is to stay here with you on Alderaan. Bail Organa will take good care of both of you."
"And Luke?" she asked, a sense of dread filling her.
"He is to come with me."
"No, you can't take my son away from me! They are all that I have left of Anakin."
"It is safer this way," he said. His voice was gentle, but it was clear that this was not a suggestion.
"Where are you taking him?"
"It is best that you don't know."
She began to cry. "You can't ask a mother to give up one of her children, not knowing where they'll be or if she'll ever see him again."
"M'lady . . . Padmé, you have to trust me. I will not let any harm come to Luke, I promise. He will be in good hands. But it is too dangerous to keep them together. If Darth Vader should find one, there is a chance that the other will survive."
"Don't call him that! I don't care what he's done . . . he'll always be Ani to me."
"Anakin is dead now. Remember that. The man you loved is gone. Darth Vader is all that is left of him."
"You are asking too much of me! I can't do this."
"Yes you can. You are strong, Padmé. You can do this. It is for the good of the entire galaxy. You have always been able to rise to the occasion, and I know that you can do it now."
Still crying, she nodded. "Let me hold them one more time," she begged.
Carefully, he deposited Luke and then Leia into her arms. She looked down at their little faces. Through her tears, they appeared to be little angels, their faces shining with innocence, one fair and the other dark. They felt so soft and sweet in her arms, and for a moment the rest of the world seemed to melt away. All that existed was her and her babies.
And then Obi-Wan's strong hands pulled Luke away. He and Leia began to cry immediately as though sensing Obi-Wan's purpose.
"Don't . . . " Padmé pleaded. "They don't want to be separated . . . let them have each other, at least."
But Obi-Wan continued out the door, rocking Luke gently. "It's all right, little one," he whispered. "I'll take good care of you."
"Will I ever see you again?" she cried out as he stepped through the doorway.
He paused for only a moment.
"Perhaps." He hesitated before adding, "I will love you forever, Padmé."
"I love you too."
And tears ran down her face as she lay alone, holding her daughter and weeping for the men she had loved.