Belle in Love
Emilia Pond Williams
When I imagined living with Mr. Gold all those years ago, I never imagined I'd be his maid. I imagined something a bit more romantic, something like a fairy-tale per say. A long time ago when I was a wee child, I met this mysterious Mr. Gold. When he first came to my home, I was about ten years old. I was old enough to know that he wasn't really a force to be reckoned with, but I was just young enough not to care. He was nice to me, so why shouldn't I be nice to him? When I first laid eyes on him I was, as a young impressionable child.
I liked this mystery, I wanted to know him, I wanted to know the beast that everyone claimed him to be. I don't think I really saw the truly angry side of him like others did, he was always kind and considerate to me. He seemed to not be a beast to children. I could tell that he and my father didn't get along, but most people didn't get along with my father. I didn't blame them because my father was an abusive alcoholic and rarely ever paid his bills. It was only thanks to my mother that we even stayed afloat but then my mother died and that changed everything.
My father became more abusive and I looked forward to Mr. Gold's visits. I think he only came to my father's shop to see me. He always brought me a book that he thought I would like, my favourite book from him was Beauty and the Beast. He brought me a purple flower with the books. Each flower was different and I know he didn't get them from my father's shop. I never did get the chance to ask him where they came from. In fact to this day I still have them, I have them in books, pressed and safe. Every now and then I would look at the flowers and think of the moment I got them, his face when he gave them to me, the little crinkles in his eyes, his eyes that I loved so much, Marcus Gold was my childhood crush and he always would be, but I had no way of knowing that that would change. For, you see I always saw him every week but then one day when I was fifteen our relationship changed.
Marcus stopped coming to the shop. He sent his henchman Dove to collect the rent and every time I saw him in town, he would turn around and walk the other way or cross the street. it was obvious he was avoiding me. I just didn't know why and it hurt me. He was my childhood friend. Mr. Gold was my brief flicker of light amidst an ocean of darkness.
That was almost five years ago. Four years ago, everything changed. I saw Mr. Gold - My Marcus - with a child, maybe a year old. It was then that I knew he would never return my affection. He would never come to care for me as I had him. The discovery nearly killed me. I got over it, somehow, or at least masked it well enough to give Mr. Gold the nerve to ask me to be his nanny. Of course, I refused. I could never be in Mr. Gold's life, mothering a child that wasn't mine.
Somehow, Mr. Gold got me in his life anyway- He had my father in debt, and now it was my job to pay it off. I worked as a maid for him and his son - Baedan. Baedan was an adorable child. He looked a lot like his father. He had the same brown eyes and the soft brown hair. I never did ask what happened with Bae's mother and perhaps I should have sooner because in a way it caused a rift between us. I was holding my misery and anger that I felt for what happened years ago against him and I shouldn't. I was a child who had a crush on the man who was kind to me. My feelings towards him were not the same as his for me, and I shouldn't have held the grudge as long as I did, but he was my best friend and he broke my heart.
The man who broke my heart for the first time would always hold a piece of it. It was natural, was it not? I tried to forget him, in books and in my work - I was a librarian, before I became his maid - but nothing worked. Not even having my friends, Ariel, Jefferson, Viktor, Ruby, and Gaston around me helped. It was a rough year, that first year I saw him with Baedan. Eventually, it got easier as I saw him and the child go about their lives. On principle, Mr. Gold was still ignoring me, except to give me directions about cleaning his precious house. It was a pink Victorian, and he rode around in a stylish brown Cadillac. I remember the first - and last - time I rode in that car.
A man drove up to me when I was walking on the street, in a shiny brown Cadillac. I didn't know who it was until he rolled the window down and asked me if I needed a ride.
"Mr. Gold!" I had said, my heart tightening with excitement as I had gotten into the car.
"Hey, Belle." Mr. Gold gave me a lopsided grin - that I somehow knew he reserved for me. It was nice - really, really nice - to feel wanted, and Mr. Gold always made me feel like I was wanted.
"How are you?" I had asked, nervous about the revelation I was contemplating sharing with him.
"I'm good, Belle." Another thing I liked about Mr. Gold was that he always called me by my name, as if he wanted to make sure I knew he was talking to me. "How are you, dearie?" he asked me next.
"I…" I started, suddenly nervous.
"What is it, Belle?" Mr. Gold hadn't started the car yet, so he was able to put his hand on my thigh, making me impulsive and unable to think straight.
"I love you, Marcus Gold. I feel like I always have." I whispered, not bearing to look him in the eye. If I had, would I have saved myself from all these years of pain? I didn't know, wouldn't know. It's not like I could ask him that now.
"Oh, sweetheart…" Mr. Gold said. "You can't, I'm a mean old man."
"You never show me the bad side! How can I help but love you for that, and that alone?" I asked him, daring to look up. His eyes were cold and steely. Nothing like the eyes I had fallen in love with.
"Belle, you need to go." Mr. Gold said, his voice shaking slightly.
"No! I want you, to tell me that you don't feel the same way about me and THEN I will go!" I argued.
"I can't, sweetheart. But you must- must leave." Mr. Gold's voice was so stern I couldn't help but shiver.
As I unbuckled the seat belt, I looked him in the eye. "You made your choice, Marcus Gold. And now you have to live with it. You will regret it, the rest of your life, but that won't be my fault." I said, my voice shaking with emotion as I got out of the car.
I have nightmares and that scene was a nightmare, not reality and I hope something like that never comes to pass. The last time I saw Gold personally and not in my dreams before he approached me to work for him was years and years ago and for him to show back up in my life after he started ignoring me when I was fifteen is just tragic and heart wrenching, I loved the man but I can't help but think he has an ulterior motive as to why he just suddenly out of no where wants me back into his life. In my opinion the man dug his grave and now he wants to fix things but the way he goes about it is not right and I feel like he doesn't know how to do it, but I don't think I could ever trust him again after what he did.
About a couple of weeks after I started working for him, I noticed a change in him, he wasn't acting like the Mr. Gold I knew, but then again years had passed since our friendly times together. It was evening time and I was cleaning the house. I was in the hallways dusting, Baedan was asleep in bed and Mr. Gold was in his study. I was in the hall by his study, the door was cracked open just a smidge where I could see in the room. He was sitting in his leather chair at his desk, a book opened and a glass of whisky beside him. In his hand he had a purple flower and he brought it up and smelt it. He leaned back and closed his eyes and I could see the tears coming.
"Oh, I've broken you beyond repair, haven't I my love? I really am a beast, I never intended to be one to you." He had said aloud, it made me feel a little sorry for him but he probably had no one but himself to blame. I didn't know who he was talking about, but I was one hundred percent sure he was talking about Baedan's mother,. I mean who else would he be talking about? I never asked about what happened to his wife because surely the woman was his wife but with what I know about the man, he doesn't do things halfway. He was more or less married to Baedan's mother and he probably lost her making a stupid mistake. It's funny how his mistakes cost him the ones closest to him. I just stood there at the door watching him for awhile before i decided it was probably best that I leave before he caught me. I would see first hand the beast that everyone talks about. Moving away from the door slowly, I made my way to the stairs and started to dust there while I silently thought about what I had witnessed.
it made me curious that's for sure but I also knew the man wouldn't do something without a reason even if it was a stupid reason. When I was done with my maidly duties for the night I put all my stuff back up, making sure to put the child lock back around the handles of the cabinet. I was heading to my given room when I heard the sounds of Mr. Gold's cane. By the sounds of it, he was entering the very room I was in, standing back up at my spot by the sink, I turned around and stopped. Mr. Gold was leaning against the doorframe, his cane in one hand and his whiskey glass in the other. His eyes were bloodshot.
"Good evening, Mr. Gold. I have done my duties so if you don't need me I shall retire to my room." I told him. He nodded his head and I left the room, but I could feel his eyes on me as I left the room.
Something inside me made me wish that Mr. Gold had opened up to me, just then. I quickly shoved that away - I didn't care what Mr. Gold thought anymore, right? I couldn't. He didn't care about me the way I cared for him, and I shouldn't, wouldn't, allow myself to think otherwise.
Baedan, for the most part, was a lovely child and I wished he were mine. I often pretended that his lips would form the word "Mama" instead of "Belle" when he told me goodnight. It's funny, how he was the very reason I'd lost hope all those years ago, and yet I wanted him as my own. It didn't matter, though, for that could never be. I didn't make it out of my new home often because when I did I would get those looks and people would talk behind my back, especially when I was carrying young Baedan.
it's like the town had this one idea planted in their head about our relationship but it wasn't the truth, I knew they thought I was Mr. Gold's whore. To them that's what I was but it was the farthest from the truth, our relationship was not sexual nor was it cutesy or fluffy.
I was his employer nothing more. The talk of the town was different and most people had believed it. I had lost friends a couple of months after I was employed by Mr. Gold. Ruby was the biggest loss. I thought we were best friends but it would seem that wasn't the case. She was the one that I would have never expected to leave me, but she did. She didn't want to hear it, she'd rather believe the rumours of the town than her own friend. What was that quote I was told by Jefferson along while ago? He told me fake friends believe in rumors and real friends believe in you, and I never realized how true that was until Ruby wanted nothing to do with me. It was heartbreaking. I trusted her to stick by me, but she didn't and she never would.
I was happy with just, Jefferson, Viktor, Gaston and Ariel, they stuck by me and never once betrayed me. I know I could trust them.
When I was Mr. Gold's employee for about six months everything changed, something tragic happened. I could never look at my father the same way ever again, I was glad I had precious Baedan with me for comfort. Mr Gold was out of town and was not aware what happened, and he would not find out for months, but once he got back everything changed between us. My name is Belle French and this is the story of how I fell in love with Marcus Gold, all over again.